All Comments on 'Our First Playmate'

These stories really piss off the B.T.B group so keep them coming.The comments are great to read.

It’s your first story and you made all the mistakes first timers usually make—and the readers of LW, as always, show no mercy; nor do they try to help by offering constructive criticism. With your permission, I try to offer a few pointers that might help.

#1 Read every article you can that’s posted in writer’s resources here on Lit.

#2 Don’t neglect using dialogue, it really adds to your story and you missed a lot of golden opportunities in this one. How about something like this in the second and third paragraph?

“Well, Ronda and I were just talking about you, and we think we should get to know each other better. Not only that, but she has just bought a few new outfits and she’s dying for a chance to show them off.”

“Yeah?” The expression on Mikes face tells me he’s intrigued. “Let me grab a shower and I’ll be right over.”

Walking back to my door, I yell to Ronda, “He’s coming soon as he showers. Why don’t you just come out in nothing but a towel and ask him which new outfit he wants you to put on….”

#3 Proofread, proofread, proofread. Try printing the story and proof from the written page; you’ll be surprised what you find.

#4 Don’t give up—if you enjoy writing, keep doing it if you are the only one who likes it. Believe me, you won’t be.

Poorly written. I have no problem with bisexual activities or wife sharing, but the grammar and writing style cost you points.