All Comments on 'Need Some Help Ch. 01'

Not necessarily new but you have my interest for how this continues.

Felt so robotic and the dialogue was stilted.

I like the approach, somewhat rare, where the betrayed simulates accepting the affair, leaving the betrayers desperate and falling over themselves trying to prove it was a one-time thing . . . with the betrayed simply refusing to believe them, and continuing to ask them to be discrete with their liaisons. The frustration and and eventually despair felt by the betrayer, who can't seem to find a way to prove their love, makes for a very different kind of revenge.

You know what this sounds like? Like it what was written by a man who's wife left him and this is the dialogue that he wished he would have said and how he wished it all had transpired. Sorry, not waiting on chapter 2

the story was ok, very flat tho. im guessing English isnt ur first language at least a hope a lot a broken english and rehashing, i dont think u needed to add the wife's side if ur just going to type the same thing. i dont mind typos but when someone says they had an editor and i see some very easy to see typos makes me wonder if ppl are actually editing or just saying they are. in other words ur editor needs an editor lol

my comments need an editor, im really high tho that is my excuse and im sticking to it lol

Both spouses are more cerebral than just emotional, but the wife has the burden of explaining her failure. Her first suggestion of seeking counseling is a good start. The offer to quit her job contains the right motive, but the wrong method. A superior took advantage of his position and authority to seduce her, so he should be the one who leaves and allows her to continue her career, and the money she's bringing in, uninterrupted. I will be disappointed if Tom does not insist on John quitting where Jenny works.

I am curious about Jenny offering to get a pregnancy test. Does she expect her husband to go without sex for the 4 to 6 weeks it might take for a pregnancy to be determined, or suggest he use a condom while she allowed her lover to fuck her bareback? And what is she prepared to do if she comes up pregnant? If Tom had never discovered that Jenny fucked John, would Jenny have kept a baby that might have been conceived with John? Can they be sure a pregnancy is John's child and not Tom's? I think once Tom realizes the full extent of Jenny's stupidity and/or betrayal it will be really difficult to keep her as a wife. Jenny is too selfish, thoughtless and shallow to be a good wife, for any man.

But the larger issue is driven by the reality that women cheat for love and affection, not sex. Her affair has been brewing for weeks if not months. That will be hard for Tom to understand and forgive. The fact that Jenny is willing to allow Tom to fuck another woman suggests she still does not realize that her failure has destroyed her marriage, or she would not want Tom to compound the destruction with his own betrayal. It will be interesting to see if Jenny can persuade Tom to try for reconciliation and reestablishing a new marriage contract.

So really a pretty interesting start. I hope you can keep it interesting and original. Thanks for your efforts to this point.

Probably better to just end this abysmal story now.

The main problem with this story is the hubby character. Sure, he was wronged but he is responding in an immature and petulant way and is looking weak to both his wife and her lover. His play acting and willful misrepresentation of what happened looks ridiculous. The other main problem is the alternating first person narration. It's hard to do well. Why not write in third person? This is one of many common LW storylines, so how can you make your story different and interesting? Keep at it!

Disappointing at best. And why need to continue? What can we expect? I'll continue reading out of curiosity.

no rating yet

a fat cock smoked, a cornhole buggered, betrayed!

Not an original start , but there's very few of those left in this genre .

I'll hold off on scoring until some more has been revealed .

Thanks for sharing with us .

Of course the real problem comes if she is pregnant. Odds are it is the husband’s but they can’t even be excited about it because there’s that little possibility that it’s not as a constant reminder of her ‘mistake’.

The husband comes across as a passive-aggressive petulant child. If this is how he's usually like, I'm not sure how much I blame his wife for having an affair.

I'm not sure what his end-game would have been if she took him at his word (and had him repeat it for her phone's recorder, just to be safe, to be played back in court if he claimed infidelity). Promising to give up the easy revenge vs. the lover in exchange for getting the guy to come over as a prop in his temper tantrum also seems like a bad trade-off, though I suppose he needn't keep his word.

The whole "pretending to be a wittol" thing was done better in whatdreamsmaycome's The Cage, as there, the husband committed to the role and was doing it to fuck with the wife's head while he took the time to get his ducks in a row for the divorce. Here, all it was did was make him look like a drama queen.

The wife deserved to be raked over the coals, but starting off with the staged scene oddly blunted the whole thing.

It’s like she left and then he sat down and thought “this is what I SHOULD have said.”

It happened on a Saturday, and the next was a normal work day for him. Who works in an office on Sunday?

Of course if she comes up pregnant he will be utterly crushed. But he should really convince himself that he can never trust her in the future so it is not worth keeping her around.

