All Comments on 'Payback'

This meandered through ridiculous and wandered all the way over to downright stupid.

Que sera sera... She doesn't deserve sympathy for dying. Perez was already caught and quartered, killing him was actually a mercy and not a punishment. So at least the MC wouldn't have to deal with the financial burden of a divorce because there was no chance of remaining civil with her after the way she tried to turn the family against him. So fuck em both... Good riddance.

Truly & Fully Disliked ending.

Craig

Honestly, this was a good ending. I'm not a huge BTB fan, but Marge was pretty reprehensible and her final act was one of contrition in a way as it saved David from having to deal with the mess of a divorce and the humiliation of being forced to pay to keep his cheating wife in a manner consistent with their lifestyle. I'd probably have a different feeling about it if no-fault divorces weren't so blatantly unjust, it just leaves people wishing that there was some form of justice somewhere. I think that's why these stories are so popular and it's a pretty sad indictment of our society when a "power fantasy" is really just a desire for some fairness.

Great story but what a stupid ending!! Would his life have been better being accused of cheating and his stupid kids believing that whore? Or worse slyet staying with her? How does her death affect his life?

Very good read, but taking their children's mother away from them forever? No! Divorce the skank and move on, and allow the kids to make their own decisions about the relationship with their mother. 5 ☆☆☆☆☆

Not a bad story. Though I fail understand the mission impossible scenario. Wife and Perez, up close and personal. Folks disagree but, I consider violence to be an acceptable option.

This was a good story but the ending absolutely SUCKED! Her scorched earth handling of the STDs didn't make sense and the court room shooting was a giant, unbelievable let down.

I worked the Corts for twenty three years and a woman with a pass with a defender would not have been able to get close to enough to shoot him let alone get a gun into the court room not since Loldyd Ruby and Lee Harvey Oswald and the Stupid Sheriff of Dallas. That changed the world.

Ya I know it just a story, but really.

Why do so many readers on here think a two month affair warrants death of the cheating wife? Divorce? Sure. Regret and emotional pain for what she lost? Sure. Wishing for the aggrieved husband to not get raped financially or lose custody of the children? Sure. Payback that gets the wife killed, because the aggrieved husband framed the asshole and ruined her life? Over the top and not cool.

A very well-written though tragic tale, thoroughly absorbing, thanks for a good read.

I thought it was a good read!

To previous commenter..You do realize that his payback is what caused her to be so angry at Perez that she suicided by cop, right? She cheated. She didn't kill people. She cheated. How does that warrant death? Sure he didn't pull the trigger but he certainly caused events for his payback that played a role in her picking up the gun.

This poor guy has no reason to feel bad, he is not responsible for his (ex) wife's actions.

How the heck did she get gun into the courtroom? Well it is fiction. Yes she deserved to have her marriage ruined and her family estranged but killed (death by cop) over a 2 month affair. Harsh. MC will have a lot of guilt to live with for the rest of his life.

The big twist at the end was stupid. A gun in a courtroom? Should have done what Gary Plauche did to the guy that abused his daughter. Gary was a badass

The story was not only too long (could've been nicely shortened without losing anything), it was also very unrealistic. She cheated then got everybody to blame the husband for the STDs she go. Nobody talks & asks questions, they just go along with what the slut said. Then there's the courthouse shooting: how did she get a gun in the courtroom? Why didn't hubby even start the divorce? Don't remember anything about it. Everything that happened is just too much. 2** only. gr

Awesome!! Bitch has to die!

Never ever stray. Your wife is wickedly bad!

This whole story is just ridiculous! No one would react the way that you depict.

Bad ending. How did she get into court with the gun? Just no need for that at the end. D

It is great. Don't listen to those other fuckers

Slut got exactly what she deserved, the slut obviously has some serious mental problems, that may have been mitigated if Hubbie had not had to prove his innocence with video, however arsehole Perez was not totally responsible slut made her own decisions, Hubbie should be feeling relieved not miserable, who ended up with Mary? George or MC?

Could've rated this higher than my 3 stars. His wife betrays him with another man for months, disrespects him by wanting to not only fuck him after fucking Perez, but attempting to turn the family against him saying he gave her the STDs. Him having the proof of her infidelity, Mike could've confronted & divorced her earlier. Of course, by delaying things, he got proof of a rape, which was then sent to Perez's computer.

Marge was killed trying to kill Perez in the courtroom. A totally mentally deficient move; she should've known it wouldn't turn out well for her. But that Mike's about grieving over her death, after what she's done, is unrealistic. I'm not saying he should've jumped for joy, but.... Along with his retrieving her emails, talking about her adultery & that that evidence wouldn't be good in court is just wrong. Otherwise, PIs couldn't submit their videos, etc., into court.

