Persistant Love

If I were a man...I'd tell you...but I'm not willing to risk losing you.....even if I have to remain a secret love...if I have to live my whole life watching you date and fuck women. How would our first date go, will there be a first date? My heart says yes, but it has been so long.....will I have to come out to you first? Well, yes especially if I expect to have a first date which I hope leads to something more...something...way more...sexual and loving.

It's late tonight. You are asleep. I'm sitting on the couch watching you. I've just now realized that you are sleeping in the nude. You just rolled over and the sheets came off. I'm looking at your ass as it curves into the small of your back. Your cheeks look so fine. my cock would love to be sandwiched between them. I would love to bury my tongue in your ass....lick it...kiss it...fuck it......oh wake up....be gay....say you want me....let me have it.....let me have your ass.

Of course you sleep too lightly for me to touch you....how awkward would that be? I love that cock too....I'd love to shave you bald then kiss and lick your cock...balls...ass....I love looking at you...I'd love fucking you more. You just rolled over...I'm in heaven...I see you...all of you...and you are hard. Who are you dreaming of? God it's beautiful and you shave it bare....oh my dreams of you tonight will be so...hot... you already know what I'm going to be doing with you....don't you? No. YOU don't. I'll sleep here tonight...to be near you. Good night.

Rich

I'm dying tonight. I love you, there's no denying it anymore but I'm so afraid to tell you. As much as I hurt tonight, I am not willing to lose your companionship so I keep it inside. I spent today at a support group for gay men in love with straight men. I mean to tell you most of those characters are just horny and really don't love their 'infatuations' as the group leader calls it. Get this: most of the men they desire are married. One even successfully seduced his 'infatuation' and brought him to the group. He told the story of how he came out...was honest about how he felt...and the rest was, as he put it, easy. It was nauseating actually. The poor guy was scared to death that his wife would find out. Anyway, the applause broke my heart. I do not have the guts to risk losing you over my selfish desire for you. Like I said, I'll be nearby and suck it up...just to be near you...for as long as I can...until I die if I can...but life is so short...why must I love a straight man...a cute straight man?..Why couldn't you be an asshole? Piss me off, make me dislike you...so I can tell you I'm gay and not care what you think...so we can make up, make love....and fuck the shit out of each other. But you never piss me off. You have never shown me the slightest disregard...and you are always considerate...Well, most often...but you never do anything to be cruel...or hateful. Why can't I be honest with you? Why?

Rich

I'm praying to God tonight for the strength to come out to you. Hoping that by being honest...to you and to myself.....things might work out for the best...at least for me...that would mean being able to be with you. However, I'm simply hoping to allow myself to be more open with you. So that you know I'm gay at least, so that when the day comes I have to tell you I love you it wouldn't be so shocking. Again, you are asleep. I'm tearing my heart out, I want you, I want to fuck you...please God...let me be strong...let him be with me......let him understand....let him be 'bi' at least....throw me a bone...

The last page was folded and taped, so I tore it open. It was the letter he had written the night before..

Rich

My heart is breaking. One of the group committed suicide because he was honest to his 'infatuation' who rejected him. He drove his car into an oncoming truck on the freeway this morning. He left a 'note' in the group office this morning just before he did it. By the time we read it, he was dead. Rich, it broke my heart to think that he may have loved him like I do you, took the risk and lost. I know how he must have felt.. I cannot imagine that pain. I cannot...imagine ever losing my Rich, even in the limited capacity I have you...so I am again struggling with being honest with you. It hurts so bad to live with you, to love you like I do...to fear letting you in on my secret. I'm asking God for guidance this night. I pray for your love..

Please....

I sat staring at the last paragraph, disbelieving. He was shaking violently, his face ghost white, afraid to look at me. I put the letter down, folded it neatly and put it in my pocket. My heart swelled. I was aware of how nervous he was how frail he looked.

"Johnny...are you ok?" I asked. He was shaking like a leaf afraid to look up so I reached for his hand. "I'm not rejecting you, so I want you to take a breath and calm yourself, okay?"

He looked up and tears started falling in streams. "W-what did you think?" he said trying not to sob.

"It's a good thing we had that HIV test last month," I said stroking his back.

He looked up. "Why is that?" he asked.

