Playing the Part

"Let me guess. They all smoked."

Lauren laughed again and said, "One of them did, but that's not the reason I started smoking."

"Really? What then, got a 21-year old girl...no, woman...to start smoking if she'd never even tried it before? Don't tell me you were offered a movie role like the one I just accepted."

"I wish!" she said with a polite laugh. "No, not that, either. What happened was I met this guy. This incredibly handsome, totally gorgeous, amazing guy!"

"So he smoked and got you to try it?"

Lauren laughed again as she pulled into the studio. It really was just a hole in the wall and Abby was looking around to make sure no one was waiting to mug them. They went inside and the smell of stale cigarette smoke hit her—hard.

"Oh, my God! This place smells horrible!" she said turning up her nose.

"I used to think so, too," Lauren told her.

Abby realized there was nothing she could do about the stench and said, "You didn't finish your story."

Lauren showed her to the little office and said, "I'm dying for a cigarette. Do you mind if I smoke?"

"Would it matter if I said I did?" Abby said trying not to get ugly.

"Well, I'd step outside if you insisted," Lauren said. Abby watched as she pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her purse. "These are my favorites," Lauren told her. "They're Virginia Slims Menthol Lights. I've tried all kinds and these are the best. Oh, and my boyfriend loves the way they taste when we kiss."

"He what?" Abby said trying to make sense of that comment.

Lauren pulled out a silver lighter and lit one and Abby watched as her cheeks caved in as the tip of the cigarette glowed. Lauren exhaled a long plume of smoke and said, "Mmm. Much better."

Abby tried not to cough as Lauren took a second long drag before saying, "Anyway, I met this guy—Erik—at a bar and we really hit it off. He wasn't like all the other guys around here. He was really nice, you know? He was such a gentleman. He opened my door, helped me with my seat when we went anywhere, he was kind and polite and he never pushed me to sleep with him."

"Sounds too good to be true," Abby said trying to wave the smoke away.

"Sorry," Lauren said again. "Anyway, after on our third date, we started talking about, you know, 'doing it' and everything, and that's when he told me about this...thing he has for attractive women who smoke."

"Like a fetish or something?" Abby asked trying to make sense of it.

"Exactly!" Lauren said taking another very deep drag before exhaling a huge stream of smoke. "I thought he was kidding because who thinks smoking is sexy? No one, right? But come to found out there's this whole group of men out there who think it's the sexiest thing ever. I mean, I had no clue and really didn't believe him until he showed me some of the videos he watched and I was shocked to find out he was telling the truth!"

"Okay, but you didn't just pick up a pack of these..." Abby picked them up and looked at the pack, "and start smoking."

Lauren finished her cigarette and put it out then told Abby, "I kind of did it once as a joke, you know? We were at his place and I noticed there was a pack on the table and asked him if he smoked. I was pretty sure he didn't because I never smelled it tasted it when we kissed."

"Did he?" Abby asked her.

"No, never. He said it was his 'just-in-case pack.' You know, just in a case a girl he dated smoked and ran out or um...wanted to try it."

"So what did you do?"

"Well, we had a beer and then another one and I was getting playful and grabbed the pack and pulled one out. I was holding it and pretending to smoke it and I kept teasing about how sexy I looked."

"And?" Abby wanted to know.

"And...I lit it. I still don't know why I did. Must have been the alcohol, but I took a couple of puffs but didn't inhale."

"Oh, sure. Just like the former president, right?" Abby said with a smile.

Lauren laughed at the reference then said, "No, I actually didn't. Not until Erik dared me to."

"How bad was it?" Abby asked getting very interested knowing this was what awaited her very soon.

"Um...pretty bad but not terrible. The problem was I didn't really know how to do it. You have to hold the smoke in your mouth for a brief moment before inhaling and I just sucked it straight into my lungs. I coughed so hard I thought I'd throw up!"

"But you tried it again?"

"Oh, yeah. Erik told me what to do so after my eyes stopped watering and the coughing subsided, I gave it one more try."

"How was it that time?"

"Much better," Lauren told her. "It made the back of my neck tingle."

"So that was it?" Abby asked.

"For the smoking anyway," she said with a wicked smile. "Erik was so turned on, he leaned over and kissed me. The way I tasted to him sent him into some kind of other world and the next thing I knew we were in his bedroom doing it."

