All Comments on 'Ms. Laura Ch. 05'

It's good to read something that somebody has taken care over writing before presenting it for anybody to read. Unfortunately you need to take some time checking and revising the spelling and grammar.

Or do you need an editor?

"That defiantly has to go."

"Ms. Laura sat down on the edge of the tube clearly staring at my naked ass."

"The sheer size of the crowds temporally made me forget about my troubled mind."

"The other woman saw me first and her face lite up."

These and others make it seem that you didn't care.

... but re-writing is essential! This is quality work let down by poor grammar and presentation. Don't short-change yourself by submitting unchecked work - you have too much talent to have it ignored by people who find your many basic errors distracting.

Please re-write this story, with the help of an editor if you can find one, and it will be a real winner. Four stars.

Sorry but you really need a spelling editor and someone to check for missed words.

weak did not have enough power or sensuality or nasty ness to the story

Though this is best done by the writer, I feel compelled to respond to those who have commented on this story thus far. Emphasis on "thus far". The story is not complete. Each chapter is not a story of it's own. It's a piece of a larger tale and not every piece needs to induce an orgasm. Think big picture, like the author did.