My Man, My Marine, My Lover! Pt. 02

"I really love this place. I think this cabin and this lake may be my favorite place on earth. If I could only live in one place for the rest of my life, I would choose here." That's when Brian looked around as if he needed to take it all in for the last time. I felt a chill down my spine then too, the way he almost had to breathe the place in, as if he wouldn't return to it, at least not any time soon. I remembered how unnerving it felt then. It was similar to the feeling I just had but not as intense.

As Brian's words went through my mind, I started to feel better. All of a sudden, I felt warm again, like Brian was there with me and hugging me. I grabbed my overnight bag and headed to the front door, I could see another envelope taped to the front door of the cabin. I realized that it was Brian's handwriting on the envelopes. He must have written everything out for me and given directions on how he wanted things placed. My Marine is detail orientated and I love him for it. My man made sure he gave me something special for my birthday and I couldn't ask for more. Now, if my lover were only here with me, I would show him how much he means to me.

I took the envelope down and opened it. Inside was another letter from Brian with instructions. His handwriting was meticulous as were his orders.

**********

Hi Brat,

I'm glad to see you made it here safely. I'm assuming my jeep is still in one piece and that I won't have any speeding tickets sent to me while I'm away. Now, I want you to follow my instructions. In order if you would be so kind. Take your bag and present and go into the bedroom please.

**********

As I took my belongings, I did as he requested. When I opened the bedroom door, I was overwhelmed by the sight in front of me. There were at least a dozen vases of wild flowers all over the bedroom. There were flower petals spread over the bed and a bottle of wine on the bedside table with a little card envelope next to it. I walked over and put my bag on the floor and my present on the bed. Then I took the card and opened it. As I started to read it, I started to tear up and cry. It was a soft cry.

**********

Happy Birthday Baby, I hope you like this part of my surprise. Enjoy the wildflowers. They remind me of you and how wild you can be! They also remind me how lucky I am to have you in my life. Pour a glass of wine, open the patio doors, sit on the deck, and look out onto the lake as you open your present. It will take you awhile to go through it. Take your time. Enjoy the sun set. At the end of your present, I have more instructions for you. I hope you enjoy your gift. I wish I were there with you. I'm thinking of you and you are always in my heart. Xo

**********

I poured a glass of wine and took my birthday present out onto the deck. Someone did a lot of work preparing the cabin for me. The wildflowers were strategically placed on the porch deck also. I could smell them all around me. The recliner was covered in pillows and a warm throw blanket rested on the foot of the chair. Next to the recliner there was a CD player and a little post-it saying, "Press Play." I did and one of my favorite albums started, Van Morrison's greatest hits album started to play.

"Bright side of the Road" was the first song to come on as I began to open my present. I tore through the paper and opened the box to find a huge leather covered picture album. The first picture was of a naked baby Brian. The post-it note said, "You wanted naked pictures of me, here they are. Sorry Baby, it's the best I could do from here. I promise I'll make it up to you as soon as possible."

I don't know how it was possible, but I was crying and laughing at the same time. The first several pictures, in the album, where of my man in all his naked glory. Even as a baby my man was handsome. I had naked Brian on the bed, naked Brian in the tub, a naked toddler Brian running in the yard, I loved each and every one. My man is something else.

As I went through the album, Brian was growing up in front of my eyes. When I got to the section of the album where Brian was about twelve, the pictures started to include me. As Van Morrison sang "Brown Eyed Girl," there was a picture of Brian and me playing in the lake. I was looking at a picture of Brian inspecting the stitches in my lip from our basketball mishap as "I'm in Heaven when you Smile" started to play. I was amazed at the timing and even though I knew it was practically impossible to time the pictures to the songs, they just seemed to fit.

I continued through the album, almost able to remember the exact moments of each picture. The song changed again and Van was singing, "Sweet Thing" and there was a picture of me in my junior prom dress. Brian had a cut out of his face placed over the face of my prom date. I laughed.

