All Comments on 'My Sister, And Her Friends Ch. 05'

I loved the series but I wished it would've been longer. You should do another series. You're an excellent writer. One of the best I've come across so far on this website

i really enjoyed the series and i would love to read more in the future.the part with his mom in the kitchen was a bit much and a little insane...but still a great story !

Life and relations-ships are Fucked up & messy.

The frequent and over use of "..." makes the whole thing read like some kid wrote it and the mind wandered so "..." was inserted. Go back to school and learn again the basics. Using this so much wrecks the story and makes for confusion.

Way way way toooooooo rushedddd .

I agree, I feel like the warp speed button was pushed. Did you just get bored with the story and decide to just hurry up and end it?

The first 4 chapters were amazing and unbelievable, and you started out good here and then ya went to drivel, that just makes me sad, to take such an amazing story and end it with Garbage. Its like having the best meal in the world and you expect the best Dessert and get a fruit cup instead, dammit wheres the New York Cheese cake with strawberry swirls, and strawberry sauce!

And you guys are right. I was having trouble with the Mom resolution, and I did rush it. I do apologize for that. Should have taken more time. Poor little Davey deserved better, didn't he?

As far as the ellipsis (...) goes... well... ya see... it's like this... (joke?) I am trying to convey time passing, incomplete thoughts, being in the moment, trying to set a langorous/dreamy mood. Plus I drink beer when I write so who knows what I'm actually thinking about.

Anybody want to shoot me an email with any tips on doing that without the ... , I'd be pleased to hear from you. This name at gee mail. Also (shameless plug) any females that would like to write me or MORE than welcome!!

Got another one on the way, it's short and sweet, please give it a shot.

MJ

The first two chapters of this were very promising and it seems you lost your 'voice' along the way. Be of good cheer you have talent don't let time rush you too much.

your story was amazing till this chapter i feel cheated

Not sure what happened with this chapter, almost like you just wanted an end to it all. Story was hot until now. Disappointed.

Jeff, a Literotica fan

Wow man, you kinda veered off at the end, huh? The first four chapters were great but I feel like you just ended the story for the sake of ending it. Also, any reason why you chose to kill Vanessa off? That and the confrontation with the mom seems kinda unfair and unnecessarily dark considering how attached Vanessa was to David.

I really liked this story and I have to say that you have amazing potential. Now with that being said I have to agree that the ending was way too rushed and compacted. I think you should've delved deeper with the issues they had with there mother. Knowing the backstory to it all would've given us amazing insight to the characters and would've let us connect better with them. Also I don't like how you killed off venessa she was a crucial part in David becoming a man and if she loved him as much as was implied then when she heard he was in New York she should've went and stayed there as well. Finally I think you could've done without the whole R Kelly thing it's kinda felt out of place to me in this story

some people might not like the way you ended the story but i greatly enjoyed it good job hope to see more of your stories in the future

Have read quite few enjoyable stories on here, but this is my favourite.. Great flow to the series, and a perfect happy ending, for some..

I was sorry to see it end, but I'm glad he got the girl.

I just wanted to say that while certain parts were fast I loved this! David gained a dark side with his mother which created this depth which made him more real. I loved watching him get lost in the BDSM that grew over the chapters.

And with the conclusion, brilliant. Everyone had an ending and that made it so conclusive. People who didn't like it because there was death or a definitive end are losing touch with the appreciation of the authors creative process (It is not YOUR story, it's MJ's).

I loved hearing of death because I snapped out of purely reading this as erotica and remembered this is a story, a tale and a creative one at that. Incest stories always seem to bear limitations until someone like yourself comes along and gets me interested again.

Get stronger, become better, write something awesome again and again! But never let critics, business or comments change YOUR story. Don't sell out.

You're brilliant, cheers!

I wanted to wait until I read the whole thing before commenting. You did a great job writing this, I enjoyed it quite a bit. I do agree that the ending was a bit rushed, but it was still good. I understand wanting to wrap up a story, especially if you're considering writing something new. I was glad he got the girl in the end, too. Kinda nice to see something like that again. Good job with the story!

