All Comments on 'Mike's Angel without Wings Ch. 01'

So many times, should have said goodnight, not just walked away. Mike got lucky though, or did he. Bring on the next chapter.

I am now hooked and eagerly awaiting the sequel so I can find out what happens next!

The author does a very good job of writing the character of Mike and portraying his feelings and emotions. He felt real and whole and I hope we get to know a little more from Jess in the next chapter.

I actually enjoyed the chat portion of the story as it was a great tease for what is to come.

Overall a solid first chapter.

I'm hooked, next chapter soon please.

There are volunteer editors on literotica; getting grammar help will make your story flow more easily and be more engaging. Please be consistent about past tense or present tense. Pick one and stick to it. That really took me out of the story. Last piece: please less narration. Show, don't tell. Make dialogue snappy, not humdrum. Make things happen that show who Mike is.

Hey everyone thanks for being so generous with the likes and comments on my story and for the anonymous comment, this story was read and edited by an Lit approved editor. I also wanted you all to know I am currently working on chapter 2.

I agree with the previous commenter, even though he/she remains Anonymous. Mixed tenses, repeated or missing words and other really basic mistakes - sorry, but it turned me off. There's obviously a good story buried in there but, as an editor myself, I would be ashamed to let this get out into the public domain.

Unfortunately there seem to be too many "editors" who simply don't live up to the title. It's not just proof-reading for spelling mistakes - you have to be involved in the story itself.

That online chat room bit just doesn't work. It is really clumsy to read.

I like the way the story mimics reality. Actually brings the reader into the scene. Real life on display. Well done!

Love the premise and the detail! Good Job! I'm looking forward to reading the next chapters.

Love the story line and buildup. Laughed though, my first and last name is in the story. Lol