My Man, My Marine, My Lover! Pt. 03

"Yes. After all we have been through together, now and in our past, I'm asking you to do me a favor."

"What?" He said, more than annoyed with me. I didn't care. I wasn't giving up.

"I want you to remember why you became a Marine." I said much more calmly.

"What?" He looked at me like I had two heads.

"I want you to think about all of your training and your education since you've been in the Corps. I want you to think about what it means to be a Marine, not just a Marine, but a RECON Marine." I said with all of the emotion I had in me.

"Andrea." He sounded exasperated.

"No Brian. I mean it. I want you to remember exactly why you are a Marine. Brian, you are one of the elite. You don't give up. You don't quit. Even if you weren't a Marine, that's not something you would do. It's not in your makeup to quit. You're a fighter."

"Andrea, this is ridiculous. Nothing changes; I'm still going to be blind no matter what I do."

"I'm not trying to change your blindness right now. I'm trying to change your apathy. Because right now, that's what you are Marine. You're apathetic and it's not a pretty site." I watched the look on his face change as I said the word apathetic.

"You think I'm apathetic?" He almost couldn't say the word.

"Yes and it doesn't look good on you at all. So, I'm asking you to remember when apathy wasn't even a word in your dictionary, let alone one that applied to you." My voice had calmed, but my words were still pushing him.

"God, sometimes I really could learn to hate you." He said almost under his breath. "You're the most stubborn person I have ever met."

"I don't care how much you say you could hate me. I'm asking you to remember when you would never accept failure or defeat so easily. I'm asking you to remember what it means to be in the United States Marine Corps. What it means to be a RECON leader. Just think for a few minutes on it. Remember what it really means and who and what you are." I stressed the words that I knew would hit him the hardest.

I waited to see what he would do or say to my request. His hand loosened on my wrist altogether, but he kept his hold on me. I watched his reaction. He was breathing deeply and I could see the concentration on his face. I hit home with something I said. I could see he was working hard on what I asked of him. He closed his eyes and started his deep breathing routine again, this time in order to gain control and lower his body's responses.

I could almost see his mind at work. He was breathing in to a count of five and then slowly exhaling to a count of five. He did this several times. His facial features started to relax and his breathing slowed as he concentrated. We sat in silence for close to twenty minutes before he opened his eyes and spoke to me.

"Andrea, I can remember fine. My situation has changed. I'm not the same man I was back then." His voice was calm now. It was unnerving how calmly he seemed to accept it.

"Brian, will you do one more thing for me?" My voice pleaded with him.

As I said this I removed my wrist from his hold and laced my fingers with his. Pulling his hand to my lap, I held it there. I covered it with my other hand and held tight enough so that he wouldn't pull away from me. I could hear his sighs as if he was tired of me but I didn't care. We were talking and he was listening. I had to push him a little further.

"What is it Andrea, what do you want me to do now?" I could hear the restraint in his tone, but I knew he was frustrated with me and this conversation.

"Brian, I want you to repeat the RECON Creed." I said before he could move away from me.

"Fuck Andrea, give me a fucking break will you." He practically spit out the words.

That didn't last long, so much for the calm moment.

"I want you to say it out loud to me. I want you to really think about the words and the meaning. Think about how they affect you, how they have affected you most of your adult life and what they mean to you. When you're done, if you can still tell me that you don't believe you are the same man that signed and accepted that Creed, then I won't push you anymore."

I moved closer to him as I quietly said, "Do it for me Brian. If you don't want to do it for yourself, then at least do it for me. What can it hurt if you're so sure it doesn't apply to you anymore?"

I could tell he was fighting it. He didn't want to do it, but if he truly felt it didn't apply he should have no problem getting through it.

"Brian, I know I told you to 'build a wall to protect yourself'. I told you to 'shut down the loving caring side of you' if that's what it took to get through things over there. Now, we need to break it down and rebuild a different defense mechanism for you, but you need to help me. I need you to participate in this with me. Do it Brian. If it means nothing to you, just do it for me."

