Pennies From Heaven

She imagined the vibrator was Richard's tongue licking her clit, and it was with that image that she arched her back into almost a full bow then crashed onto the bed in a colossal climax.

Sylvia was covered in sweat and the juice of her arousal was smeared halfway down her thighs as she lay in exhausted satisfaction. She smiled as she thought about the gift her husband had just given her, the gift of pleasure in the face of grief.

But there was still one more page to Richard's letter, so she picked it up and read, and she smiled through her tears at his final words to her.

"Well, I hope you enjoyed my little walk through memory lane," she read. "Knowing you, you probably came at least twice, maybe more, which was the whole idea. You always did love a good sex story.

"Which brings me to the real point of this letter. Sylvia, honey, I know how much you're going to hurt when I'm gone. Oh, you're putting on the brave front, telling me you've accepted what's about to happen, but I know you too well. You wear your heart on your sleeve and you are going to be inconsolable when I'm gone.

"That's all right; grief is a part of the whole death process, something you need to experience in order to have full closure. That's why I waited until after the reading of the will to let you see this letter. You've had two months to be inconsolable in your grief, two months to wallow in self-pity, two months to do nothing but cry over your loss.

"But enough's enough.

"You are 54-years-old, and you are a young 54. You come from a line of long-livers, and you've taken good care of yourself. God willing, you have another 20, 25, maybe even 30 years of life left in you. SO START LIVING IT!

"Baby, I'm gone and no amount of moping and depression is going to bring me back. I'm going soon to a better place and I'll meet you there when your time comes.

"But you're still there, and you have a family who needs you, grandchildren who need their Memaw, friends who need you.

"Quit sitting around that house feeling sorry for yourself. There are plenty of widows out there who have made productive second lives for themselves. Seek some of them out, talk to them, share stories with them, and, yes, shed a few tears with them.

"If you feel like the house is too much to keep up, sell it and buy something smaller. If you want to go back to work, go. You were a gifted teacher, and you still have a lot to offer young people.

"And, don't just assume that your sex life is over now that I'm gone. You are one of the sexiest, sexual women on the planet, and sex is an important part of your life. If celibacy is what you feel you need, fine, but don't do it just for my sake. I don't want you to live out your days alone, so if you meet another man, or, what the hell, another woman, and you have feelings for that person, don't let anything stop you.

"Hell, I may enjoy watching from up here in heaven (LOL). And if you find someone you love, don't hesitate to say yes if he asks you to marry him. Just do one thing for me, if that happens. Marry for love and not convenience.

"In closing, let me say again that I will always love you, and I know you will always love me. But you have enough love to share with someone else.

"Sylvia, I have been blessed and honored to call myself your husband, and you have done nothing but give me happiness from the first day to the last. Honor my memory, but don't dwell on it. Get out there and start living again, girl. Show the world that bubbly person I met and fell in love with so many years ago.

"I love you forever, your loving husband, Richard."

Sylvia was weeping when she finished, but her tears were tears of joy and release. Richard was right. There was no point in killing herself with grief. Life goes on, and she knew now that she would try to make the best of it.

------

All of the McKays were bustling about the house on Christmas Day. Jimmy and Brent, Ann's husband, were busy putting toys together for their young children, while Ann and Julie were in the kitchen helping Sylvia with dinner.

As dinner ended, Sylvia got everyone's attention.

"I know this is a little unusual for Christmas, but I want to go out and see Daddy's gravesite, and I'd like all of you to come with me," Sylvia said. Then she got up and walked upstairs to get ready, indicating that she would brook no argument.

Jimmy and Ann looked at each other with just a hint of a frown. What was their mother thinking? Why would she want to put a damper on such a joyous day by visiting the cemetery, especially on a cold day like today?

More to the point, they worried that Sylvia was slipping back into the black depression she'd fallen into in the weeks after Richard's death. They had been very close to dragging her forceably to a doctor, because they were afraid she was contemplating suicide.

But after the will had been read, Sylvia had seemed to come back to herself. She had spent some time with each child, started calling on some of her friends, went out shopping or just out and about, and she'd contacted the school district about going back to work.

She'd been told that there were a couple of courses she needed to brush up her teaching license, but she was put on the substitute's list while she enrolled at the university in the city.

She still had moments when she cried, but those were becoming fewer as time passed.

But now she was shepherding everyone out to Richard's gravesite on Christmas Day.

Sylvia hadn't been to the site since the day she supervised the placing of the tombstone at the head of his grave, but she was resolved that today she was going. She carried a poinsettia and led the little group, including the grandchildren, through the three inches of old snow to where Richard had been laid to rest.

As they encircled the grave, Sylvia felt the tears coming, but did nothing to stop them. She needed to do this, needed to put a final closure on a hellish year. She would look back one more time, then, after New Year's Day, she would look forward.

She said a little prayer, then asked her beloved family to sing some of Richard's favorite carols. Sylvia had been gifted with a beautiful singing voice, and her clear alto rang through the cemetery as she sang, "O, Holy Night."

She remembered how proud Richard had been the night she sang that as a solo for one of the Christmas Eve services at their church.

They followed that with, "God, Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen," then "The First Noel," and finally, "Silent Night."

As the last few notes – "...sleep in heavenly, peace," – faded into the gloaming, there was an awkward silence around the gravesite.

No one was quite sure what to do. Then Sylvia got a wicked grin on her face as she looked down and whispered in a voice only she could hear, "I love you, Richard."

Suddenly, everyone heard Sylvia start to sing:

"Dashing through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh..." And Sylvia led the family in a snowy conga line back to their cars singing "Jingle Bells."

That was when everyone in the family knew Sylvia was going to be all right. Sure, there would still be nights when the loneliness would cause Sylvia to cry herself to sleep. But she knew she would wake up the next morning with a new day of life ahead of her.

And she knew she would always feel the presence of her man watching over her, the way he did the night he sent her pennies from heaven, when his letter pulled her out of her crushing grief and probably saved her life.

Maybe she would find someone else to love, maybe she wouldn't. But whatever else happened, she knew she would always love and cherish the man who had given so much of himself to her, even from heaven.