On the Road Again Pt. 01

"I told you, Tim, they're only interested in getting our hands and mouths on them. They all think they're God's gift to womankind and we girls are lucky if they condescend to let us suck their cocks. All the while telling us they'll adore us forever. It makes me sick, and I hope you'll show me it can be otherwise. Let's get to Harlingen, get a room, and satisfy both our curiosities."

* * * * *

Tim was more than a little shocked at Jess's directness so he didn't answer yet, but thought to himself. So it's decision time. I couldn't shut up, so now I have to put up or get out of the game. Jess has gone all in and I can either fold or call her. I never expected to meet a woman with enough guts to just ask a guy to fuck her. No camouflage, no hedging, and no way to back out by saying she was misunderstood. Just straight ahead, "I want to fuck you so let's get on with it." It's tempting...but dangerous.

Well it's still about an hour to Harlingen. Maybe I can come up with some way to de-fang her before we get there. Why not just blow her off and forget it? Because I like this feeling in my crotch and the anticipation in my head. This mixture of terror and curiosity at the same time. I wonder which one going to win.

Meanwhile Jess was watching Tim frown, as he watched the road. She could see him all but squirm in his seat, and she almost felt sorry for him, but she really wanted to win this one. This was the first time she could remember since high school that she'd made the first move. She couldn't stand being turned down then, and she didn't want to be turned down now—not ever again. She damned her father for spoiling her time in high school, but she'd made up for that when she got to college.

When the silence got thick enough to cut she said, "I overdid it didn't I? I gave you an ultimatum and it isn't sitting well with you."

"Not an ultimatum exactly, but you didn't leave me much wiggle room, and I'll admit I'm conflicted. My pelvis is excited, but my brain is numb. I don't know how to respond to your invitation, and I don't know how to handle your directness on such a usually tiptoed around subject."

Jess came back with, "You've never had a woman proposition you before?"

"No, not that I know of, and certainly not in the way you have."

"Then let me give you a lesson in male-female social behavior. Just treat it like an invitation to dinner. If you're not hungry, just say so. If you don't trust my ability to cook, just say so. If you're afraid I'm going to poison you, just say so. If my tits are too small, or my legs are too short, or my ass isn't big enough, or I'm too fat, or you don't like to fuck, just say so; but if we don't talk, you're never going to get comfortable with the idea that a woman would so blatantly want to seduce you."

"Believe me Jess; I'll never get comfortable with that idea, no matter how much we talk. I think you'll have to admit that this is a little more important than an invitation to dinner."

"I don't see why it's more important Tim. You might be surprised at what a person can get used to. For example, right now I'm feeling invalidated, and wrestling with the fact that I have to talk you into taking me to bed, but I'll get over it."

"What do you mean Jess? What did I do to invalidate you?"

"It isn't what you did, it's what you didn't do Tim. I'm never the aggressor. I never have to ask, or usually even flirt. The guy I'm with stumbles all over himself trying to convince me that he's the only one capable of giving me a night full of pleasure, and that if I'll only let him grace my bed he'll be forever grateful, and worship me ever after.

"Of course the result, if I get sucked in, is usually very much different than that, and most of the time I'm left with a very bad taste in my mouth, and an absolute terror that I might end up having to see him again; but in the end, he's always the one that makes the move, and I'm the one that makes the choice."

"If it doesn't work Jess, why do you keep on caving in?"

"I get horny and hope springs eternal I guess. On occasion I've lucked out, but those never repeat. Back to you Tim; since you know your wife cheats on you why do you have a problem reciprocating? What keeps you from fucking every lonesome housewife in the neighborhood? I've been told they're plentiful."

"For several reasons, Jess. First, I've told you I'm old school, and I was taught that two wrongs don't make a right. I promised to be faithful when I repeated our wedding vows, and I try very hard not to break my word...admittedly something that gets harder and harder to do as time goes on."

"Second, if she hadn't been pregnant, I don't think she'd have married me at all, and I feel responsible for her need to sleep around. I must not be able to meet her needs or she wouldn't feel she has to go behind my back to get satisfied in someone else's bed. At least she's considerate enough not to rub my nose in it.

