Officers and Men Ch. 01

On the desk next to mine were the signs of everything that had gone on over the weekend and Mick's dash to release one of his own. There was a mess of notes across his desk and on the scrap pad was written 'Mrs Pam Sargeant (MUM!)' and address and phone number, and a file number.

For some reason I took a picture of the note; I figured that I would need to be apologising pretty soon, and it would do no harm at all to know where I would have to go, with my cap in hand, and perhaps it would all be OK.

Who the fuck was I kidding, there were probably enough very senior officers that had heard about the 'Strumpet Major' incident and would like to have me out of the way because of what I knew about some inappropriate emails sent by a cabinet minister's son.

I drove home to an empty house, thank God. The last thing I wanted to do was to explain all this shit to my parents.

Dad would be all 'wait and see what happens' while Mum would throw in 'well perhaps it's time you left the army and settled down anyway'. Either way I decided to keep it to myself for the time being.

I made some tea, and went up to my old room and lay on my bed. I checked a whole mess of newspaper sites and was pleased that I wasn't on any of them yet. I tried to concentrate on my work but couldn't, and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up, to the rattle of keys in the front door and Dad's coming home ritual, something that I heard so rarely these days since his retirement. He spent a few days a week volunteering at the local college, teaching maths to adult students.

"Hey Lin, you up there Darling?"

"Yes Dad." He would have seen my car on the drive.

"Tea?" he shouted.

"Yes please."

Dad knew enough about what I did not to worry or ask questions about my comings and goings. It was hardly the stuff of a James Bond movie but I think my Dad was more sensitive to what I didn't say, where Mum just thought that while I could be heavily involved of matters of national and global security I'd always be her little girl that needed her advice on everything.

Dad brought me a cup of tea, and I continued to tap quietly into my laptop trying hard to not think too much about my entire career and 12 years of hard work flushed down the toilet because I tried to show off. I used my secure key to log into the network and typed in the file number that was written on the note. It was Corporal Sargeant's personnel file.

I tried not to look honestly I did.

Because of my position in the unit I had access to that sort of file and figured if someone asked me why I was looking up this man I'd dropped into the shit big style, I could always say I was looking up his home address so I could go and apologise.

And it started; I noted on the spreadsheet there was a press cutting. I went straight to that guessing that it was about the brave thing that he had done that David spoke of.

I stared at the screen in disbelief, just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, there he was, dressed in a khaki uniform at the funeral of one of his colleagues. Not only a colleague but a female colleague.

The headline was about a young soldier flown back from Afghanistan for the funeral of his girlfriend killed in a car accident. She was a dog handler and in training to start her deployment and weeks short of flying out to Helmand to join her boyfriend, a Lance corporal in The Welsh Guards, she had been killed by a mother of two texting her friend while driving.

Next to that was the citation for his distinguished conduct medal quoting that Lance Corporal Andrew Sargeant, 1st Battalion Welsh Guards, was part of a foot patrol on Sangin Province that came under effective enemy fire.

"Lance Corporal Sargeant took the initiative and deployed his section automatic weapon with such effectiveness he was able not only to supress enemy fire to allow his patrol to withdraw but stayed in contact to then enable the patrol to re-engage with the enemy and defeat them. Following this, and low on ammunition, as the patrol moved back to their pick up point, they again came under fire and Lance Corporal Sargeant, knowing his ammunition levels were low, advanced to contact and under his inspired show of leadership his patrol were able to overrun the enemy position, again defeating a numerically larger force."

Shit; a hero with a dead girlfriend. I was fucking sunk - the moment the press got a grip of this shit I was history, completely and utterly and I could imagine the 'slow news day' articles catching up with the bitch officer that had bullied some poor war hero, closely followed by the purchased emails about how she had shagged her way across the continent with another war hero and tried to blackmail him; Roger would finally have his revenge against me.

By the lunchtime of the second day at home I was exhausted and existing on nervous energy and hot tea. I had hardly slept and was now emotionally wrecked and beside myself and riddled with guilt. I was a nice person, a professional but I was totally floored that my stupid decision had all but ruined a soldier's life.

