My Man, My Marine, My Lover! Pt. 02

The Military Chaplin and the Marine Casualty Notification Officer must have been there for a while before I arrived because they asked if there was anything else they could do before they left. When Brian's Dad, the Sergeant Major, said no thank you, the Chaplin shook his hand and started to leave.

My Dad looked at me to see if I was ok. I knew he was checking to see if I would be ok while he walked out and had a word with the two officers. I nodded confirming his unasked question and he squeezed my hand and then kissed my forehead. The Marines waited at the front door as if they knew the Commander would want to speak with them before they left.

Several minutes later, my Dad came back in and whispered something to my Mom. She nodded and then quietly left the house. Mrs. Miller was still holding a vice like grip on my hand. I reached over and gently rubbed her wrist with my free hand. Finally, she loosed her grip.

"I'm sorry honey. I didn't realize how hard I was squeezing you." She smiled through her tears.

"It's ok. You didn't hurt me. I'm stronger than I look." I said as I gave her a smile and a wink.

No one was saying anything and I couldn't stand the silence. I was watching my Dad and the Sergeant Major. They seemed to be communicating with each other, but not talking. There were a lot of looks exchanged and a few head nods. Other than that, I had no idea what they were doing. Finally, I just couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Daddy, what can we do to find out more information? I want to know exactly what injuries Brian has and how bad his closed head injury is. It can be something as simple as a concussion or something far more serious. I don't understand why they didn't have more specific details of the injuries."

"Andrea, calm down. We will get more information soon. I have the C.N.O and the Chaplin looking into some things for me now. As soon as they get some more facts about what is happening, they will call me. If I need to, I will make a few calls myself. For now, we need to wait for more answers."

"I am calm. I just don't like waiting. They should have had more answers for us when they came here."

"Andrea." He gave me the "behave yourself or you're going home" look he used to give me as a little girl. I hated that look then and I was less fond of it now.

"Yes Sir." I said, knowing it would do no good to give him a hard time. Also, I didn't want to upset the Millers any more than they already were.

"Can I leave you with Mrs. Miller while we take care of some business?" He asked as if he wasn't sure I could handle it and behave myself.

"Really Daddy!" I said as if he just insulted me. I was even daring enough to give him my "Are you kidding me with that question" look.

"Ok, then. We will be in my office if you need us. We won't be long." He said and gave me his "all clear" smile.

I may be a Marine Brat, but I love my Daddy and I know he loves me. I also knew he was going to do everything in his power to get more information ASAP. Between the Commander and the Sergeant Major, no one was going to stop them. They were a force to be reckoned with and they had been part of a team together for almost fifteen years. They graduated more officers than you could count. They had more favors owed them throughout the Corps, than anyone else I could think of and they would get answers no matter what. That was one thing of which I could be sure.

"How did you like your birthday present?" Mrs. Miller broke the silence with her question.

"It was beautiful. It was absolutely perfect." I smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I don't know how he pulled it all off. He must have planned it for a while. Thank you so much for helping make it perfect for him and for me."

"Brian called me weeks ago with his ideas. He told me he would send me a detailed list of instructions and all of the letters and instructions packaged for you. He also ordered the large leather picture album and had it custom made so it could hold so many pages. I know it's only half full, but there are additional pages that can be inserted with new pictures. He also had me email him pictures of about twenty different heart pendants and lockets until he finally found the one he wanted. He had me get it inscribed for you. Did you like it?" She was tearing up as she finished speaking.

I pulled the locket out of my shirt and showed her that I was wearing it. I kissed it and placed in back inside of my shirt. "I love it. I will wear it right next to my heart because that is where I carry Brian."

"Andrea." She whispered as her voice cracked.

"Everything will be ok. We just need to find out the extent of his injuries and then we can figure out what to do from there." I said, sounding much surer of what I was saying than I actually was at the time.

"Andrea, do you remember what I said about this kind of situation in my letter?" She was very quiet as she spoke.

