Nate meets Jesse for the First Time

Mal gave his son a wry smile. "So it's money you want?"

He leaned back and rested his arms along the back of the couch and said to Nate, "Mind putting the kettle on?"

Nate was surprised at being asked, but obliged. He went around behind the breakfast bar and put on the kettle. It seemed it was an evening for tea. Maybe someone would even drink this tea.

"How much do you need?" Mal asked Jesse.

Jesse rested his damp palms against his hands. "Three thousand pounds."

Mal gave a cough of laugher and put a hand to the back of his mouth. "And where would I get that, lad?"

Jesse's voice cooled. "The band," he said. And nothing else.

To Nate, it sounded as though he'd said 'the bank', over the roar of the kettle. The kettle clicked off and bubbled into silence.

Mal considered Jesse. "The band. So, the money I may or may not have set away for my dotage, you want to take it from me, do you lad? You going to support me in my old age?"

The band?

Nate put teabags into a pot and brought it to the table with mugs and spoons, then went back to the kitchen for milk and sugar.

"Dad, it's just three grand," said Jesse. "You've got—" he broke off and glanced up as Nate sat down again.

Nate leaned forward and lifted the tea pot to give it a quick swirl, then set it back down again.

Mal considered him. "Have I seen you somewhere before?"

Nate felt a twinge of concern in his gut. He'd thought that too. But he made a point of remembering his enemies' faces, and if this man was his enemy, he wasn't aware of it.

"I don't think so," he said. "Maybe I've seen your band?"

Mal scrutinised him closely. "Sorry, how do you two know each other?"

"Well, I was at a bar," said Nate, "staring at a long night of tequila, when your lad here mentioned to the bartender he was new to town and needed a guide."

"And you offered," said Mal. "You some kind of queer?"

Jesse's eyes went dark, but Nate just laughed.

"He's a fellow Bristonian, I wasn't going to let him wander round London alone."

Mal gave him a slow smile that said he wasn't buying what Nate was selling, but he set it aside for the moment and turned to Jesse.

"How's your mother been? It's been a while since we last caught up."

"She's good. She's got a new man. He thinks I should cut my hair."

Mal laughed. "I hope you've told him to go fuck himself?"

Jesse grinned. "Not in those words. But yeah."

Mal nodded. "And your mum. She's looking after you?"

Nate saw a shadow flicker in Jesse's eyes.

"I moved out two years ago."

Christ, thought Nate. When had these two last spoken?

"Moved out?" Mal leaned forward in his seat. "That's news to me. She's still collecting cheques."

"I'm studying. She's been helping pay my way."

Mal's gaze darkened, and Nate was suddenly uncomfortable on Jesse's behalf.

He leaned forward again and checked the tea. Nearly dark enough. He set the lid back on the pot and sat back.

"So, Jesse," said Mal, "What's abroad?"

Jesse's eyes lit up. "I have a mate who thinks they can get me an interview with Muse, but they're touring in the US at the moment."

"Muse?" Mal asked.

"A band," said Nate. "Quite a massive one. I'm a fan. Nice work, Jesse."

Mal frowned at Jesse. "A massive band, eh? Bigger than your father's?"

And now Nate saw the sore point. Mal, a musician in his youth, upset that his son failed to worship him.

"Do you still play?" asked Nate.

"Toured for fifteen years," said Mal gruffly. "Had to keep touring to pay child maintenance for a bastard I'd no say in, as well as taking care of this one." He glanced at Jesse with affection.

That got Nate's back up. A bastard he'd 'no say in'. Nate was one of those bastards for some feckless prick. He'd never met his father even once.

Jesse frowned, confused. "You never told me I had a brother."

"Not one you'd want to know," said Mal. He draped his arms back along the couch. "His mother was a whore. But, in my defence, a very pretty one."

Nate swallowed hard, bile rising in his throat.

"She refused to terminate it, because having it meant she could get money from me. Let that be a lesson, boy, always wear a raincoat, even if the girl's too drunk or wasted to tell you to."

"Dad, come on," said Jesse, embarrassed.

Nate was struggling now to breathe normally. Forced himself to stay calm, to hold it in.

"My two Bristol brats," Mal went on, shaking his head.

My two Bristol brats.

Nate glanced at Jesse. His dark hair, his pale skin. His dark eyes. His long eyelashes.

A bastard I'd no say in.

Mal's gaze came to rest on Nate. He smiled, and it was cold.

