All Comments on 'Not Meant'

Clearly however, English is not your first language. You need an editor to clean this text up for you, and to help you to learn how to structure your prose so that it's easier to understand, and smoother to read.

It's obvious that a fair bit of effort went into this offering, so the additional help of an editor could make this story very, very readable and all the more enjoyable. All the elements are there, they just need to be cleaned up and polished.

Do it. Get an editor. You won't regret it. I promise.

Good start I hope you continue with it.

What a bored. Details on useless info. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The story language is improving and hopefully, Gina and Vent will continue to try everything they desire. Will Gina tell him to take her from behind, deep with his huge cock ?? They have all kinds of things to try for the first time too. Exciting as they go all 1st times.

Yes, another chapter with some dialogue improvements - Thanks !

Cut chapter 2, it says nothing.

Nice start, get some editing help and extend the dialogue parts and you're set for success here.

4* to encourage better works and of course a part 2 to this tale!

Don't try so hard.

I really enjoyed this story so far. I thought it well written and the level of detail was just right. I hope there is more coming

I agree the grammar is a little hard to read at times but I got there. I hope you have some more parts to this story. I would love to read more of this developing love affair.

Oh yah fuck me daddy

It was kinda cringeworthy, really, who talks like these two? FUCK,....

the real problem is the inappropriate adjectives and adverbs. "Lucid back", etc. Kept stumbling over the nonsensical combinations. Agree with other points - get an editor who maybe keeps some of the nonstandard expressions (makes it sound more youthful) while eliminating the incongruous and inappropriate turns of phrase.

The thrust of the story is fine but it is obvious that English is not your first language. If you are going to continue to write in this language please first learn the rules of grammar and be sure you understand the meaning of the words used.

Read the work of others but do so with some caution as many writers in this genre are not much further advanced than you.

I would also suggest that you attend a creative writing class from which you might pick up a few clues about story continuity,

Although not original, your story is quite creative but you do need to polish your writing skills if you want your readers to include you in their Favourite Author folder.

Finally, I suggest that you find an editor and learn from the corrections they make. The secret is to improve your writing to the stage where an editor is no longer required.

Yes, you, the complainers. That was good for a non - native speaker, I wonder just how good you ignorant oiks are in his/her language? STFU unless you have something constructive to say.

Long. Not exactly well written.

Try writing yourselves you moaning ignorant critics !!

I cant write in another language but this writer has done a great job, well done.

Anyway its not about the grammer or spelling its about the story and how it comes accross, for one i enjoyed it immensely so please continue.

Ignore these ignoramus neanderthals who all have degrees in english lit and lat and still read literotica composed by amateurs!!

tender and romantic

I tend to read right past the grammar and spelling errors, just going for content.

It's not obvious that you are not a native English speaker since I have encountered many who I know were born in the USA who speak and write much worse. I'd rather educate than shame you.

Fixing grammar and spelling are easy. Even using wrong words is not a big problem. Putting together a story with good timing and flow are much harder.

Keep on writing, and find help with editing and constructive criticism.

Very real feelings and emotions. It is difficult to get past the guilt but much better to admit it than leave it all bottled up inside.

Rinse the stomach thoroughly and soak overnight in cold salted water.

Rinse the liver, heart, and tongue. In a large pot of boiling, salted water, cook these parts over medium heat for 2 hours. Remove and mince. Remove any gristle or skin and discard.

In a large bowl, combine the minced liver, heart, tongue, suet, onions, and toasted oats. Season with salt, pepper, and dried herbs. Moisten with some of the cooking water so the mixture binds. Remove the stomach from the cold salted water and fill 2/3 with the mixture. Sew or tie the stomach closed. Use a turning fork to pierce the stomach several times. This will prevent the haggis from bursting.

In a large pot of boiling water, gently place the filled stomach, being careful not to splash. Cook over high heat for 3 hours.

Keep it going. This story has legs and can be continued in several directions that align with the central plot.

Get an editor or at least a proofreader. Grammatical errors detract from a good story.

I enjoy this so far, though my guess English isn't your first language and you don't have a editor, but it is a great start.

I have always loved incest stories with romance. not a jack off story.

this story has fullfilled my expecttions.

thanks :)

1. Your plot and structure are good. You have a good sense for story-telling.

2. The pacing is good

3. The narrator's character is good (well-portrayed)---his emotions, his reactions to his sister, etc.

4. You've obviously tried very hard to use interesting language.

But:

1. The language is SOMETIMES so confused that I (and I'm an experienced reader and teacher) could not figure out your meaning.

2. The dialogue where they profess undying love for each other is just sappy. Over the top. Sounds like a (very) bad soap opera.

3. Gina was a bit harder to understand. I'll bet you're a guy (male) and don't really understand how women "tick." She sounds like a wet dream, not a real girl.

like a story about junior high girls...doesn't come close to high school were they both 13?

cute story.

I assume that English is not your first language. I suggest you find an editor for whom English IS his first language - the mistakes are minor but distracting (at least to me). When I began reading I noticed your mistakes, but gradually I began to smile at them. I can't speak any language except my native English. (I'm an American in that way), and I admire people who can/do speak in other languages.

But if you want to write well in a second language, you will probably learn much from an editor.