Passions And Fears Are Contagious

Lisa cupped Sue's hand in her own and whispered, "You did say it and I think it was how you felt and as uncomfortable as the feeling of being stuck adrift and perhaps alone, what I also sense is that you are not helpless. You have it in you to move dramatically to places that will allow you to soar above desert and to new places. Feeling helpless when we have all sorts of resources is often just what we needed."

Lisa leaned over and hugged Sue and then kissed her on the forehead.

Sue was touched by Lisa's tender support and she just sat there and glanced around the garden and then stared at Lisa who simply smiled in response.

The light in the garden was slowly disappearing, none of the ice remained in their cocktails and the cheese, crackers, olives, had hardly been touched.

"Lisa what about you and Sandy? What are your life stories, I guess the cliff note version of your biographies. " and it was then that Sandy arrived in the garden and sat down and put his drink on the glass table.

"You know Sue I always find it interesting and revealing when Lisa provides a sort of movie trailer of who she is and who I am and who we are together as a couple. What I love about her take on us is that it is forever changing."

Lisa seemed to enjoy being the center of attention as she started the Lisa/Sandy story as told by the narrator, Lisa.

"Well in the beginning was a little girl who grew up in an upper class condo on Riverside Drive in New York City. Their was a papa bear who was a lawyer and sometime politician, a mama bear that was a debutant that continued to act the part even after she was a mother of grown children. Their was a little boy brother bear who was a playful pain in the ass but grew up to be a terrific guy and a reporter for the Times of London and then there was me who always liked to test the limits in all sorts of situations including all my time in a fancy private school that I hated along with the kids who went there. I met Sandy after graduating from U of Penn. Wharton Business School when I was working for a Wall Street private investment firm. Sandy was born in Frankfort Germany the son of Israelis who were working there. When he was 8 the family moved to New York and Sandy (Sanford, his Americanized name) was a super smart kid who ended up going to Berkeley and invented his own major which combined the disciplines of economics, brain science and anthropology. Can you believe that combination would work? Well it sure did for Sandy who had the job of his choice and chose economic development in the third world which is what he still does along with a host of projects that are more than just hobbies. Sandy was the most brilliant guy I ever met but also someone who did not fit anyone's mold except his own.

We have been married for 19 years and have 2 great kids a 13 year old girl and an 11 year old boy who are both away at school.

So there you have it but who and what we are is not visible in any of that biography but is revealed slowly and with others poking about our psyches.

Sandy clapped his hands, "Bravo. Just as you said it is all there in a very brief summary and reveals nothing. Lisa you are so good at that, so good at the subtle tease of lifting layers and just providing a bare outline of what might just perhaps come next. "

Sue laughed out loud. Thanks for the whiz bang compliment" and then leaned over and squeezed Sandy's knee.

Sandy's cell phone rang and he got up and moved to another room. Minutes later he came back, "Now I really have to apologize but I am going to have to disappear for awhile. I wouldn't leave you but this is urgent. Lisa, why don't you ask Sue to stay for dinner and I can then join you later.

Sue was surprised by her feelings. She was both excited and anxious knowing that she would be alone with Lisa and then took a deep breath to calm herself down. Lisa smiled. "Let's talk and continue with our mini biographies and don't worry nothing will happen that will make you uncomfortable. And by the way the real intimacy is about touching the places inside us that are private especially those that are our private internal voices. Sue was shocked by the words but didn't show it, or so she thought. She was surprised by her sense of relief but also disappointment. Sue knew how to hide and disguise her private thoughts, imaginings, emotions but she also suspected that Lisa saw much more about her inner life than anyone she had ever met, and more than what she would reveal to her husband Rick. Maybe that went 2 ways since she often felt that the the 'real' Rick was unknown to her.

Sue talked while Lisa listened, asked questions. More surprises, ....the sense of being at home with Lisa, almost like a child being embraced, stroked. Even Lisa's timing seemed just right. Lisa stood up, stretched. " Enough for now. Sue, let's go inside and I will make us some dinner. How about a salad with slices of smoked turkey breast, and do you like anchovies, avocado, and a make really tasty salad dressing, with balsamic vinegar, olive oil, black pepper, oregano but no garlic and I have some aged cheddar that would be perfect with sour dough bread. How does that sound?"