I was pleading with him, but I was also determined to make him hear me and work with me. He took a deep breath and held it. He sat up a little straighter as he started to quietly recite.

"The RECON Creed: Realizing it is my choice and my choice alone to be a Reconnaissance Marine, I accept all challenges involved with this profession. Forever shall I strive to maintain the tremendous reputation of those who went before me.

Exceeding beyond the limitations set down by others shall be my goal. Sacrificing personal comforts and dedicating myself to the completion of the reconnaissance mission shall be my life. Physical fitness, mental attitude, and high ethics—The title of Recon Marine is my honor.

It was at this point his voice started to crack. I could see his eyes become shiny and moist. He cleared his throat and then he continued.

Conquering all obstacles, both large and small, I shall never quit.

He hesitated here and I could see this was more difficult for him than either of us imagined. He swallowed hard and then continued.

To quit, to surrender, to give up is to fail.

He closed his eyes after saying that line and fought hard to hold back the tears forming in his eyes.

To be a Recon Marine is to surpass failure; to overcome, to adapt and to do whatever it takes to complete the mission.

On the battlefield, as in all areas of life, I shall stand tall above the competition. Through professional pride, integrity, and teamwork, I shall be the example for all Marines to emulate.

Never shall I forget the principles I accepted to become a Recon Marine. Honor, Perseverance, Spirit and Heart.

A Recon Marine can speak without saying a word and achieve what others can only imagine."

"Swift, Silent, Deadly" (The RECON Creed and Motto, United States Marine Corps)

I heard his voice crack a few times as he recited specific lines that went right to the heart of the matter. When he voiced the sentence, "I shall never quit. To quit, to surrender, to give up is to fail," I saw the tears form and slowly slide down his cheeks. I was impressed not only that he did it, but that he made it through the entire Creed. I saw how hearing himself say those words affected him, not only emotionally, but psychologically and physically.

I wanted to wipe the tears from his face, but I knew he needed to feel them. He needed to wipe them himself. I wanted to pull him into my arms and hold him, but that's what I needed and wanted. It wasn't what Brian needed and wanted. Brian wanted to be the independent, strong, leader and Marine he was born and trained to be. So instead, I sat quietly next to him and waited.

It was like watching him morph into more of the man he was before the IED exploded, before he lost his vision. I could see my Brian; my Marine was still there. He just needed a little reminding and a little help to bring him back one hundred percent. That was my role in this. I would do whatever needed to be done in order to make that happen. I gave him some time to organize his thoughts and emotions before I spoke.

"So Marine which is it? Do you want to work hard and accept the challenges, exceed the limitations, and achieve what others only imagine or do you want to sit back and quit? Let me know now because if it's option number one, I'm with you all the way. If it's option number two, I'm really going to have to kick your ass before we go to bed. Before you answer, you should know that regardless of how tired I am, I will put a beating on you."

We sat in dead silence as I waited for his answer. Finally, he decided to grace me with his reply.

"Brat, I have no idea what I did in a previous life to get you as part of my Karma in this life, but I guess I should be thankful. I know I have been a real pain in the ass for you and yet, here you are by my side, like always. I was right when I wrote to you about how much I need you in my life. I want you to know, no matter how this turns out, I know how much you have done for me and I love you for it."

I was speechless for a second. I knew he was going to be with me on this as soon as he started off with Brat. It wasn't the answer I was expecting from him. I expected a little more push back, but I was ecstatic at his response. More importantly, I was focused on his last five words. They needed a little adjustment though. I decided that I was going to start helping Brian to make adjustments right now.

"Brian, can you repeat that last part for me?"

He hesitated, thinking about the last words he said. Then I saw a small smile come across his lips.

"I love you for it." He laughed lightly, knowing exactly what I was planning.

"Now, repeat it and leave off the last two words please." I squeezed his hand in mine.

He paused for only a few seconds. Then I saw my Brian as he smiled at me. I saw the man I'm in love with and have been in love with since I was eight. I saw my Marine looking back at me and I knew we were going to make it. We would be alright from here forward. He might get mad at me or may even hate me every now and then, but he would still love me in the end.

