All Comments on 'One True Master Ch. 03'

I have not rated this yet. It depends on the next chapter, If I was her I would be thinking that the "old ugly man" should be about to die from a heart attack, stroke or an unfortunate accident. Then time for revenge on the lying bastard who sold her.

Just had another thought, perhaps she can manipulate the old man to her best advantage. He must he wealthy to be able to afford a slave. THEN REVENGE.

She's never orgasmed or had her pussy licked; he never forbade her from cuming, yet she knows to ask for permission? She's standing in the hallway watching another girl get her ass reamed, fully dressed, and then her clothes simply melt away after having been caressed a bit by the captain?

I caught how you worked in the conflict of the virgin being an experienced cock sucker and the virgin getting off on domination, but it was AFTER the fact and it still didn't put her characterization in a consistent light.

You know the beauty of writing on a computer is that you can go back and edit, without having to erase and rewrite the whole thing all over again...? Editing is so easy to do. Your story would be so much better if you read it before publishing it!

You don't really know where you're going with this? That's disappointing. This chapter was sad. I was just beginning to like Drake, the master you alluded to intending to keep her for himself, solely for himself, and then completely out of the blue he sells her. Furthermore, she gets sold to an OLD, ugly, cruel asshole? Yeah, I don't get it, and it's disappointing that you have no idea where you're going with this.

The story feels rushed and choppy because the chapters are too short. Way too short.

This has the potential be a pretty good story. I assume that since you are telling the story in first person, that Danielle makes it through her current "adventures" and ends up in a better situation. I assume the old, ugly man is just an agent for her real master, right?

I agree with litreader i hope ugly man is just the pick up man. loving this story so far. i do think the chapters could be longer. its nice little fantasy.

This was a good story until chp 3

You can't have ugly old man take her virginity !! Its in the story law book !! Give her back to Drake right now !

The first two chapters were good but it seems you lost your focus (or did not know which direction you wanted to take your story to) so chapter 3 was a little bit of a mess. Whatever you do don't give her an ugly old guy. Spearish is right. Give her back to Drake.

I agree with all the comments already mentioned. Great first 2 chapters very disappointing ending. Hopefully you will take some of the previous suggestions to heart. Please continue the story and take us out of our misery.

Great story so far, but the end of this chapter sucks. You have to give her back to Drake! Please continue the story.

This is a pretty erotic story as far as the plot goes, but a lot of the writing was taken straight from Fifty Shades of Grey. I am quite ashamed that I read it, and on my top worst books I put it below Twilight. Anyways, 'You continue to amaze me,' 'I blushed profusely, turning a very pretty shade of red I'm sure,' and the scene with the grapes is the same as the scene with the ice cream (I think) in Fifty Shades of Grey. In the future, please try not to take snippets of the aforementioned 'novel' to your story. Besides that, great! I'm looking forward to more chapters!