My Daughter, My Life

"I thought you wanted to be a mechanic like me," I laughed.

"I do, Daddy," she laughed. "I'll be a mechanic till I make it big in the movies. I'll always have a trade to fall back on." She smiled and gave me a kiss.

Our short vacation was nice but we had to get back to reality. I went back to work and Amy went back at school. We grew closer since we only had each other. I did my best to provide her with a normal life, at least as normal as I could under the circumstances.

Detective Hurley stopped by every few days and said the trail of information was getting stale. He did tell us that they located another ex-prisoner who admitted driving Kurt Lake to Ohio. He dropped him off at a small motel outside of town. He put the motel in his name instead of Kurt's, and that's how they were able to locate him.

"He couldn't shed much light on the murders. He did say that Kurt was going to see his wife and daughter. He said something about winning her back and taking her and his daughter away, but that was about it. There was no way we could hold him. His name was Rob Robison. Ever hear of him or his name mentioned? It did explain how Kurt got here," explained the detective.

"No, I've never heard the name before. Again, everything leads to me," I told the detective. "I can see why I'm considered a suspect. I'd be willing to take a lie detector test to prove my innocence."

"Right now that won't be necessary. They usually don't hold up in court anyway. We did get copies of your phone bills and Mr. Lake has called your house a few times in the last few months."

"I saw our phone bills. There weren't any calls from this Kurt guy," I said.

"That's because he called your house. It wouldn't show up on your bill unless he called collect. I'm afraid your wife was setting up this meeting with him for awhile."

Over the next few months nothing new was found. Detective Hurley said he would keep us informed of any new findings. About the only good that came out of that was that they looked less and less at me.

Amy was involved in everything at school. She was on the different sports teams; she said it was good exercise. She was in the school play saying she was preparing for her acting career.

Amy was a beautiful young lady and I was worried about her dating. I knew it was going to happen and I needed to talk to her about it. One evening after dinner I decided to bring up the birds and the bees.

"Honey, you'll soon be dating and there it a few things you should know about men and women."

She was smiling at me, "What kind of things, Daddy?" Now she was grinning at me.

I knew she was teasing me. Kids her age probably knew more than I did.

"Honey, I'm talking about sex here. You're already fifteen and I need to tell you about birth control. If I had my way I'd make you wear a chastity belt but it's not feasible," I smiled. "If you want to, even though I prefer you not have sexual relations, I'll get you birth control pills." Boy, this sure was awkward to talk to her about.

"Daddy, Mom had this talk with me when I was twelve. Aunt Kate and Sally both talked to me after Mom's death. They figured you would have a hard time talking to me about it. They were right, Dad, but thank you for trying."

"So you know about birth control, and sex with boys and the birds and the bees."

"Dad, they teach a lot of that in grade school now. Just so you know, Dad. I don't need birth control pills right now. I'm not going to have sex with just anyone. I would have to love the man if I'm ever going to have sex with him, and right now you're the only man I love, Daddy." She laughed. "I promise you if I ever get to that point in my love life, I'll let you know and you can get the pills for me."

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No more evidence ever materialized on my wife's death. Amy and I just went on with our lives. We still did most everything together. We vacationed and watched TV together. I made sure I was at all her sporting events. She even had a sweet sixteen party.

Amy was asked out on dates after she turned sixteen. I had told her she couldn't date until after she turned sixteen. I admit I was a bit jealous, but my little girl had grown up. The first time I saw a boy kiss her good night, I could have wrung his neck. When she came in the house she smiled.

"I saw you watching through the drapes, Daddy. You didn't look too happy."

"I'm sorry, Honey, it's just that... that you're growing up so fast and you will be leaving for college and..."

"Easy, Daddy, I'm going to a local college. I'll still be around for a few years. If I ever do get married I'll have lots of grandkids for you to help raise. They couldn't have a better grandpa.

About six months later we received some really bad news. My sister Kate, the only other woman I loved was diagnosed with cancer. They only gave her three more months to live. The cancer was too far-gone to do anything about it.

Amy and I spent as much time as we could with Kate and her family. She was the only other woman I loved besides Amy. We cried after the funeral. Another part of my life was gone. All I had now was Amy. She came to me and held me.