"Because you can fuck me without a condom." Lifting his chin I asked, "Is that ok?"

He smiled. "Yes!" His hand reached for mine and we sat silently drinking coffee. My heart pounded in my chest as my head spun in a surreal understanding that I had just entered into a relationship with a man that was predisposed to be sexual, very sexual. It was at this moment he noticed my raging hard on. "It looks painful," he said sounding sympathetic. I nodded. He looked me in the eye but said nothing at first. "I'm not much into cock sucking...but I can still help you out," he said smiling. Before my mind had time to address the situation he was taking me by the wrist and walking me to the couch where he made me lay down. Kneeling next to the couch, he reached for a bottle of hand lotion and began to stroke me slowly not saying a single word. His eyes locked on to mine.

"Relax and let me take care of this, ok?" he said smiling. Slowly he moved in and kissed my neck, ears and mouth. His velvet hand stroked me gently as the pressure built. As I'd get close, he'd slow his strokes or stop altogether letting urgency of my release wane then he'd slowly bring me back to the point of release and stop again. He brought me to this point at least 4 times that I could consciously remember as my mind was filled with passion, lust and physical greed.

As I started to believe he'd never let me cum he moved in and said, "This is for you babe." He kissed me and brought me to release.

My belly wadded up into a ball the size of a grapefruit and blasted out the end of my cock, such was the pressure behind my release. I cried out, but his mouth on mine muffled it. As I came, my back arched off the couch so that the only parts touching the cushions were my heels and neck. Ropes of cum shot so high into the air that some landed on my neck. Johnny smiled grandly at the sight of his work on my chest and began rubbing it into my skin.

"Our first orgasm together," he said and he kissed me again.

Breaking the kiss Johnny beamed. "It's Saturday and we have a three day weekend so we can take this slow and see where today takes us."

He paused then continued, "Would you mind if I consider today our first date?" I shook my head 'no'.

My mind was racing from the power of my first orgasm with him. I wanted our first coupling to be pleasant and clean and was thinking about how I could fit an irrigation in without it disrupting the mood. It seemed that Johnny was reading my mind.

"I bought an irrigator last month. It's in my closet. Something told me that I'd need it. I didn't know exactly why but I do now. When you decide that you want to go there, I'll administer it. Okay?"

We spent the day exploring the mall and a few coffee shops avoiding known gay hang outs, because the NIS was always on the prowl for service men that frequented these places. We didn't act any differently in public than we had before, only now there was a lighter feel and a deeper current of expectation. Other than that, we didn't do or say anything that would have betrayed our over-all intent. We did hold hands in the movie theater for a while and he stroked my cock again.

After the movie we drove up the coast to a secluded beach that Johnny often visited when he wanted to think. There, he had had happy thoughts of me as well as sad thoughts. Now that we were 'dating' it was ok to share it with me. Pulling into the parking lot I could see a trail that led to the beach. The walk was steep and wound around several ancient trees. When we got to the beach nobody else was around; it was deserted for miles in every direction. Where we were was an isolated cove surrounded by pine trees the only access being the trail we'd just come down. The sun was setting as a pod of Orcas surfaced, dived then surfaced again. Johnny looked nervously around and back up the trail. Nobody was around or driving by and if anybody did come we could see them long before they saw us. Feeling secure in our privacy he moved in behind me and wrapped his arms around me. His hands slid down to my waistband and tucked his fingers so that he felt my skin, but went no further, not right away.

We stood there watching the sun set as he kissed my neck and ears. Reaching behind my back I unzipped his jeans and slipped my hand inside to begin stroking his shaft. As it popped free my hand grasped it and I began getting acquainted with it. Johnny unzipped my jeans and let them fall...in no time we were both naked from the waist down our jeans sitting in a pile next to us. I could feel his heat pressing against me. Looking down I saw his cock emerge from under mine and I hugged it to me. His shaft parted my cheeks, pressing against my hole as he began attacking my neck and ears with his tongue and lips. Kissing and licking me gently, he said, "I've wanted this for so long. I can hardly believe it's really happening." He kissed my neck.

"It's been a while since I sucked a cock," I whispered.

"It'll come back to you, I'm sure," he whispered.

"I know," I said.