"Lisa that would be great and I would love to give you a hand. Can I do that?"

and Lisa smiled and replied "No need. Just keep me company as I putter and mutter.

Sue thought to herself 'oh, no garlic, and then was aware, somehow super conscious of everything happening around her. She felt like all of her mind pores were open taking in all of Lisa's words, gestures. 'Sue thought some more being both alive but off balance around Lisa.

Lisa chuckled to herself and gave Sue a huge smile.

"Sue, tell me what you thought when I said no garlic. Did you think it would somehow spoil the taste of a kiss like this?" and she leaned over hugged Sue and kissed her, and her mouth opened and her tongue slipped past Sue's lips an Sue opened her mouth wide and kissed Lisa back with her tongue and her lips and held her tight and did not want to let go but Lisa, stepped back, and jokingly said

"I guess garlic might have spoiled the taste. What do you think?

Lisa was relieved by the humor and started to laugh, then stopped.

"You know Lisa, of course you know, I feel overwhelmed adrift, strange, and yes I am going to places that are so foreign to me, unexplored, scary, wonderful and delicious, and without the garlic"

Lisa laughed and couldn't stop and Sue blushed and looked away.

"Sue, I am not laughing at you at all. You should know that. I am smiling at your innocents, your charm. It reminds me of my filled with myself adolescence and the time I felt the need to introduce some of my classmates to the world of modern art and classical music. I reveled in their excitement and awed by their reaction to a world that had been foreign to them. It was a sense of my own power and value and was delighted and honored, touched by their excitement. It was delicious for all of us. But when it comes to being innocent, how could I forget my experience of 'seducing' my innocent 16 year old Mickey friend and classmate to the world of sex sort of. No we did not make love but I did encourage him to touch my breasts. I took his hand in mine and moved it all around both my breasts. I told him to squeeze my nipples but he was so gentle that I had to urge him to squeeze harder. I asked him if he would like to see me naked and he gasped, mumbled 'oh yes. That would be wonderful". So I slowly took off my sweater, then my skirt and my bra and even more slowly peeled off my panties all the while Mickey stared at me in total silence. In the meanwhile his mom was making dinner downstairs which made it all the more exciting. She thought we were studying and we were but it wasn't schoolwork.

I was Mickey's first teacher, his coach, on the topic of sexuality, erotic wonderful pseudo sex. I took his hand and move it it all over my body, I took his fingers and placed them on my pussy and, at the same time put my hand around his rock hard prick and started to stroke it. I could feel him ready to explode. It was as exciting for me as it was for Mickey. When I put his prick in my mouth he came immediately. I had never tasted cum before and was immediately addicted. I also loved the experience of sharing, sharing sex, the excitement of a shared experience and giving and receiving pleasure while being in the role of the teacher and student all at the same time. I remember shuddering in the excitement of that moment.

We never did have intercourse but did remain friends throughout the school year. That summer his family moved away. We continued to write each other for short time and then we both stopped writing. I often wonder what happened to Mickey."

Sue's head was spinning in circles with all sorts of questions like 'Why is Lisa telling me all this, and am I another sort of experiment for her, a student in need of mentoring' and so Sue decided to confront Lisa.

"Lisa, I again feel off balance listening to you and your experiences growing up. Have to ask you. Do you feel I need a mentor, a teacher, someone who would introduce me to your world, the one that is unfamiliar to me? I don't want to be treated as a naïve child and anyway..."

Lisa interrupted, " Sue, I don't see you as a child, or someone who needs an introduction to another world. I told you what I did because I admire you, like you, and think you are beautiful, terrific. I want to get to know you and to do that I have to be willing to tell you about me and events in my life that have meant a great deal to me."

"Lisa, can I be sure that you don't see me as a sort of pupil, a kind of experiment?"