The father-in-law's ready to kill Mike but suddenly's quiet & not asking too many questions. The confrontation was written problematically, or should I write confused. 3 stars for mainly a nice story that needed less pages & definitely some proofreading. Bob

Yo CUZ! that was the BEST ENDING EVER

WELL DONE blue4242

Court proof of adultery does not rise to the level of criminal proof. Good, circumstantial evidence, such as these emails where she admonishes him for marking her and begging him for sex, are ironclad as far as a divorce judge is concerned. The motel owner is the one who is committing an actual crime, as well as opening himself up for a lawsuit. Ditto the motel owener.

.

On balance, this might be the dumbest, most awkwardly written story ever published. The confrontation in the home was served piecemeal and ham-handed. The father-in-law gets him when he enters the door, but the rest we are led to believe they sit obediently in the kitchen waiting? No emotion from the older man, nothing to alert the people in the next room? No curiosity from the ones in the kitchen? The wife knows she's sick, and under the law, her "only sex partner" is at the doctor's getting tested and she thinks denial will work?

.

Dumb. Dumb to the point of insulting any reader with even a two-digit I.Q.

I wouldn’t have given a shit if the exwife died. She was caught red handed and still tried to spin the narrative. Good riddance!

Why would he care that the bitch died. Her first reaction to being caught was to throw him under the bus. Her lies could ha e made him the bad guy with his entire family. That's not love. She's a monster. Good fucking riddance.

Did thing it was a pretty good story, a little drug out and maybe a little to perfect set up for husband's investigations of the wife. It really is Impossible To act normally Around your cheating wife. I do agree with another anonymous writer, why Mary even in the story if you never finished her story, ok so she Spread the STD, but all you did for her is get her a job....

He actually got the easy way out.

Aside from the obvious of how she got the gun into the court bldg.

And had time to carefully aim and squeeze off three rounds.

I didn't get much of the usual "noooooo, it was just sex, it's you that I love, what can I do to make it up to you, yada yada yada"

The idea of tears in a prison that hates him would have been more severe punishment.

But hey the ending was fresh and I enjoyed the story, isn't that what we look for. 5*

Seeing justice served cannot make a life miserable.

So the only think I don't understand, with all of this build up of Mary's Character in this story, what has the Purpose of it? I figured at least one of them would marry her after she became a Nurse. Even though she had been a crack whore..

A gun in a courtroom? The federal prison system has no parole.

The somewhat brutal ending just carries out the old adage "when setting out to get revenge, first dig TWO Graves ".

In this story, NO ONE walked away unscathed...

...not the two cheaters themselves or the families of the cheaters !

...and the MC lost even more than he firstbthougjt, because the way he dealt with his cheating spouse drove her to a suicidal courtroom killing of the man who had been her partner in adultery where she was then killed !

A sad tale, but very well done... and a "5" !

A decent read and as promised it had a killer ending.

Blue 4242 had a brief career more that 10 years ago so I doubt he is still tuned in.

It was a clever story and fairly well put together but it is nowhere near the quality of stories even at 250 in on of the hall of fame lists. The wife's character just didn't sit right with me, and I have 50+ years as a counselor with a number of very bizarre cases including multiple personality cases. We just can't cheapen the rating system. I would say it is more than an average 3 but his stories have rated 4+ and I feel that is too high. But to each his own opinion.

Great Story!! Loved it.. Great ending..

Great story brilliant ending 5 stars

Une fin très nulle pour ne pas dire une fin de merde. Dommage. Un auteur que je ne suivrai jamais.

No proof?! Idiot, why write teeth mark on her breast then say he had no hard proof?! Cuckold crap

Maybe your readers didn't quite understand you were mixing Civil and Federal issues and charges together as Perez wasn't just fucking a bunch of married women, he was defrauding the federal government. That reserve unit belongs to Uncle Sam! Why Perez thought he could get away with all that he was was up to, can only be found in the mind of our writer! Yes, David had enough evidence early on to distort his marriage, and divorce the slut wife, but during that gathering time, he discovers fraudulent crimes against the federal government, gets a friend in the military involved, and that puts the dissolution of his marriage on hold, cause there are bigger fish to fry. Our government moves slowly, except in time of war, so it took time finding out who-all was involved, hold deep the rabbit hole was, and the best way to shut it all down. I'd say, GOOD JOB; WELL WRITTEN!! Keep writing.

