All Comments on 'My Immortal Beloved'

The story, over all was well written and conveyed a very good sense of imagry. The one problem that I had, and this was a big one for me, is that you switched sexes in the middle.

You start out with Arcadia being a male, then you switch it, and she automatically becomes female and then it goes back to male again

While it was well written, you switch tenses, going from past to present constantly, which got rather tiresome.

I'm taking your author's note at the top of the page seriously, in the hopes that you will take this as constructive criticism and not as an insult.

Your prose is actually very lovely, there is a nice flow to the thoughts of your character and there is an eloquence to your language which I didn't expect. Whenever I see people saying they're writing a novel, I cringe. Usually expecting some lame attempt at poetic symmetry but this is quite good. Your style of writing has real potential, but I have said this before to several (aspiring) writers. You MUST pay attention to what tense you have set your character in. If she is talking in past tense, she must continue to do so through the ENTIRE story! Do not begin in present tense, (as you did here) and then flip to past tense (around the part where she puts on the ring) and back and forth throughout the story. It is confusing for readers and if you really are writing a novel; an editor will take one look at it and completely disregard it for that very same reason.

Again, I hope I haven't offended you, just offering you some unsolicited advise, whether you heed it, is entirely up to you. In any case, I meant what I said; you have potential as a writer. And I've read A LOT of crap in my life... this is not crap... Good Luck WhiteAngel888 !