"I love you." He said. "I love you, Brat."

I couldn't contain myself. He wasn't prepared for me, so as my body weight went flying at him, my momentum took him down. He was lying on his back with his head against the seat cushion as I kissed him and positioned my body on top of him. He was half on and half off the couch and I'm sure he wasn't very comfortable in that position, but to be honest, I didn't care. I just kept kissing him. Big warm, wet kisses as I finally had my chance to show him how much I loved him.

I kissed his mouth so hard he had no option other than to open it. I licked at his lips as they parted. I nibbled on the lower one and then I sucked it into my mouth for a few seconds. I heard myself moan at the simple sensation of having his bottom lip in my mouth. I entered his mouth with my tongue, slowly. I wanted this kiss to last. I wanted to feel and taste every inch of his mouth and tongue. I wanted to taste every inch of him.

His mouth was warm, and wet, and oh so good. It felt like forever since I kissed him. I continued to swirl my tongue over and around his. I probed back until there was nowhere left for me to go. I was in his mouth so deep I could feel his uvula at the back of his throat with the very tip of my tongue.

When I pulled back to look at his face and gauge his reaction, I could see he was a little unsettled by what just happened. I lifted some of my weight off him and gave a quick assessment to make sure he wasn't in pain. I had basically just tackled him.

"Brian are you ok? Did I hurt you when I jumped on you?" I was truly concerned by the look on his face. It didn't look like he was in any real physical pain, but there was something there that resembled pain or possibly fear. I wasn't sure what it was, but I did know I was concerned by it.

"I'm fine Brat. Now get off me before you break my back and put me back in the hospital. You're lying over my hip and have me twisted up here."

I got off him and tried to see if I really did hurt his back. Then I realized what caused that look on Brian face. It wasn't physical pain; it was an emotional dilemma he was being pained by. He had an erection and he was going to battle with himself on how to handle things.

I took his hand and simply said, "Let's go to bed."

"Brat, you go ahead and use the bedroom. I think it's best if I sleep out here on the couch."

"Yeah Marine. Well if that's what you're thinking, you would be thinking wrong and I have the documentation to prove it. I have a dozen letters and emails telling me how much you love me. They say how much you miss me and can't wait to be home with me. Several say that I'm the best thing that happened in your life and that you screwed up by trying to keep us apart all of that time."

I reached over and took his face in my hands. I knelt next to him and kissed his forehead.Then I kissed his left cheek, then the right. Finally, I kissed his mouth again. This time, I kissed him slowly with love and passion.

"Brian, you have tried to keep us apart most of your life, most of our lives. When are you going to get it into that thick Marine skull of yours that I'm not going to let that happen?" I kissed him again, holding this kiss for several seconds before I continued.

"Baby, I'm with you for the long run, I'm your forever girl. Like it or not Marine, you're stuck with me."

I was barely an inch from his face as I spoke to him. I waited for him to continue to fight me on the sleeping arrangements, but he didn't. Instead he leaned forward and kissed me. As he stood, he took my hand in his and brought it up to his lips. He kissed my hand as he whispered to me.

"I guess that means you still don't have a plan B?" He was quiet and gentle as he turned my hand over and kissed the inside of my palm.

"No baby, no plan B needed. Like you said, you're my A through Z."

"Brat?"

"Yeah."

"I get the feeling that I'm going to regret putting a lot of those things in writing. Did you memorize each letter and are you planning on using my words against me to get me to do what you want?"

"Baby, all is fair in love and war. I'll use whatever I have at my disposal to get what I want. You would be smart to remember that Marine. Now, get that beautiful ass in the bedroom, there are a few other things I want if you're not too tired."

"Yes Ma'am. Brat, Marines are never that tired, even blind ones." He smiled and winked at me.

