My Tourniquet

"Evenin' Ladies," I said as I approached. "That would be my bike you're sittin' on."

"We need to ask you some questions," said the one in yellow leather.

"What would you like to know?" I asked. I stopped about five feet away from them. I didn't quite trust them, and although I'm dead, my nerves were on end.

The woman in yellow leather turned to the other two. "I thought you said they couldn't talk or make rational statements," she said.

"Why are we talking to this thing?" asked the big one in the green leather. Her voice had an Irish lilt to it. "Let's just stake it and get back on the plane."

"I want to hear what he has to say," said the one in yellow again. The woman in white leather nodded her head and the one in yellow turned back to me.

She dropped her hood, revealing shoulder length straight brown hair and blue eyes. There were a few freckles on her cheeks and she looked at me curiously as she turned back to me.

"Why did you kill Theresa Gillian?" she asked me. She kept both of her hands under the leather cloak and I was sure she had a weapon of some kind under there.

"Why did I do what to whom?" I asked. I was truly surprised.

"Are you denying that you're a vampire?" she asked.

"Are you going to let me answer the first question before you ask the second one?" I asked.

"Well answer one of them," she said.

"I hear an accent. Are you French?" I asked. She nodded and her face softened just a bit.

"What does that have to do with anything?" she asked.

"Okay, I'm bored. Enough of this bullshit. I'm going to kill him now," said the big one. From the instant her hood came down I saw short red hair and pale Irish skin. She too had a grouping of freckles across her nose and cheeks. Even as she spoke her cloak dropped and she attacked.

She swung a huge pole mace at me. She must've been hiding it behind my bike. It came from nowhere. If it wasn't for my vampiric speed and reflexes she'd have taken my head off with it. I leaped straight backwards about five more feet and she jumped after me to press her attack.

"Penance, wait!" screamed the one in yellow. But there was no holding the big woman back. Again and again she swung the huge mace at me. And I dodged it. But finally my back was against a wall. She swung the mace at me and I caught it. I bared my fangs at her as she struggled to get the mace free. I yanked it out of her hands and flung it as far as I could. She snatched a second smaller mace from a belt around her waist and charged me. I leapt straight up in the air and her mace bit into the wall below me. I landed beside her and took off. I noticed that the one in yellow had a sword out and the one in white, who seems older than the other two, had a powerful looking crossbow.

As I turned to run, the pretty one called to me. "Wait," she said. For some reason, I stopped.

"Why?" I asked. "So your psychotic friend can try to kill me again? No thanks."

"I don't understand," she said. "You could have killed Penance at least twice. Why didn't you?"

"I don't kill people," I said. "I try to help them. That's why I work in a hospital, duh."

"But you're a..." she began and stopped. "I...we...saw the fangs."

"Yeah. So? Shit happens," I said.

"Is that what you said to Theresa Gilliam, just before you ripped out her throat and sucked all of the blood from her?" asked the big crazy one. I backed up even further as she approached.

"I didn't do that," I said. "I've never taken blood from a person."

"But you're a vampire," said the older one. "How else can you survive?"

"You're doing alright," I said.

"What exactly do you mean by that?" she asked.

"I have those vampire senses that you're all so afraid of, remember," I smirked. "Even with them, I don't smell any meat on your breath. The pretty one definitely has traces of meat coming from her. Not much but it's there. The big one smells like she ate a cow...this morning. If you can get by without meat, I can get by without killing anyone. There are lots of ways for me to get blood. Most of the time I take contaminated or diseased blood that goes out as medical waste. The diseases can't hurt me since technically, I'm already dead. When those aren't available, which is a rare thing with the number of surgeries we do in this hospital alone, I trance a doctor into getting me whole blood from the blood bank."

"I know it doesn't mean anything to you but I swear that I did not kill your Theresa woman," I said.

"Then who did?" asked the pretty one.

"I don't know," I said. "It's not like we have a club or something."

"Let's kill him anyway," said the big one.

"I believe him," said the pretty one. She sheathed her sword.

