All Comments on 'Passion in Paradise'

...."Even though we were fucking other people, we were in fact fucking each other."" Ha ha ha! Seems you are a naive woolgatherer!!!

This was nearly good, but so many mistakes. The basic story was solid, but confused. You keep switching from first to third person narrative and parts of it make no sense at all.

Get an editor!

And learn the difference between 'lay' and 'lie'. You get it wrong every single time!

1*

It will cover the divorce and subsequent bankruptcy, both financial and moral...it was obvious that Serena was more than ready to get rid of the fool she came with a d he was too dumb to realize that.

I felt as though I was on vacation with you, and I thank you for that. You did an excellent job describing this sexy adventure, although I wish you had included a bit more dialog, especially between Bear and his wife. It seemed that they slipped into the swinging mindset a little too easily. Tom and Tammy were a little too aggressive as well, but it served to advance the story.

You’ll notice that many readers here are miserable human beings who can only enjoy fictional erotic stories by sharing their misery and tacking on their own miserable endings to your work. It’s best to ignore them.

Please keep writing. This category sorely needs more stories of this caliber.

A really excellent story, especially when considering it's a first time effort. Good plot line, and plenty of descriptive passages. Why shouldn't us 'older' swingers have an enjoyable sex life too? I liked this and hope there's a follow up at some point, perhaps detailing the boathouse experience of the next summer.

You should consider every constructive comment. Especially the one about switching from first to third person. I notice this is your first try, so just in case you aren't sure what we're talking about, be very careful using the 'I' except in dialogue.

In 1st person, the 'I' is used in narration, but 'I' can only tell about what 'I' sees, hears, or is told. 'I' can't possibly know what, in this case, the hubby's expression looks like or how his wife responded to her lover when they were were on opposite ends of the beach. Nor would 'I' refer to his wife and himself as the 'couple.' Such as that fits the 3 rd person--there you can be God and know all and tell all.

Don't be discouraged by these comments. If you know all this, fine; just proof read better. If you didn't, be sure you don't make the same mistake next time. You do tell a very good story. cd

"He was obviously a very healthy man, in excellent shape for his age, and walked with the gate of an ex-athlete."....gait not gate. Spell check let you down?

Like your story very much.

Ignore the Anonymous wankers.

Could only give this a 4. As much as the action reminded me of an earlier part of my life in so many ways, switching tenses made reading this confusing.

Some aspects are strange though,

Surely when the couple's met on the beach after their drunken grope session the previous night it would have been normal for man and wife to have gone away together to discuss a change in lifestyle!

Serena and Bear were seduced by veteran alpha couple. This was all fun and erotically charged for the few days. But Tammy appears to like rougher handling, which makes me wonder if she isn't into multiple males at same time. The next scheduled meeting is going to increase to 3 couples, so Serena will probably getting two alpha males bareback at same time. She eventually have places hit by longer or thicker tools and slowly deteriorating the special bond of husband. As a onetime they could enjoy the memory but more than that is dangerous .

My wife & i are about the same age & heading on our first cruise later this year. I have had a fantasy very similar to this as Bear & Serena. Strangely envisioning very similar dialog. I am certain my wife would not agree to swapping but would love to be approached in a similar manner. Its fun to fantasize.

Thanks for a long...but erotic story.... just the way swapping should be... same room... observing your spouse... enjoying the pleasures

I found this story to be disturbing in that Selina and her husband didn’t actually discuss things before taking a giant leap into the unknown. There seems to be no second thoughts about the possibility of harming their relationship. There wasn’t any emotion involved, no angst, jealousy or even doubts as to the rights and wrongs of swapping. Even afterwards they didn’t seem to sound each other out to check that their partner was ok with everything.