by Zack1999
It would be interesting to find out if his affair with Mrs. Clark continued or she bragged about you to the rest of the, ' we'. Enlighten your readers.
My first thought was I wanted to edit. As I continued to read, my breathing picked up. I could picture everything that was happening. Continue to write but expand your horizons. When you get away from the "vanilla" sex and experiment with other older women who are just a little more kinky, no doubt you will have a best seller one day!
Wonder if you did met Mrs Clark somewhere since you wrote on Feb, 2017, and maybe Mr Clark found one of your belongs as you left??? cannot wait for next chapter..
Dear Zask,
Come on you have wetted our appetite so put 'pen to paper' soon please.
You have the following of females and are commenting on your story (Plural) so that is a very good indication of a well written story.
The two ladies who have commented 'Mea West' and 'Mature Amy' want more and Amy is the same age as your mother, married with her own breasts. In deed Amy is in need of some extra stimulation to fulfil her sexual life.
Amy couldn't you send in an experience on Zack's comments. I often send in my experiences on the comments but haven't taken out my own coulomb.
Zack you are between 18 and 22 so you must have more stories that will wet our appetite.
REgards
Good story but only chapter 1. His mother's other friends want a piece of his big cock. Just have to decide hom8 many hornet neglected friends his mother has. D26F
I agree WITH those talking about the need for editing. Guess that 9 inch cock got me overly exciting.
I agree wish the others on, editing needed, but was still hot. That 9" cock sounds yummy. Hope to read more of your sexy rendezvous.
Wight Zack,
You're on the right track. Comments are good and constructive.
You've had the lead from Mrs. Clark that her friends have commented on your 'stud' qualities! Don't exaggerate make it as real as possible. We all have imaginations.
When you have older females commenting you know you have made it.
Bring a granny into a story they are always good for some extra love making.
Keep writing.
REgards
So your ideal woman is 45 and married huh, just like me (ha, ha) although my tits are real -- as is my bubble butt. I really liked your story -- it's hot and that's what stories on this site should be. You do need a little work on grammar and spelling, but if you really do have a 9 inch cock I don't think that any MILF really cares about that (ha, ha again). Keep writing.
Cheers, mature Amy
I hope you write more about the young stud and his sexual encounters with older women. Great story.
The story was hot, it's every young guy's fantasy. As some others have noted, it needs a little more description, and the mechanics need some work. The story would have read much smoother if there were fewer incorrect words-"wade" instead of "wad," for example. That kind of thing is very distracting, and makes a story hard to read. Read it over several times before you submit-you'll always find another mistake somewhere, I always do.
Looking forward to future installments, as it appears the neighborhood ladies all think this kid is hot. I'd love to see where that leads.
A good start to a story, the story seemed quite focused on the maoe character, it would have been nice to hear a bit more description around the sexual aspects of things...what did she feel like? What does his penis look like (I love the "not porn size but nine inches... nine thick inches can absolutely ruin a girl if it's used properly...)
Stories based on real life clearly have a personal aspect to them that has to be respected and appreciated, if the author is really the young man that he seems to be, this is an excellent start to an erotic writing career. Most 18 year olds can't find a woman's erogenous zones with a map, let alone write about them. Quite yummy.
Dear Author, Noted a number of errors in the story. Get a good proof reader in the future. Still awarded the tale a five since it was so hot! Thank you for the story and the 'ride' you gave me with your literary work. jntiques
Wow, what a self-serving title. I guess we're not supposed to get that from the story. That would be a shame and just too difficult for most readers to grasp--at least from the viewpoint of a 13-year old writer (that clue was too obvious, especially since this story is self-serving).
Other's have identified the obvious errors. I'll leave it there.
Great story. Wish it had more detail though. What color was the sundress? What color was her Victoria secret bra? What style and color were her panties? Etc
Hello, Zack1999. This was a good story. It needs a bit of a polish but it is basically very sound. Well done -- five stars.
VERY GOOD STORY. MAY I SUGGEST THAT YOU HAVE SOMEONE PROOFREAD YOUR STORIES PRIOR TO SUBMITTING THEM FOR PUBLICATION.
THERE ARE SOME GRAMMATICAL ERRORS AS WELL AS SPELLING ERRORS.
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FUTURE STORIES AND I HOPE YOU WILL HAVE MORE ON THIS ONE.
Very entertaining read. I have read four page stories that did not tell the story as well as this one pager. This was a good read to me. Thanks for sharing.