Pam's Pain

Beside me sat James, the man I had met only a few hours ago but who, if everything went to plan, was about to become my first ever extra-marital lover.

If everything went to plan.

To be fair, it had all gone very well so far, ever since my parents had come round to babysit the kids and stay overnight 'so we need't worry about the time'.

I had spent well over an hour getting ready. At Paul's insistence I had dressed sexily just in case I decided we should go to bed with our new friends so had worn my very best white silk lingerie, a sleeveless white designer top and a red pleated skirt so short that it would have been embarrassing on a teenager even without the four inch black patent heels on my feet.

My long dark brown hair had been allowed to curl and I had used rather more make-up than usual. I looked as sexy as I could look but was very conscious of being a forty-year old housewife and mother of two.

I hoped it would be sexy enough. At least my husband seemed very happy with the effect.

The journey to the rather impressive resort had been fast and smooth. Paul had driven carefully, his eyes flashing repeatedly to his left to look at my overly-exposed bare legs. He looked very good himself in an open necked shirt, chinos and brown leather ankle boots so I was feeling as confident as I could feel when we entered the resort's high class restaurant to meet our 'dates' for the evening.

Dinner in the restaurant had been excellent. I had enjoyed the meal despite my nerves, partly helped by three large glasses of New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and in the relaxed atmosphere I had been able to consider our potential partners.

A full ten years older than us, our new friends were as good looking in real life as their pictures suggested but on top of that were relaxed, easy company. The conversation had been wide-ranging and flowed as if we were all there for normal, perfectly innocent reasons. I had to keep reminding myself that our objectives were anything but innocent but still I had definitely started to relax.

From all I learned over dinner, my intended partner for the evening was everything a first lover should be. Dressed in slim fitting jeans and a designer shirt, James was tall, dark, handsome, caring, charming and, his wife frequently assured me quietly, very well-endowed indeed.

The pressures of being a Senior Partner in a successful London legal practice made frequent de-stressing breaks to the coast a necessity, but also provided the funds to make such trips possible. They had bought the chalet three years before as a get-away and a private place to meet their special friends, like they hoped we would soon be.

I have to confess that I found him very attractive both physically and intellectually.

Nicky, his wife was as unlike me as you could imagine. At least six inches shorter, dyed blonde and with a body considerably curvier than my skinny frame she gave the impression of being something of a bimbo until you heard the educated accent in which she spoke and the bright sophistication of her conversation.

As predicted, she had simply enormous boobs which she assured me were natural but which were barely contained by her tight-fitting, low-cut dress. Paul seemed to direct most of his conversation to her breasts throughout the evening; something that did not go un-noticed by her husband or by me.

The contrast between her sexy body and her bright intellect was so extraordinary that I suspected she had adopted the bimbo look especially for our benefit or perhaps as an alter-ego personality she affected for 'wife swapping' evenings.

Over dinner we learned that the two of them had started swinging almost by accident ten years earlier when, after a late evening with friends in which too much alcohol had been consumed, they had all been too drunk to drive and had been obliged to stay the night.

During that night the two husbands had somehow managed to 'stray' into the wrong bedrooms - apparently truly by accident at first - but a night of energetic, illicit sex had followed in both beds.

The following morning had been difficult and embarrassing but once the first recriminations were over, they had both confessed that they had really enjoyed the experience and, as long as it represented no risk to their marriage, would both like to try it again.

After considerable online research they had nervously visited a swinging club and enjoyed their first evening there. Further visits had followed along with weekends away involving clubs in other parts of the country.

Discretion was always the most important aspect of anything they did. This helped reassure me further and when added to the uncharacteristically large amount of wine I had drunk, ensured that I put up only token resistance when James had suggested we adjourned to their chalet after dinner 'to relax'.

The look of delight on my husband's face was both heart-warming and disturbing but initially I felt quite confident when James took my hand as we walked across the car park and down the long, low-lit path to their secluded chalet. Paul and Nicky were walking ahead, arm in arm as friends might but there was a definite sexual element to their body language.

