All Comments on 'More Fun with Donna'

Hey this is your third try. What can we expect? You show talent for story telling, but you need to really proof read. (ex. it's butts, or butt, not but.) It's a lot of little things like that which trip us up. Remember, the story must be something that could have happened. The dialogue should sound like something people say. (We don't always talk in complete sentences. Get'me Dude?) Don't get hung up on the beautiful model or the stud with the nine inch dick. They exist, but how many of us fall in the category? Google penis size--you'll be surprised by the results. If you must write about the beauty queen, at least give her a mole or birthmark someplace where it won't spoil her beauty for anyone except us readers.

Before you look up my Bio I admit I have a hard time following my own advice. Good Luck!

Didnt do it for me, wasnt terrible, just no emotion, I found myself not caring about Ken or Donna.

You too big of a loser to keep one?

Ken woke up from his nap with the sound of sirens in his ears. Donna stretched next to him and said, "They really sound close, whats going on ?I

" They are close! " " I'll go look, " he.said. Moving to the window, he.opened the blinds to see the fire trucks in his front yard. Donna joined him and they watched with horror as his house was fully engulfed in flames. A third figure joined them at the window.

"You're welcome Ken!" said Ron.