All Comments on 'No Way Honey: Jan'

This is really interesting but you have to keep going. Just a little more please.

Good start, ut you need to finish it.

You are a welcome addition to the cheating wives genre and while this is not a 100, it is more than a 75 and closer to the 100. This would be a fine start to a fully fleshed out tale that you or some other author writes. Thanks for your works and please don't give up. There is a group of bitter neanderthals here who always submit nasty comments that reflect the sorry state of their lives.

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Very good so far, please write more on this story and an ending would be nice. Your writing is good and this is a subject I like. From the words of kids is all I can think of. How many times a day does a situation like this come up.? Keep up the good work.

Just fine the way it is — let the reader imagine what comes next. Anyway, if you go to kick Jan out, the short story turns into a novella, if you let her stay, all of the misogynists call you a wimp! LOL! So let them eat cake.

There are always two schools of thought on this subject. One is that the story is sweet, short and done. The other folks , like me, want a little more meat to the story. Either way you do it, it's your story and it's up to you. Thanks a lot for a good read

Sure it calls for a continuation --but if you don't feel like writing it, just leave to the readers' imaginations. Better one that's too short than one that's long and dreary, or unconvincing.

Please Finish the story

In a way this story reminds me of many of JPB's stories. Some of his stories contained good ideas but upon reaching the conclusion the reader felt cheated because the ending left everything hanging in mid-air. No Way Honey: Jan is just such a story in that we are left to wonder why, how long and how often, whether there will be a divorce and so on. Nevertheless I really enjoyed the story and the author's idea of using a child as the tool to reveal the wife's adultery.

You are a fine writer!Please give us a resolution.

Really well put together....and you can go a whole bunch of different ways with it. Gives you a pretty good chuckle and wanting more.

Stavo

Out of the mouths of babes... Quite literally this time! As a purely selfish person I would love to read about what happens next.<P>

But it is almost unnecessary: Her protestations that it was "just sex." That she only loves him. That it "didn't mean anything." Haven't we heard them all before in Loving Wives tales ad infinitum? Would if somehow make a difference if we heard them again?<P>

No, this little comic-tragic tale is going to end up sadly. It appears that Mick will loose his new job, Janet, and perhaps the house. The husband has lost the trust he had in his wife and probably is an object of pity to all present. Lilly and Tommy are likely going to loose at least one parent to divorce. And Jan? Along with her lover (whose loss she was already taking rather hard) she also looses the respect of her family, friends and neighbors. Even if she does manage to hang onto her marriage do you think that the "magic connection" will remain? He knows now that she can lie, cheat, and smile at him all at the same time. <P>

A very sad terse little story. Thanks for sharing.

I had read your other stories and I can say with some conviction. Don't continue this story. Let it end as perfection. The husband has not been turned into a wimp yet, so leave it alone.

good story,all you had to do was take her over your knee and spank her ass.right in front of her parents.is every man in your country wife fucking others and the men are weak.a hole generation of weak men.ask iran.

I loved the bit where the kids mentioned Uncle Micks playtime.... made me cringe automatically!... lol

Hope you continue the story, but it's also fine as it is....

Nearly perfect. Guess why? Other readers ask for a sequel. Your story is good without doubt. But if you developed the individual characters of wife and hubby a tiny bit more then there would be no question for a sequel. The consequences for their marriage would be clear. Thats the only weak point of this story. Good reading. Keep on writing.

<p><b>Nucleus</b></p>

With this I'm satisfied.

There are so many possibilities but now we have

them all. If you complete the story it will be limited!

Thanks!

yes if you manage to write a followup with the same quality.

take your time, because this will be really difficult.

as it is.

Very Nice Work Author - Don't fall into chapter 2 unless some one has a gun to your head.<P>

This was quite good and the likelihood of it getting better only exists in those who would wallow in what they already know will happen.<P>

With High Regard

First, your set up and delivery were excellent, but you left it unfinished. My question, do you think that it is OK to STOP a story "in media res". I know that many fine stories have no ending, but that is because something compelling in the story (which is concluded) actually was the the primary point. So, you came up with a cute angle on the "How the Husband Found Out" quandry, but then you leave it. It was not enough so I felt I, a reader, was cheated. Thanks for the great 75% of a story.

