All Comments on 'My Daughter's Scheme Ch. 04'

This was a great 4 part story. I really liked it. I can't wait to get home and be called daddy.

As an author, I resolved awhile back to not read without rating. I gave you 4* not just for this chapter but the whole series.

I love the premise: a woman encouraging dad and daughter to get together and how it all prigresses. There"s a lot of potential there.

The telling of the story leaves a bit to be desired. It felt cold and quick in a lot of places. The sex could be more well-fleshed out, pun intended. I think more passion (of varying flavors) could have been injected to make for a more absorbing read. You made a lot of Andrew's quasi-reluctance, which is fair to a point. After all that had happened, you'd think he wouldn't be surprised anymore and start taking the lead himself. Additionally, at points in the Andrew/Kira portion, the emotions you tried to convey made it sound like the first time, when in fact the first time was behind them.

This is just a personal preference. With all that had transpired, I found myself dissatisfied that all four of them didn't get together. Perhaps that's cliche, but I'll stick to it.

Finally, the mechanical grammar part left a lot to be desired. It's not that there were a lot of mistakes, but many of the same mistakes.

On the one hand, I liked the premise of the story but on the other I found the actual story telling lacking.

Now I'm giving feedback for all the chapters here, not just this one, so bear that in mind. There was a lot of repetition throughout, not only in the language used; although 'begin' was sorely overused; but the actions during the sex scenes. It also seemed very generalised which didn't help with engaging me [the reader] and seemed like you were just trying to get it out of the way and move onto the next scene. Summing up a typical sex scene between Susan and Andrew would be, they get naked, she licks his cock, he eats her out, they fuck doggy, she gets on top, they both cum and then go for a nice shower. There's no love or passion to it.

I would suggest keeping an eye on the repetitive words, especially using the characters name over and over again whilst there are only two people in the scene. Try and get someone to read through and catch your mistakes, like writing 'my' instead of 'me' and vice versa, it detracts from the immersion. Mix up the love a bit, oral sex isn't just for getting you 'warmed up' for penetrative sex and kissing can be used all over the body and feels just as good as on the lips. A bit more passion and love injected into the sex scenes wouldn't go a miss either.

I hope you take this in the spirit that's it mean, as constructive criticism, and are able to view your work with some perspective.

Great story and action description.