I never have commented before on any story on Literotica, simply because I never felt the need to do so. Also never voted. You got 5 stars and I really want to add my comment. I loved the story. Not because of the sex (which was done very good btw), but because of the story. Leave out the incest and change the chronological order of things like having the mom die during the story and hinting or showing Vanessa already having cocaine issues and you've got a good screenplay for a Holywood movie. Great job! Keep writing!

Very well written and thought out - a real story. I appreciate the effort and the care you took to bring it to life for us. Congratulations!

I loved the ending but i wish so much that it could have kept going! Great ending but id love some more chapters! maybe flashbacks?

From start to finish I was completely hooked, read all of them up until the early hours of the morning.

Fantastic job

Peace!

Vickie and her irresistible sex drive made the whole story work! I'm in lust with Vickie, Michele, Vanessa and Sandra, each on their own merits! One of the greatest stories on Literotica! I am extremely jealous of David - that Lucky son of a bitch!! It was fun and very erotic!

I'm not an avid reader but this was a wonderful story. You are a great author you really pieced the story together nicely. This is my favorite story and you're easily my favorite writer. Bravo, on all accounts a 5 star read!

Thank you for writing. And I really liked the ending.

THE BEST STORY AND PLZZ MAKE MORE SERIES OF THIS OR START ANOTHER 1 AND MAKE IT LONG

Gotta agree with wax_wings; we had one hot-as-hell road trip to Jerkoffsville, until the last act where we detoured into something much too serious, dark, kinda rushed, and ultimately not very awesome. And it ain't Cleveland.

Fuck! We were going SO great, and then ya face-planted on the dismount... and shit your pants.. on national live television...

the ending was weak,and didn't really get your whole mom thing and Mrs A was bit of a weak side

But overall liked it very much

well I did read the hole thing and I thank it was really good. In a lot of this story. their were a lot of things that hit home, I never sleep with my sister. But she was their the first time I got fucked. And ya it was getting fucked. I was real young and the girl was in high school.And then later when I was around 10 or so their were all my sister's friends.A bout 6 of then who were saposed to be watching me. and ya they did.

I just spent the last 3 hours reading this. Great job. You have a great voice with a natural flow, far better than some of the other stories I've read on here.

Only the end could use some refining. Basically, it needs filling out - it feels rushed, trying to tie up all the loose ends. Sometimes it's better to leave them loose than to rush things, and this is one of those times. IMHO.

you were doing really good until you got to the last chapter- on one hand you say you married Michelle and y'all stayed true to each other and then you say you kept doing your sister-

This was a fun and funny read.

I read the whole series and it was an amazing story, really it was, i was suprised that with the build up of the vanessa/Mrs A storyline of them two having a incestuous desire for each other that nothing happened between them, it would of made the story a lot better, and if you ditched the Mom part and changed the ending so that no one died which was quite sad, and that they all carried on their antics as say one big 4 way relationship, i think that would of been great. but overall great story dude

i dont know about other here but i read these stories because they are a turn on and a enjoyable use of spare time. that being said if i spend hopurs reading a great story with good character development i dont want to read a a paragraph at the end saying one of the main characters died. (or any character for that matter) Vanessa living a fucked up life and dieing does nothing for this stories other then sadden the readers. your goal should be to make us enjoy reading this form start to finish so dont make the finish sad. also even the mother dieing is not needed. DONT KILL CHARACTER UNLESS IT FORWARDS THE STORY! the ending is not the place to write about broken promises, death, sadness. this is a fantasy world for us readers so make sure or fantasy has a happy ever after (even if that is unrealistic).

other then that great story

At least our hero plus Michele and Vickie turned out OK. Vanessa was a disaster in the making all along and lasted a little longer than I figured that she would. I can tell you that when you love someone (relative or close friend) that you can never marry it hurts you when they have sex with others even though it is impossible for you prevent it. It takes a certain amount of detachment (or cynicism) to maintain your relationship when both you and they are having sex with others. Sort of like being with your wife and her sister who are both with their brother, too. Hard to explain. However, I was entertained by this story, I won't say that I enjoyed it so much as it was a tragedy that was impossible to turn out correctly for most parties. Thank you for writing, author.

