All Comments on 'Passionate Perils of Proserpina'

I regret to say that some mechanical things stopped me from enjoying your story. The introduction was overly long, some of the sentences were quite convoluted, and the tense sometimes shifted within sentences. Your talents might be well served by taking suggestions from an editor or another author. In the hope that you will eventually rewrite and resubmit this, I did not cast a vote for it in its current form.

You describe Proserpina as being 5'3' and 200 pounds... that is a fat woman. You also describe her as being as slender as a teenaged girl. Make up your mind!

Foxxxy I like your story and a little work will make it tight...keep on truckin'

I described DEMETER as 5'3" and AROUND 200 lbs. She's a MOTHER so she might be a little on the chubby side even for a goddess. Proserpina is the one that is slender like a teenaged child. I know what I typed but obviously people don't know what they're reading.

I also realize there's a little bit of "clique"ness involved with this website and I believe that is VERY CHILDISH of people to be "cliquey" on the internet...but whatever. I noticed I haven't had ANY respect since I signed up for this website and I'm letting it known to people on here I noticed it so don't try to piss in my cup and tell me it's lemonade cuz I know u're LYING! Newbies should be treated with a little bit more respect. Not everybody on here was an automatic member when they signed up to make stories on this site. Everybody starts off as a newbie, a lot of people on this site need to get over themselves and GROW THE FUCK UP! THIS IS THE INTERNET!

And also maybe I did get a little TOO detailed with the story but at least it has dialogue lines! Who would be bored reading a story with dialogue lines?!?! I can see if I just wrote the story like I was writing an autobiography, documentary, or researching a book how people would be bored with a story. I took this from a greek mythology story and anybody that's bored with greek mythology stories is OBVIOUSLY A BORING PERSON!

Everybody has an opinion and everybody has an ASSHOLE as well but please DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE WITH YOUR OPINIONS. I personally think I put more effort into THIS story than I did with the VALENTINE'S DAY story. We'll see who wins the contest but I can consider getting my story edited by an editor next time.

I like these things. is good.

Truthfully, I have a weakness for Erotica based in Mythology, as I have long been cognizant of the sexuality inherent in most myths. Plus, the characters that populate the magical worlds of Homer and Hesiod are not only rabid with their lust, but downright sexy! So, I liked your story and masterful style in weaving your tale. As a side note, (and this may be an insipid critique, but given that I am a mythology buff...) Demeter and Hades and Hermes are Greek gods. Proserpina, however, is a Roman god. The Greek equivalent would have been Persephone. Besides that stupid, little criticism--I thought you did a great job. Good luck in the contest.

this is definatly a good one,well done xx

I thought this story was really good, you told the myth in a new light which was light-hearted and entertaining. However, I do have one tiny problem, and I know this is being really picky, so feel free to ignore it if you want. Demeter and Hades are the Greek names of the mythological Gods as are Artemis, Apollo, Hermes etc, great, I like the Greek names, but Proserpina is the Roman name of Persephone. If you are going to tell mythology please try to avoid confusion by sticking to either Greek or Roman naming systems rather than mixing the two. If you wanted to use Proserpina, you should have used the Roman names for the other Gods as well, Ceres, Pluto, etc. Other than that, good job.