He started to walk to the bedroom when I realized he left his cane next to the couch. As I watched him navigate to the door it was like he could see perfectly. He knew every step of the way as he led me by the hand to the bedroom. If I wasn't so happy, I would have cried. My man seemed to be back, at least for now anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was just after two in the morning. Once we were in the bedroom, the mood changed ever so subtly. It was quiet and soft, like the still of the night entering through the patio doors. It was dark in the room. There was no need for lights. I could see Brian clearly in the moon light shining through the glass doors. He was beautiful. We stood there, holding hands, not at a loss for what to do or say, but more of pausing time to be in the moment. It had been so long since we'd been alone together, so long since we'dsimply enjoyed each other. The uncomfortable feeling from earlier was nothing but a distant memory. We were on familiar grounds with each other again and it felt more natural.

"Brian," I said releasing his hand and brushing my fingers along his cheek and neck.

"Yes." He whispered as if there was someone else who could hear him if he spoke louder.

"Are you ok with this? I'm not pressuring you am I?" I stopped stroking his face and just held my hand to his cheek. I was a little nervous and unsure, worrying about rushing things. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Andrea, do you want me?" He's looked right at me and I could see every bit of love he had for me in his eyes.

"Brian, I have never, not wanted you. Yes, baby, I want you." My breath escaped from me on a long sigh.

His breath stuck in his throat as my hands slid down his sides and pulled his shirt from his pants. Once loosened, I slid my hand over his abdomen and I felt and heard him suck in a breath. I released my other hand from his grasp and with both hands I peeled his shirt from him. He was leaner and lost a little muscle tone, but he was still my gorgeous man.

I reached forward and placed my hands on his belt as I undid it and then worked to unbutton and unzip his jeans. I left them hang open as I caressed my hands over his chest and abdomen. There was something different. As I was caressing over his belly I felt that thin line of hair I saw while showering him earlier. Running from his navel down and disappearing into the front of his jeans.

"What's this?" I asked him as I kept tracing the line of hair, gently stroking up and down the line with my fingertips. "I don't remember this being here the last time we were together."

"I was shaved the last time we were together. I haven't shaved in a while." I watched as his mouth curved into a sly little smile. "It's not the only place you're going to find more hair baby."

"Oh really, well I'll just have to check this out for myself Marine."

My fingers traced over his treasure trail of hair as they made their way into his jeans. My Marine was going commando and it excited me even more. I slid my hand over his erection and gently, with the lightest touch drug my nails up its length. As I did, I could hear Brian try to hold back a growl in his throat.

"Baby, don't hold back. I don't want either of us to hold back on anything tonight. If you want to growl, or moan or fucking scream your brains out, I want you to do it." I wrapped my fingers around his erection and gently pulled up its length as he closed his eyes and sighed.

"I should tell you now Brian, that's my goal. I want to do things to you that will make you scream. I want to make love to you and use your body like I own it. I have missed you so much it's taking every bit of restraint I have to not jump your bones right now. The only thing stopping me is my knowing how much I want to draw this out and enjoy every inch of you."

My voice was so full of want and lust it was literally shaking with need as I spoke. I watched Brian as I said every word. His breath stopped then he had a stuttered intake of air. He looked down at me and he dropped his forehead to mine. The atmosphere of the room changed and the air between us felt almost charged. His facial features changed from loving, to needing, to begging in seconds. His brown eyes became darkened to almost black as he closed the small distance between our bodies.

As soon as our bodies met, I felt the effects throughout my system. Nothing had more of an effect on me than when Brian and I were in full body contact. My skin chilled and formed goose bumps. My blood was pumping hard and fast. I felt the pressure build between my legs as I became wet from need for this man. I leaned my head back and as if by natural instinct Brian came down exactly where he needed to be and he kissed me.

First he kissed my forehead and whispered my name. Next he kissed my eyes and told me he loved me. His kisses flowed down my cheek and jaw line until he came to my mouth. He kissed my mouth softly a few times, moving back and forth, ending with a lick of my lips. He pulled back and I swore he could see me. He whispered to me as he brought my hands up to his mouth and kissed one than the other.