No wonder it flowed effortlessly. No effort was required. You just wrote a beginning, introduced the crisis, and, like so many Lit.com writers, copped out.<P>

The sad thing is that you really believe you have done something creative. You obviously do not know the principles for writing a story or you would not have pretended that you had written a "tale". Perhaps you could call it a first chapter, or part 1 of x, but not a tale.<p>

You say that you are trying your best. If that is the case, you should either go to school to learn something about fiction writing, or you should become an accountant, or some such.<p>

Think before you write!!!

Succinct. liked it.

"Finish" only if you want to. The detractors will eventually learn that not all good stories have a beginning, a middle and an end like a high school essay or an episode of Magnum PI!

It works very well as a short story, with a nice twist that leaves you wanting more but satisfied at the same time. Another chapter would muddy the flow of the narrative and add nothing to the premise of the story.

Cheers, AngeloM

The story was great. It left you wanting more but a follow up will be difficult, but still doable, without more development of the first part.

But don't leave us hanging bro'. Very interesting story and I love forward to more chapters.

Sorry, I don't like half finished work...and I hate serial stories.

Two divorces a lost job and lots of hurt. Wife has blatent affair, continues on even thou children know, she has no remorse or love of friend or husband or children. Ending without this would be worse than no ending, husband has no marriage so time to move on and find out who's kids he is raising.

Almost wrote and submitted a story. Without an ending what you left us with was all foreplay, no action. You are so proud of writing two stories in one day, when it was one and a portion. Nice try, no cigar.

You had a good plot until you let it completely collapse on itself. I know some silly writers think this is cute but in reality it just pisses off the folks that take the time to real what you write. Of course you could keep this up and earn all those low scores. They are your stories but writers write so that others will read, write something worth reading!

please it would be nice to finish this story, there has to be a finish.

I asked my wife to go home with her parents for a few days and I would talk to her. The next day I contacted my lawyer explained that my wife had committed adultry with the children in the house and my children knew about it. That I wanted a divorce based on adultry and total custody of the children since the wife my her actions was an unfit mother. The lawyer advised we should contact the children protective agency and they would have counselors interview the children and they would prove the evidence we needed in court. Further I had placed a protective order against Uncle Mick as well as a suit for alienation of affection and the breakup of my marriage. No way that bitch would ever be near my or my children again.

I thought it was very original and I thought the ending was perfect. 10 out of 10 story.

but minus 75 for another unended story. You have too many inspirations that lack a proper resolution/confrontation. Lazy writing from a writer with talent and imagination.

just when one thinks no one notices, and they're getting away with it, surprise. simple plot that mimicks the real world

I don't understand why many readers need you to write more. I suggest the next time you post several possible outcomes and let the readers vote on their favorite. After a month you could post a follow up chapter with the results of the voting. As an example, for this story some possible outcomes could be:

1) Tattoo a giant red A on her forehead and make her wear a chastity belt

2) Toss her out and make her go live with her adulterous boyfriend

3) Let the husband forgive her and become her cuckold.

Boyd

It all ended here.

little girl was spilling the beans on unkle Mick. Whs he struck deaf, dumb and blind. He never said a word about all of this? I like most of your stories but this one no way Britease

I never got the appeal of leaving an open ended story. I see a couple readers think they have it all figured but really there is so little information about the characters that we lack any basis for making even a guess as to what will happen next. No mention as to how the couples viewed fidelity. Again, we can assume they are moralistic (by conservative standards) which would result in divorce but there is just too little to go on. For all we know, they all belonged to a swingers group that a had rule about meeting outside the Saturday night parties and that's what he and everyone was upset about. No, just too little information to be able to draw any conclusion. Anybody that thinks they can is just being too narrow minded to what they believe married people should act like. Your approach was very creative and I was even thinking that this was going to be a great story and then it ended. I better stop, my comment is threatening the word count of your story. This could have been a great story