"Yes, I know it's you. Nathan Lloyd. I've kept an eye out for you. Knew you'd turn up some day, when you learned I had money."

Nate felt a high ringing in his ears. This man could not be his father.

"Did you really think you could come here and use my son to get cash from me? Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

Nate said nothing, locked in a haze of static.

Mal sniffed. "I'd have drowned you in a bucket and called it an accident if I'd had the chance."

"Dad!" said Jesse.

Nate rose out of his seat in one fluid movement and dragged Mal to his feet.

"You're not my fucking father."

Mal gave him a dark smile. "I truly wish I wasn't. Believe me, I'm even more disappointed than you are. Now go on, punch me, so I have something to put on the restraining order."

Nate stood there, staring into the eyes of the man who'd left him with a woman who'd sold him to service her drug habit.

Dimly, he was aware that Jesse was talking to him, trying to get him to move away from his father. But to Nate it was background noise under the roar of his rage.

Mal smiled. "You'll never get this chance again."

Nate pulled his fist back and punched Mal in the face, mashing the man's lips against his teeth.

"Get off him!" Jesse pushed his way between them, shoving Nate back.

Nate stood there with his chest heaving, as his father put a hand to his face, wiping away blood. He looked darkly satisfied.

Jesse shouted at Nate. "Go! Get out!"

Mal raised his arm and pointed to the door. "Get out before I call the cops, and don't you dare come back here snivelling for money again, you filthy little shit."

Nate spun on his heel and wrenched the flat door open. As it swung shut behind him, he stood in the hall, breathing hard.

His father. That was his father.

He'd just met his father.

And he'd just fucked his brother.

He'd just met his father.

And he'd just—

He leaned against the wall and wrapped his arms around himself. He knew he should leave, but his knees buckled under him.

In shock. You're in shock.

He slid down the wall and sat against it, his mind filled with static.

He hadn't known. Couldn't have known.

How had he not seen it?

You can't pick your brother out in a crowd if you don't know you have one.

That seemed reasonable, but all the same, how the fuck had he ended up fucking his half-brother?

And what was he supposed to do now?

The most sensible thing would be to walk away and never look back. His father didn't want to know him, and he'd just fucked his brother. Apparently something that he was going to have trouble getting out of his head in the foreseeable future.

But he really liked the kid. And Jesse needed someone who was on his side who didn't want anything from him. Nate knew how hard it was to find someone like that.

He glanced at the door, hearing voices raised inside. There was no way Jesse's father was going to help him, that much was obvious.

But Nate had cash. He could make sure that Jesse had the opportunities he'd never had. Make sure the predators didn't get a chance to sink their teeth into his sweet flesh while Jesse learned how to defend himself.

His sweet, sweet flesh.

Nate gritted his teeth and tried not to think of how amazing the kid felt to fuck.

The voices behind the door raised another notch, and Nate leaned his head back against the wall to wait.

Hours later, the door opened and Jesse came into the hallway, the apartment door swinging shut behind him.

"You're still here."

Nate got to his feet. "Yeah. I didn't want to leave you with... him."

Jesse eyed him warily. "Why not?"

"Is he going to give you the money?" Nate asked.

Jesse shook his head. "No. He thinks I brought you here to extort him." He ran his gaze over Nate, and Nate could see the kid cataloguing him physically, as Nate had done to him earlier. "Are you really my brother?"

"Much as I hate to say it, I think so," said Nate. "So... where will you go now?"

"Back to Bristol," said Jesse. He pushed his hands into his jacket pockets. "Nowhere else to go."

"Come back to my place—"

"You're kidding, right? We're related."

"Not... what I meant," said Nate, doing his best to stay calm. "I can help you. I want to help you. You don't have to stay, but let's go back to my apartment and talk about... this."

Jesse considered him. "You promise you won't try to fuck me?"

Nate laughed. "Jesus. Yeah, I promise, I won't try and fuck you."

Unless you want me to.

NO, Nate, NO!

Jesse dropped his chin into his jacket, and Nate realised it was freezing in the hallway.

"Come on." He turned his back and started towards the lift. After a moment, he heard Jesse's boots against the concrete as he followed him.

As they walked down the steps from the complex, Nate, ever aware of danger, saw the orange glow of a cigarette in the shadows at the bottom of the stairs. He slowed and waited for Jesse to catch up with him. This was precisely the threat that Jesse faced, looking the way he did. He'd be a magnet for thugs, wandering around on his own.