"I remember. You have nothing to worry about Mrs. M, I'm here and I will do whatever it takes until Brian is..." I didn't know what to say, until Brian is what? Finally, I finished my sentence, "back to being our Brian or as close as he can be. Stubborn, know it all, pain in the butt, and all, we'll take him any way we can get him. Right?" I didn't know how bad his injury was, so I didn't want to give her promises I couldn't keep.

"Right honey." She nodded as tears still streamed down her cheeks and she slowly wiped them away.

~~~~~~~~~~

A little while later, my Mom called and told me to bring Mrs. Miller over to our house. She had made dinner and we were all going to eat there. We walked over and I helped finish setting the table.

"Is Daddy still in his office?"

"Yes. He's been on the phone since they came over. The two of them are calling trying to get more information and to see what the plan is in regard to treating or transferring Brian. I'm not sure what they have found out yet, but I know they won't stop until they have their questions answered to their satisfaction." She looked directly at me and I could hear her say, "We both know that don't we?" in my mind.

I nodded. "Whatever it takes, as long as, I get some detailed answers about Brian's injuries."

We were just about to set out dinner when I heard them talking. That meant either they opened the door to the office or they were coming out. Either way, it meant they had some news. I waited a few seconds. When they didn't come into the kitchen I went to get up and go to the library. Before I even cleared my chair, my mother stopped me.

"Andrea, sit down. When your father is ready to tell you what they found out, he will tell you. Until then you need to be patient and wait like the rest of us." She motioned her head toward Mrs. M and I felt like an idiot for not being more sensitive. Damn, my Mom sounded a lot like my Dad just then.

"I'm sorry Mrs. M, I wasn't thinking. Are you ok?"

"Andrea honey, I am so used to waiting for one thing or another it is like a second nature to me. I've been married to the Corps for way too long to think things would be any different in this situation. It doesn't mean I like it, it just is what it is. It's one of those cases of you will know what they want you to know, when they want you to know it. If anyone can change that, it's the two men sitting in that office." She nodded toward my Dad's den.

Finally, about fifteen minutes later my Dad and Sgt. Major Miller came into the kitchen. We all looked at them as if we needed them to speak before we took our next breath. They looked at each other and my Dad simply gave a nod to the Sgt. Major and then he filled us in on what they found out about Brian.

"Well, here's what we know so far." He walked over and sat down next to Mrs. Miller and placed his hand over hers as they rested on the kitchen table. "Brian is at Begram Air Force Base and being treated for a closed head injury. They did a few tests and he's had two head CAT scans. Everything looks fairly normal. He has a severe concussion, some ringing in his ears which they expect will clear with time, and he." Brian's Dad hesitated as he looked at his wife and held her hands tighter. "He has some brain swelling in the base of his brain. It is a little worse today than it was last night but they say that is expected. They will repeat another scan tomorrow and if he remains stable on exam, they are planning on transferring him. It appears that this swelling is causing some vision problems. We don't know anything more than that and the fact that he is stable as far as his vital signs go." He swallowed hard as he looked at his wife.

"Where will they transfer him?" My eyes were closed as I asked and silently said a prayer of thanks and hope.

"If he remains stable and able to be transferred, they will fly him to Ramstein Air Base in Germany. He'll be assessed there and treated until they make final plans for him to be transferred stateside. The plan will be to transfer him to Walter Reed in Bethesda as soon as he is able. Now, it's a waiting game."

My Dad was looking at me when he said the last statement. He knows waiting is not one of my strong points. He also knows that I'm a take charge kind of person and I don't like to be told no or you can't. So I know he was just waiting to see what my reaction was going to be to their news.

"I don't want to wait and see." I said without hesitation. "I'm going to fly out to Germany and meet him there."

"No. You are not!" My Dad said as if I were one of his Marines. "There is nothing you can do for him and he will be transferred stateside within the next week or so."

"I'm flying to Germany." I said as I walked past my Dad and started up the stairs.

I heard my Mom say, "I'll go talk to her."

"No. I'll talk to her." My Dad said as I got to the top of the stairs.

He must have waited a few minutes before he decided to come up because I didn't hear footsteps on the stairs for quite a while. Then I heard a light tap of knuckles on my bedroom door.