The set up is the easy part. The adultery, etc is all cliche, because well it is cliche even in real life. It is the consequences, the build up, the emotions that make a story. This is a good outline or start for a story, but you simply posted it. Too easy...

the jan-mick secret was out, and jan walked ignorantly into the mess. i think mick-mary are history, with his resources reduced in any case; mick, the new job, maybe history wiht he revelkation; jan, living a different life apart with visitation rights to the children. consequences for tuesday play time for whatever time they played

FINISH IT AND I'LL FINISH RATING IT

You'll probably get another 50 to 100 when you finish the story, unless it's a total wimp disaster.

oh yes, "out of the mouth's of babe's!"

What possible sequel could there be without detracting from the original storyline? I see this story as much to do with adultery as with betrayal.

The irony of it is that Jan was ultimately betrayed by her children. What better revenge could you possibly need r want? I can almost see the innocent face of Lilly as she inadvertently sinks the knife deep into her mother’s back.

Here’s how I see it...Mick and Mary divorce...Mick loses his new job and ends up living as a homeless vagabond...Jan get kick out on her adulterous arse, grovelling for eternity to get back in the good book with her family...Hubby gets the kids and house and the respect of his in-laws.

Well done Britease lol

Not asking for sequel is an insult to your original. Great writing

The story was great. It seemed like I was one of the guests at the party and like the others didn't know what to do after the revelation. Like the others I would leave and wonder about will happen but will really never know. The story is finished. Good job. Jim

I've enjoyed a story I like to vote and leave a comment. In this case Fregen has said it all, probably better than I would have done. I commend his/her comment.

You took a lassez faire route to ending as well. Bleh! I could say more and say it better but I'm putting as much effort into the comment as you did the story .

Story is sounding good so far and like others here I also felt like I was in the room when the bomb shell dropped.

Well done!

spout words of wisdom and lore. TK U MLJ LV NV

I agree with Taz

No ending needed. (although those mysogenistic twats who want an ending involving serious nastiness to the wife would disagree) For those with a brain, the story is spot on

Been a good

The story needed more thought. I think you pushed it to hard. Should have stuck to one story that day.

I loved it. You want an ending? Here it is in short form:

Husband leaves Jan. Gets a divorce, custody of the kids and everything else.

Jan is broke,broken,alone and disowned by her family. Jobless too.

Mary divorces Mick, gets the house and seventy five percent of anything else. Also kids if they had any.

Mick's new boss Dave un-hires him and Mick is left alone and jobless.

In time the husband finds a new wife with two small children of her own.

And they all lived happily ever after.

You got your five stars!!!

the truth shall set you free. Or not. TK U MLJ LV NV

Brite I will give it a 5 because that was a unique way to inform the husband. I do wish however you would have put more of a finish on it.

It was good right up the JPB ending.

Please. I must know how the husband told her about the affair and how she tried to explain it off....

bothing worst than a writer who doesn't finish the story!!

FINISH THE DAMN STORY. But then it is finished. Lovely to leave something to the imagination.

A cruel way to end it.

The story is finished, so is jan.

you might as well finish it.

Too many people mistake a vignette with a full arc. I suggest people who think they need a full arc to enjoy a story tell me what is so facinating abou cleavage. Like a partial exposed bosom (begging Brit's bitty titty obsession) this teases, it hints, it grabs the interest at what the full breast...I mean story has to offer.

But, just as Brit prefers his breasts small, so too his stories.

It is sufficient to me to have a brief moment where I feel for the husband here. What exactly is your next move? Family and civility, not to mention big doses of that stiff upper lip, conflict with anger, rage, and the need for some payback.

Unlike the author, the man in question cannot just convieniently fade to black and must develop a response. So the appetite is wheted but the hunger remains.