I like his deliberate cool response. Facts are he did nothing, she cheated. It seems he doesn't want divorce - offering to allow the lovers to continue but they both seem regretful and finished. If no pregnancy or STDs (otherwise it's over) then take her offer with this addition: for his one time pass SHE must select a women for him to enjoy and she must watch while he thoroughly enjoys this woman. The pain she would feel seeing this would help him to feel even enough to move forward where they both would have an act to forgive and live with. I hope the author concludes this story.....

Refreshing that it's not your usual wife sucking & fucking and everyone's happy !

Some editing issues and a bit stiff in presentation but good enough to keep interested and entertaining.

Writing in present tense is bad. Switching between past and present tense is worse. The dialog is awkward and the use of language is strange. Not a bad effort, but plenty of room for improvement.

I know plenty of people stay together but I’m not sure I could. This situation might be the only tiny chance I would but how could anyone be sure of the whole past that she wasn’t cheating all along with others. Everything will be z huge question. Definitely she would have to leave that school and there is no way his wife would not find out . He would have to pay and his wife finding out would be the best way. After his wife found a new job a letter would be mailed about there vice principal fucking his teachers and her feeling that she needed to go to a different school to work and there are potential legal charges coming from her husband

Good story line. Would like you to continue with it and see where it goes.

But I can't see the whole reverse psychology cuck thing playing out so well for him. The cheaters would both have to be decent people to feel any sting and if they were cheaters then there weren't decent people, at least not when they cheated while sober and wholely in possession of their faculties and without any tangible explanation for the lapse in judgement.

They both seem guilty rather than contrite. They should apologise to both spouses and John to his children as well.

I think an editor might have you flesh your story out a bit and not be so matter of fact.

You have a wonderful story idea. Heck, previous nonny is wrong: There are decent people who let themselves become entitled and selfish and I'm not so sure the cuck thing wouldn't work with some of them.

I think you just "Need Some Help" (sorry!) with your ability to spin a yarn. You have interesting characters and a decent story,

Please continue I am liking what you have written so far

. . . you know and use "nod" for affirmative and "shake" for negative. It is a small but for me distracting description when misused.

Keep writing. Some good critiques on here. Some of the reasons for the criticisms may smooth out with more writing practice. If not, I'm wondering if you are as droll as your character "Tom."

Good themevand portrayal of a wronged husband. Don’t let her off the hook easily. There needs to be some retribution

I did send some further edits on this but they might have gotten lost in the shuffle. Still a good story.

Thank you for all of your comments. My editors have helped a lot. Unfortunately, it was my mistake when I submitted it. I lost the previous corrections from him. Don't hold any responsibility of errors on him. Thanks to all. I just submitted the second installment and it was without the final corrections. My mistake.

"We at first just kissed and cuddled. I never let it go to far." - You "kissed and cuddled?" Guess what, you've already let it go too far!

She felt "warm all over" because this "nice," sexy man wanted her? Yeah, he wants to get in your pants! And what is your husband, chopped liver?

What good does a GPS tracker do? When she fucked John she was exactly where she was supposed to be!

... why John gets a free pass. You would think that Tom's morals would force him to tell John's wife what a philanderer John is. He definitely should not get off scott-free, especially since he was the one who initiated the conflict in the first place.

4/5 for the odd behaviour of the main character

Damn she was acting like a whore from the get go. Then he practically raped her, even tho she was an instigator and willing. She did say "we have to stop. John, we must stop. Please stop."? Where the fuck did she think is was gunna lead? She's a damn Ding-Bat!!

Hubby really is an asshat!

Husband, you are one sick puppy. Get a life.

His Mean Streak. She should be counting her blessing's. I know guy's that would have Kicked John Boy's Ass and Jenny's as well. Considering what he is dealing with He's doing extremely well.

I can tell you from experience that forgiveness without MAJOR FUCKING CONCESSIONS and a loss of control from the cheating party only leads to them doing it again, this time with the added reason of not respecting you on top of the other selfish cheater reasons.

hilarious!

For the read.

A great 1st chapter

Please continue. You pushed all the right buttons. *****

The first part was written well but just before the second page something happens. You change back and forth from past tense to present tense. Everything is short sentences. It goes from being written well to being written horribly, so bad in fact that it becomes aggravating. Still not sure what score I'm going to give this but I hope it goes back to being written like the first part.

I'll give the benefit of the doubt and read the rest of this, but it's hard to imagine this guy being anything more than a passive/aggressive, sadistic little puke.

