by Britease
DNA tests on the kids immediately.
Really. Perfect in every way. Stunningly perfect.
5-stars
1 star, hopefully you disappear with this garbage cuck stuff you keep on posting.
5 stars favorite
I have extremely torturous endings. No mild wimpy endings extreme punishment
Four year olds don't know the days of the week like Lilly is supposed to.She might get one right occasionally,but she wouldn't be able to recognise every Tuesday in a row.
I feel like a guest who knows the guest whose new job and farewell were being celebrated. Once the hosts' baby girl published the news, the celebration was over. Involved family would stay for dealing and later healing; for the rest, the party was over. As I walk out to my ride I shake my head at the new picture revealed: a "faithful wife" who every week is another man's slut in her marital bed, and a "loving mother" who not only leaves her little ones on their own while she cheats with a man they call Uncle but who compels her children to keep this foul secret from their father.
I credit the writer's skill that I'm intrigued enough to want to see the blood on the floor, but why? When Jan shows up at the end and sees who's there and who isn't, she knows -- doesn't want to recognize it but knows that she's blown and that it's time for the pain.
More of a theme already used too many times. This writer would get more encouragement were he/she to be more original. One star for this cookie-cutter effort.
5***** all the way! I love a story where an innocent reveals layers of evil. Beneath this story is the fact that the mother made her kids complicit in her actions.
Great story. I'm not sure if this one is headed for divorce or reconciliation, but her reputation is ruined as far as her family and neighbors go. "Hello, let me introduce you to my daughter Jan the adulterous slut" - a great way for mom or dad to introduce her at public events... You can't call her a whore unless she accepts payment of some type.
The evil of teaching two preschool age kids to lie to their dad is hard to beat.
If you are going to write then maybe you should finish the story!!!
I've read a couple of your stories, and they're great. Great kids in this story though.
if you can't write a complete story, don't start one.
Either write a full story or don't bother.
I read to be told a story, not make up scenarios myself.
If you're not going to finish a story, headline that fact first, save a lot of wasted time, I don't want it left open-ended, feels like lazy writing
No more of your dtories for me, total waste of my time
I was working my way through your stories I just cant be arsed to continue reading anymore. Most of the stories I read so far dont have satisfactory endings and character conclusions. Maybe you have improved on stories after this but I am sorry to say I am done.
"I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids!"
If he involved the kids in lying to cover up his affairs
I imagine her coming back in the room all cheerful not knowing why the atmosphere went to attic cold. Hilarious
I'm wearing out these good old stories. Little kids are great ain't they.
No me gustan las historias sin desarrollo ni desenlace, aunque hay a quienes les encantan porque les permite imaginar como continuaría y hacerlo a su gusto.DQD
This could have been a good short story...but the author just couldn't finish it..........
I think you need another day or two to finish this one. Two in one day is not your Forte.
U would get better numbers if u would finish the stupid story for once, really just lame crap
If u need another five … how about respecting ur audience by putting some effort not to leave an unfinished story???
We. Retail h agree with another anonymous. If you want ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️, actually write a complete story with an actual ending!!!!!
Enough of this haphazard partial BS crap that you seem to rush to publish in a half a$$ manner with NO complete story and NO complete ending.
It ould be sooooo amazing and probably rewarding if you cut ally wrote a total complete story for yourself AND for your supposed reader fan club. We foolish believe that it is WE who you may be actually writing for - unless your holding up a mirror to your words????
This is so average and could be so good if you actually put in a bit more thought and effort….
Sorry, too short for a 5. You cant get any depth to a short short story. I never care for that whole 750 word thing.
Liked what was there but was too short & unfinished, thereby not getting a 5 in my book. I will, however, give it a 4, (almost a 3, because of the story line (despite the above mentioned items) & your writing. Hope you do a 2nd part.
4 Stars as I missed him kicking his wife to the curb . Ask My Ex what happened when I caught her and her Lover .
Well … I wanted to give it a five…I really tried my best to give it a five…but my fingers could only give it a zero. I would really need another complete story to keep going !
One of the tags for this is revenge? I’ve read it through a couple of times but still don’t eee any?
Did you forget the rest?
Anyone with the slightest writing talent could churn out ten of these a day. While the premise is a good one it's one of the laziest effort ever.
What was written was quite good, very good actually.
Then … it just stops in the middle of nowhere. Not good.
@Anonymous5 months ago
One of the tags for this is revenge? I’ve read it through a couple of times but still don’t see any?
Did you forget the rest *
*This is the part where you have to use your own imagination.
I love this set up. Seems so real and true to life. I would love to see where it goes from here. Why would a couple seeming so much in tune have issues? What lead to this tragic situation?
You sure do have an issue with endings. Finish your stories or stop writing. You suck at it!
There are basic rules in literature and creative writing. Some of them deal with the form and elements of good writing. Things such as into, exposition, character dev, conflict, resolution and maybe a few more. This writer seems to have serious issues with more than some of these….
As a short sharp hitting story, it Rates a five + from me, yes it could of had more fleshing out with a finer finish. Take no notice of th denigraters, maybe sit down n rewrite with more interesting detail and a harder hitting end.
One of the more interesting ways for an adulterous affair to be discovered... "from the mouths of babes..." !!
Yes, although it left us guessing what came next, 5 stars for a largely unique tale.
Why do so many people think it necessary to dot every I and cross every t?
I thought the story was just fine as written. Yes it could be turned into a full length novel, or any thing else in between, but that is up to the author.
Having a child blurt out the facts is an interesting twist, but no mother would have trusted her kids to say nothing even as they grew up.
Fine comic twist but I think it could be expanded to be a real situation with an unexpected reveal... and I'd like to see what happens next!!!
Why would they invite Mick's new boss and how did they know how to contact him.Also where is he staying,as he wouldn't be going back to Manchester that night?.
Not sure why you won't finish a story. Writing is great except being incomplete.
This is a reread and new rating of 5. The only possible thing that could have made it an even greater “out of the mouth of babes” moment would have been if Mary had noticed Mick was blonde with a resemblance to a certain precocious four year old girl….
I thought it was good. But, you left everyone hanging.. Are we as readers, suppose to fill in the rest? I like the part about the little girl telling about uncle Mick.