"Third and I guess the most important reason is that since I'm responsible for making her pregnant, and effectively removing any choice she had about what she could do with the rest of her life, I think I owe it to her to do everything I can to ensure her happiness. Wouldn't you agree Jess?"

"Are you telling me that a one night-stand with me that she doesn't even know about, is going to ruin her life?"

"Oh she'd know Jess. She'd see it all over me in an instant, and though it wouldn't ruin her life, it would certainly ruin our marriage. She's made that very clear over the years."

"I think you're making yourself pay way too much for one mistake you made twenty years ago. Can't you see you're being the martyr? Why not just divorce her and get on with your own life Tim?"

"Because for one thing I have three daughters that I love, and feel responsible for, and divorce would just be a selfish move that would devastate four lives for the sake of one. Not a good trade; besides, I signed on for life."

What the hell do I have to do to get this guy in bed with me? I can tell he wants to, but I don't know whether his reluctance is because of a lack of confidence or some prudish sense of honor. Dare I criticize his wife for being a slut? Go easy Jess...there's no rush. Just let him stew a bit and keep your mouth shut.

For once Jess took her own advice and just sat in her seat, looking expectantly at Tim.

Tim could tell that Jess wanted to comment on his last remark and that the longer the silence went on, the harder it would be for her not to talk, so it became something of a war of wills. Who's going to break the silence?

Two minutes. Five minutes. Ten minutes.

Jess broke first by shouting angrily, "God dammit Tim, what's wrong with me? Am I ugly? Do I smell bad? Is my hair too short; too long; the wrong color? What the hell is it Tim? I've been led to believe I'm a dick magnet, but right now I feel like I must be the wrong polarity for you and it's pissing me off. Are you just leading me on, or playing some sadistic game, or is this some insane way you seduce women? I've never been so subtly insulted in my life and I want to know what's going on! Why are you doing this to me?"

"Isn't that a bit of a turnaround? The fact that I haven't laid a hand on you is somehow abusing you? I think I'm a little bit confused here. Can you help me out, Jess?"

"Well when you put it that way Tim, it does seem sort of stupid, but it's the way I feel, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm used to getting my way, and I'm upset that I can't get you to admit that you want me."

"Oh, I want you Jess. I just don't think I can afford you."

"Now you're calling me a whore?"

"No Jess, you're not asking me to pay, far from it, but it seem society always collects; especially from those of us not as fortunate as you. If I slept with you, I couldn't buy my way out of a reputation as a cheating husband any more that I've been able to buy my way out of being made a cuckold by my best friend since high school, and all because I couldn't satisfy my wife's sexual needs."

"Hasn't your wife avoided a reputation as a cheating wife?"

"No Jess, if she wasn't a cheating wife I wouldn't be nearly as tempted as I am to take you up on your proposition. In fact, I most likely wouldn't even be here with you right now; the universe being what it is."

"What are you some kind of a mystic? The universe gets even with us for our misdeeds?"

"No, I just realize that the universe ... or something ... tends to even things up over time; even if spoiled rich kids and cuckold husbands don't want it that way."

"So now I'm a spoiled rich kid too?"

Tim didn't respond; he just let the silence work its magic again.

Finally Jess said softly, "I suppose I am just a spoiled rich kid, but does that make me evil, or stupid, or some even worse form of undesirable?"

"No Jess, it just means that you've may have never had the opportunity to learn that some things have a price other than money, and that wealth doesn't necessarily insulate you from those, as it does from the monetary cost of things, and that eventually you, or somebody, has to pay. Unfortunately those payments are often emotional, and sometimes very painful. Sometimes they're paid by people who don't deserve, and can't afford, to pay them.

"That's a part of my dilemma here Jess, I...oh never mind; one of my many bad habits is that I lecture too much. Just forget it and tell me what's going on in your head."

Jess was overwhelmed. Not just by what Tim said, but by what she was feeling. Sex had been nothing but a game to her; serious feelings hadn't entered in to it. The guys were just a challenge for her to tease and reject for the most part. The ones she'd gone further with were usually because they interested her physically or intellectually. She was mostly curious to see if their brains were a big as their cocks. Usually they weren't, and she was left disappointed, but she never felt emotional attraction to any of them, and never went back for seconds.

