All Comments on 'My Sister, My Control Ch. 01'

This story has such potential. Loving everything that has happened so far. This suggestion may be under the wrong theme since this story is under the tab incest. But what do you think about Anna and Haylee eventually being forced to marry each other? They still have sex with Adam, however now it’s as a married couple. Thoughts?

How much speed did you take before writing this?

It's Andes mint, not Andy's...

Stopped reading after that fail.

Great start. Please continue and make longer

Bad execution. This isn't anywhere near incest. This belongs in nonconsent or mind control.

... even if not exactly in the right category, your story needs a continuation. The setup allows many possibilities.

Please continue. Chuck. ( 4 stars )

sorry, I was really turned off by the rape/drugging theme, the weak writing/verbal skills. There wasn't really much 'hotness' here, just....meh

Awesome work keep it up

Who the fuck writes a story in present tense.

Good start to a story. My only criticism is the perspective flipping. I don't have a problem with it, frankly, it's frequently a great way to make a scene even hotter. But you don't need to say your changing perspective, just write your way into it. Saying it like that takes the reader out of the story.

He has to rely on his GPS to drive two hours to get home from a college that has been attending for several years! WTF? wtf....?

Where the next page

H

...when he needed GPS to get home, but stupidly kept reading. Now who do I need to talk to to get those five minutes of my life back?

Liked the start to the story. Some formatting errors I noticed, though they are easily fixed. Some seemed to take issue with the perspective change, though its not popular, it was fitting for the type of story it is. The subjects were not mind controlled so its logical to see from their point of view and their thoughts too. And why not in the first person. Everyone is right to their opinion though, so I'm not saying they can't have it, just saying they're wrong lol.

Oh and on the GPS issue people are having, I often use it to find out if there is any road congestion, or closures, sure I know how to get home, but I like to see how long my journey will be, or which route is faster than the other. Its more of a novelty than "I don't know where I live." Though I can see the point of leaving that fact out, but its there, get over it.

I’ve got to say that this right here is a great piece of literature and I would love for you to continue writing. Please hurry with the next chapter(s).

I've never seen a story wildly change perspective mid paragraph before like that. Honestly impressive how jarringly bad that was.