All Comments on 'My Homeless Daddy'

The fuck is a 18 year old girl doing by herself walking down a dark alley 10:30 at night?

It's reads as though the author's knowledge of 18 year old girls is limited to something he once read on the Internet.

I enjoyed this very much. I understand that this is probably your first piece. Hope you post more in the future, AngelicLove.

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Fellow Literotica User

You didn't make much of the sex. I mean, she's getting penetrated for the first time (including anal!) - that's a big deal and you just brushed over it.

Get and editor, stop jumping around and for the love of everything erotic, remember WHERE you are in a story.

Stop typing like you are ignorant of being an adult.

Don't you ever remember being a virgin?

Pussy Ass Pussy

What is a virgin doing turning down a dark alley and even getting close to an old man.

So many holes in this story.

Maybe a continuation? Good job.

Ignore the hatred. Anonymous is synonymous with "douchebag" in the peer review world. I agree that your story could benefit from some development on several issues. However that is all part of the learning curve and any seasoned writer would give you credit for the completion and submission of your work. Might I suggest joining goodreads dot com and participate in the forums and groups, also coursera offers a great writing course for free. If you have a tablet or even a phone with a good data plan get the kindle app and download a few free books in your niche. Also there is a lifetime of free how to books on the art of storytelling. If I were you I would start with a few books on the "Show don't tell method" Good luck you will do great.

-maliceon

That would have to be the most banal piece of erotic writing that I have ever wasted my time reading. I pray the author takes these comments to heart, so that we may never be subjected to such trite drivel again. I implore you. Please for the sake of humanity.

Yes folks - that bad.

How does she not know what anal is if she watches porn

What's wrong with it. Girl walking into an alley at 10:30pm alone with no reason. Not likely. Girl doesn't know what anal is but watches porn. Impossible. Girl owns dildo's and vibrators and is a virgin with intact hymen. What the fuck is she doing with them? Why the heck is she calling him sir? She isn't his sub is she? We aren't in the 1950s.

There is promise with the story, but iron out things that make little to no sense, as while you are wring fiction it shouldn't lack credibility to the reader. Work on detail as well in the sex, as anal virgins even with small or average dicks don't take them easy. Oh, and stop trying to kid yourself six inches is big. :)

This had such promise but the story has too many holes, and very erratic. Please to learn, read sex scenes, so much of what you wrote doesn't make any sense. No amount of fantasy or suspension of disbelief is going to make this story work. Get an editor as well. This could have been wonderfully perverted and stimulating.

Ohh that’s good story I. Loved it 😍

She has a dildo and vibrator, masterbate regularly, and is pure and innocent not even knowing what anal is or has even kissed???

Who is innocent? The writer or his readers???

Please, give us a break!