So...what to do:

"Mum (Jan's mom)? Could you please take Jan upstairs and make certain realities plain to her. And help her put a few things in a bag for a couple days. Mom, Dad? Do you think you and Jan's Dad could give me a hand cleaning up? I'd like you to take the kids tonight if that's not too much bother. No...leave out the liqour. I think I'll put that away myself."

"Everyone else? Thank you for coming. I hope you enjoyed the floor show, but now we need to clear the theater for the second act. Thank you for coming. If any of you see Mick slithering around, please drop me a line and give him my regards."

You can fool some of the people most of the time....BUT????? TK U MLJ LV NV

definitely a good read with hubby clueless until the end.

Half story..........

BTW In the USA the children custody to husband is higher rate than in Europe and to make sex with lover in front of children a lost custody chance enough high..............

Unfinished stories, i prefer to read the authors version of how it ends rather then think up my own version.

Out of the mouth of babes!! That part was extra special. Caught cheating by your kids. Pretty funny.

However, like other posters I really don't like unfinished stories. At least the authors take on what happens next.

One of those tales you have to re-read once in a while. Cheaters caught by the young children, who have no clue what they've said. Hello divorce court.

HA

This story had obvious intent but it could've brought closure to the situation brought to light by Lilly. Mick playing with mommy sums it up. I guess the author put enough out there to give us a celebration completely sandbagged but a four year old's revelation. As I said, this author abandoned ship at the precipice of this volcanic eruption. Does this celebration lead two married couples to divorce court? Only the author knows for certain. Thank you for your effort!

Started well. And then...? You started out bragging about "two in one day" but at the end you said "don't ask me how it ends." Maybe you should have slept on it?

Because it was good, as far as it went, but PLEASE don't post unfinished stories.

I don't care how you care to present it, but that's just what it is, an unfinished story.

As another commenter said, sleep on it, and finish it!

This intro should have 'percolated' longer. The children's revelation made this all to easy for you. What further revelations would the cough up?

out of the mouth of babes. some request continuation, I understand that, but really, what is not revealed in front of friends and family? I loved it, as far as a story goes. in real life, that's another story, or a continuation. thank you

Finish the damn stories. Come one thats about six in a row unfinished. Why? Or do you like the way they end.

The rest of the story? Focus on the kids. If they realize their words split their parents up, what a load of guilt that puts on them. That's the #1 thing, protect the children. The divorce can be on hold for a while.

The story as written is hugely better than a blank page. Sure I'd like longer, I savor good writing.

Take what is given, dear readers

Chilley

And this is a good one! Late in, early out, one scene, small cast and a twist in the tale. (Sorry).

Enjoy it for what it is.

spout pearls of wisdom. TK U MLJ LV NV

... "If you don't like it, please just don't vote. I am trying my best you know. If you did like it, how about a five. I really need another 'h' to keep me going"

Honestly? Begging? If you don't like low scores for crappy stories, don't leave the scoring open. Or better yet, don't write crappy stories.

Reminds me of Art Linkletter's "Kids Say the Darndest Things".

i would like to know the rest of this one

This story was too good to end this way!

5* it is but really should have continued.

I enjoyed it. Why do some of these commenters complain? It's your story and you can write it the way you want. Thanks for sharing.

I love it.

One scene, max of four characters, plenty of dialogue and finishing right at the climax. For those who want more, there's not supposed to be anymore! It's a FLASH story.

out of the mouths of babes!

FTDS needs to finish this story. Hate these crapping endings. Lazy and amateurish.

Dumbfuck, finish it.

Great start to what could be a great story but I'd sure like to know how it finished.

You could have written a dozen more paragraphs, so we find out whether the husband has gonads .. or not ... since many of your 'heroes' are distinctly lacking testosterone.

...what a great intro to a story. Come on, Britease, you can go so many places with this. I know someday you'll hit a dry spot. When (and if) you do. please revisit this story.

I'm SURE the kidlettes have so much more to say.

Closet cucks want it finished!

Would be nice, out of the mouths of babes......lol. great start

Well told, I liked it. 5*