The lounge was candle-lit when we entered and a bottle of champagne stood in a cooler on the table. James poured four glasses and passed them round.

"New friends!" he proposed as a toast.

Already feeling a little tipsy, I barely sipped mine but it was soon clear that this toast was intended to be a signal that we should all retire to the bedrooms.

Paul took the hint instantly. Nicky took his offered hand and led him to the door furthest from where we were standing. They were giggling and tickling each other as they crossed the room but before the door closed behind them, my husband looked back at me.

"Are you okay?" he mouthed silently.

I gulped, my tummy alive with butterflies then nodded slowly.

"Good luck!" he mouthed in reply then turned towards the open door and the curvy blonde waiting within.

"I love you..." I began to mouth but he had gone.

There was a short silence then I felt James' soft, smooth hand on my arm and his even softer, smoother voice at my ear.

"Would you care to join me Pam?"

I stared in disbelief at the closed door through which my husband had passed. It was really happening! Paul had actually left me to go and commit adultery for what I believed was the first time, leaving me to do the same.

When we next saw each other we would both have cheated.

"Pam? Are you okay?"

"Y... Yes," I stammered.

"Just relax," the smooth voice purred. "It's your evening."

Stunned, I allowed James to take my hand and lead me slowly through the nearest door and into the candle-lit glow of the large bedroom beyond.

My heart thumped; this was the bedroom in which I was to cheat on my husband for the first time; the place I was to become a fallen woman; an unfaithful wife; a swinger.

My doubts and insecurities rushed in on me.

Knowing that my husband Paul was next door with James' flirty, sexy wife Nicky having his own, supposedly first-ever evening of infidelity should have reassured me. But it didn't. Instead I suddenly became aware that it hadn't been my idea to do this; that it was Paul who had wanted it and had talked me into it.

It was Paul who had convinced me that we deserved a bit of fun; that we needed the refreshment to our sex lines that only another partner would bring; that it would give us both a chance to really be ourselves, to try all those things we had only been able to fantasise about before.

It was Paul who had persuaded me that there was no reason not to open my mind - and my legs - to the alternative lifestyles we had only imagined in our fantasies before.

I kept telling myself that it wasn't as if I wouldn't get any pleasure from the evening, was it? After all, I was as free to let go of my inhibitions as my husband was. It was safe; they were friendly, sensitive, clean and experienced swingers; the perfect partners for first-timers like us.

I loved my husband dearly; this was what my husband wanted and had wanted for many years.

And I was brought up to believe that a good wife always gives her husband what he wants.

Well, doesn't she?

"It's okay to be nervous your first time, Pam," James' voice was soft and low, his hand lightly resting on my trembling fingers in my lap. "We'll take it at your pace. Just tell me what you like - and if there's anything you don't like."

He left the words hanging in the air. I couldn't raise my eyes to meet his but I could tell he was studying me carefully, assessing my body as he had done over dinner.

In my insecurity, I wondered if he was comparing it to that of his wife next door, wondering whether he had got the better half of the deal. I wondered whether my own husband was assessing his new partner in the same way.

Tall for a woman and angular in build, I knew my body wasn't every man's idea of perfection. Although slim to the point of being bony and with the kind of skinny figure that woman claim to admire, I was very much aware that I lacked the kind of bottom most men seemed to lust over and was afraid he would find my almost total lack of boobs unattractive.

I felt insecure and anxious, especially when I remembered what kind of body he was used to. Nicky had curves in all the right places and had filled her short, dark-blue, tight-fitting sleeveless dress to perfection. Her blonde hair had been expertly styled and at little more than five feet tall, she made me feel like a giant in my high heels.

In my mind, I already felt my husband had made a better bargain than the man whose eyes were undressing me now but, I told myself, ever since we had met, James had seemed pleased with the prospect of bedding me.

I felt him settle gently on the edge of the mattress next to me and rest his hand gently on my knee. I shivered slightly.

"Relax Pam," he whispered, his voice smooth and seductive like warm syrup. "Tonight is for you. It's your first time; don't worry about making me happy at all. All I want is to make you feel good, okay?"