The story is somewhat reminiscent of my first marriage. Only Jenny isn't a habitual liar. She did say some of the same things, but ment none of them. Nothing changed and the marriage died. I assume that is not where you are going with this, so I will continue. I just hope it's finished. I've real so many incomplete storied here! It would be better if Literotica did not allow a story unless it was complete!

Started to read this when I remembered I'd already been here before -- still poor. It's slightly better than reading a machinery manual & about as exciting. It lacks life & depth, hell on 2nd thoughts, the manual is most probably more exciting & I might learn something. I gave it 2 ** 1st time but this time 1 * would be more appropriate.

Or more like was a player. With around 90% success with married women. I know absolutely there are men/women out there that would die before having sex with someone outside their relationship. I truly believe there is one of those for everyone and if it's important nobody should settle for less.

She can't live without him? She's so much in love with him? She will do anything for him because she loves him so so much? Then why does she betray him? Repeatedly. Why would she go in and meet him on multiple Saturdays kissing him and letting him suck on her titties. Why would she grab him by the dick? Why would she not slap him across the face after she repeatedly said stop while he was undressing her? Why would she allow him to fuck her for TEN minutes if she loved her husband oh so much? Story is good but not realistic. I still do enjoy your stories and hope you'll keep writing.

The Eagle From Skovlunde

I enjoyed chapter one. I'm in to continue the story.

I wish I could be so funny as the husband in this situation.

For someone who was soo in love with her husband it certainly did not take much for her to spread for another man, and of course if he pulls out before ejaculating everyone knows that it does not really count. Right?

anonjerry

...hopefully chapter two leads to appropriate retribution. 5 stars.thanx!

Loklie

However, it has a bump in the narration. Jenny arrives home and Tom is out in the yard working on the lawn. Then he comes in and they have a discussion. Next thing that occurs is they are driving home? Probably just a glitch in the rewrite.

Some some weird stuff

She cheated repeatedly and didn't own up to it.

How many times meeting and then kissing and cuddling etc

Cheating!

He starts out good with confrontation But has to tell his wife.

She is involved also.

Hate stories where protagonist doesn't tell as destroy a happy marriage!

If really happy wouldn't cheat!

"We at first just kissed and cuddled. I never let it go to far. "

I am pretty sure Tom thought kissing and cuddling was way past too far.

"I knew it was wrong and I swore I would never cheat on Tom."

I am also sure Tom would define much of what she did before having intercourse as cheating.

I am glad the story does address this.

Also, she was wondering how did it happen. Well... You take a platonic relationship, introduce flirting, then escalate to cuddling, kissing, and groping. Then sex comes next. Like magic!

Liking the story so far! Looking forward to seeing how the characters will develop.

I love this way of handling infidelity. But as many have said before me, once a cheat, always a cheat. It’s too late to take it back. Tom will always be married to a used woman. Unfortunately when a wife cheats, the husband has to do all the work to keep the marriage together

If the marriage was so happy why did his wife cheat. People who truly love each other simply don't cheat. In the story the husband is a bit of an asshole why didn't he confront his wife with the phone messages as any normal person would. Bringing John to the house was unrealistic probably why the author doesn't explain until afterwards how he managed to get him there. Don't think I like the story very much. There are a couple of typo's but nothing serious.

Very enjoyable, wish I would have thought of some of that stuff.

I disagree with "If really happy wouldn't cheat!". It is simplistic and, therefore, is obviously wrong. Any human can think of several exceptions to this rule including "I am so happy and secure in my marriage that I know that doing this with this person is okay." Taking marriage partner for granted? Maybe, maybe not. The most likely exception to this rule is a popular feature of LW stories: the entitled female. Since any one of us can be happy and feel entitled at the same time, we know that they are not mutually exclusive. For an entitled person, cheating may well be seen as an expansion of one's happiness. None of this, of course, addresses the effects on others in a relationship with the entitled one. However, we are speaking of the cheater and no one else. So there.

LWlurker

The problem for a man who was in love and then is cheated on is that every time he thinks about sex for the rest of his life he’ll picture his wife getting fucked by somebody else not him which unfortunately is a hardon killer for him. If he does have sex with his wife, he won’t be making love to her anymore he’ll only be fucking her like she did with that other guy. If at times he does want to fuck her and she’s not in the mood all he’ll think about is her not refusing that other guy for Sex which will piss him off even more. None of which makes for a happy life for the guy.

LOL- there were some parts of this story that made me laugh. For instance this sentence didn't make sense. "I needed the evidence of her dirty panties. What for? So what use are her dirty panties? One reader stated, "People who truly love each other, don't cheat." Want to bet?