"I'm going Daddy. I don't want to argue with you, but I'm going." I didn't yell, I didn't cry, I just said it outright.

"Can I come in baby? I'd like to talk to you." His voice was controlled and calm.

"Yes, come in, the doors unlocked."

"Andrea, Baby it makes no sense for you to go to Germany." He said as he walked over and sat on my bed next to me. "If I thought you could be of any help to Brian you know I would be the first to say go. But you won't be able to do anything for him. If you go, you would basically be getting there to sit for a few days to a week at the most before you had to get back on a plane to come home."

"I want to go. I want to be there for him even if it is just sitting there." I was determined.

"Andrea, think smart baby. There is nothing you can do for him there. You will be wasting your time and more importantly your energy. Brian is going to need you to be fully charged when he comes home. It makes more sense to stay here and go back to school. You graduate in less than a month. Finish your course work and research. When he arrives in Bethesda, you can visit him there. It's a two hour ride from Philly and you can spend the weekends there if you want to. By the time you're done with your classes and graduate, Brian will most likely be ready to come back here. That's when he will need you most."

What he said made complete sense. He was being calm and rational and I was starting to agree with him. It was killing me thinking about not being with Brian as soon as possible.

"I know what you are saying makes sense, but I want to be with him as soon as I can. I want him to know I'm there for him."

"Andrea, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but this isn't about you. This is about Brian and what he needs."

"What do you mean by that? You don't think Brian would want me to be there with him?" I was lost by what he was saying. My Dad knew Brian would want me with him, why was he saying this?

"Andrea. If Brian's blindness is permanent, he will need time to be alone and go through some adjustments. He will not want you to be with him at first. In fact, if I know Brian, he's going to push you away." He turned to look into my eyes to see if I was really hearing what he said.

"Daddy, you said blindness. You didn't say vision problems. You said blindness." Tears were flowing down my cheeks as the word blindness sank in to my mind.

"Yes Baby, I said blindness. The doctor who returned my call informed me that Brian is blind right now. He said it could be temporary due to the swelling and the concussion but Brian needs to be evaluated by eye and neurology specialists. You know more about that than I do, but I do know that until that occurs, you should not fly out to be with Brian. Do you understand what I'm saying Andrea?"

"Yes. Yes I do." I wiped the tears from my face as I realized things were worse than I thought. I did realize one thing. I had a great Dad and I knew he would do anything for me. He would protect me at any cost and do what was best for me. I also knew he was doing that right now by telling me not to go. How could I argue with him?

"Andrea, I can't force you not to go. I'm just telling you what I think would be best for Brian and for you. It simply makes more sense for you to finish out this last month of school. It also makes more sense to give Brian a few days to understand what's going on and to figure out how he can deal with things."

"I hear you and I know your right Daddy, but I just want to be with him so bad. He needs me now more than ever. You're right though. It makes more sense for me to stay here. Brian will definitely want the time without anyone he knows around him, especially me."

"Then you agree not to go to Germany? You will give him the time between now and his transfer to Bethesda to at least try to adjust to the situation." He was asking me, but he knew he presented his case well and I agreed.

"I won't go to him now. But make no mistake about it, when school is over and Brian is stateside, no one will stop me from being with him. No one Daddy, not even you in "The Commander" mode. I will do whatever I have to in order to make sure he gets what he needs."

"I know you will Baby. I wouldn't expect anything less from you. I want you to be prepared for the fact that he may not want what you think he needs. He's going to fight it, fight you. Are you going to be prepared for that?"

"I will be prepared for whatever comes my way. Brian's stubborn, but I can be just as stubborn if not more so if I need to be." I looked my Dad directly in the eye as I said it.

"Andrea, no one knows how stubborn you can be like I do." He smiled and pulled me into a hug.

"Gee, I wonder where I get it from Daddy." I kissed his cheek as he laughed.