"Everything will be all right, Daddy; I'll always be here for you."

Our life continued on. I tried dating but it just wasn't for me. I just wasn't good with relationships and every time I got home, Amy gave me the third degree. You would have thought she was the parent. I have to say I really didn't mind; it showed me she still cared.

She seemed to date pretty decent guys. When I spied on her, which I know I shouldn't have done, she never seemed to let a guy go to far. I heard her tell her dates when they wanted to go further that she was saving herself for that very special person and right now they weren't the one. It made me laugh but the boys seemed a bit rejected. She would always counter and told the guys that didn't mean that in the future there might not be a connection, just not right now. She wasn't only beautiful and thoughtful of others, but she had brains too.

She told me she wanted to go to the senior prom. She was double dating with one of her girlfriends. It was surprising that she always introduced me to her dates. She told me one time that I had to approve of anyone who asked her out or she wouldn't go. I wanted to tell her that the only person I wanted her with was me but I knew better. She was too good a daughter to hurt her feelings.

I gave her a credit card and told her to go buy herself whatever she needed for the prom. Her girlfriend, Sandy, couldn't believe that I would just give Amy carte blanch on a credit card.

"Sandy, I trust Amy more than anyone in this world. I know she'll do the right thing; she always does."

"Wow, I wish I had a relationship like that with my dad," replied Sandy.

The morning of the prom by daughter went to the hair salon and had her hair done. She got dressed in her new blue chiffon dress which showed too much cleavage. Not really, but it did seeing she was my daughter. Beautiful wouldn't fit her description as much as stunning. She didn't even look like a young lady; she looked like one gorgeous woman.

"Where did my little tomboy go?" I asked Amy.

"She's still right here, Dad, only she's dressed a little differently."

"Honey, you are so beautiful. Have a nice time at the prom. I'll be waiting up for you."

"Dad, you're so funny. I love you and I will be a good little girl," she laughed.

Her date, Brian, was one lucky fellow to be allowed to take Amy to the prom. I did give him a stern look that said 'if you touch her, I'll kill you.'

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After the prom came graduation. My little girl was now headed for college. She did keep her word and go to a college within driving distance to our home. I couldn't believe she was studying literature and acting.

We didn't get to spend a lot of time together since she was a full time student and I had the business. We saw each other for a few minutes in the morning and late at night. We decided to make Sundays the day we spent together. We would go out to dinner and rent DVD's and watch them together. We loved spending time together but our schedules didn't allow us much. Besides she was grown and I suspected might want to spread her wings a little.

She was always in my thoughts. One day she came home and said she tried out for the college play and got the lead role. A story about a distraught woman who's husband was brutally murdered.

"Honey, can you handle this type of role? I don't want it to bring up bad thoughts about your past."

"I'm fine, Daddy. After all that was six years ago. I just want to make sure you'll come and see me in it."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'll be right there in the front row if I can get a seat."

"You'll get the seat, Daddy, I'll see to that. I just wish Aunt Kate could have been here; I loved her so much. Maybe I'll get you a seat for Sally and her husband. They've always supported me too since Aunt Kate died."

"That would be nice, Honey. I'm sure they would like to see you in your first leading role." I was surprised she never mentioned her mother. Maybe it was just too painful.

I mentioned it to Sally the next day and she said she would love to go and would mention it to her husband. She knew he thought of Amy almost like a daughter and was sure he would go.

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The day of the performance the place was packed. They gave me my program guide and I was so proud to see 'Starring Amy Lake' on the cover. I never did formally adopt her since I knew I would have a problem because I was a single male. Of course now that Amy was twenty, no one could raise any objections to us being together.

The performance started and I had tears in my eyes the minute Amy appeared on stage. She was fantastic. I wasn't the only one that was saying it. At intermission it was all the crowd talked about. I wanted to scream out, "She's my daughter" I was so proud.

In the second act of the play she saw her husband killed. She went into a type of shock. It looked so real. The audience was wondering if something really happened to her. I was worried. I remembered when her mom died that she went into the same type of shock. I was hoping that something in her memory hadn't triggered her reaction seeing her fictional husband killed.

