All Comments on 'New Girl in Town Pt. 13'

Finally, for Jake! Glad you took care of the Patrick issue and allowed everyone to see his true self. His group needs to be found out. The double J’s and all their friends are awesome. I’ve read this series 4 times already. Enjoying the story. Looking forward to many more chapters.

Slow and steady is the way to go. Great chapter and can’t wait for more. 10 stars

When I was conversing with Aurora Incident, we broached the matter of ending this chapter with all the build up and leaving it with a flaked out Jessica and a still virgin Jake snuggled together in his bed. I guess he decided to let his fans off nthe hook this time. Great story writing as always, and I am glad to be of service as the sounding board for the ideas we have batted around. Some of our discussions even sparked ideas for me from which I wrote a short story of 3k words within about five hours. Just not one I am sure would get past the Lit moderators here. Even if I could get myself logged on.

Chapter 14 has already had some ideas thrashing, so is already under way, but it takes time to hone some of the details. I am so proud to be allowed to be part of it.

Devir Ginator

That was just so nice to read and enjoy. Looking forward to seeing the next chapter.

A very satisfying chapter. Everything is there. And cgz to J and J for finally taking that step.

Good story, good plot, wonderful characters. Thanks for the time you put in.

More more more now now now now more more more more now now now now more more more more now more more now now more more more more more more more now more now more now more now more more more more more

Love the story more please

Patrick can’t get even without burning the house with Jess and Jake inside. I expect an exceptionally cruel streak to appear once Yates benches him for the playoffs.

Really enjoyed this chapter, Patrick really got it. Love the witty dialogue and well-detailed scenes. You found the balance between too much and not enough detail on the setting. I would strongly encourage you to publish this story on other sites as well. Reading this story is awesome, but this site isn’t visited by the average joe who may also enjoy the story, Personally, I visited this website randomly, not necessarily looking for crazy steamy sex stories, but I’m definitely in the minority there. Reading this AMAZING story with actual plot points and not just “they fucked, the end.” on a site that is also promoting lesbian camgirls makes me think you could post this story elsewhere and gain a similar following. Just an idea to throw at you.

Great chapter! Will be waiting patiently for part 14! :)

I really liked your development of Jake and Jessica's first intercourse. I also strongly approve of their parents' attitudes. As a father and grandfather of an adult granddaughter, I think it is a good lesson for families facing these issues today.

I didn't have the internet available my first time, (color TV was still fairly new) and I know that our first experience together was not fun for my future wife because I didn't know what I was doing. However, fifty-some years later, we've learned a few tricks.

Thanks for sharing your time and talent and I hope there are many more chapters to come.

I am really enjoying the story, but your refusal to bring in a competent editor is hurting you. You have no idea how many things you are doing wrong, and there are many. I am not trying to be critical, but am offering a suggestion. It will help your score, readability and popularity to have someone correct the mistakes. You have excellent story telling skills!

Like others I appreciate the complexity of the story and this portion was especially lovely.

But as others have noted you need to spend time proofreading - terrible.

I give you a 5 - this is after all literotica - but you need to develop discipline if you are to become a writer.

I love your writing. I do agree with some of the commits about needing a editor/ proof reader. While the sex scenes are very well stages the overall story line is superb. Looking forward the this series continuing for a long time. That you again.

Only the NFL has a 2 minute warning; college and high school football do not have it.

Thanks for keeping the story going.I am looking foward to the next chapter

Turns out Patrick is not mentally okay

He can't figure out he's been defeated even if everyone at school is telling him to his face !!

Oh and, Seems like Jake's year is winding down

very good as usual, going to be a long 3 weeks. Hope Jake can last that long.

Thanks for a great series so far... amazing to think that such a well written story line is playing out here :)

Any ETA on part 14?

I hope patrick and jamie get written out soon. The story does well without them.

Although I enjoy the story, I think that Patrick has been a weak antagonist. Something will have to replace him for the story to be able to maintain tension or drama as the main characters are perhaps too perfect and no obstacles arise from them alone.

Hope all is going well. When can we see ch 14?