"I would have to say it's your Mother." We both laughed at that.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was the end of April before we heard that Brian was being transferred from Bagram to Ramstein for treatment and preparation to be transferred back to the states. He remained stable and was slowly recovering from his concussion. Brian's follow up head CAT scans showed the swelling of the brain tissue they originally saw in his occipital lobe of his brain was improving. The only thing that wasn't improving was his vision.

Once he arrived at Ramstein Air Base he was triaged and spent several days at the Landstuhl Medical Center, a few miles off base. Reports were that his head CAT scans had continued to improve. The brain tissue itself was practically back to his normal baseline, but there was no change in his vision. I should say no change in his lack of vision. His pupils constricted to light, which was a good sign but he still couldn't see a thing. It was at Landstuhl that Brian was finally examined by a Neuro-ophthalmologist and was diagnosed with Transient Post-Cortical Blindness.

The physician that examined him specialized in the function and working of nerves, the eye, and vision. She was kind enough to email me a copy of her findings and a list of reference articles that would be helpful to me in learning more about Brian's injury.

As I reviewed some of the articles I was fascinated by the injury and the diagnosis. I found that it is caused by trauma to the occipital lobe of the brain where the vision center is located. The trauma, in Brian's case the explosive device causing an impact to his head, causes a lack or loss of blood flow to the cortex (surface tissue) of the brain that controls vision. It often results in partial or complete loss of vision. In Brian's case, at least for now, it was complete loss.

The bad news was it could be permanent. The good news was is was more likely to resolve over time. The more I read, the more I information I consumed, and the more I became hopeful that Brian would have a good if not complete recovery. I was so immersed in my research of Brian's condition, that I called one of the physicians that specialized in Neuro-ophthalmology at the University Medical Center and asked if he would meet with me and discuss what plan of action could be taken to give Brian the best chance of recovery. He was more than happy to meet with me after I explained how Brian was injured.

When I met with him, I showed him a copy of the physician's report from Landstuhl Medical Center. He said she seemed pretty thorough in her exam and findings. He gave me additional information about the diagnosis and warned me that it wasn't uncommon for someone to have visual hallucinations after such an injury. The most important information he gave me was that there were, what he called "retraining exercises" that could be done to help to relearn vision more or less. He did say to be prepared for a fairly long recovery time, as long as six months to a year. After a year, whatever vision that was regained would most likely be the vision that the person maintained.

I was still hopeful and I was determined to help Brian. At least now, I felt more educated on the subject and better prepared to help him in whatever needed to be done. Now, I just had to convince him to let me.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was a Tuesday, May 7^thbefore Brian was transferred to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland. I couldn't wait to see him. I had two finals that week, so I wasn't going to be able to see him until the weekend. My plan was to drive to down to Walter Reed after my finals. I didn't have any classes on Monday, so I could have a long weekend to spend with Brian.

All of our communications, from the time of his injury until present, had been through a third party. In Germany, I could email directly into the Critical Care Step-Down Unit and someone would read my email to him and respond back to me. Most of the conversation on my end was asking how he was, updating him on what I was doing, and ending with me telling him I couldn't wait until he got home so I could be with him.

His responses were limited and the majority of them didn't even sound like Brian. I wasn't sure if they were limited because he had to depend on someone else to send them or if he simply was being short in response. I decided to ignore it and just be supportive of whatever he wanted for the time being.

It seemed whenever I called to speak directly with him, he either didn't feel good or wasn't available. I knew what that really meant, but I just kept remembering what my Dad said about giving him the time he needs. Well, he could have all the time he needed, as long as it didn't go past Saturday morning. Then he was on my dime and I wasn't planning on losing any more time with him.

The few days that he was at Walter Reed, I was able to speak to the nurse who was caring for him. Her name was Janie and she was Brian's primary nurse. She sounded very nice on the phone. Janie would answer all of my questions and if I didn't ask something she thought I should know, she would just tell me about it.