The curtains quickly closed and the audience was on edge wondering her condition. About thirty seconds later the curtains opened back up and she was in a hospital bed. The crowd clapped knowing it was an act and she wasn't hurt. I cried. My baby girl was the star of the play.

After the play the cast stood in line to greet some of the patrons. When I got to Amy she put her arms around me and gave me a big hug. My eyes were filled with tears as I hugged her back. I told her how proud I was of her. Sally and her husband hugged her too.

When I got home I was sitting on the couch waiting for Amy to get home. My mind couldn't get over her acting as a patient in shock. She was so believable. Not only me but the whole audience thought she was really in shock. I couldn't get over it. Then I began to wonder. No, it couldn't be true? She was only a fourteen year old girl at the time. I didn't quite know how to bring it up to her.

I didn't have to. She brought it up to me. She came into the house and said. "Daddy, I have something I need to tell you. I should have told you a long time ago."

"What is it, Honey?" She laid her head on my shoulder and I put my arms around her and squeezed her tight."

"I have a secret to tell you."

"What is it, Amy?"

"I shot Mommy."

I froze. Did I hear her right? Did she say she shot Kara?

"What are you saying, Amy? You shot Mom and Kurt?"

"Yes, Daddy. Please don't be mad at me. They were going to take me away from you. I couldn't let that happen, Daddy. I had to stop them. Please don't hate me, Daddy. I did it for us."

"Honey, I don't hate you. I could never hate you." I squeezed her tighter. I was totally surprised at what she had said to me. "Honey, I need you to tell me the whole story. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Daddy, I'm ready to tell you everything. Just hold me tight while I tell you.

"The Friday before it happened, I accidentally lifted up the extension phone in the garage. I was going to call you and ask you if I could use your wrench to tighten the nut on my bike handle bars. You always said to get your permission before using your tools. When I lifted up the phone I heard Mom talking to a man. Later I heard her mention his name. It was Kurt. I knew it was my father. He said he was ready to come to take me and Mom away. I froze when I heard that. Mom said she was ready to leave and that we could sneak away the next day. Dad, you're not going to like this part at all but he said he wanted to fuck Mom in her marital bed before he took us away.

"Mom laughed and thought it was funny. She even said he should see how much I've grown and maybe he might like to... I can't say it dad. I can't believe Mom would let him touch me. Anyway, I heard their plans to leave and force me to go with them the next day. You worked late and I didn't have a chance to be alone with you. I knew I had to do something Dad. After I hung up the phone I got the wrench out of the toolbox and saw the gun. I knew what I had to do.

"I went to my girlfriends and stayed late. When I came home, Mom told me I couldn't go to practice because she had somewhere to go and couldn't drop me off. I told her I would just ride my bike. I guess she didn't argue with me because it might send up some kind of red flag about her plans. I got up right after you left for work and hurried up and left before Mom could talk to me. I knew she wasn't going to let me go to practice. She yelled at me as I left, but I didn't stop; I went and rode my bike to practice.

"My mind wasn't on the practice. The coach ended up calling it off earlier than usual. When I got home, I noticed Mom's car wasn't in the garage. I figured she went to pick up Kurt. I went in the garage and got your revolver and snuck in the back door. I could hear Mom and Kurt having sex. I heard Kurt say we would all leave as soon as I got home from practice. He said we would be a family again. They were laughing at you, Daddy, they were laughing saying what a wimp you were and how they would enjoy taking me away from you.

"I couldn't let that happen, Daddy, I just couldn't. I stepped into the room and saw Mom riding Kurt. I just fired three shots into her back and a fourth into the back of her head. Kurt leaned forward and looked at me. I shot him twice in the face. One was right between the eyes. I held the gun steady, Daddy, just like you taught me.

"I did freeze up after that but I hid the gun and then called you. You know the rest. You're not going to send me away, are you, Daddy? I couldn't let them separate us, I just couldn't."

"My God, Honey, why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't, Daddy. I was afraid you would try and take the blame and I would lose you. I told you I would make a good actress. Everyone believed me. Now it's just me and you, Daddy."

