by Jennybigboobs
It seems as if English is not your first language? Perhaps getting help with editing with make the story read more smoothly. There are many letters missing at the ends of words that should be there to make the story more understandable.
Keep going this was a wonderful start to a potentially great story.
Some editing to help with the language would be beneficial.
Good Story! Keep Writing! Do you follow Jaz Cullens work at all?
I am an American who knows some Spanish and as I translated your story into Spanish in my head as I read it it flowed a lot better. I don't know if you have any native english speaking friends locally, if not, you could also ask thru Literotica for a volunteer editor.