I enjoyed this chapter very much. But a few notes. High Schools do not play 16 game seasons. More like 9 or 10 games. Colleges don't just hand out cards. They have coaches contact players and coaches. Might need to update some things.

A few more details. Geometry and Trig are not classes in high school that top students take as seniors. Geometry was taken in 9th grade and Trig is 10th grade for the smarter kids.

Also a typical first grader doesn't need help getting into a car seat or buckled. That and other things almost make it like she is 3 or 4 years old instead of 6 years old.

Is this taking place in a suburban area? Small Town don't have planetariums. At least none that I have ever seen.

Overall a good story about high school. I would like it more if Jake was a little more assertive. It seems like he is not an equal partner in the relationship. I also think that including a lesbian relationship in the story serves no purpose other than to be politically correct.

Just my opinions. I'm sure that others would disagree.

Also it seems Jake is becoming less and less a part of the relationship. I get there are some people that go for the female is better than male thing, but I always have thought equal partnerships are best

I still haven't seen specifics of what Jess brings to the table in the relationship. In my days she would be called high maintenance. But as I said, some guys go for that kind of thing.

Totally lost me with your comments. My thought is that Jake and Jessica both bring out the best in each other, and are total partners in this developing relationship. If you yourself cannot see what Jessica brings to this relationship and see her as high maintenance, it would suggest an ongoing personal problem that is not with them.

She is on the pill and tested......he is a virgin yet she makes him wear a condom his first time.

On top of all her other drama and "strong" personality it seems Jake is in for a life under the thumb.

Awsesome ..on to ch 14

I can’t work out the criticism of a great story. Ignore the haters

Patrick is delusional...

Really good chapter, biggest villain far as I see is Coach Yates. Any decent coach would have kicked Jaime off the team for the hit, and if he starts Patrick in another game...! The football game was really well done, I thought, as was the final sex scene. Five star story (or more if there were more) all the way, even with the few minor misused words, but the word use/punctuation is getting much better as the story goes. Can't ask for more than that. Doesn't detract from the story, though. Simply outstanding.

Timing issue. On page 4 you said that their opponents were 4-12. Meaning that they play 17 game seasons in high school. Most state athletic associations schedule 8-10 game seasons in high school. Since high schools play one game a week, and the last game of the season in the story is the week after halloween, that would put the start of the season the 3rd Friday of July, or if there was a bye week, the 2nd Friday of July.

Like it, but it was pretty silly to tell a 1st grader sister was shacking up for the weekend. Just tell her sister is staying with Staci

Story central is correct we had a 14 game run to the state championship, after a few years they redid classification to get it to 13 games.

I'm so stoked that you have your very own Jessica! That makes me smile so freaking much. : )

Another good story continuation. The downfall of Patrick and our 18 years olds discovering sex can be pretty nice.

One thing though, Jake and Jess are in bed and he's putting on a condom? I thought with their talk with the mothers the girls were all on birth control? Or did I read it wrong or did they just want double protection. Still 5 stars

The author missed a good opportunity. In American football, there is a skill that Quarterbacks work on so they can be prepared when the situation comes up. It doesn't come up nearly every game, but when certain situations do arise, you want a QB who can stay calm under pressure. It's called, the "Two-Minute Drill".

Think of how perfectly that would have fit... "Hey Patrick, I see you've been working on the two-minute drill" or "Damn Patrick, I don't think I've ever seen anyone perform the two-minute drill as well as you!", etc...

A condom? Is this a sexual education class or a fantasy erotic story? FFS. Virgin + birth control/tested + fantasy story => only the most paranoid goody two shoes would use a condom. Where is the intimacy?

Patrick gets teased for lasting 2 minutes but Jake only lasted 2 minutes from the handjob which isn't as stimulating imo. Lol.

Just outstanding.

CORRECTION

"You're parents wanted us to tell you that you played a great half, Jake."

SHOULD BE

"YOUR parents wanted us to tell you that you played a great half, Jake."

Stupid to let the little sister know, Jake was just taking her to staci’s