She was right. If she had told me, I would have taken the blame. Hell, I was their prime suspect anyway. I would have done anything to protect my little girl.

"Honey, where did you hide the gun?"

She stood up and walked into her bedroom. She grabbed her overstuffed Teddy Bear and unzipped it. She pulled out most of the stuffing and a washrag. Inside the rag, she had the revolver. It'd been in her Teddy Bear all that time. I told her to put the stuffing back inside the bear and then we got into the car and drove down the river road for about an hour. We got out and I took a file and filed off the serial number and then wiped any prints off the gun and I let Amy throw it into the river.

I looked at my loving daughter. "Amy, we are never and I do mean never to speak of this again. Do you understand?"

She smiled and said, "I love you, Daddy, and I do understand."

We went back home and never spoke of it again.

Amy had a couple of dates after our talk. She didn't seem serious about anyone. She usually double dated with her girl friends, or went out as a group. Our Sundays were still our special day.

About a month before her twenty-first birthday she came out in her nighty and said she needed to talk to me. She sat down on my lap and said, "Daddy, I think it's time to get the birth control pills."

My heart dropped. It was the last thing that I wanted to hear from my little girl. I was lost for words. What is a father supposed to say when I had told her to tell me when she was ready and thought she would want them.

"Are you sure about this, Amy? Are you sure you want the pills?" I was so hoping she would tell me she was just joking but she didn't.

"Are you going to tell me his name? I thought you had to love him first?" I was trying to get some information out of her but she wouldn't budge.

"Daddy, I'm not telling you who it is. I am going to be twenty-one. You know I wouldn't need your permission now but I can't lie to you. I told you I would tell you when I was ready, and yes, Dad, I love him very much." She was smiling but I didn't think it was too funny.

She went to the doctor the following day and she got her prescription filled. She didn't say much about it after that.

"Amy, I was planning on taking you out for your twenty-first birthday. Do you still want to go or do you have other plans now."

"Daddy, you're my main man. Yes, I expect you to take me to the finest restaurant for my birthday."

When that day arrived I gave her a credit card to go and buy a new dress.

While she was getting dressed I put on a suit, something I very rarely did. When she came out of her bedroom she looked gorgeous. "Honey, you look so beautiful." I knew I had tears running down my cheek.

She had on a beautiful blue dress that was about four inches above her knees. The neck line was just low enough to show the top of her ample breasts. Her hair was done up like a model's, setting high on her head.

God, at that moment I almost wished she wasn't my daughter. I wanted to make love to this beautiful woman. She might have just turned twenty-one but she held herself tall and straight like she might be twenty-four or so. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a silver necklace. It was her birthday present.

"Happy Birthday, Baby," I smiled as I handed her the necklace.

"Oh, Daddy, it so beautiful. I love you so much. Thank you."

"It's not nearly as beautiful as my little girl," I smiled.

I took her out of town to the big city for her birthday. I had reservations at the nicest restaurant I could find. Amy was getting looks from all the men we passed. After dinner we went to see a play. She reminded me of her becoming an actress and of course I smiled.

After the play she asked me to take her dancing.

"Honey, I'm not much of a dancer but I'll do my best."

We were spending the night at the Sheraton Inn and they had a lounge, with a band and dance floor. There was a big sign at the entrance that said, "You must be twenty-one to enter." My sweet sexy looking daughter walked over to the doorway to the lounge and smiled at me. I couldn't help it as I followed her to the door as the doorman asked us if we wanted a table or booth.

Amy answered, "A table please, up front next to the dance floor."

The doorman seated us and I was laughing at my sweet daughter playing my sexy over-twenty-one date. The waiter came over and asked what we were drinking. My sweet daughter asked for a Margarita. I wasn't sure about this but I decided that I would let her have her fun for the one night. "Just bring us a pitcher of Margarita's," I said as I grinned at my smiling daughter.

At home I would let her have a wine cooler when we were alone. Now she was old enough to drink - my baby girl was twenty-one, so hard to believe. The band played a slow number and she asked me to dance. I shook my head wondering what I was getting myself into. I took her in my arms and held her close.