XYZ

This was an absolutely great story until the last paragraph. Some great writing and character development. The wife was a piece of shit. Her friend was a piece of shit. Perez got what he deserved. I liked the confrontation with the father how it looked like

It could go to shit on a dime and then the clever line to totally sideswipe him….”you’d be a piece of shit if you didn’t do it.” That was one of the best psychological disarms I’ve ever seen. Wasn’t too keen on her activities being exposed to the children, but the bit of literary creativity where they waned to see was a nice touch. I can also go for the literary creativity on a weapon being smuggled into a courtroom even though it’s not very plausible in a realistic setting. But I have to deduct a star for the last paragraph. Sometimes here can possibly be remorse given for a cheating cunt. This wasn’t one of those times. ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

It just isn't that easy to get a firearm into a courtroom. Spoiled the ending. It would have been better if she had waited outside the courthouse when they moved him to the prison. Something like Jack Ruby

Perfect.

(12/2/2022) Oh.., shit! Right out of nowhere. Hell of an ending. There’s a lesson here. Always, always keep your .357 SW locked up when not in use. Definitely an enjoyable read. Five stars from me.

this was so funny... hahaha What a great (kind of ordinary though) and exciting story. That wife was a real winner lol

She should have told everyone that her dad gave her husband the VD

Getting the stylistic and composition aspects out of the way first, I have to grant that you checked off most of the criteria of writers' workshops teachings. Ok--give you a four on that in spite of the rather unpredictable stages of plot development re the MC, the wife, the "Best Bud" overseer of all things strategically and technologically necessary to make the plot go forward, and the insertion of peripheral characters--the whore with the heart of a saint (Nursing, anyone?), the husband of the wife's co-conspirator in cheating, the innocent 20 year old recruit raped and brutalized in spite of the rape being easily reported and certainly noticed by her fellow recruits and officers and where her eventual departure would be recorded on motel parking lot security cameras as documentation). Um, no wait--reduce that 4 down to a 3 for verbosity and characters distracting from the main story.

As for the oh so admirable main character whose wife so bruised his ego (after 20-something years of marriage by getting a little on the side that he had to not only slap her down but destroy her entire life's work history and any sense of self-worth by falsifying a porn website and showing her sexual exploits to her parents and children? Yeah, he was a real solid character all right. And just so happened to provide her with a 357 with which to blow away her erstwhile fuckbuddy and in so doing make her a MURDERER as well as a SLUT in the eyes of the children she'd borne him who would then have to live with THAT memory of the woman who'd given them life and 20 years of loving mothering as well as the sight of her gunned down by court police who had to know she was only focused on revenge of the jerk who'd been "just a fuckbuddy" not a person she'd emotionally betrayed their father with.

The logic of most of the latter part of the story plot totally escapes me, making the relevance of the first part rather insignificant. I hate to bad mouth any writer who has spent time and effort to get their creativity down on paper and I wish I had something better to say, but...well...sorry, I don't.

“Revenge is mine, said The Lord.”

Too long and no real revenge whatsoever. There was too much random stuff that just added tasteless fat to an already obese story. Why bother with all this built-up only to deliver a short summary at the end and then deal with the wife and the lover in the most boring manner ever...

Much too long

He should feel NO guilt about her whatsoever, she brought it all on herself.

Is it over yet? I got bored and fell asleep on page 3.

Oh, HELL yes! Great ending with one exception... his remorse. Shouldn't add that in my book. Revenge is revenge with a purpose, not remorse. Other than that, BRAVO!

Well played.

Oh, HELL yes! Great ending with one exception... his remorse. Shouldn't add that in my book. Revenge is revenge with a purpose, not remorse. Other than that, BRAVO!

Well played.

Great story - very well developed. Got into the characters.

A well-written story that deserves five stars. The last two words were a bit of a letdown though, where the PC talks of his “miserable life” when he should’ve been celebrating a cheap escape from the clutches of a cheating slut.

Mourning her brought it right down. Why? She made her choices, even the final one. All he did was make sure he didn't let her compromise him as a father, son in law and husband.

It's all on her and her own actions. If she couldn't handle the consequences of that, well, that's on her too.

While revealing her for the two faced cheat she was, he maintained his own integrity and absolutely punished a lying, cheating thieving scumbag. It's time to say 'se la vie' and build a whole new chapter.

None of the outcome was on him.

While I wouldn't be as rude and crude as some other commenters, the last paragraph did in large part ruin what could have been an otherwise amazing story.