What to say now? Should I say what I'm thinking? I don't think so, since I'm thinking Tim may be what I wish my father had been all these years; someone I could respect and feel close to, but now I'm a loner, and I don't get emotionally involved with people. They can't break your heart if they're not close. They can't make you wish you'd never met them if you don't feel anything for them. So why do I feel something for this older man that picked me up on the side of the road? I'm afraid he's turning in to something more than just another challenge.

Well I have to say something.

"Tim, I may know more about those other costs than you think. Sometimes spoiled rich kids tend to be ignored by spoiled rich parents, or ignored by one and smothered by the other. You're right though, the pain can be intense. That's why I decided a long time ago I wasn't going to accept anything I couldn't pay for with money, because I have plenty of that, but that's all I have. I spent everything else foolishly and have nothing to show for it."

"How's that decision working out for you Jess? Has it made your life easier?"

"It worked fine until about an hour ago. I've been going about my business, being my rich, spoiled, bitchy self; doing anything I wanted. Mostly using everybody I came in contact with; I didn't need anything to justify what I did, except that it was what I wanted; even if it was just a whim. I didn't need anybody as badly as they needed me and that pretty much put me in charge."

"And now?" Tim asked.

"Now I'm beginning to wonder if there's more to life than satisfying every urge you might have. I was blessed with good physical attributes, and an above average mind, through no fault of my own. Those have made it possible for me to maneuver whatever male I want to, just because he was lusting after my body. I wonder if that makes me any more valuable, really. I didn't earn the money I spend. I haven't helped the sick and homeless. I didn't tutor poor kids at school. What I've done mostly is cock-tease a bunch of college jocks, and once in a while bed one. Should that entitle me to have this inflated, arrogant, ego I haul around?

"If you're right and the universe tends to even things up over time, I'm afraid I'm way past due for a really big smackin' around. I suspect the way I'm beginning to feel about you is only the beginning of my payback."

Tim didn't know how to respond to that. It was a major attitude turnaround for Jess if it was genuine, and if it was genuine, it left Tim with a dilemma. Since it was his rambling that prompted it, he couldn't very well just kiss her off now. It seemed to Tim on the one hand, that it was much too sudden a change of character, but on the other hand it just might be real.

"Did you just have an epiphany Jess?"

"I guess that's what you could call it. I always thought an epiphany was a religious experience but I guess that's not always the case, is it?"

"No," Tim said, "In my experience it isn't more often than it is. Would you like to talk about it?"

"I'm still trying to adjust to a major shift in reality. The truths I've known and used for years don't seem to be true anymore. That's going to take some time to digest, but it seems right, at least up front. The question is, what do you replace them with?"

Tim could see that she was going to need some time to chew on her new reality, so he just concentrated on driving and staying awake. Jess leaned her head back against the headrest, stared at the headliner, and grinned.

Ten minutes passed in silence then Jess chuckled to herself, raised her head, looked at Tim and said, "How much farther to a decent restaurant? I'm about to starve to death."

"If we go to Harlingen, it's about forty-five minutes. If you want to go on to SPI, that's about an hour longer and I'm not sure there's a restaurant there that's open this early in the morning."

"Harlingen's fine then Tim, but right now I need to stretch my legs and go to the bathroom."

"Can you make it a few more minutes? There's a rest stop coming up in just a few miles."

Jess said, "That's fine. I can wait." Then she continued with, "Can you forgive me for hollering at you a while ago? You're being a Good Samaritan and I'm making your life miserable for it. That's the kind of thing I need to stop doing. It's selfish, inconsiderate, and doesn't get me a thing except an ego trip."

Tim said, "I expect I had it coming, I usually do," as he pulled off for the rest stop.

Tim got his first good look at Jess when they entered the well-lighted building that was totally deserted at 4 A.M. He was certainly not disappointed. She was young, trim, firm, poised and as confident as he was timid. Just before she entered the ladies room she turned back and said to Tim, "Don't run off without me. I promise I'll behave.

Tim was waiting just outside the ladies room when Jess came out. She said, "Can we get some chips and drinks and sit at a picnic table for a few minutes? I need to stretch out."

"Sure. What would you like Jess?"

"A bag of Fritos and a diet Coke would be great."

