My Tourniquet

For a while we drove in silence. She held firmly onto my cold dead hand and stared straight ahead.

I pulled over in a field that ran straight down into the swamp.

"You're lying," she said. "You're just scared."

"Piety, I would never, ever lie to you. I don't kill people regularly and I've never taken blood from a human being in my life, but I did do it.

Do you remember the story of how I became a vampire? Well here's the rest of it. Cheryl had freaked out about me disappearing. She'd gone to my job. She'd spoken to all of my friends and even the people in my family. But no one had seen me. After a couple of weeks during which I had some adventures of my own, learning to deal with my new condition, I decided to look in on her. I had taken up the habit of feeding on farm animals and anything I could feed from without touching a person.

Nowadays, I wouldn't take blood from a cow or a sheep either, but back then I figured that they were only going to be eaten anyway, so why shouldn't I?

When Cheryl couldn't find me, she got desperate. She hired private investigators and she went to the police and reported me missing. She even got the guy she'd been screwing to help her find me. It turned out that he worked for the same company she did and she was going to raise a big stink about him helping to ruin our marriage if he didn't help her find me.

The transition from human to vampire is a very scary thing. It drives some people crazy, like that thing we fought. I was barely in control of my emotions. I still hated her with a passion. I still wanted to hurt her very badly. Cheryl involving the police and sending private eyes after me was not a good thing. I needed to melt into the woodwork, but the human side of me, needed closure.

I went back to my old house. She was there with him. I gave them a half hour or so, while I debated whether or not to go in. Part of me said I should put the past behind me and try to figure out what I would make of my life from then on. Another part of me still wanted to wring her fucking neck. Yet another part of me simply wanted to know why and whether or not she had ever really loved me.

So when I got bored of waiting, I went inside of the house. I didn't have my maker's ability to simply crush locks yet, I still don't, but since I still had a key it didn't matter. I walked in and heard them arguing. They were in the kitchen, so I sat in the living room and waited for them.

"It's your fault," she screamed. "You ruined my marriage so you have to help me find him or I'll ruin your life."

"Look bitch, fucking is a two way thing. Just like the tango. Your wimpy little husband caught both of us fucking in your bed in your house. That's too bad for him, so sad for you. But I was invited in there by you. You are just as much to blame for this as I am," he said. "I feel really sorry for you, but this is really no skin off of my ass."

"But I need him back," she whined. They were walking as they talked and that was when they noticed me sitting on the back of the couch. They both looked at me in shock.

"Gosh I really thought the two of you would have been fucking by now," I said. "Please don't tell me your hot, hot, love has gone cold." They looked at each other.

"Mason, baby, I've been so worried. Where have you been? We can work this out. It really isn't what you thought," she said.

Her heart beat was elevated. I could tell that it was really important to her that I believed her. But I no longer cared. I had what I wanted from her. It was close enough to begging for me. I turned to leave. I no longer needed to hurt her. I just laughed and started walking towards the door.

That was when he tried to intervene. "Look little guy," he began. "We only did it once. And it really wasn't that special. She really wants..."

I turned to look at him. "I don't care what your whore wants, dickhead," I said sharply.

"She isn't mine," he yelled. "I told you already we only did it once. You're the one she's been crying over now just..."

He was standing over me with his fists balled up and his face so angry he was turning red. I pushed him with all of my strength. He flew backwards across the room and slammed into a wall.

Cheryl started screaming for him not to hurt me. I wondered if she had even seen what I'd just done.

"Mason, I'm so sorry," she cried. He was getting up by then and he was angry. He charged me again with Cheryl still screaming at him not to hurt me. He threw himself at me with murderous intent in his eyes. He may as well have been moving in slow motion. I was still not fully in control of my emotions at that moment.

I met his rage with my own. I snatched him out of the air as if he was weightless and slammed him back against the wall. This time I held his head against the wall.

I looked at him wriggling in my grasp like a mouse caught in the jaws of a cat and I pushed. I pushed and his head cracked like an egg shell. I dropped his lifeless body at my feet and wiped my hands off on the sofa.

Cheryl's eyes got huge as she realized that he was dead.

I turned and walked towards her. She was too shocked to move. "Are you going to do that to me now?" she asked. I stopped right in front of her, seething with anger.

"Why?" I screamed so loudly that the room shook. I had to get control of myself.

"I don't understand. Why would you do this to us? I feel so stupid. I loved you so much and..."

"Mason, it's not you," she said in a small voice. "You're the nicest guy I know. I love you. I love being married to you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to have children with you. But...Honey sometimes, I need a man who just isn't so nice. Sometimes...I need to be taken and roughly. Mason, sometimes I feel like I'm the man in our relationship. So I just needed a little bit of variety. But I swear it was only sex, it..."

"And stupid old Mason was never supposed to find out, right?" I said.

"You never did before," she said. "And I never ever meant to hurt you baby. That was the furthest thing from my mind I swear."

"How long?" I screamed.

"Six months," she said quietly.

"You were screwing that asshole for six months?" I yelled.

"No Honey, we only did it once," she said. "I meant I've been doing it since six months after we got married. But..."

I guess the screaming and fighting had drawn too much attention. I heard sirens in the distance even though they wouldn't be audible to her for a few minutes. I just walked away leaving her with a dead lover to answer for.

She was charged with his murder even though there was no evidence. They also couldn't figure out how a woman or even a man could be strong enough to kill him the way I had. But since she was in the room with the body, she was the prime suspect. After a few weeks in jail, she told them that I had done it; so much for love. That also backfired on her. She'd reported me missing and no one had seen me since. That gave the cops another theory.