"I do as well," said the older one, lowering the crossbow."

"Okay, MAYBE he didn't do it," said the big one. "We should still kill him. He's a vampire for Heaven's sake. Sooner or later he's going to do it. We could be saving hundreds of lives. It's just what they do."

"Penance, if he isn't evil and we killed him wouldn't that make us evil?" asked the pretty one.

"Piety, he's a rare animal. He's like a white tiger. It takes special conditions to make one. Siegfried and Roy had a bunch of them. They trained them and lived with them and loved them for years. And then all of sudden one of those cats just snapped and ripped Roy's fucking throat out. The cat wasn't evil. I've heard that it thought it was protecting Roy. It protected him all the way into the hospital. If it had been anymore protective, it would have protected his head clean off. It's just in their nature. They can't help it," she said. While they were discussing me, I took the opportunity to slip away.

It took me longer to get home on foot than it would have, if I'd had my bike. I kept to the shadows and avoided all contact. I circled the block a few times while looking around on all directions to make sure that the women or any of their likely support crew weren't following me.

I got into my comfortable apartment and headed straight for the computer. The series finale of Breaking Bad would have to wait for another night. I needed to find out as much as I could about the women who were after me. After searching until the sun was rising and I began to die, I had at least a limited amount of information about them. Unless I missed my guess they were a very specialized arm of the Catholic Church called the Sisters of Fate. It was hard to believe that they were nuns. The big one was a psychopath. Shit, she was probably a closet serial killer herself. I'd heard her use profanity. Don't nuns have rules against that sort of thing? And the other one, the oldest of them was simply too smart. She looked more like a university professor, a hot one. The kind her students would probably dream about screwing. Finally the younger one was simply too pretty to be a nun.

Apparently they were sent out to deal with supernatural threats that the church faced. So some old woman had gotten bitten by a vampire and the church had sent its team of Ghost Hunter Barbies into my neck of the woods. If things got too wild, I could always just leave the area for a while. After all I have all the time in the world, how much do they have?

I pressed switch that unlocked the floor of my closet. The floor was stained wood on top of a six inch thick layer of steel impregnated concrete. No one would ever find it. They always looked for trap doors, but in this case the entire floor of the closet was the door. The slab weighed over a thousand pounds. It was difficult for me to lift. It would be impossible for a human. Once the slab was up I climbed into the bed beneath it and let it drop. Hydraulic shocks let it silently fall into place. I lost consciousness with the pretty one's face in my thoughts.

When I woke the following evening, I considered my options. If they had believed me, then perhaps they'd go their way and I could go mine. If they hadn't, I had three other apartments in nearby states that I could reach during the span of one night. I also had two other bikes in storage.

When I reached the hospital, just after dark to begin my shift, they were waiting by my bike.

"I'd have expected you to have one of your thralls pick up your bike for you," said the older one.

"This is one of my favorite bikes," I said. "If I had any thralls I probably would have."

"Are you just stupid, or really fucking arrogant?" asked the big one. "Why did you come back here?"

"Because I work here," I said. "I like helping sick people get well."

"But you knew that we'd probably be here," pleaded the pretty one. "Why would you come back here?"

"Because I haven't done anything wrong," I snapped. "Look, I kind of know who you guys are. You kill demons and evil things that normal priests can't handle. Things that you guys can't handle go to some really super chick and then there's a guy, right? Why can't we just live and let live. If you're the good guys, why would you kill someone who hasn't done anything wrong?"

They turned and started talking amongst themselves. I guess they forgot that I have super sensitive hearing.

"Let her do it," I said, pointing to the big crazy one.

"Let her do what?" asked the pretty one.

"Patience has a good plan," I said. "While two of you begin looking for another suspect, one of you should watch the hospital to make sure I don't leave here. If something happens while I'm inside of the hospital, it rules me out. I'll make it even better. Penance can stay with me while I work my shift. I'll get scrubs for her and no one will know that she's not just someone I'm training. That way you can be sure that I haven't managed to sneak out of the hospital."