This was a good story. Kind of humorous in its own way as well LOL

I know a lot of the more easily entertained among us really enjoy the husband torturing the wife with stupid questions, while acting like he’s oblivious to her pleas and attempts to save her marriage.

I enjoyed it as well the in first 10 stories that used this. Now, it’s just tired. I suppose it’s better for him to torture her verbally, than to bury her in the basement like some people on this site would enjoy.

It’s difficult for me to believe that a betrayed and angry husband would see a crisis as momentous as the destruction of his marriage as an opportunity to make jokes at his wife’s expense. I know he’s angry and rightly so, and acting out is understandable, but while it’s entertaining for the observer it isn’t helpful to the situation and it doesn’t ring true.

It’s fun to imagine yourself being as debonair as say, Cary Grant or David Niven, tossing off bon mots in such a stressful situation, but let me tell you that when the shit hits the fan all that clever crap goes out the window. You’re left with raw emotions and barely restrained tempers.

it was ok until the ultimatims came into play? now its alittle imuture formy tastes? you either get over a 10 minute fling or you can even get even if it makes you heal? but childish ultimatims isnt healing! its just childish and non productive! if you put them out your just prolonging a divorse,so get over it and move on???

0 stars - really bad idea for a story

Really? He should have just left her, the first part was good but this is spiraling downward

Bleh....

No innocent flirtation.! Only one male friend disagrees. Rest as me that it disrespects other spouse.

Cheating mentally and emotionally for how long?!

Good so far, but now is the time for him to stop playing cat and mouse. He likely has been told all the facts and now is the time for counseling or filing; he's the only person whose, right in the moment, matters. It has to be one he is, or will be, OK with as life goes foreward.

The way Tom's character is written is ridiculous. The lack of emotion and the methodical, matter of fact, persona is just so out of character for anyone facing a betrayal in their marriage. Sociopaths act this way. I have seen other authors write these robotic male characters and they seem to all end divorced. I'm sure this will as well.

Jenny fucked up, no doubts there. She realizes it and is suffering for it. She loves her husband, that is something we know. Tom's is somewhere else. It is a rarity that I root for the cheater, but I give Jenny the forgiveness tag in this one.

This could have been a really good story with a better leading man. Your skills are evident and you succeed at drawing the reader in making for a fun read.

Good story about regret and it’s my second teasing. I liked how the cheating unfolds and how the wife lets herself fall in lust and then fails to confess her betrayal. The husband isn’t realistic but I think the second chapter will bring out his pain. We still don’t have what he wants to do.

I'd been reading a lot of stories like this but this one's exceptionally well written and maintained the balance without any name calling. A 5 star...

Engrossing storytelling. You are a great writer. 5*

Tom asks at one point “What am I supposed to do now?” Well, let’s see, he could try listening. He is so hell bent on being sarcastic and torturing Jenny that he is not listening. This obviously is not a protracted affair, just a brief, impulsive fling. Bad, yes, but not horrible or sadistic, as in so many other LW stories. Tom has every right to be hurt, obviously. But as with most adult situations, there are degrees of wrong, degrees of damage, and degrees of loss. Jenny clearly needs to figure out what the hell happened that she would cave to John’s charms. Tom needs to decide if he loves her enough to work this through or simply end the marriage. But this rigid, self-righteous expression of his rage will only end in one way, the dissolution of his marriage.

… a cat playing with a mouse before he kills it. Really creepy, like a psychopathic serial killer with a rather low affect. You really nailed his character. Next we’ll find out he tortured neighborhood pets when he was a kid.

Disturbing. Well done.

Disagree with critics who feel he was just being cruel and sarcastic. He is deconstructing her. Abolished all the cliches. He is keeping her off balance. The idea is to shock her big time.

Typical cheating wife. The only reason it ended is because they got caught. The interloper didn't care about breaking up Tom's marriage.....it's only fare then that John's get's it too.

I doesn't make sense,it said she fucked the vice principal on Saturday. But he got up early the next morning to go to work, what offices are open on Sunday what schools are open on Sunday. Think McFly think

“Deconstructing her.” Right. That’s what I said. Deconstructing her, like a cat deconstructs a mouse.

*sigh* Dump the cheating slut and move on. Simple as that. You don't need a discussion. You don't need to rub it in their faces. You only need to file for divorce and get on with your life. You can't unfuck her. You can't ever fully trust her again. Fucking someone else as revenge or to "even the scales" won't fix it. The best that can come from it is finding someone that can be truly loyal to him, and her learning a lesson for the next guy in her life. Personally I would have put them through hell. But that's just me.

Why wouldn't he tell John's wife? That seems like something she would want to know.