All Comments on 'My Submissive Toy'

Goodness, second person pov makes for difficult reading in the porn world. Anyone who is not the target 'you' group generally feels awkward or off-put. Nonsubmissive guys get especially negative. As a female, I'm not the 'you' here and that constant address makes it difficult to imagine being in the mistress role. First person and third person are your friends when writing for the broad audience. If you write in second specifically for a SO, transpose it to one of the others for us. It is a sexy and intimate scene.

She should have let him cum and then sat on his face

I think her sitting on him with a pussy full of cum is great

Good premise.

Good beginning.

Then came the sex and it began abruptly and was over almost before it began.

Had real potential.

Dropped the ball.

Three stars.