All Comments on 'My Prom Date with the Neighbor'

walked her to the door - it would've cemented his summer of fun

Where is Heather now?

Would she like to visit me in Nashville?

You might want to rewrite and take care of the problematic sentences which make no sense. It would be best if you had someone else proof read for you.

Your writing skills could use some work, as well as the English parts...grammar, spelling...

I agree with the other commenter. Please please work on your grammar. A volunteer editor could help. I'm guessing you're a teenager who probably hasn't got a lot of English education so don't be afraid to ask for help. As for the story, it was good even though Heather seemed to be a bit of a slut.

What everyone else has already said. Terrible, terrible writing.

I disagree that your writing is the worst. Spelling and punctuation are poor, but your heart is in the right place. Getting someone to work with you as a proofreader and editor is a great idea, particularly if you can learn from the suggested corrections.

The writing didn't look that bad.

Him getting a tux, table, and other things two weeks before prom. Then having sex with someone he met three times. The sex being great from the start. All three of these things seemed somewhat BS. As a guy, my first few times were me scared out of my mind that I was in the wrong hole, putting too much weight on her, pushing too hard, hurting her in some way. Then oops, falling out again for the umpteenth time.

This guy on the other hand goes from virgin to expert in seconds.

That's a prom date I would never want to end quickly

and have a sexy, experienced prom date like Heather. I'd have thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

Although there are a number of errors in the story, I still gave it five stars for hotness.

Chapter 1

Very hot and intense. You captured Dan's lust and trepidation pretty well. Nice to read a story from a man's perspective. I liked how Dan got so horny after meeting Heather that he had to jerk off. She sounded absolutely gorgeous. The way Heather teased him during dinner was especially hot. Good detail with Dan wanting to taste Heather's pussy. So nice of her to wake him up with a blowjob and let him fuck her without a condom. My favorite parts were: "I was not sure how to ask her if I can eat her pussy. But I want to taste it so bad, but I don't want her to be offended. Heather could see that I was thinking hard about something and asks what is wrong? I look at her and ask, "Can I pleasure you and eat out your pussy?"

Heather laughed and crawled up further on the bed to lay on her back and said "Of course you can!"

I crawled between her legs and just looked at her pussy. My god I never thought I would be this close to a real pussy and it is amazing! She is completely bald and smooth, I can smell her scent and it is drawing me in to want to taste it.

I spread her pussy lips apart so I can get a closer look, I leaned in and licked her clit. That one taste got me hooked. I started flicking my tongue along her clit and I hear Heather moaning so I figure I must be doing it right.

"Oh, Dan that's it, now I want you to put a finger into my pussy and finger fuck me while you are licking my clit!" She instructed me. I did as she told me and she starts moving her hips, so I put my hands on her hips to keep her in place."

And

"I could feel her muscles in her vagina moving and squeezing my cock. I spread her ass cheeks apart and seen her asshole I slid my finger to rub the skin around her starfish. She sucked in her breath and leaned her head down on the bed.

"Dan, get your finger wet and slide it into my ass. I want you to finger fuck my ass while your cock is fucking my pussy!" Heather instructed me."

So hot. I'm hard now. Keep up the great work. Looking forward to reading more.

Chapter 2

Great finale. Morning sex was smoking hot. Once again, good job with describing Dan's lust and inexperience. Best prom night ever. It was cute how he offered to walk Heather to the door. Keep up the great work. I wouldn't mind reading a sequel to this.

While I agree with all of the comments about proofreading, those are for the most part mechanical items that can be fixed. What really resounded with me was the story line. Sure, a bit exaggerated, but still a fun read. When it comes to writing your product will get better with practice. Don't stop.