"I should be the one watching you," said Piety.

"Unh uh," I said. "If you were watching me, I would be so busy staring at you that I wouldn't get any work done." She blushed and turned away from us.

Penance and I spent the night moving patients around the hospital. She looked at me strangely a few times. "How did you know what to tell that doctor to do?" she asked. "You just move the patients around. Were you a doctor before...?"

"Nope, I worked in manufacturing. I was a draftsman. But I've been working in healthcare for more than twenty years now. And I can hear a patient's heart beat. I can hear peristalsis. I can even hear the blood gushing through the veins. So sometimes I can help a little bit," I said.

She shook her head. And as we left the building Patience and Piety were waiting for us by my bike.

"Did he leave?" asked Patience. Penance shook her head.

"I was with him the whole time," grumbled Penance. "He even went into the bathroom with me when I had to go. Why are you asking?"

"I told you," smirked Piety.

"This is not a joyful moment, Sister," said Patience.

"What's wrong?" asked Penance.

"There was another murder tonight and also one last night while we sat out here waiting for him to show. He was probably in there helping sick people last night too," said Patience. "And while we wasted our time on him, two people were killed."

"I checked with some of the other hospital people," said Penance. "He was definitely at work last night. One of the hospital administrators has the hots for him. According to her he keeps avoiding her. Once she found out that I wasn't trying to make any kind of move on him, she became almost too friendly. It was like she needed to confide in someone. She told me some of the most disgusting things I've ever heard. Do you know that there are women who take off their bras and flash their breasts to try to attract a man? She doesn't seem to know that he really isn't a man. She's beginning to think that he's gay because he hasn't...as she put it...tried to get some."

"Tried to get some...what?" asked Piety.

"I think she was talking about sexual relations," said Patience.

"Oh my God!" said Penance.

"Not to interrupt your carnal education ladies," I said. "But can I have my bike?"

They looked at each other, and then nodded. "I'll see you three, tomorrow night," I said.

"Why?" asked Piety. "We may stop by to check on you, but we have another vampire to find."

"Because, I feel partially responsible for the deaths that have happened in my area," I said. "If you hadn't been chasing me, maybe you could have caught him. Besides if I'm with you when you find him, you have a better chance of catching him and surviving. Plus you can make sure that I'm not doing it too. Tomorrow is my off night anyway."

Again they looked at each other and then nodded. Apparently they were close enough that they didn't need words to communicate.

The following evening I was up and on my bike as soon as the sun went down. But as early as I got there, I was still later than they were. Piety handed me a headset and waved goodbye to the other two who set off. As soon as I put the headset on I could hear the other two and Piety in my ears. It was like the four of us were still together. Piety climbed onto the back of the bike. I made her put my helmet on and fold her long cloak around her waist. If that thing got stuck in the rear wheel she could be killed easily.

As we rode towards our assigned search area, she spoke to me. "How did it happen? How did you become..."

"A foul, evil bloodsucking creature of the night?" I asked.

"Whatever," she laughed.

"My name is Mason Devereaux," I began. "I was born in 1953. I'm 60 years old but I stopped aging 33 years ago when I was 27. That was the year that not only did my life end but my heart stopped functioning.

Most people think that those two statements mean the same thing but they're kind of different. You see my heart stopped a while before I actually died.

I had a good life for a swamp rat. I had actually gone to college. I had a degree in automotive systems design. I was making my way up the company food chain and I had a bright future. I was married to a woman that I had loved since we first met in college. We'd been talking about having a child. I think in your bible it talks somewhere about pride and falls. Well, I'd just gotten put on the design team for the launch of the new Mustang. Ford was pissed because no one was buying the Mustang II. A designer name Fox had an idea to modernize the pony car and give it back it's giddy up.

That design team was responsible for the development of the original 5.0 Mustangs a few years later. My career would have been made. I could have written my own ticket, but I never drew a thing.

I rushed home early to tell my wife, Cheryl, the good news. I was getting a substantial raise and my own office. I was so pumped up when I walked into our house, that I was completely unprepared to see Cheryl getting pumped up herself.