Love of his life.....yet she cheated so many times, insulted him, withheld sex yet the stupid cuck has love and sympathy for her...he is a weak pathetic wimp

JUST A STUPID CUCK HUSBAND FEELING SORRY FOR AN OLD SKANK WIFE

I am in favor of BTB stories and didn't really care for the ending. With that being said, I get that in the end meaning her funeral, he probably did a lot of reflection regardless of his hatred and revenge on her.

Stupid and puerile ending

I knew you'd bitch out at the end. Tut tut. Good story ruined by a shite last paragraph

Great ending but way over the top

5 stars

Bill S.

STUPID BITCH!

Wow!! I disagree with L-P-N. THERE IS NO OVER-KILL here. He was just making sure that if Perez finished one sentence, there was another one waiting for him. I thought it was a great story line, not to long, but well described, and technically well done.editing, including grammar were very good making it an easy read to understand. Keep writing.

XYZ

After what she'd been doing and then told his kids that he'd infected her with several venereal diseases, why would he or any self-respecting man have have the slightest sentiment left for the self-centered bitch???

Proof admissible in court? The emails concerning the marking, plus the video he had. Slam dunk in any family court. All the rest was just wasted motion.

Well done.

Why does he call his life 'miserable' for his sociopathic monster of an ex-wife dying?

She cheated on him, happily, for months. She wanted to fuck them on the same day MORE than she wanted to fix her dying marriage...mostly due to her shitty behavior. She even admits it to her friend, so she can't claim ignorance. When shit hit the fan, she tried to throw him under the bus....to THEIR kids....to their parents...she was out for his head.

She also started the gunfight. That wasn't on him. That bastard deserved jail for the rape alone. I understand he would have gotten very little jail time for it. So if anything, he helped put a rapist behind bars for a much longer time. He never did anything to his wife except expose her. Yes, he set her up....but she took the plea deal like a coward....so she wasn't getting any real jail time. Barely anything.

I hate stories like this. He should feel free. It's hard to realize your love was a monster, but that's exactly what she was. His pining away for someone that would so casually ruin him over her embarrassment is unforgivable. If she had ANY love for the man.....she would have confessed right then and there. But she blame shifted, and hard. That's the opposite of love...she regards him with complete indifference. She would have only suffered some shame and pity from her loved ones....but decided to try to ruin her husband. Men do NOT get the same treatment as women when it comes to home wrecking, and she knew it. She knew it and didn't care.

good but a bit too much revenge

too bad marge and perez died, they should have been made to suffer for yrs, never found out(or i missed?) how she was seduced. did get how she rationalized it but what a selfish narcissistic cunt(like 90% of females) to be pissed at him for ruining her fucking 2 guys on same day fantasy, yep she deserved to suffer.

too funny! classic

Utterly insipid ending. Was acceptable prior to that deux ex machina concluding sentence Hint: when you pull that kind of chaotic nonsense without ANY foreshadowing you fail to convince the reader to properly suspend disbelief which transforms a 4 into a well deserved 1 star rating…

is there no metal detector in the court room? wtf? how’d she get a whole ass gun in there

Didn't see the last part of the story coming. To me, it was too long a story (never liked those drawn out stories) but it was interesting & well written. Lastly, with going through metal detectors, just how did Marge bring the gun into the courtroom? In spite of the above items & on the strength of the positives, 4 stars.

4 stars, fun story. Marge and Willy got off too easy, but I don’t always get what I want.

A decent enough yarn in itself, and yet tedious and repetitive in several parts

which can, and does, decrease the readability & credibility, yet increases the effort-input & boredom quotient!

A drastic edit is needed, IMHO!

MY current award 3.0-3.5stars, -potential 4.5/5.0

In My Humble Opinion.

PLEASE don't throw in a personal pronoun when they haven't been named for several paras, and remind us WHO Janet or John actually are, it they've not been mentioned for ages-and-pages! eg John's wife Janet said, Detective Holmes interrupted, Mark's Boss Brian told him....

Damn! Didn’t see that coming! Excellent read. 5 stars

This story has ALL the best cliches! He’s a super-sleuth! Always one step ahead! He makes no mistakes in his determination to destroy the diseased husk of his former beloved. The reader can anticipate with relish that “humiliations galore” will be heaped on his stupid, oblivious, worthless whore of a wife. His helpless arch-rival will be destroyed by our hero’s clever super-sleuthing and subsequent reveal of the dastardly criminal’s activities! Everyone will love him and hate her. Maybe she’ll even kill herself! Oh, wait. There are kids. Ok, she can live.

It’s as if a bunch of LW stories got ground up together and extruded as a sort of paste. Kind of like the way hot dogs are made. Ahh, that’s what this is - the hot dog of literature!