With that I fell to my knees and positioned myself so that I could focus on his cock. He was bigger than I expected but beautiful. He had to be at least 8" and perfectly straight without a single imperfection and no hair to interrupt the sensation of skin on skin.

As I moved in, I could smell peppermint. When I kissed the base of it, I could taste peppermint oil. Sliding my lips along the side of his shaft, I licked him as I moved up. He sighed and moved to lie down. When he was comfortable I moved in, kissed and licked the other side then licked along the bottom of his shaft all the way to the top and licked the hole with my tongue. His pre-cum was seeping from the opening. I took his head into my mouth and swallowed as much of his shaft as I could. I pulled back and looked up at him; he was staring at me. Putting my mouth back onto him, I felt his hand on my neck...aiding in creating a rhythm.

Closing my eyes, I let the heat of his cock mix with my body heat as I slid his head and the first few inches into my mouth, sliding him in and out of my hungry mouth. I enjoyed hearing his moans as I slowly bobbed my head up and down on his shaft. Positioning myself on all fours, I was able to get better penetration, which was followed by a gasp of approval from Johnny.

I kept a slow rhythm because I realized how much I loved sucking cock. As I administered to his cock his moans and sighs swelled my heart; my affection for Johnny surfaced with a burning desire to give myself to him. Sensing that he was cumming I backed off, not wanting him to cum too soon and knowing that the longer I prolonged his pleasure the more intense his orgasm would be. As I waited for his sensitivity to ease, I made a decision.

"How long will it take to set up the irrigator?" My mouth closed on his head again as he answered.

"Ahhuh..about a minute, and 20 minutes to do its business. Why?"

At that moment, the memory of the loving words in his letters came welling up and tears rolled down my cheeks. "I want you to make love to me," I said trying to control a sob then continued, "I want you inside me; I want you to fuck me." My voice trailed off.

All at once my heart and mind exploded with the desire to make him cum...to taste his essence. My mouth engulfed his cock again and I moved my head up and down with a fevered desire to make Johnny cum. I was forcing him past my gag with each bob of my head and soon I felt his head hitting my throat. I couldn't get it past that point as much as I tried.

He seemed to think that I was going to pull off as he started moaning and saying as a warning to pull back, "I'm going to cum...I'm going to cum." I increased my depth on him and speed.. He stiffened, and moaned, "I'm....I'mmmm...uhhhh...uhhhh....oh...Gaahhhhhh!!!"

I took as much of him in my throat as I could fit as jets of hot cum hit my throat.. Surprisingly I actually put enough of him in my throat that he was shooting directly down it. I had accidentally done a partial deep throat. As I realized this, more cum shot down my throat as he convulsed and groaned again.

"You, you swallowed? You actually swallowed?" he cried.

I came off him and he was still hard. He lay panting and his body jerked suddenly and another spurt of cum shot out of his cock and landed on the cold stones on which we lay. Sitting up he pulled me to him. I felt the heat of his cock press against the crack of my ass. "I will make love to you, I will...." His hands slid down and grasped my ass cheeks. We rocked back and forth in this position until it was pitch black. We put our jeans on and headed for the car.

30 minutes later, we were on the freeway. Ten minutes after that I had his cock in my mouth again as he drove us home. I was naked by the time we pulled into the drive and up to our parking space at the foot of our long staircase. "I want you to stay naked," he said.. "Wait until I get up stairs and turn the light off then come up." He took my clothes, bundled them up, and carried them to the apartment.. Once the light was off I got out of his car and ran up the stairs.

I wasn't in the door a minute before Johnny had me laying face up on the couch nibbling and sucking on my neck and ears. After a few minutes we were both naked on the couch, Johnny on top pressing his hard cock between my legs and poking the head against my hole, teasing, prodding. As his cock pressed against my entrance, he whispered in my ear, "Are you sure you want me inside you tonight?"

I responded by pressing my ass against his cock and replied, "Are you sure you want to be inside me tonight?"

He rested his head on my shoulder and gently pressed his pelvis into mine. "I, I've wanted this for so long......I can hardly believe that you're here...I'm afraid that this is only a dream and I don't want to wake up from it....I don't want to wake up."

We lay silent for a long time. The only sounds we could hear were the crickets outside and the neighbors arguing over which movie to watch. It wasn't until the movie our neighbors were watching was half over before either of us said anything. "Did you set up the irrigator yet?" I asked.

