All Comments on 'My Parents Warned Me Ch. 02'

This story is getting skewered by "Romance" critics, where the LW readers, divided though they may be, would at least critique ch. 2 based on its continuity with ch. 1. I hope to see this completed. I think you have the foundation of a satisfying story that would be better served with the sections unified under one category. Either way, I look forward to the further development of the plot. Thanks for your submissions.

and is being selfish to top it off. TK U MLJ LV NV

just needs to pull his head out of his ass.

what's next?

So absurd. His job as pro football player? So much cliche trapped into one story.

I think you meant ADVERSITY!

Unlike the other comments I enjoyed the story so far. I think you really to provide those of us who enjoyed a conclusion. Thanks for the effort.

Save the day

Thanks

You should have explained why Melody was so short of money. Her husband's death in combat would have given her a substantial life insurance payment. You also should have had him help Melody's cousin in more ways than just game tickets, which he does not even pay for.

U know little about the nfl. It was a bad choice as a background for the story. Story was very juvenile and tough to read. Keep writting but bury this story.

Please don't make us wait 6 months for the next chapter. No matter what the trolls say, you totally pulled me into your story.

Really? You end a good story like this? If you don't finish it, maybe I can sic Wild Bill, Bobby and Bree on you.....

When Mel's son tells her who the hitman is and what he does she should have known what football is. And majorettes usually wait on the sidelines during the game so she'd have seen the game played. So seeing his first game couldn't have been a shock. Her statement about getting hurt is valid but when was the last death on a pro football field? That was just stupid of the writer. It's obvious this guy,the writer, has no knowledge of the game.

Pick a background for your story that you know or at least have researched a bit.

Read the first part and Darcy as a character was constructed from bits of bullshit to fit the story.

I don’t give a fuck about Henry anymore. He’s pissing away his own life. You left this shit on a path to hell. The only redeeming feature of this story was Melody and you managed to fuck us over and kill her off. Worse, you didn’t bother finishing the fucking story. 1*

Read it out loud to yourself. No one talks that way.

It wasn't long before I was among the top ten leaders in tackles, interceptions, and pass deflections. As a defensive back, I was second in sacks and tackles for losses, plus I was first in interceptions and pick-sixes.

These stats are not possible for a football player.

could have just ended the story right here. fuck him! anyway, my only real bitch is that the whole story wasn't submitted at the same time i ain't got time to re-read every chapter!

Gave you a 1 for bring politics into the story. I';ll keep giving 1s if I find more. WFT is wrong with you! If you like Hillary we already know!!!!

Wth is your issue with the protagonist. Far as I can see hes in the middle not saintly,or evil. Not exceptionally smart or dumb as a stump, while its not a ground breaking story(but so far is ok) you.. just zip it nitwit. your stupidty is in full bloom.

Another story line about dropping into a bottle instead of showing strength of character.

The Ending is what made this Story so good to Me ..

So good

5/5

My God you're a good writer.

It was a good stray that extra curtain development just the right amount of sex and then he refused to be a cuckol.

It's good to see a man taken reasonably strong position And not caven to be in a whiny bitch.

It's a disappointment to see that his grief was so bad that he dumped into the bottle and ditched his kids that's a real problem let's see what goes on for the next chapter.

Second chapter was much improved. Sad ending.

Well written, engaging story and even better than the first! One suggestion, loose the dot dot dots, they ruin the story for the ones that use a text reader, whether because we have bad eyes or just want to listen to a sexy voice tell us the story. A hell of a thing, listening to your story with Jennifer's sexy voice and then, dot dot dot. More and more people are using Text Readers like Text Aloud to hear the story. I taught College level English Literature, was an Editor in Chief and a Field Editor in Alaska for a Hunting Magazine so I have the credentials to say, the Author expresses the pause in his words and relies on the reader to know when to pause without an Ellipsis. Excellent story though so Congratulations are in order for 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS and another BIG FUCKING HUGE thank you! I'm now a follower!