They charged her with my murder too. And since I'm dead, there are no skin cells to leave behind. That means no fingerprints. She eventually got out on appeal because there was no really evidence linking her to either murder, but it took a while.

While she was incarcerated, I had my own problems. It was difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that I had killed a man. I visited her in jail a few times leading them to believe that she wasn't all there.

After she got out of jail and out of the psyche ward I continued to torment her. Even as I got my life together I continued to visit her. In most cases I don't even speak to her. For the past thirty years, whenever she was even close to being happy, I ruined her life. After about ten years she realized that I wasn't aging. She begged me to make her like me so we could be together forever. I laughed in her face.

The funny thing about it is that she never went after another man. She never married and never had the kids that we both wanted so badly. A few years ago she developed cancer. She had no remaining family. I didn't want to stop torturing her so I paid for her treatment. I still enjoy showing up and letting her see me, still young and vibrant while life slowly drops through her rapidly weakening old fingers. I also love teasing her with the fact that I could give her back her strength with a whim. Last year for her birthday, I stole one of the pictures she still had from our wedding.

I took it to one of those computer photography places. I gave her an album full of pictures of what our kids would have looked like. It was full of pictures of boys and girls at different stages in their lives. She cried for days over what we had lost.

But at the same time, I'm suffering myself. I have killed. I bear the mark of Cain. There is no salvation for me. I am too lost.

"Says who?" asked Piety. "God forgives, Mason. You've wasted most of your life trying to get back at a woman who loved you but was stupid. You've kept yourself in the prison you devised for her."

"She ruined my life," I said. "I never thought I'd love anyone again. Apparently I was wrong." She tilted her head and looked at me in that peculiar way.

"Apparently?" she asked.

"Okay, obviously," I said.

"And we have enough problems of our own," she said. "So you need to forgive her and move on. You don't need to be tied to her. Even if it is by hate."

I nodded at her and noticed that she still hadn't let go of my hand.

"So what about us?" she asked quietly.

"You have a job and so do I," I said.

"Okay, I'll come to the hospital and work with you," she smiled.

"Piety, are you high?" I asked. "The world needs you. Think about all of the people you help. And think about your life. I read on the Internet that girls start training at 7 or 8 years old. They leave their families or are orphans and they work ridiculously hard to become a trainee. Only one girl in a thousand gets to be a trainee. And only one trainee in a thousand ever gets to serve. You are one in a million. You have to..."

"Mason..." she said.

"Piety, when you can't do it anymore, or when you're ready to retire, I'll be waiting for you," I said.

"But what if you meet someone and..." she began.

"I've loved two women in my sixty years, you probably won't be around when I meet another one," I said. "I have all the time in the world to wait for you."

"But I want us to talk and to see each other and..." she said.

"And we will. Whenever you have down time you'll come to New Orleans or I'll come to you. And we'll get iPhones and text each other constantly. And we'll do face time. Piety we'll make it work," I told her. "You're my tourniquet."

"You're damned skippy," she smirked.

We drove around holding hands and laughing until the sun was about to come up. I drove her to the airport, where two nervous nuns and a private plane awaited her.

"You had me worried," said Penance. "I thought we had lost another one."

"I'll be here until I can't do it anymore," said Piety looking at me. Then she turned to Penance. "Let's go kill something evil."

"Hell yeah!" gushed Penance as they walked up the steps and into the plane.

"You seem to be more relaxed and...happy, sister," said Patience.

"You don't know the half of it, Sister," said Piety. "As soon as my arm heals I'll be better than new."

The next evening I showed up at a run-down house about three miles from my hospital. As I walked in I saw an old woman lying on a couch watching TV.

"Mason is it really you this time, or am I dreaming again?" she asked.

"It's me Cheryl" I said. "I came to ask you to forgive me."

"But I'm the one who ruined our life," she said in surprise.

"Cheryl, we were both young," I said. "You were human. I should have let this go a long time ago."

"You didn't let it go because you loved me so much and I hurt you," she said. "You letting go of it now, means you've fallen in love with someone else. Mason, I don't regret a single moment of the past thirty years. You may have thought you were torturing me but you were the only one who cared. When I got cancer, you not only visited me but you paid for my care. Even though we were only together for your anger, we were still together."

"The only thing I regret in my life is hurting you Mason. I have never stopped loving you, so if it's time for you to let yourself have love again...I'm happy for you. If you really want my forgiveness, it'll cost you."

I just looked at her. "First you have to forgive me too," she said. "Secondly, you have to make sure that whoever you love knows how special you are. I don't want you with someone as stupid as I was. And the last thing is, Mason...don't disappear. I don't have much time left, so please stay in my life. Be my friend, Mason. I failed as your wife, but be my friend anyway." I nodded. She smiled and drifted off to sleep. I listened and heard her heart still beating strongly.

As I left the house, I felt a buzzing in my pocket. I pulled out my new iPhone. I had just gotten a text. I looked at the screen and read it.

"Going after a dead witch - wish me luck - luv U"

I smiled as I got into the Mustang.

"B careful - luv U 2" I texted back. Then I drove into the night towards my shift at the hospital wondering if I was still too lost. Is there after all, salvation for vampires? Either way, I had sick people to help.

The end?

Do you remember me? Lost for so long

Will you be on the other side? Or will you forget me?

I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?