All Comments on 'Passionate Encounter Ch. 02'

5 marks for story but please find a good editor.

Pleaseeeeeeeee...why the need to ruin the story? A 7 star luxury hotel and there was no video recording available of the corridor as the cameras were not functional? Is this story passed in Africa? That smal detail ruined the story...Why not in a Motel or a 3 star Hotel...Then that could be understandable...So 2*...And the second part of the story is going in the right direction, but in a crime stories these details are important...

This is related to mystery. more to come in part 3

I'm sure you must be an ESL individual. But writing a story takes more than having a plot. You have run on sentences, mismatched words, etc. For example:

"Beautiful and innocent looking women opened the door. It was Bella,she looked very devastated."

Women is plural; Bella is singular.

The next sentence is a run-on and poorly written.

It will be very interesting to find out the "Who done it," but I cannot read any more of your work if it doesn't improve. I gave it 2 stars, but that was generous.

Please go to a community college and learn how to write English correctly.

I kinda like the short chapters. Like that you seem to be posting consecutively. And like that in the first chapter, the scene is set, but the characters in the second chapter are telling a story that does not jive with the first. So it will be interesting to see how this is sorted out.

Almost impossible to read. English is obviously not the first language of the writer and no matter how good the story may be, the reader is turned off before even getting through the first paragraph.

and that means its really really bad! Read more comments; write less junk.

Against my best instincts I read another chapter. Got me interested.in seeing where the author goes with this.