Not only had I imprisoned a completely innocent man, I may very well have ruined his chance of happiness with his chosen woman after losing his first one; the fact that he was making big eyes at me over a week ago completely passed me by.

I could stand it no longer and without a call from my Boss I dug out my mobile and looked at my hastily taken snapshot of Corporal Sargeant's home address and it was an hour away, just into the West Country. So on that damp, miserable Wednesday, I jumped in my car and headed South West, I would apologise to him and to his fiancée before it all hit the fan just so he'd know that I really meant it and not just doing it because of the press attention or the very senior officers telling me to.

After that I'd drive back to London, throw myself on my sword and hope to keep my head down so I didn't render myself completely unemployable.

I stopped for a coffee and a pee and became more and more nervous. I just could not get the image of a member of my corps in jail for almost three days, being treated like shit, hating every second of his incarceration and railing at the unfairness of it.

I felt tears come to my eyes; that was it, the whole thing was just so unfair, and my fault and I was about to pay the price.

The satnav built into my smartphone told me I was getting closer and closer to my goal, but I was still out in the country and the tiniest hamlet with no more than a dozen houses. As I stopped at the biggest house with, of all things, a white van with 'police' markings on the drive the female voice said, 'you have reached your destination' - it only needed 'and may God have mercy on your soul' to completely frame my mood.

I checked the house number, it had to be the one.

I took my phone and locked the car, and walked to the front door. I knocked, my heart in my mouth.

A jolly and quite tall lady came to the door and as she opened it I saw that she was holding a small child, I was no expert but I guessed about six months old.

"Mrs Sargeant?" I asked.

"Yes," she said guardedly.

I got my ID card out of my pocket, my fingers trembled the tiniest bit,

"I'm Captain Lin Major, from the Intelligence Corps HQ, is Andy at home?"

Far from the tilted nose and cold snapped response of the complaining family David had told me about, she smiled,

"He's out shopping with his sister, they won't be long," she looked at me and her head moved to one side. She smiled and narrowed her eyes, "come in and have a coffee while you wait, it's too cold to sit out here in your car."

"Thank you," I said, reverting back to a person I could hardly remember, "I'm rather afraid Andy won't be that pleased to see me."

"Don't worry Lin," she smiled genuinely and pulled the door open stepping back.

"So long as you're sure it's no trouble."

"Of course not, anyway I've just switched the coffee machine on." She stepped away indicating I should follow her direction along the corridor and closed the door. She looked at my worried face, "Don't worry honey, life's too short to worry about too much shit."

I tried to grin but it didn't come. True to her word the house did smell wonderfully of fresh coffee.

"So you must be 'Captain' Major then," she said. I could feel it coming and I nodded waiting for the abuse. She smiled and held out her hand, "I'm Pam, Andy's Mum, and up until ten years ago Sergeant Sargeant of Avon and Somerset Police; luckily I got promoted to Inspector, I only went for it 'cos I was sick of being Sergeant Sargeant. Don't you just hate names?" I opened my mouth a few times and tried to speak. "God knows why Andy took a bloody job with a rank structure, I did warn him about this shit. Sugar?"

She was pouring coffee into a large mug having placed the baby into a bouncy chair.

I smiled,

"One please."

"There, that's better!" she said grinning at my grin and spooned sugar into my cup. I couldn't help but smile at this nice lady and put a hand over my mouth. "Oh don't hide that lovely face of yours Darling!" She handed my cup across to me and it tasted quite wonderful.

I tended to be an instant coffee girl and other than the occasional latte when out with friends, of which I didn't have that many, this was a real treat.

"That's lovely," I said, "It's a treat to have real coffee."

"I'm the same as you honey, spent far too long drinking crap coffee at stupid times of the day, so once I retired I spent the money the shift gave me on this coffee machine." She turned and proudly patted the machine, a tiny version of those you find in all of the high street shops.

She smiled at me and paused, as if a thought had crossed her mind.

"Pull up a chair there sugar," she said indicating a high stool at the counter she was leaning against.

I had to say something, before I burst into tears.

"Pam, I'm really sorry for getting Andy into so much trouble, I..." I gulped back some emotion that been simmering for days now, "I'm going to apologise to him and to you, to you all," I thought about the fiancée.