A long drawn out ridiculous piece of crap. Utterly absurd. Should have a 0 star; since you don't have a 0 I'll give it a 1. Consider it as generous.

Very good and complete story. Thanks.

To iameasel please actually read the story, he did not fuck the skanky, whore wife because he knew about her and did not get any std's from her.

P.S., bitch had it coming!

I'm barmy, I enjoyed this story a second time around. No, a person could not walk into a court carrying a gun, knife, baseball bat, pick axe handle etc etc. This is bloody fiction same as all the soaps and detective series on television. Don't take it so seriously. Sorry but your other categories don't appeal to me.

Who in their right mind would fuck his wife knowing she's cheating on him? Once you have the emails, you have your proof. Kick the bitch out or leave yourself. I would have left a copy of the emails next to the coffee pot and left before she woke. Make sure the cellphone is off and don't take calls at work. Go back when the house is empty, pack things, and have her served at her work place.

This was terrible. Hubby got what he deserved for being so easy on wifey. Way too much waiting and gathering of info. That is just a feeble writers attempt to build suspense. The Mc was way too nice to her and was still waffling about saving the marriage after he already had hours of damning audio and video. Nobody does this. Mc completely lacked any sort of conviction or assertiveness and was indecisive in the extreme. When he had the chance to talk, he avoided. Weak. Stupid. Another lw writer that hates men.

Hate stories where the husbands waits and gathers more information. But here when he calmly confronted the whore was even more frustrating to read. And as far as I'm concerned the wife dying was a fitting ending.

Not a big fan of stories where the husband discovers his wife is cheating, and then spends weeks, sometimes months, "collecting proof". Personally, I wouldn't have touched her once I found out. It'd be over, fini, everybody out of the pool, ELVIS has LEFT the building. Hanging around having sex with the slut, just makes you a cuck.

5 stars up until the end. Then -1 for letting a very big gun get snuck into a court room by an emotionally unstable woman and -1 more for having trigger happy bailiffs. Totally unnecessary and gratuitous destruction of a good btb story. You let the a-hole and slut-bucket off easy by killing them while disrespecting the boys in blue twice.

Happy ending for a cheating wife. How did she get that gun into court?

Good ending. One more slut to be rot in hell. God riddance.

Certainly not the ending I expected but it was perfect! Amazing what goes on when husbands think "wifey" loves them with all their heart!

I wouldn’t cry too much. Not only was she a cheating conniving slut, she lied and tried to turn his family against him. In the end, this was for the best. At least the kids won’t have to put up with her drama anymore.

A quite ridiculous story that started off well and then went into la-la land.

Good story. Well done, except a big dragged out at times. But, tell my how ANYONE can get a firearm, especially a Smith & Wesson .357 Magnum, a rather large weapon, into a courtroom in the year 2021...or, actually in just about any year in modern times.

Blue's trying to pacify everyone so he wrote a BTB story of a softhearted cuck who was reluctant to take vengeance. For me, he eliminated any feeling of sympathy toward the cheated on husband. PICK THE SIDE OF RIGHTIOUSNESS AND STICK IT TO 'EM.

I gave the story three stars, because it's so well written, but should have given it only two.

He got revenge on the guy she fucked. Who cares. He wasn't married to him, he was just some prick. If not him she would have fucked some other prick. So his big "payback" on her was that she went and got herself shot. How is that his payback? And what about Amber. He let her slide too?

There was 6 pages of him "gathering evidence". How much fucking evidence did he need to prove she was cheating? The first mark on her breast was enough. Was he going to testify in front of the senate about his wife's sex life?

This went on and on, round and round, for very little payoff. I'm sorry I wasted ten minutes reading it.

Take your guns to court! Kill the perpetrator, or the judge. Yea team!

The whole thing was over the top for my tastes; but it was well written, and clearly others loved it.

the ending ruined what i thought was a good story. she got off too easy and didnt get to suffer like she should have and for him to say she was the love of his life after what she did was an insult to the rest of the story.

What man in their right fucking mind, besides one with a cuck fetish (yuck,), would eat and fuck his wife knowing that she was cheating on him? If any man actually did this, then he's just another worthless cuck. She tried to turn the whole family against him. He should have just let her go to jail. Karma is a bitch.

"""lukeshort3 months ago

Pretty Good

Need to remember that this story was written in 2008. Security screening for weapons was ripe with failures. I thought it was a pretty good story. 4*/5*.""" I AGREE with Luke. In 2008 things were a lot more lax and it was a good story. Maybe too long in the tooth, but idea was great. 4 of 5 stars..