As I turned a few more pages, I came to a picture of me sitting on my porch alone. Brian had to have taken it from his bedroom window. The angle was downward and it had to be a telephoto lens because you could see I was crying. At the bottom of the picture he wrote, "Brat, if you only knew I love you too, you wouldn't cry." As my thoughts came back to the present, I heard Van Morrison ending with "that was a wonderful remark." I remembered the day of that picture. It was right before Brian was leaving for Georgia Tech and I told him I loved him. He did what he always did and said, "I know Brat." Only that time, he kissed me. I swear I felt him with me.

I was almost at the end of the album and there were pictures of me leaving for PENN when "Baby Please Don't Go" came on the player. I couldn't help myself, I started to cry again. Of course, at the end of the album, we got a little older. There was a picture of Brian and me after we came home from making love and spending our first night together. His Mom must have taken it when we were standing in my yard. We were just standing outside of the jeep and Brian had his arms around me. My head was on his shoulder and I was hugging him back. That was one of the last pictures in the album. The CD ended with "Have I told you lately that I love you."

As if Brian not only had the power to play the perfect music at the perfect time, he also apparently had the power to time the sunset. I picked up my glass of wine and watched a spectacular sun sink over the lake. The sky was the perfect shades of pinks, lavenders and purples as the still bright orange sun set behind the tree line and dusk set in to end the most beautiful day I had since Brian was deployed. It was another part of the perfect birthday present that my lover had arranged for me.

I turned the last page of the album and I came to the final picture. It was a picture of Brian and me hugging at the base before we said good-bye. I have no idea who took it, but I was glad to have it. Brian's head was leaning down and I was looking up into his eyes. Our foreheads were touching and I remembered that that was when he told me exactly how he wanted me to say good-bye and then drive away. The tears started to slowly slide down my cheeks as I remembered that moment. Then I saw the envelope attached to the album cover. It was another letter from Brian.

**********

Andrea, please don't cry baby. Wipe away those tears and think of all the fun and good times we had, we will have again. I hope you enjoyed your little trip down memory lane. I hope you loved your gift as much as I loved mine when you sent me all of those photos and videos and of course my "cookies." I have one or two more gifts for you my love. When you're ready, I left another note under your pillow, read it after dinner when you're ready to go to bed. There is dinner and dessert (I owed you a piece of chocolate cake with chocolate icing) in the refrigerator waiting for you. Heat it up and enjoy another glass of wine.

Happy Birthday, I love you, Your Marine

**********

I sat outside until dusk turned into night. The sky was just turning that dark blue before it goes black when I saw my first star of the night. I remembered the little saying my Mom taught me when I was a kid and I started to sing it. I looked at the star and made my wish. "I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish, I wish tonight. Please God, bring Brian home safe and if at all possible, soon!" Then I went in and heated up the dinner that he had planned for me. Country fried chicken, cornbread stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, and sweet baby carrots. All of my favorites, along with one piece of "I owe you" chocolate cake with chocolate icing. It was wonderful.

Feeling a little tired and emotionally drained, I took my third glass of wine with me into the bedroom. I changed for bed and then went out to sit on the patio deck. I hit the play button again and just listened to the music quietly play. I looked out over the lake and watched as the moon left its mark on the surface of the water. I cleared my head of all thoughts and focused only on Brian. I lay there with all of my memories on a movie reel playing in my mind. As I started to feel my eyes closing, I went in to bed.

I locked the patio doors and went to climb under the covers. Reaching under the pillow, I found another present with the letter he told me would be there. I wasn't sure which one I was supposed to open first. I opened the letter first because that was the only thing he had mentioned and I thought his instructions might be inside to address the box.

**********

Hi My Brat,

It's been a long day for you. I hope you enjoyed it and your presents. I tried to make things as special as I could for you from here. I hope you're comfortable. How much wine did you drink? I don't want you falling asleep on me. Not just yet anyway. This is my final gift for you tonight. Open the small box that accompanies this letter. Then you can turn this page and read on from there. I love you Brat.

**********

I took the box, untied the ribbon and unwrapped the present. Inside was a blue velvet jewelry box. When I lifted the lid a beautiful platinum heart shaped locket and necklace with a small diamond rested on the velvet pillow. As I turned it over, engraved on the back was one word, "Mine." I kissed the heart and put the necklace on. Then I returned to my letter.