"What?" Pam looked at me and tilted her head to one side.

"You made a complaint as well..."

"Not us Darling," she said with a grin, "That cowbag of an ex of his may very well have done, but not me sugar," she smiled. She looked at me, tilted her head to one side in the same way she had before with a hint of confusion then stepped towards me and pulled me into a hug. I felt my shoulders heave just the tiniest bit and she squeezed me tighter and rubbed my back, "Hey hey," she said hugging me, "It's OK, he's a big boy Darling, and it isn't the first time the army has done something mean to him or even coming home with a black eye. Don't worry Honey!" She gave me a final squeeze and stepped back her hand on my shoulders.

In a bouncy seat almost next to me on the counter was the cutest giggling baby girl bouncing happily and grinning at me. Even with tears in my eyes, I grinned back unable to do anything else and she screeched and clapped in delight, and as I laughed she laughed. I could see that my host was smiling and laughing as well.

"Lin, this is my precious granddaughter Laura!" Pam took her hands from my shoulders and turned to the baby.

On hearing her own name Laura chuckled and her bouncing increased, and Pam turned the seat so the baby was facing me. My experience with babies and small children was negligible but I put my cup down and covered my face and played 'Bee-bo', Laura reacting with delight again.

My host was sipping her coffee and smiling, not in any nasty way but just as a pleased grandparent watching someone taking pleasure in her greatest pleasure.

I stopped and drank my coffee and Laura quietened, and Pam asked if I was hungry,

"No," I said, "I'm fine, thank you." I tried to smile.

"I don't believe you," she said looking at me, "Police officer Darling," she said, "you get used to the look," she stood and pulled open the large fridge and started to unpack things from it, "and I get the feeling that since all this shit went down you haven't eaten enough to keep a rabbit alive."

She was right of course.

"Ham?" she said and I nodded. Within seconds there was a thick granary bread sandwich with wonderfully thick slices of ham, tomato and lettuce, and a generous pouring of mayonnaise.

Her house was lovely and warm against the March chill, and I was getting quite warm. Mum and Dad were both retired but still busy and the heating was rarely on during weekdays, so I slipped off the fleece that I wore almost constantly while at home.

Pam looked me up and down, I was dressed in a roll neck sweater that showed off my upper curves at least, she smiled and put the sandwich by my hand. I couldn't resist it and it tasted wonderful as I took my first bite, and my hostess was delighted.

"That's better!" She smiled and I couldn't help myself. I done years of training and had studied psychology and all kinds of questioning techniques but this woman just had the ability to strip away all of the defences that Captain Lin Major had built around herself leaving just Linette stood there, the embarrassed girl that had messed up.

I had a second coffee after my wonderful sandwich and it was getting into the afternoon, and Pam and I had become, well, friends I suppose. She told me about her career as a police Inspector, her husband Dave was still serving but in a civilian capacity. She had met Dave when he had first joined from the army and like everyone else ribbed 'Constable Sargeant' about his name. Three years later she had stepped out of the local church on his arm and she too was Constable Sargeant. Ten years on from that she became 'Sergeant Sargeant'. She shrugged her shoulders,

"Shit happens Darling - you pressing for promotion?" she giggled.

I giggled back,

"Yeah if I'm honest, not too struck on Major Major but let's face it these days it's as much about the pension as anything."

"Tell me about it," she sighed, "Dave had to work through 'til fifty five to make his worth having, he's a crime scene investigator these days now that he's retired hence the van out the front."

There was a slightly grumpy noise coming from my new friend Laura next to me, but Pam was already on it. "Would you give Laura her bottle for me Lin, I'll make more coffee." She handed me the standard bottle straight from a purpose built warmer.

"I... err..."

"Oh it's easy Darling," said Pam and lifted the tiny baby out of her bouncy chair and handed her across and placed her into the crook of my arm. Still way out of my depth I put the bottle on the worktop and tried one handed to take the plastic cover off. Pam watched and removed it for me so I raised the nipple and moved it towards Laura's mouth.

Fortunately for me Laura knew exactly what she was doing and opened her mouth and even went as far to put her tiny hands on the side of the bottle, her fingers touching mine and squeezing my index finger against it.