"No, not yet," he said. "Wait here and I'll come get you when its ready." I could tell he was reluctant to leave so I started to get up with him.

"Hey, I know you think this is a dream so I'll come with you so that you know I'm not going to fade way like in some dream, okay?" In a flurry of motion I was in his arms being carried to the bathroom where he administered the cleanse the details of which I shall keep to myself.

Once finished he stood me in the shower and coated my body with nair, including my pubic and anal region. Two applications were enough to remove any and all body hair. He then got in the shower with me, soaped me up and rinsed me off while I did like wise to him. Johnny seemed to prefer me with my back to him. When we were done, he dried me off. With that done, he reached for a box next to the shower. In it were what I recognized as almond sized suppositories. Holding one up he explained what they were. "These are sexual stimulants. Most men lose the urge when they cum, for a while anyway. These enhance the libido so that there is no loss of drive or desire. I take caplets orally about 30 minutes before 'things' happen. These can be used right before and the effect is nearly immediate. These can make you cum so hard that too many orgasms can dehydrate you." He peeled the suppository, bent me over then inserted it. He was right, the affect was nearly immediate. I had already been feeling the urge but when this took effect, I felt a surge of eroticism hit my whole body. It was as if every cell in my body wanted sex. The effect on my mind was sharp, as if a door once locked was opened. My desire for Johnny was overwhelming; my emotions exploded, as did my lust, my unbridled lust. He lay me on the couch and disappeared into his room.

When he came back out he picked me up from the couch and carried me to his bed where he lay me among the sheets. Candlelight lit the room in a soft yellow/orange glow that mixed with Kenny-G Duotones playing softly in the background. Johnny was already naked; his body was so perfect and toned that I counted myself lucky to be the object of this adonis' affections. His cock was now fully erect and pointing directly at me. He crawled into bed next to me and pulled me close. He wasn't much into kissing except when it came to my neck and ears. Occasionally he kissed my mouth, but he preferred my neck and ears so he contented himself thus.

One full song passed as he did so then as the next song started he moved south, way south, paying some attention to my cock, but not too much. He was interested in more, much, much more.

"Roll over babe," he said in an emotionally charged voice.

I did as he suggested thinking that he was finally going to fuck me. Then I felt his hot breath on me and I knew, I knew. Reaching for the loops in his bed I held on as his tongue grazed my opening, circled it and finally penetrated it. Johnny was reaming me. I was lost, so, so lost. My moans let him know I was enjoying this. He shoved his tongue deep and I gasped, "Yes, yes." His arms wrapped around my thighs and waist as he tongue fucked me. I was his, all his. I buried my face into the pillow and hugged it close as he spent the next 15 or 20 minutes driving me insane.

I moaned, "I want you".. He kissed my neck and reached for the lube then rolled to his side and began applying it to my ass. Biting on a pillow I felt a long finger penetrate my ass. Rotating it and pumping it in a circular motion, he began relaxing my hole. Two fingers pumping and rotating, driving me mad. Ten minutes later, three, buried to the knuckle. When I couldn't take it anymore I rolled over and lubed his cock, coating every sweet inch of his manhood with a thick layer of lubricant. Rolling back over I automatically propped my ass up on two pillows and spread my legs. There was no way that I could be more clear. He crawled between my legs. I felt his cock slide between my cheeks as he nuzzled my neck. His body shook with excitement. The warmth of his head pressed against my opening still warm from the stretching he had given it.

"I've waited so long for this moment," he said, his voice shaking.

Slowly he increased the pressure and I immediately felt his head slide in. Unconsciously, I reached behind myself and spread my cheeks; his hands wrapped around my wrists as he slid in deeper still. There was no 'pop' or pain like I remembered. He had stretched me enough to allow his head to pass fairly easily. There was a moment when the pressure mounted as the secondary barrier was breached, but again there was no pain. I moaned as his body heat mixed with mine. His head was just inside the barrier rings and I felt my insides stretch to accommodate his shaft. His body came to rest on mine as he did so, his shaft slid deeper. His lips found my ears and neck again and kissed them softly. A shallow pumping motion of his hips drove his cock deeper with each stroke. He was larger than my last experience but this time was so much more enjoyable.