**********

2330, 12April13

Andrea,

I want this to be the love letter of your dreams because you deserve to have your dreams come true. I can tell you the exact second I knew I was in trouble when it came to you. It was the night I busted your lip playing basketball. My stomach fell and I had a crushing pain in my chest knowing that I hurt you. When I looked down and saw all of the blood coming from your face I thought I would die right there. I didn't know what to do. I remember thinking, pick her up and get her inside. Before I knew what happened, you were in my arms and I was carrying you into the kitchen.

When I cleaned you up and realized you would be ok, I never felt such relief in my life. When we drove home that night and you rested your head on my shoulder, I thought Oh my God! I'm in trouble. I never felt so good and so bad at the same time. I knew you were special to me and I knew there was no way I could tell you that. I had just turned seventeen and you were way too young for me. No matter how I tried to push you away, you would never accept it. Now, I'm glad you didn't.

A few years later, when I could finally allow myself think of you, I realized I was in love with you. At that point, I denied myself that love because I had plans for my future that couldn't include you. I was set against anything ever happening between us. I never wanted to hurt you. I just couldn't let you know how much I loved you. It was my way of protecting you or so I thought.

When I went away to school that first Christmas and you wouldn't even answer my emails, I actually thought about driving back home to yell at you. I was going to give you until that Friday to answer me, if not I was driving home that weekend. Thank God you took pity on me after only my fifth apology. The year you went off to school, I almost told you then that I loved you. When I came back to kiss you good-bye, I almost lost myself in you. It took every ounce of self-determination to walk away from you that day.

Only now, after being away from you so long, do I realize what an "ASS" I was. Yes, this time I did use all capital letters. The only thing that I would go back and change in my life is when I first told you and showed you how much I love you.

This last year has taught me so much about myself, about you, about love, and about life. I realize that we are both stronger than I gave us credit for. I can love you and still be a Marine. It has taught me what a strong, intelligent, caring, loving, and downright determined woman you have become. Not unlike the girl you were, just with a lot more curves! It has taught me that love doesn't have to be one thing or the other, but a combination of all things. When I count the number of times I could have and should have told you that I love you, I could kick myself for not doing it.

Love and life have no meaning for me if you are not a part of them with me. You said you have no Plan B. Well, neither do I Baby. You are my Plan A through Z and I want it to be that way always. You are my first and last thought of the day. You are my reason for waking up and taking breath. You always say that I am your man, your marine, and your lover. Well, you are my woman, "My Brat", and my lover. One day soon, I will return home and we can add to that photo album. We will add our future to our past. We will add more love to our life together.

Andrea, you are my reason to get through every day here. I can't tell you how happy I am, how thankful I am that you never gave up on me. That you never gave up on us. I am strong, but you Baby are the strongest. You have had to deal with more than most when it comes to me and my, let's see how did you so lovingly put it, "stubborn know it all asinine behavior."

Well, that is all over Baby. I'm telling you that you were right all of this time. I should have told you how I felt as soon as it was possible to do so. I thought I was doing what was best for you. Instead, I just wasted time we could have shared. Now here is the real love letter part. There will never be anyone who holds my heart like you do, no one who knows me better than you do. There will never be anyone who makes me feel the way you do or who has the effect on me the way you do. Brat, I am yours. I love you. I want you. When I come home, I am going to show you in no uncertain terms just who you belong to and in return, I will belong to you.

You hold my heart. You are "Mine!" I love you!

Always Yours,

Brian

**********

I fell asleep that night with Brian's letter held close. When I woke, it was early, the sun was just coming up over the lake and the sky was a mixed shade of oranges and yellows. It was colder than usual for late April and I could see the mist hanging over the water. It was a beautiful morning and I realized now, why this was Brian's favorite place. Its simple natural beauty was truly God's gift. The sunrises here appeared to be more colorful and bright. The sunsets more picturesque and when the moon beams hit the water's surface, you felt like the night sky and the lake were joined as one.