"Sue not at all. Would never have considered that. And anyway I am too selfish to not want to be with someone that can be my door to powerful, real experiences. You may not be totally aware of it but I saw so much in you when we first met and now feel even more strongly about that belief."

And with that Lisa got up from her dinning room chair and walked behind Sue and wrapped her arms around her and held her in a tight embrace. She didn't let go for what seemed to Sue to be minutes. Finally Lisa let go of Sue and walked around facing her and bent down and kissed her on the cheek hugged her again and then kissed her hard on the lips, her mouth open, tongue pushed past Sue's lip which open and Sue kissed back and reached around and embraced Lisa. Their lips were locked, tongues touching, each tasting and exploring their wetness and neither was ready to let go but then they heard footsteps and stopped. It was Sandy moving about in the room above them.

Sue immediately pulled back, took a deep breath. "I am so confused and also afraid"

"Of what Sue? What is there to fear about our emotions, our passions, our experiences with others that matter to us?"

"But Lisa, don't you understand that allowing our emotions are passions to be released and explored can be so dangerous?"

"Sue. Of course I do. But look at the alternatives; lives lived in muted colors or in fuzzy black and whites, regrets for not daring to be who we are. By the way Sandy has written a short piece on the fears some many of us associate with our sexuality, our need to breath on the one hand, the fear of grasping life, but we often forget is the tragedy, the regrets we experience as we suffocate who we area and keep that being that we are a prisoner."

"Lisa, I would love to read what Sandy wrote. Do you think I will understand it?

"But of course." One other thing Sue. I told you that I would not do anything around you that would make you feel uncomfortable. However you have to also understand that I 'listen' to what you are saying to me, not just the words but what your body tells me what you want me to know. So, just moments ago we hugged each other, kissed each other felt the press of our bodies against one another and so I could not help noticing how your hardened nipples beneath your blouse. I wanted to touch your breasts and pull on your nipple buds but I didn't do so because I honored what I told you about not making you feel uncomfortable. I have to tell you that I noticed the scent of your sexuality knew that your pussy had started to flow with its wetness and wanted to not only touch your breasts but also to feel the soft wetness between your legs and wanted to taste you and ....but why am I saying all this to you knowing that I am trying to seduce you while knowing at the same time that I shouldn't do that. "

Sue's eyes were wide open and she shocked herself as she blurted out, "I want you to touch me down there, I really do and am shocked that I am saying that but I want you to."

Lisa smiled and stared at Sue. She stepped in front of her and placed her hand on Sue's knee and it is Sue who pushed her hand up against her soaked panties pushed against her pussy lips feeling the wetness all over her fingers. She withdrew her hand and placed her fingers under her nose and then sucked on one of fingers and it was at that moment that Sandy came into the room.

Lisa danced over to him and placed her wet hand on Sandy's mouth, just under his nose.

Sandy was beaming. "Why Lisa you certainly have handed me a delicious treat although I know for sure that it is a gift that comes by way of Sue which makes it even more enticing."

Lisa embraced Sandy while Sue faced them both with a horrified look that surprising rapidly melted away. She thought, 'My God, what is happening to me.

Tracing sexuality from brain to bedroom

(draft of a science of sexuality paper)

By Sanford Ackerman

I could not have written this short 'report' without the advice, suggestions, critical review of my wife Lisa. She has much less tolerance for science masking common sense especially when it comes to understanding the human condition. After she again pointed out "Oh Sandy. There you go again. You have successfully cast the joy of sex into a straight jacket of brain circuits, evolution, and the balancing act of loss of inhibition and keeping the lid on our emotions. So, what should I say? Go ahead post what you have written but then promise me that you will write another version of sex and the brain and this time let us write it together"

"Lisa ok the next version will be coauthored by us. We can take our sexual journeys and look at our sexuality from above, below and with and without the glasses we wear to change what we see. Damn, here I go again. Maybe it will help get me to put part of my mind on idle and write about liberation. 'Why not call it Liberation in lots of not so easy steps'. "

I reread what I have just written and concluded that there is nothing here that you don't already know. ......but ....revisiting familiar knowledge can provide you with some often surprising new ideas and thoughts about almost anything including your relationship with sex. Maybe that is just enough of a tease to get you to glance at my notes. Please understand, I am no more or less of an authority on sexuality than the next person on line at the checkout counter. My only marginally useful expertise on the subject is knowledge about how brains work and don't work so, instead of exploring how we learn, or remember, or make decisions I thought I would give sex a try.

