All Comments on 'Paying a Debt Ch. 07'

Sad. I just skimmed to the end to see if they got away. It seems as if you are just going to repeat everything that happened to her sister again. I really wanted to see some justice dealt but instead you took two strong characters and turned them into pathedic little girls who because of an orgasm will magically love to become sex slaves.

...did you run out of ideas? The original effort was good but rehashing the same actions using different names adds nothing. Please don't tell the same story twice. I hoped for better.

Four young ladies have disappeared around the same area. Now you know what the clue is, so now the cop should be getting involved and some payback to these assholes.

While it isn't the worst story I've ever read, due to the lack of egregious spelling or grammatical errors, it's amazing how long people will drag out a misogynistic, little, sadist mouth-breather fantasy. Do something different with it or wrap it up.

But personally there's only so much darkness you can take before it gets unbearable. I know the end isn't here, but the villains of the piece are brutal sex slavers and 3/4ths of the victims are absolutely innocent of any wrongdoing and it looks like the bad guys are just going to keep winning.

I understand that this is an erotica site that has its stories written for sexual gratification (which is totally cool, I'm here too), but we can still pay some respects to traditional story structure. This isn't just deserts, there's no sliver of goodness in the captors and this isn't a romantic exploration between people stuck in a horrible situation. This is approaching weird, European cinema levels of darkness. Taken needed Liam Neeson, y'know?

And I wouldn't care if you couldn't write, but you can. NonCon lit is hard to do, most people stick to single shots because it gets so grim. But some of the best series on this site are lengthy NonCon collections. You have potential and I don't want you to take this the wrong way at all. I want you to continue writing, just...give us a little bit of hope.

Indeed this is becoming déjà-vue and repetitive. We all know that all those girls will be (a) fucked in all holes by men and women or asked to perform sex acts to men and women, and (b) their bodies will like it and have constant orgasms while their minds will try to oppose it.

Here is an idea: focus more on "Xandu" place. Some slave auctioning, degrading orgies, humiliation punishments (electro, cattle prod, eagle spread whipping, rituals, etc). Let the girls meet there a police woman (ATF or DEA) under cover as an apparent sex slave that was sent in a mission to bust this ring. She struggles between the mission, pleasure, and pain. Some owners are suspicious and try to torture the girls harder to find out if there is any "spy". Her contact is a male officer who comes often as guest to orgies in those places. The officer struggles between mission, sex pleasure, and humiliating girls (especially his female colleague under cover).

In the meantime, local police nabs the car chop shop guys, put Mickey under surveillance tipped by a homeless in that neighborhood, and start squeezing those guys from that angle (independent of the ATF/DEA guys)

Something like that. Some more drama, thrill, and orgies with the girls continuing to experience not only orgasms but emotional struggle between shame, pain, pleasure, hope and acceptance.

I agree with the previous comment. Btw, the catchphrase "flowing juices" is becoming boringly frequent. While "trainings" are repetitive, the orgies at the final place should unleash the imagination. The girls should be punished and used in groups all at once, waiting for their turns. Examples:

Slaves are made to whip or torture each other. If one is judged not too cruel, they swap the pair. The purpose is for them to hate each other for the pain. Slave punishing slave should be a reward for the slaves.

5 or so slaves are auctioned naked one by one to 100 or so men. They bid in groups of 5, so only some but not all will win the auction. Winning means the girl is theirs for 24 hours in a room, to do anything they want to her. And they do

Three slaves are tied and put on vibrators. The first one to cum without permission remains tight and vibrated all night long. The second one gets whipped on pussy. The third one gets gangbanged in front of everybody else.

"Punishment or Pleasure": Slaves wait naked in a row. For each one a random male is selected from the audience. Then a "chore" is randomly selected: sex, or whipping, or electro, etc in front of entire audience. For 15 minutes with the slave blindfolded first. The other slaves wait their turn. Thry are scared by what the girl in front of them is going through. They are terrified on the idea that some disguising men will be their "partner", they hope some rare good looking guys will actually fuck them, etc.

Punishments such as introduced naked and handcuffed to prison cells with several inmates for a while night (privately run prisons). The other inmates go nuts hearing the girls moan and screams from the "lucky" cell.

Slaves forced to shot for underground porn.

Slaves are punished if they cum without permission. They should beg for it. I think they are allowed to orgasm too often in your stories. Cumming shod be a privilege.

And so on

With your pen name, you really have to fight for justice for the underdog. Yet, so far as least, evil wins and good loses. Please finish this story in a positive way, or change your pen name to a more consistent one with your writing.

Disagree with the negative comments here. You've got a lot of options to move this story forward - tell it your way!

And to the readers - if you don't like it, stop reading it!

While I believe you should read and accept any constructive criticisms I also agree with the last comment. This is your story and should be told your way. As far as the repetitive nature of the abductions and treatment of the girls. What do they expect?

Of course he will get his revenge on Mia and since he didn't negotiate a higher price for Dana how would you expect her not lose her virginity so soon. No, many of the scenarios don't work in real life. (I'm not a girl but I truly doubt you can force four different girls to all have orgasms against their will.) But again this is fantasy not real life.

Finally as the previous commenter said if you don't like it, don't read it.

Hope you haven't abandoned this story... Eager for next chapter!

Great series, hope it will continue

If you're doing a series use a plot or its a bunch of random sex bullshit with characters who have different names. Fuck, Mikeys so dumb he should be in jail or six feet under. Interesting charaxters, shit story.

It's obvious the author has a twelve year old boy's grasp of what makes women sexually responsive. Stupid story. Stupid series. I'm glad it ended before any more idiocy could ensue.

Ignore the other anon. This series is hot! I hope you continue with more.

This is the sort of fantasy for a woman hater with a tiny dick.