I enjoyed a leisurely morning in bed and just reread all of Brian's letters. I flipped through my photo album again and thought of Brian. Around ten thirty, I decided to drag my lazy butt out of bed and make breakfast. I spent the rest of the morning walking along the lake reminiscing about the times we spent here. They were great times full of fun, laughter, and love. I thought about the times yet to come and how lucky we were to have this place as our special place. I made a promise to myself that when Brian came home, we would spend as much time as possible here. This would be where Brian would want to get reacclimated to home life.

Before I knew it, the better part of the afternoon had past and it was time to pack my things and start the drive back home. As I locked up the cabin, I realized how much time and effort Brian put into making my birthday special. He had to have written the letters in advance, provided specific instructions for his Mom to carry out, made plans for my presents, and he had to have assistance to get the cabin ready and put everything together on this end. It amazed me that he did all of that for me, but then, he often amazed me.

~~~~~~~~~~

I took my time driving home. I didn't return until early evening. When I pulled into the driveway, I saw the base Chaplin's car parked in front of Brian's house and my heart sank. Fifty million thoughts ran through my head, none of them were good. I was in such a rushed state; I forgot to put the jeep in park as I started to jump out of the door. I felt the jeep rolling and reached back in to pull the emergency brake. I slowed down just long enough to push the gear shift into park and then I ran into the house.

Brian's parents were in the front room talking with the Chaplin. His Mom was sitting on the couch and I could see she had been crying. His Dad stood next to her with his hand on her shoulder. My parents were standing next to Brian's Dad. As I looked at their faces, I could only tell that something bad had happened. When his Mom looked at me she started crying. The first thing I thought was "Oh God Brian," immediately followed by "Please God let him be alive."

I felt my legs start to shake and I thought to myself, "Do not fall! Stay strong! This is not the time to lose it!" Just before my legs weakened and I would have hit the floor, I felt strong arms grab hold of me. The next thing I knew, I was being held in my Dad's arms.

"Just tell me, is he dead?" I whispered in my Dad's ear.

"He's not dead. Baby, Brian is not dead." He was repeating this in my ear as my entire body shook and I leaned in to his embrace. I could barely hear him. It was like his voice was coming from some tunnel and it was muffled. All I heard was sobbing. I thought it was Brian's Mom, but then I realized the sounds were coming from me. I was so relieved to hear my Dad say he was alive, that nothing else mattered.

I immediately stopped crying and wiped away my tears. I hugged my Dad tight and kissed his cheek. "Daddy, stay close to me. Keep your arm around me." I whispered before I turned to look at everyone else in the room. Slowly, my Dad walked me over to the group. I kissed Brian's Dad, then his Mom. Before I knew it, Mrs. Miller grabbed my hand and pulled me down to sit next to her. My Dad quickly moved around the table and sat next to me. He gently placed his arm around my back and just left it there. That was big for my Dad; public affection wasn't displayed often from the Commander, but now he was Daddy.

I looked to the Chaplin and said hello as Mrs. Miller grasped my hand tightly. He recapped what he had just told everyone else. I received the abridged version. I would ask my Dad later for the detailed version. What I did hear him say was that Brian had been out on an evening run with one of his units. It wasn't something he did often, but he had mentioned, in a few of his emails, that he liked to do it once in a while. He liked the direct connection with his teams, so he would rotate a run with a different team when he could.

The information the Chaplin and the Casualty Officer shared was that the unit had been on an early evening run through one of the towns to check on some reported activity of weapons trades. They were returning to base when the lead vehicle hit an IED and Brian was hurt. The initial reports were that he had a head injury but that he was stable. We had no idea the extent of the injury or its effect on Brian. The only things we knew for certain were that no one in the vehicle died, one of his men had some broken bones, and the driver had some facial injuries, a collapsed lung and a broken collar bone. We also knew that most of the damage was on the right front side and Brian was in the passenger seat at the time of the explosion. He sustained a closed head injury and was being treated with the other injured Marines in his unit at the Bagram Air Force Base. The rest of the team in the second vehicle was uninjured.