You already know that the sex experience occurs in the brain and not the liver. That is, the origin of the sex response is not at the tip of the tongue, or the tip of the cock or a nipple squeezed, or a touch of the clit, and while all that matters........the heart of the action is in you head and not a knee reflex. Only a pale copy of sexual feelings, imaginings, responsivity can be captured in words and words that are stand-ins for sexual passion, intoxication, desire, and barely mimic reality.

Here are some not so dazzlingly obvious points about sex and the brain

1. While we have all sorts of ideas about what it is to be human the fundamentals are that we are bundled biological systems that together are the basis of all of our experiences. We are biased and often unreliable observers of our biology at work including sex in action.

2. While scientific progress in the neurosciences has been rapid and impressive (at a molecular, cellular level of analysis) we remain largely in the dark when it comes to identifying the neurobiology of complex human functions like sex, or thinking, forgetting remembering and why we like the taste of greasy salty hamburgers.

3. Despite being stuck in the mud when looking at brain explanations of human sexuality the tools of neuroscience are very useful and, who knows, breakthroughs may be around some corner at a fire hydrant near you.

4. We can't resist looking at our selves and what we are made of in all sorts of settings including of course in the bedroom. Curiosity does not necessarily translate into knowledge.

5. The basis of sexual passions engages a wide array of brain systems (no surprise). What, where, how, we experience the intense sexual chemistry that can drive us mad, the guts of the orgasm response, the foreplay intensity of anticipation, involve not just the 'newest part of our brain (our executor), but brain networks that are responsible for all sorts of emotions. All these brain systems can be successfully described in terms of neurophysiology, neurochemistry, neuroanatomy and gene expressions.

6. Perhaps, most important, note that we are trapped in our brain evolutionary history. The good news is that we have developed a formidable neo (new) cortex that provides us with the tools to plan for the future, evaluate what is going on in our lives, inhibit impulses that might prove hazardous to our well being, control the workings of all sorts of functions such as attention. In short the neocortex is our executor. However we remain also driven by a more primitive, older part of our brain which the biological basis of many of our drives and emotions. We can get overwhelmed with anger, fear, driven by sexual desire and so much more and 'happily' our observing ego, our executor keeps us safe. It is a balancing act that we learn to live with and use throughout our lives.

7. Much of sexual response is based on simple conditioning no different from the kind of learning that Pavlov demonstrated in getting dogs to salivate to the sound of a bell that had previously been associated with a juicy hamburger. Think of the popular sexual 'turn ons' that are out there to tease and seduce any and all of us. The hose that highlights the shape of her legs, legs that are long and shapely poking out from a short skirt, the matching sexy panties and bra, the deep red lips and eye makeup and what captures a woman's eye like washboard shaped abs, mounted on a hard muscular body, chiseled features, and huge cock. You can come up with your own list of titillaters based on your unique history. We sniff and fly around the beautiful flowers and scents that shout to us "come here, come closer, and it all makes sense from an evolutionary point of view. The object of our desire are the manly men and seductive sexy women which, on average result in better than average kids. Once again it is the frame that can make an ordinary picture beautiful.

8. More later

Another total known to you is that ......Getting to know someone sexually is very different, and much more 'intimate' ha ha ... than listening to someone's thoughts about a book they read or a recipe worth trying. Sexuality, in all of its forms, is a human stage in which we express much more of who we are and are not than almost any other human activity. We uncover our sexuality in so many ways, by our selves, with another. Sex is obviously exciting, intoxicating, a super pleasure and you can add your own adjectives... but it is also loaded with risks, which is both scary where the enticement to go on trumps the quizzy feeling in our gut. It takes so little of us to read about sex, or watch a sex performance, or watch a titillating movie. All such activities are risk, intimacy, and revealed privacy free.