I nodded, still unable to look him in the eye.

"That's better," he smiled. "Now tell me, what do you like?"

I wasn't ready for the question and felt unable to reply. But silence wasn't acceptable.

"I... I don't know," I mumbled, my voice trembling.

"Come on," he teased, his voice still soft and reassuring. "There must be something that excites you; something that turns you on. Maybe something you've always wanted to try but haven't dared ask you husband."

I didn't reply. I just kept wringing my hands in a childish way that made me even angrier with myself.

"I can be anything you want," James' soothing voice continued. "Anything at all. I can be gentle, very gentle, rough, very rough or anything in between; whatever you prefer."

His smooth voice was working; my anxiety was beginning to moderate as he continued.

"We can spend a long time on foreplay if it's what you enjoy, or no time at all. It's up to you. We don't even need to have full sex if you don't want to."

He sounded open and genuine. He was certainly attractive and seductive. I looked up at him, trying to decide whether I really could go through with it.

I had gone to dinner knowing that being alone with James might happen - would probably happen - but now that reality had arrived and I was in the room with a strange man, all my previous confidence seemed to have melted away.

"Do you mean that?" I eventually asked, sounding like a teenager. "You'll only do what I'm comfortable with?"

"Of course. Tonight's your first night; it's all for you. I mean it. And if you want to stop at any time, you just have to say so and we'll stop."

"And you won't be disappointed?"

"I didn't say that," he laughed in a self-deprecating way that made him seem even more attractive. "I'll be very disappointed indeed Pam. You're a stunningly attractive woman and I'm very much looking forward to us enjoying each other's bodies but if you feel otherwise, I promise I will stop whenever you want."

Again both his words and his whole demeanour were making me trust him. I began to feel more reassured. Perhaps my inexperience wouldn't matter; perhaps I could go through with it. After all, Paul had been very serious; he had said he wanted me to enjoy myself too.

But dare I share my inner fantasies with this stranger? Or might it be easier to express them to a stranger than to my husband?

"So what's your secret, Pam? Now's the time to try something new; to be someone new; to try something you've always wanted to try but can't or don't want to do with your husband?"

Perhaps he was right. Perhaps if I imagined myself as someone else; a different, bolder, more adventurous Pam with more exotic tastes than the wife and mother I had been until then; perhaps then I would be able to go through with the evening's plans after all.

"That's what swinging is all about" he added. "Freedom! Freedom from constraint; freedom from guilt; freedom to be who you want to be."

The idea was certainly appealing. And if my husband really wanted me to do it, perhaps it wouldn't feel like cheating. He was certainly planning to cheat on me, I had to remember that!

But what did I want?

Then it came to me; the thing I'd often imagined but had never felt able to ask for. It might even help me overcome my hesitance; if James was the right man to play the game.

"Perhaps..." I began then stopped.

"Aha! You've had an idea. There is something you'd like to try," James smiled, genuinely pleased. "Tell me!"

I looked into his handsome face, took a deep breath and replied:

"Perhaps it's having to make a decision that's making me anxious. Perhaps if you... if you took control instead; if you dominated me. Perhaps if you tell me what to do; make it feel like I don't have a choice other than to obey you; that I have to do what you want. Maybe that way I'd be able to relax."

"And maybe you won't feel like you're deliberately cheating on Paul?" James asked. "If you feel guilty tomorrow you might be able to persuade yourself that you were made to do it?"

"I suppose so," I replied truthfully.

James' face beamed in delight.

"Well, that's normal too Pam, believe me. We both felt the same at first. Of course I can take control, but you'll have to be clear how much... persuasion you want," he added a little seriously.

"I... I'm not sure," I replied. "I don't know... I've never... tried anything like it before."

"Well," he continued reassuringly. "Do you want to be just bossed about or would you like to try a little bondage? A little pain too perhaps? It's your night. Just tell me what you want."

My voice was trembling so much that I could barely hear myself. Paul and I had tried bondage and I had liked it; I had liked pain too - liked it a lot if truth be told; the idea of experiencing a little pain again was really arousing.

But how much did he mean by 'a little'?

