Norway

Then I slowly started to recall the dramatic events of the previous day: I remembered myself that I had tolerated the fruitless torture and following killing of an innocent civilian. No - it was even worse: it had been my insider information, which enabled Knut's capture. And it was my authority as a German officer that was supposed to ensure that no policeman would ask any questions about his murder. Knut had probably been already dead at this time - inside me grew the bad, bad feeling that it was all my fault.

I felt very uneasy. And there was another great disaster that I remembered - although these memories seemed just to be too horrific to be believable. Was it really true that I had left Alina? Had she really said that she don't love me? Had she really kissed Lena? Had I been really nothing more but a toy for her?

And how could she do that after all the intimacy that had been between us?

The idea that my emotions had been exploited in such a cold-blooded way, started to really piss me off.

But the more I thought about my ex-(?)girlfriend, the more my anger was replaced by desire for her. Maybe being her personal toy was the highest level of affection that an average guy like me could ever expect from such a gorgeous enchantress like her. And now I had even messed up this extraordinary chance. A chance that I might never have again in my life-time.

And hadn't Alina always told me about her plan to explore her bitchy side on me after all. So how on earth could I get pissed about her?

At least I felt any longer bound on my chastity vow that I had given her. Still it was all the time just her face that I pictured in my mind while I masturbated.

When I finally came, my first orgasm of the week didn't bring my any satisfaction. Instead I just felt inner emptiness. My unbroken desire to dream about her terrified me. Was I missing her already? I told myself to stay strong, as this feeling would probably be very short-termed. (At least I hoped so.)

So how would I survive this day? After all Alina would was still working for the office of my unit and I didn't know if I could handle her presence.

And then there would be Lance Corporal Goebel asking about the results of my "anti-partisan-mission" that was even accompanied by the war-correspondent Hans Meyer. Oh shit - Hans! I had totally forgotten him yesterday. Hadn't I told him to wait for us at Knut's house? Of course he would have went back home after waiting several hours and by now he would have given his mission-report to Commander Maerzen. Goebel would be more than happy to hear about the chaos of this mission. I wasn't sure if I was prepared to defend myself against his malicious presumptions and accusations.

No - not in my current mental condition! So I decided that I definitely shouldn't go into the office for a while!

Thanks to a bottle of Aquavit it was quite easy to convince the doctor of our military hospital to sign me off sick for four days.

I talked myself into believing, that these three days would be enough to overcome her allurement - but an inner voice told me that this assumption was utterly wrong.

[19/08/1940 ( Saturday ) - times of conciliation]

This day was the second day of my involuntary liberation from Alina's charm. How could such a day be better spend than by repairing the social collateral damages of this fatal affair?

With my last money I bought a bottle of Scotch to attempt a conciliation with Martin. It was the same label that Alina had emptied five days ago, so it should be perfect to calm down his anger on me.

Actually my apology and my present did not only calm him, but also motivated him to share a little conciliation-drink with me. The next hour was taken up with conversation - or to be more accurate: with an endless monologue about his theories about the further development of this war. I was confident that Germany would successfully invade England during the next weeks and that......bla-bla-bla.

At first I really tried to listen to his view of the world, but today I cant recall a single idea of it anymore. The reason was that I started dreaming about Alina again and how she was enjoying her young life. In my daydreams she was having a passionate time with Lena at this evening. The same evening that I was just wasting with ordinary (and boring!) people like Martin.

Suddenly Martin asked "So what do you think of that!".

"It's great!" I replied a little too fast as I didn't even knew what he was talking about.

Martin got suspicious: "You not really concentrated, are you?"

"Sorry - I'm just a little tired, I guess!"

"Are you sure? Or gets your mind distracted by thinking of a beautiful Norwegian girl? The Scandinavians have some quite gorgeous-looking daughters, don't they?"

"You're right!" I unwillingly agreed.

With a conspiratorial smile he digged deeper: "Is it still the knock-out that you had hidden in your room last week?"

Letting him talk about Alina as a 'knock-out' really annoyed me, but as I didn't want to offend him again, I just gave him a silent nod.

"Yeah! This woman was really hot - but a little too presumptuous for my taste. You better take care that you don't get roped into something serious! After all, we Germans are here to occupy, not to get occupied!"

"I'm afraid, your advice comes a little to late!" I responded in a sarcastic tone.

"So how bad is it?" he questioned slightly amused by the path this conversation was going.

"Let's say: it hadn't worked out well, but there's no way to get her out of my mind as she's working in the administration of my unit" I summarised the very simplified version of my current worries.

He nodded in pretended sympathy. I hated this look of false charity! Nobody one earth was capable to understand the distress I was suffering right now! But as a guy who was proud of his worldly wisdom, Martin still tried to argue with me: "Of course there is a way to get her out of your mind. You always have choices. You just have to accept the consequences of each one that you make. You can try to hide yourself for the next months or you can decide to go on and ask for a relocation to another unit."

"That's not much of a choice!"

Martin shrugged. "I didn't say they were great ones. Just that you had them."

I thought about his suggestions for a second, before I stood up: "Thanks for you help, buddy! I guess I've stolen enough of your time now!"

When I put on my uniform jacket to leave the room, I found Alina's Valkyrie-tag inside its pocket.

[to be continued]