Great story. Thanks a lot for your effort and keep up the good work. ^__^

Read the entire series in one day, and the tale was spun beautifully from begining to end. Great individual sections that were cohesive all the way through, and the ending was perfect. You have some serious talent!

To be honest after reading chapter 1 l wasn't going to continue on and only gave you 2 stars..I'm so glad I continued on ,what an amazing story you have given us. Absolutely loved the ending for which you deserve 5 stars.....

Got a bit slow in places, some things were a big dragged out, not too keen on all the slapping. But overall it was a story that I really enjoyed.

So thanks !

thank you, really enjoyed this story

brilliant ending too.

I cant get enough of this stuff! ... seriously I've already read everything you published on your profile and now I'm sad that its over. I'm sort of a binge reader, similar to watching 48 hours straight of Netflix.

Fucking awesome the best ive read

This was such a fucking good story, got hard so many times lmao, i loved it and read it to the end, im sad that vanessa died and the mom died, even tho he said his mom was nasty, i kinda wanted him to fuck her, and fuck her good, especially when he mqde her suck his dick, that was the perfect time, but whatever, still amazing

One of the best stories I have read. Thank you !!

So many times I've read stories that are just about the "event", they just have the erotic scenes and no character development or underlying issues. It's just get your rocks off and then "I might continue this if people like it..." but this, what a great story and the ending was real movie stuff, I could picture it. I liked the underlying issues you'd seeded early on in the story and tied up near the end about the sons issues with the mom, the issues that others suffered with and just general human problems. It felt genuine and that's what brings an audience closer to the story.

Lovely storytelling style and a well thought out tale. A+ ;)

Why did Vanessa have to die?

It was a fantastic story I’d like more you jumped ahead in time so you have The ability.

Seriously write more please this is my favorite series

I liked your story very much. It's one of the best series I've read on here. The editing was good and there were no errors that usually stop me short. Keep up the good work.

That was an awesome story.. I like how it all finished. Some other writers on here should talk to you about how to give some closure to a story

This was truly the first story I ever wrote, and I appreciate that so many people have love for it. Despite some serious grammatical problems ("tense" being the main one lol) and a very rushed ending, I still like this story. I hope that I have improved over the years and maybe you can give some of my other stories a look also. Thank you to all readers who check out my works. Cheers! :)

Loved the story but a few comments. First, the ending. Why does he go to NY and then wait 6 months to reach out to Michele. I don't get that. I can't believe he didn't even give her a heads up that he was going there.

The death of Vanessa was also 'off', as well as the marriage of her mother. Both seemed rushed and not a lot of context to support what happened.

But over all, loved it. Thank you for sharing.

Enjoyable story. Lots and lots of sex. I liked the way you wrote it as if the shy guy was telling his story. And I truly enjoyed the fact he ended up with Michele. The fact he still loved her after the five years meant it was not lust, but definitely love. And, as your mini epilogue said, they raised two children and STAYED married! Old Al was 31 when he got married, and I am still married to the same woman 36 years later.

can you make another one like this but longer?

The entire series was good, but this part felt a bit rushed. Not that we had to delve into everything forever, but it felt like there was parts that were missing. Vanessa's demons weren't really foreshadowed. Yes, she (and her mother) kind of fell in love with David after he dominated them, but none of that really showed deep problems. Much of the progression here at the end just felt rushed - from the time after his encounter with his mother onwards. Otherwise, the series was very well entertaining.

Excellent story. I have never read a story that long (usually into shorter stories), but once I started reading this I couldn't stop. Amazing.... I see you have 40 stories, I am looking forward to your other stories.

Wow .. that was awesome

Definitely one of my favourite stories, I only started about six months ago reading erotica, but I'm addicted now, and don't do much else, porn never really did it for me, but this stuff, I guess it's because it's in your brain, and what is better than your own imagination, if the story teller is a good one.

And you are my friend .... Thanks X

Good story until you turned the MC into a simple at the end. Hanging around for a woman who chooses him as her fallback guy.

dang