"Maybe if you... hurt me just a little bit too?"

"Okay," he smiled. "But you'll have to let me know what 'a little bit' means."

This helped me relax too; James clearly expected me to be uncertain and nervous and was helping settle my nerves.

"Um," I began hesitatingly. "Sometimes Paul squeezes my nipples really hard and it just sends me through the roof."

"I can imagine," he grinned, pleased. "And does he hurt you in other places too?" he asked. "Or do you wish he would?"

I blushed bright pink.

"I've always wanted to be hurt a bit... down there," I said, the last words almost disappearing with my embarrassment. "Sometimes when Paul's a bit rough with his hands he pinches me down there and it hurts. That sometimes feels good too; really good."

"Okay," he said. "Do you feel you'd like to shout and scream too? Really let yourself go? All the chalets around us are empty; no-one will hear anything."

"Yes," I confessed. "I do get a bit noisy - but I don't want to be badly hurt!" I added, embarrassed and anxious.

James smiled again.

"That won't happen, Pam. Do you know what a 'Safe Word' is?"

I nodded.

"I think so."

"Well for tonight the safe word is 'London'. If it really gets too much, if you really want me to stop, you just say or call out that word I'll know I've got to end it. Otherwise..."

I looked into his smiling face in anticipation.

"Otherwise once we start we won't stop until it's over."

It was my last chance to back out. My tummy was churning with butterflies; my powerful desire to escape was fighting against even more powerful feelings of excitement, curiosity and, let's be honest, pure lust.

Then I remembered the look on my husband's face as he had entered the room next door with Nicky. Paul would be having no misgivings. Paul would not be leaving that room with his fidelity intact. Even if I did escape, there could be no going back to the life we had before.

Either I returned home a sad wife with a cheating husband or we returned together as a couple who loved each other but enjoyed a little swinging.

"Okay," I said almost inaudibly.

"That's wonderful. You won't regret it, I promise."

I could hear the metaphorical door to fidelity slowly but firmly closing behind me. But as that door closed, another door opened. Behind me, my soon-to-be lover James rose to his feet and backed away a little. When he spoke, his voice was harder, harsher.

"Very well; stand up please Pam!"

The sudden change in his demeanour took me by surprise. Had we started already?

"I said, stand up!"

It was a command not a request. We had indeed started! Taken a little aback, I did as he had ordered, rising nervously to my feet beside the bed.

"Stand up straight and move a little closer!"

The was something about his voice that even this early on, made me want to obey. I pulled my shoulders back and shuffled forward until I was only a few feet away from him. I tried to look him in the eyes but couldn't hold his gaze so lowered my head to stare at the floor in front of his feet instead.

There was silence; I could feel those eyes burning into me, running up and down my body, inspecting me; assessing me.

"Take off your clothes."

The order was harshly spoken; its brusqueness took me by surprise.

"Take them off. Slowly and sexily!"

I could feel my knees trembling and for a moment even contemplated running to the door to make my escape. James must have seen my eyes flash towards its handle because he barked out quickly.

"Do it, Pam!"

Automatically, my hands went shakily to the bottom of my sleeveless top and rasied it slightly. My tummy button had just become visible when I heard it.

"Oh yes!"

A muffled high-pitched female voice was coming through the thin wall from the bedroom next door. James' eyes flashed towards the sound before returning to stare at me.

My tummy churned; the exclamation could only have come from Nicky and whatever was arousing her could only have been done by one person; my husband!

The realisation that it really was too late to go back struck me full in the face. Whatever did or did not happen in this room between me and James was now irrelevant; my husband - the man I had married and for whom I had borne two children - had already taken the crucial step and was now actually cheating on me in that room, at that moment with that woman.

Even if I did nothing more, our marriage could never be the same again. My husband was being unfaithful only yards away from me.

I felt sick; I felt sad, I felt angry.

Suddenly I felt determined too!

In a moment I had drawn my tight top up over my head and thrown it on the floor leaving me in my bra and tiny skirt. I stood stock still, trembling with fear and anger as the moaning from the next room continued.