All Comments on 'My Sexy Twin Sinder'

Started good and it could have built up to somthing hot, but he just took off with pure bullshit and wrecked it.....oh well.....

Please don't bother with part 2.

sorry u suck at writing terrible

it seems like it was a bit rushed, it would have been allot better if you added a bit more and maybe put more of a buildup, you should definitely keep writing though :)

Your story seemed very juvenile to me. As was said, the first part was building nicely. Then you went off the deep end into this controlling fantasy! Go back to the first part and review it. In future writings, write as you did in the first part and forget the "whim, wham, thank you, ma'am!" type of writing.

You wasted your time...

What the hell is a sinder?

Bleh. I don't understand why this grammatically challenged bullshit is allowed to tarnish this site.

Don't write anymore until you learn how to write correctly. Either that, or get an editor on here. There's tons of them.

Appalling, absolutely appalling.

Please, PLEASE, don't ever submit again. EVER.

I understand that you put effort into this story and wanted satisfaction from people reading it. (At least I hope so.) However, your story needs improvement. Rather than being blunt and disrespectful like other commenters, I'll just tell you what you should work on to improve your writing.

First, the characters and plot aren't well developed. Arnold and Sinder play like cardboard cutouts, doing just what the reader would expect. I'm not saying you should surprise the readers with something totally outré. What I recommend is having the characters breathable and three-dimensional in realistic situations through which they take over the story and that the storyline isn't cliché and overdone. The dialogue is also contrived and unrealistic.

As people have mentioned, the grammar and punctuation need work. Literotica has a volunteer editor program, which you might use for your benefit. The mechanics tend to be the main complaint among commenters on this website, not the story itself, so having an editor polish them up would make people like your story better. Furthermore, poorly constructed sentences stick out and your story as a result screams amateur. When it's written without errors, people don't notice how it's written; they just focus on the story. Your writing's voice sounded juvenile, a huge turn-off.

Lastly, I think the buildup started too quickly, and the story didn't seem as though it could realistically occur. It wasn't fully fleshed out; I couldn't picture myself in it. As silly as this sounds, I think the names could've been better chosen, too: Sinder? That's an odd name--so odd, in fact, that it distracted me from the story. The name Arnold didn't appeal, either.

The story is lame, just scrambled together and sadly lacking in substance. Put some time and thought into your writing. And don't quit your day job yet.

I personally liked it . So keep writing ! This may be your first , you will gather a following and also some cons as to the quality . KEEP WRITING .

wtf was that ?

Of all the lame-ass shit to pollute this site, this just settled down at the very bottom of the pile; who the fuck convinced you to write, you know as much about it as a pig knows about pipe-organs? You truly suck at this, go back to jerking-off and dreaming, at least in your dreams you can write.

I agree this story sucked, but it was worth it to read the comment about pigs and pipe organs

I don't wanna be one of those guys but this shit is creepy as hell lol

I'm not into rape!

This was so hot, made me so wet