The first thing I noticed was the wonderful baby smell; I heard people talk of it but this was the very first time I'd encountered it and it was hypnotising, as was everything about this tiny person; her tight hold to my finger, her big blue eyes looking up at me, the quiet contented noises she made as she fed and the warmth of that tiny human being in my arms that figured that right now I was the centre of her world.

For the first time in my life I understood my Mum's desire to be around babies again.

Laura finished the bottle and Pam refilled my coffee cup by my elbow.

"The next bit takes a bit of practice," said Pam holding out her arms and taking the baby from me. She placed an muslin cloth across her shoulder and then began to both rub and pat Laura's back and before I knew it a loud belch of wind was released and I will confess myself surprised that this tiny human could make that much noise!

I had a sip of coffee and Pam had a large bag and was changing Laura before laying the contented kiddie back down in her seat, and we sat chatting sweetly about children. I was an only child, a career girl with no significant relationships in my past. To this day I'm still so amazed that I could let down my defences to this lovely lady I'd known for an hour and a half in not the most ideal circumstances.

Andy was one of twins, and Laura was his sister Katy's child and they were currently out shopping and due back any time.

"I'm not sure what I'm going to say," I said feeling quite sheepish again.

"Katy won't mind at all," she grinned, "Because of all this she has her twin brother home for the week of her wedding anniversary!"

"It's more about Andy," I said, my reason for being there coming home to me again.

"Are you sorry?"

"Yes, more than I can begin to say." I said keeping eye contact.

"Have you learned from your mistake?"

"Yes," I said.

"And you won't make that mistake again?"

"Definitely not."

"Then tell him that then honey," she grinned, placing a small cake on my now empty sandwich plate, "in fact you can tell him now, that's Katy's car that's just pulled on the drive." She must have read my body language, and put a hand on my shoulder, I was holding back tears, "Honey, if it helps, don't think about him as a corporal, think about him as a bloke. Just tell him sweetie, just apologise. If he's half the man I think he is, he'll tell you not to worry and buy you a beer."

'He'll buy you a beer...' - that simple sentence resonated with me, and far from the connotations of forgiveness, the concept of me and Corporal Sargeant in a bar together slapped me in the face. That was it, Corporal Sargeant was extremely attractive now I came to think back on it.

She picked the now sleeping baby out of its bouncy chair and headed next door. I heard her talking brightly to some people, and heard the words, 'a friend of Andy's from work in the kitchen', I'll make some tea once they've had a chance to have a chat'.

And there he was.

His fat lip and bruised cheek were fading nicely but he still looked as madly attractive as he had that Thursday morning when our fingers touched. Attractive? What was I thinking? This was the other ranks man I'd dropped in the shit and was pretty soon to follow him in if I wasn't careful.

"Good evening Mam," he said with the same gentle smile I'd had from him almost a week ago with that rumbly deep voice.

"Good err... evening Corp... err... Serg"

"It's my Mum's kitchen Mam," he said sensing my discomfort and lifting the half full coffee pot, "I think you'll get away with Andy."

"Sorry," I said. Looking down, then catching up with myself, "I mean... sorry for calling you..." I put my head in my hands, took a breath and looked up again. "Can I start this again?"

"Of course Mam," he said with that same gentle smile, and it wasn't making this any easier.

I was still sat on his Mum's kitchen stool, and swung it to face him,

"Andy, I am SO amazingly sorry for the world of crap I dropped you into, I can't even begin to apologise enough for everything, but I'll have a go."

"Go for it," he said, still smiling, with some mirth but in a nice way.

For the last two days I'd been thinking of what I would say to this man by way of apology, and here I was - and I couldn't think of a single word. I shrugged my shoulders feeling my eyes fill with unbidden tears.

"I have no excuse," I said shrugging my shoulders and staring at the floor, and seeing as I was baring my soul here I wiped away one stray tear and added "although I was due on..." with a faint laugh.

"Oh that'll do it Mam," he said.

"I'm sorry?"

"You were about to have the monthly monsters - some smartarse taking the piss? All you could do. I do have a sister Mam," he whispered to me conspiratorially.

I felt my eyes narrow, and looked across at him, and his rather cheeky smile.