All Comments on 'Passionate Fuck on the Couch'

Two major errors: 1 - We don't know nothing about these two...2 - the second person writing,,,both were there...2*

This failed as a flash story. And since it's not a flash story then it had far too little information to make it actually readable. Not good.

1 star

No swinging, and no cheating. A 4 from me for the try.

Pick up a copy of "The Elements of Style".

Dead simple plot, but it evoked fond memories.

And especially on his point about second person writing. As a reader, I have difficulty reading a story that seems to address me as though I am a character within that story. As the 'you' in the story is male, and I am not, it's difficult for me to relate.

Second person works well for cook books and maintenance manuals, but not erotica.

(Unless it is written as a letter in the past or future tense. What you and I did together, or what I am going to do to you, can work OK sometimes.)

From what I read, the writing looks good and competent. (Although "you start to moan in spurs" was a bit confusing. Spur-related moaning usually occurs after they have been applied to delicate parts of the anatomy.)

Lue

You open Literotica. You read the first sentence. You immediately stop reading because 2nd person IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!!

CALM DOWN GUYS, I know the story is poorly written, I wrote it over 8 years ago. I was 18 and had a naughty pen pal. I'm so glad to see everyone so passionate about their erotic reading though! Be kind, there are more stories to come written by me in the present-day! :)

GoodMindWanders, if you were 18 when you wrote this eight years ago, that still puts you among the younger authors here on Literotica. And being female as well puts you into a small minority group. We need more stories from younger female authors.

As I said earlier, I thought the writing was competent apart from the second-person narration problem that I had with it. I wish you well with your future stories.

Lue

No cucks or whores, I like it.

This was nice.

Not sure what the issue with the critics who have a "second person" problem is. Half the stories on Lit are written as if the author was speaking directly to the reader. Makes it personal and sweet, in this case.