All Comments on 'Miss Hong Kong's Long Night'

sometimes you find a half page of junk and sometimes you find this gem...keep up the good work!

This story is really really good. That being said some suggestions for improvement:

1. Lots of authors tend to go in detail about a girl's facial appearance in the beginning and then never really go back to it. Instead they often take the easy way out and use non-descriptive adjectives like "gorgeous, pretty, attractive" to describe the female's face afterwards. I think your writing could really benefit from a more varied use of description - describing the girl's lips, eyes, nose, hair, etc. as she's getting nailed would make the story hotter than it is now. I know it's hard, as you have a ton of pages, but just a few touches here and there would help. If you want an example of someone who does this really well see Melissa's Capture, by Donald Miller, or Debbee and Charlotte by the same author.

2. There's a bit of an incongrence in terms of how Whitney is described throughout the novel. Towards the end she's increasingly being described as being drop dead gorgeous yet at the beginning it feels like she's nothing special. It would've helped for you to take a little bit more time setting the setting. Talking more in depth about Whitney's paegant run and her subsequent fall from grace would've helped establish her as this unattainable gem who gets humiliated during this story. A little bit more description on how others in the club view her would've helped too. When a guy is next to a really gorgeous girl (who Whitney obviously is), they tend to be more lightheaded, they can't breathe, they stare, etc. More stuff like that makes the anticipation more delicious for the reader and the ensuing capture more rewarding.

Asides from that, fantastic story! Hope you write a sequel!

Fantastic story !!!! I love this story, please write more sequel !!! This is probably my most favorite in literotica !!!!

You know how to write a highly erotic story. Are you going to finish the Naughty Fiancee?

I couldn’t finish page 1. The following is indicative of the reason why:

“Jacky smiled in broken English.”

If a writer isn’t going to take enough care to reread his work before submitting it then why should I bother to suffer poor quality work?

So a fat white guy who was cucked by a black dude found the need to visit Asia to find white-worshiping whores to fuck? He can only feel huge and masculine by being around people who are smaller than him? What a loser. Be a real man and beat the fuck out of that black dude.

Does Stewart have the house equipped with hidden cameras that he can access from his lap top? will Jenny suck black dick in her wedding gown?

Too fucking hot. Lets get a sequel with Whitney's video being exposed and her getting blackmailed next please

Read a lot of good stories on this website but this one is probably my favorite. keep it up

Finally downed the note to 1*: too much details about secondary characters, it sets the overall but when you don't find them after, it's no use...

In the end, pudgy-man dropped some 'clit-crack' on the beauty's pussy AND ass , in plain view, broad daylight, in HK street, without her noticing...

Well, good fantasy, pudgy!