She was lying on her back with her legs spread and up in the air as some guy pumped his dick in and out of her. She was moaning and screaming like she was in heaven. I was in shock. She wrapped her arms around him as she neared her orgasm. The same way she did me. She even started driving her heels into his ass to pull him into her more deeply. The same way she does with me. Then she screamed and stiffened. Her arms and legs dropped to the bed but he kept grunting and pumping away.

Across the room her eyes locked with mine and shock took over. She tried to push him off of her, but he continued to pump away at her. The combination of the friction and the shock of being caught started her up again. She pointed at me, but her hips had begun to thrust themselves against him as she fucked him back.

"Oh no! Stop Jerry," she said.

He looked at me and apparently he didn't feel threatened. "I'm almost done, guy," he said. "You can have her when I'm finished."

"Don't worry about it," I said. "Take your time. I just need to pack a few things and I'm out of here. On second thought, she can keep it all. I don't want to have anything that I need to have fumigated in my new place."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he asked angrily.

"I don't want anything with the stench of you two assholes on it making my new place smell like shit," I said. Then I turned and left, with both of them calling after me. I was still in shock. My good news was forgotten. I really didn't have a new place so I just checked into a hotel.

In those days everyone didn't have a cell phone in their pocket, so I didn't have to worry about Cheryl calling me. But as I lay there in the room, I was distraught. I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong. I loved Cheryl with all of my heart. I couldn't figure out why or even how she could have done what she'd done.

For three days, I drank myself into a stupor. I was lost without Cheryl. I loved her and I hated her at the same time. I wanted to make her realize what she had thrown away but at the same time I wanted to hurt her. I never had any thought of hurting her lover. I really wanted Cheryl to want me back, just so I'd have a measure of my self-respect back.

I wanted to hear her begging me to come back. After three days in a drunken haze a moment of clarity made me realize that things were even worse than I'd thought. With the company's firm policy on not calling in if you're absent, I had probably lost my job as well.

That threw me even further into my depression. I ran out of liquor and went out to buy more in the dark of night. I have to tell you that my timing was perfect or horrible depending on your viewpoint. If I'd gone out during the daylight hours, I probably wouldn't be here with you now. Or who knows maybe I'd just be another sixty year old man with nothing left but a lifetime of regrets. I suppose I could also be a happy sixty year old grand papa, but with my luck that doesn't seem likely.

Anyway, I went right down the street to the local convenience store to buy my rot gut liquor. While I was in the store I could barely stand up. Beside the liquor I'd come in to buy, one other thing in the store drew my attention.

There was this hunting knife behind the counter. It was the shiniest knife I'd ever seen. It looked like it was sharp enough to slice the spaces between atoms. I didn't know why but I had to have that knife. So I bought it and started the walk back to my hotel room. I kept thinking that someone was following me but I had other problems that seemed more pressing. I was beginning to run out of money, but I didn't see that as a problem. I had an idea in mind of how I could end all of my problems and hurt Cheryl at the same time.

I wrote her a long note that at the time I thought was beautiful and poetic. The note blamed her for ruining our marriage, ruining our lives and for my death. Then I drank most of the liquor and with my last conscious thought sliced through the veins in my wrist.

I listen to a lot of music now that didn't exist back then. Have you ladies ever heard the Evanescence song, "My Tourniquet?"

"No," said Piety on the bike behind me. She squeezed her arms around my waist as if trying to comfort me, though the events that we discussed had happened a long time in the past.

"It's a great song and it totally describes the way I felt that night. The lyrics sound almost as if I wrote them myself," I said. "Wait, I'll play it."

I turned on the digital music player built into my bike's stereo. The music washed over us into the night. Strangely the thrumming of my bike's engine seemed to compliment Amy Lee's vocals as they were alternatively thin and plaintive and then loud and powerful. The brash metallic chorus of guitars and drums seemed tuned to the frequency of my bike's throbbing pistons.