"Ok, go on out and pick a table. I'll bring them out."

When Tim found her at the table, he put down her Coke and Fritos, and then sat down with his coffee and potato chips.

As they munched their chips, images kept appearing in Tim's mind of their own volition. Pictures of Jess without her halter, pictures of him gently kneading her tits and nipping her nipples. Pictures of him licking her clit, and her writhing with repeated orgasms. Fantasies he was sure weren't ever going to happen. Fantasies that aroused him to a level of intensity he hadn't experienced in years.

Jess saw the faraway look in his eyes and asked, "What are you thinking about Tim?"

After a long hesitation, Tim answered, "Things I wish I'd done, but wasn't able to do. Things I'd like to do now, but doubt I'll have the guts to."

"Things you couldn't do because you knocked up your wife and had to get married?"

"Yeah, that and I was always too timid to do anything that aggressive anyway. Then I developed this misplaced sense of honor; perhaps to make it easy to excuse the timidity."

"So how did you manage to knock up your wife with that attitude?"

"You're like Georgia in only one way Jess. You're both Alpha females. She led and I followed."

"So in truth it's her fault, not yours."

"I didn't have to follow, so it's still my fault. I didn't have to get her pregnant even if I did have sex with her. I could and should have used condoms, or backed out, or quit before I came. So it's still my responsibility."

"Tim! Grow up! Birth control is as much or more the woman's responsibility as the man's. How the hell are you supposed to know when her fertile time is, or whether she took her pills? My God Tim, there's always the morning after pill. How the hell can you assume total responsibility for her getting pregnant? That's just plain stupid."

"Jess, you need to remember it was a long time ago. The morning after pill didn't even exist back then, birth control pills weren't that easy for a high school girl to get either, and parents weren't nearly as understanding about unwed pregnancy and abortions as some of them are today."

"Tim, you're about the most naïve intellectual I've ever met. You haven't figured out that she trapped you? It's the oldest trick in the book. She gets you to knock her up, your honor makes you marry her, she gets a comfortable life, a family that I'm sure she loves, gets to fuck anybody she wants, whenever she wants, for the rest of her life with no penalty, and lives happily ever after. That's a win-win Disney fairy tale.

"For you it's a different story. You lose the chance for a college degree; you lose getting to sow your wild oats; you lose your dignity, pride and self-respect. She threatens to leave you if you stray and find out she may not be the best piece of ass in the world. I'll bet she makes you guilty for not fucking her often enough, or long enough, or with enough enthusiasm, so you won't even have the confidence to try another woman. For you it's lose-lose-lose-lose-lose. Does that sound like anywhere near a fair trade to you Tim?"

"No, not when you put it that way, but how could you know that's what she did Jess?"

"You said it Tim, because she's an Alpha female and so am I. Women have been trapping men one way or another for centuries. I sometimes think it must be genetic. We do it, you fall for it, babies get made, and the world goes on. Did I call it right?"

"I'm afraid you did Jess."

"So what do you want to do, open the trap or just keep suffering?"

"Jess, if she did what you said, I'm going to be very pissed off at her. It's one thing to cheat someone, but when you use their own integrity to manipulate them, that's worse than cheating, that's indefensible."

"I see your point Tim, but you know what they say, all's fair..."

"Hmm, if that's the rule that applies here, then let's go get a hotel room and start being fair."

Jess and Tim threw their trash in the refuse container, got in the car and headed for the highway. Tim wasn't sure he'd made the right decision, but he was going to have to live with it whether it was right or not. If he could come to believe that what Jess had said was right, then he could look forward to a new and perhaps happier life, but he'd have to confront Georgia about it. He still had to maintain what honor he could. Somehow taking on Georgia didn't seem nearly as terrifying as it would have yesterday.

* * * * *

Tim said to Jess as they merged onto the main road south, "You're looking thoughtful; talk to me."

"I was just deciding how I feel about winning you over. Should I regret that I convinced you to become a cheating husband, or just be happy to win the battle? Did I win or did Georgia's conniving selfishness convince you? My irresistible magnetism is supposed to overwhelm any male I desire, but in this case I'm wondering if I shouldn't be feeling guilty about convincing you to become a cheating husband."