"I've called an Uber," he said to Jesse in a low voice. "Stay beside me, say nothing. If there's trouble, stay the fuck out of it and let me handle it."

Jesse gave him a confused look. "Trouble?"

A young guy stepped out of the darkness and stood at the bottom of the stairs looking up at them. He was good looking, with a square jaw and sandy-coloured hair, dressed in a black utility jacket and cargos. He pulled on his cigarette and looked past Nate at Jesse.

"You ready to talk?"

Nate did an internal double take, but recovered in the same moment. This had to be Will.

He strode down the stairs ahead of Jesse and stopped a step above Will.

Will was solid, just on six foot as Nate was, and Nate could see by the way he held himself like a Pit-bull that he knew how to handle himself.

"Now's not a good time," said Nate.

Will dragged on his cigarette and held his ground. His pale blue eyes burnt into Nate's.

"You could be his brother," he said.

Funny how everyone could see what Nate and Jesse had both missed.

"How did you find me?" asked Jesse.

"Locator app," said Will. "Remember?"

Jesse's face hardened. "I disabled that."

Nate imagined that if Jesse had continued fucking Will, he'd had access to the kid's phone.

Nate moved down a step, forcing Will to concede a body's width of space.

"As I say, Will, this is an exceptionally bad time to turn up and be a prick. So why don't you fuck off?"

Will laughed, a jerk of his chest, a snort of air. No humour.

"And who the fuck are you?"

Nate smiled broadly. "Nathan Lloyd. And if you fuck with him, I will cave your head in."

Will gave Nate a long, considering look. He took another step backwards and nodded towards Jesse.

"You going to let me explain myself or not?"

Jesse looked from Will to Nate, and Nate could see Will's irritation that he didn't immediately agree.

"Tell you what," said Nate. "There's a cafe about fifteen blocks from this miserable shithole, and an Uber five feet behind you. Why don't we go get coffee like civilised people?"

Will nodded and flicked the last of his cigarette into the gutter.

The place Nate took them to was open till midnight, and not far from his apartment. The area was 'Jesse' friendly, well lit, and the fare was British, which he thought might work for Will, who looked as if he lived on protein.

Nate ordered eggs and bacon, and after a moment of deliberation, Will ordered the English breakfast.

"You sure you can afford it?" Nate asked Will. "I hear you have something of a debt problem."

Will gave him a look cold enough to ice his coffee, and put a hand across the table to Jesse. "You want anything?"

"Just a drink," said Jesse. "I don't think I can eat anything."

While they waited for their orders, Will's eyes roved over Nate and Jesse.

"Why were you at his father's place?" he asked Nate.

Nate wasn't sure how to explain this part, wasn't sure if he should. It wasn't as if they'd done a paternity test. But then, Mal had known his name.

"He's my brother," said Jesse in a low, melancholy voice.

Will's gaze hardened. "Your actual brother? You have a brother?" He stared at Nate. "How's that possible?"

"Half-brother," said Nate. "And it's possible because our father's a prick."

"He is a prick," agreed Jesse.

Will sat back and turned his cigarette packet in his hands as he considered Nate. "So." He set the packet on the table. "Did you fuck him?"

Nate held his gaze. "None of your goddamn business."

"So that's a yes." Will grinned. He turned to Jesse. "I told you to get out of there, didn't I? Told you something wasn't right."

"Shut the fuck up," said Jesse. "What happened with us was an accident. What you did—" he leaned forward on the table. "You did knowingly. And you'd better have a fucking good explanation."

Will turned the cigarette packet in his hands again, and his grin was gone. He dropped his gaze away from Jesse and Nate and considered his words.

"You know my mum's been unwell these past few years," said Will.

"Yeah," said Jesse.

"Lumbago is a curse," said Nate.

"And you know Dad got laid off—"

"I heard the coal mines closed down," said Nate.

Will gave him a dark smile.

"I've tried not to be a burden on them, Jess, and it was a way to pay my tuition. The first time I went to Oscar's, I got five thousand pounds. I told them it was a scholarship."

"Do they do brick-laying scholarships now?" asked Nate.

Will pointed the cigarette packet at Nate. "If this prick doesn't shut his mouth, Jesse, he's going to get my fist in his gob."

"Fucking try it," said Nate.

Jesse shot him a look. "Please?"

Nate rolled his eyes and shut up.

"They relaxed, Jess, the burden was lifted off them. They would have insisted on paying otherwise. And then I went to Oscar's again, and I got another five thousand, and... things went well. I was paying my way. But they only hold those nights twice a year. And then," he took a deep breath in and let it out. "Then I took along an entry—a guy from my class who wanted extra cash. And he bowed out. The way it works—I owed the club ten thousand pounds. I had no way to pay it back."

He ran his teeth over his lower lip. "They gave me six months. And when six months was up, I had less than a thousand pounds to give them, and they threatened to release footage of me on my first night there."

Jesse had seen that footage. He wasn't surprised Will didn't want it put about.

Will leaned forward, his hand sliding towards Jesse. "It was just me, Jess. They only ever threatened me. The guy I went with, I never told him they wanted money. I just told him neither of us would get paid if he didn't go through with it."

"And you didn't tell me about any of it," said Jesse.

Will sat back again and sighed. "No."

"So, you were trying to pay a debt?"

Will pulled a cigarette out of the packet and slid it between two fingers, considering it.

"I knew you'd love it. I knew... you wouldn't do it for money. And they were going to destroy my career. I'd graduate, and that footage would be the first thing any potential employer would see."

"But, you didn't tell me, Will. If you'd told me—"

"If I'd told you, one of two things would've happened. You'd have done it to help me, and you might have done things you didn't want to do. Or, you wouldn't have done it at all. And I was desperate."

He broke off and got to his feet. "I'll be back."

Jesse started to rise, but Nate put a hand on his arm and shook his head.

Will went outside and lit his cigarette.

"What are you thinking?" Nate asked Jesse. He could see a tornado of emotions behind the kid's eyes.

"When we were at Oscar's, he held me for some psycho who was running a knife all over me. The guy fucking cut me."

Nate's gaze hardened.

"But... even though I thought I was going to die, I loved it." His voice dropped back to a whisper. "I'd never felt so alive. And if it all hadn't turned to shit, I think I would have gone back."

Nate felt a tinge of disgust. He knew how addictive danger could be, and he knew some recruiters relied on it as a means of getting kids hooked on doing things that weren't healthy for them.

But then... there was something about Jesse. And maybe it was the same thing in him, the thing that pulled them both towards darkness. Maybe Will had just fed what was already there.

"So what do you want to do?"

Jesse glanced towards the front of the cafe, where Will was pulling on his cigarette as if it was the only way he could get air.

"I can't just tell him to fuck off," said Jesse, and Nate could see in his eyes that no matter what Will did, Jesse would always find a way to forgive him. He just hoped Will was done letting him down.

Will finished up and came back into the cafe as their food arrived. He dug into his meal as if he hadn't eaten in a while, concentrating on not making eye contact with Jesse as he ate.

Not for the first time, Nate wondered what had broken these two up in the first place.

Will wanted to be with Jesse, that much was obvious, and Nate could see he cared enough that he'd always carry the guilt for what he'd done.

In that, Nate had some sympathy for him. He knew only too well what it was like to fuck up. To confuse himself into thinking his own survival and another's needs were the same thing.

Watching the two of them, Jesse sipping his Coke while he watched Will wolf down his food, Nate saw how they fit together. But Will was strong in himself and sure of who he was, while Jesse seemed to have no clue. Until he pulled free of this relationship—or whatever it was—he wouldn't know if he was Jesse, or what Will wanted him to be.

"I have a proposal," said Nate, as he finished up his food. He nodded to Jesse. "Why don't you stay here in London for a bit. I'm pretty sure I can get you the interview you want. But we should get to know each other. And you," Nate said to Will, "you need to give him some space—"

Jesse dropped the glass coke bottle onto the table with a thump. "I'm right fucking here. Will you both stop talking around me? This is my life."

He got to his feet and left the cafe.

"Stay here," Nate said to Will, and went after him.

Outside, Nate pulled his jacket tight against the cold. "I'm sorry, Jesse. I—"

Jesse stabbed a finger at his brother's chest. "I hardly know you. Don't treat me as if I'm mentally incapacitated."

Nate felt an uncomfortable itch crawl down his back, thinking He's right. I'm doing it again. But at the same time thinking, Well, if you seemed to have a clue, maybe I'd be less concerned about you.

"I'm just trying to help," he said out loud.

Jesse's eyes were fierce with anger. "Then treat me with some fucking respect."

Their raised voices were drawing attention from the other cafe patrons. Will joined them, and before Nate could say anything, he held up the receipt.

"Managed to scrape enough together." His voice ran with sarcasm.

"Maybe you should have saved it for your masters in blacksmithing," said Nate.