"Get out of here!" Abby said. "He liked the way you tasted after smoking?"

"No, he loved it. He never wants me to chew gum or use breath mints or even brush my teeth before we kiss or...you know."

Abby sat there unable to speak. What she'd just heard made absolutely no sense to her. "So he prefers the taste of...cigarettes...to minty fresh?"

"To everything," she said with a smile. "Guys who have the smoking fetish LOVE watching, but they love kissing a girl who smokes even more. I know how crazy all this sounds. Trust me, I was exactly where you are two years ago."

"Obviously you kept smoking, right?" Abby said wanting more information.

"I did," Lauren told her. "It was just one cigarette before bed for quite a while because I was, you know, enjoying the um...benefits...as much as Erik was until I found myself wanting to have just one more after dinner."

"Which led to one more which led to one more which..."

"Uh-huh. But it didn't really take until I tried smoking first thing in the morning. After maybe a week of doing that plus already smoking the 3-4 more each day, I found myself really wanting a cigarette a few hours later for the first time. Before that, I didn't need one, I'd just smoke one because I kind of thought I maybe wanted to."

"So smoking in the morning is what really got you..."

"Hooked? Yes indeed. After that, I started smoking about twice as many and within a month, 6 to 8 went to 10 or 12 and by the time I was smoking for a year or so, I was going through a pack a day and sometimes a little more."

"I guess the big question is—do you enjoy it?"

"Oh, you have no idea, Abby. I love smoking! I'm already wanting another one and I enjoy every single cigarette every day. So yes, I enjoy it—a lot."

"Do you have any regrets about having started?" Abby asked.

Lauren reached for the pack and Abby said, "It's okay. Go ahead."

Lauren inhaled deeply twice in a row and as she exhaled said, "Not at all. Just between you and me, our sex life is off-the-charts amazing, and as I said, I enjoy each and every cigarette." She tapped her ash and said, "We're all gonna die someday, right? So isn't it all about enjoying the journey?" She took another very deep drag and said, "I'm definitely enjoying mine!"

Abby actually laughed and said, "I'm still very apprehensive about this, but I have to admit I feel a lot better about it just having talked with you like this." She looked over at Lauren and said, "Thank you. You've made something terribly difficult for me a little less terrifying."

"I'm glad, Abby," Lauren said sweetly. "So...are you ready to get started?"

"In for a penny, in for a...quarter of million," Abby said absentmindedly.

"What was that?" Lauren asked.

"Oh, nothing. Just musing. That's all." Abby sighed and looked over at Lauren and said, "Okay, coach. Ball's in your court."

Lauren smiled and said, "All right. Well, the first thing you should do is practice holding a cigarette so it looks and feels natural for you. As a woman, you'll naturally know how to hold it, but I just want to make sure. I know you're not doing this to attract a guy like I did with Erik, but style is a huge turn-on for most of the guys who have the smoking fetish. That probably won't ever be an issue, but I don't think looking feminine or even sexy is a bad thing, right?"

Abby laughed and told Lauren, "Okay, give me one of those things."

Lauren opened the box and let Abby remove one of the long, white cylinders. Abby held it between her first two fingers and said, "Hah! This was easy! We're done, right?"

Lauren laughed politely and said, "Um, not quite." She watched Abby as she held her cigarette near her face. Her wrist was nicely bent and her first two fingers were fully extended and she did indeed look very feminine. "So far everything looks perfect, but I want to show you how to do it with the real thing." Lauren grabbed another cigarette herself and said, "Besides, I kind of want another one anyway so..."

She lit it and took a nice, deep inhale and said, "Okay, here's the key. When you start to inhale, you do this." Lauren took some smoke into her mouth and just sat there. Then she opened her mouth slightly and snap inhaled letting Abby see how the smoke was held in her mouth before inhaling. "Don't take in too much on the first puff or two. Just a tiny amount to get the hang of it. We'll do that 4-5 times and call it quits for the day. How does that sound?"

"Like four or five puffs too many," Abby said honestly.

Lauren smiled then picked up her lighter and said, "Oh, and on the very first puff, don't inhale it. Just blow it out as it's mostly paper and tastes kind of strange. So one puff with no inhale, then a few with small inhales. Are you ready?"

"Okay, here goes nothing," she said as she held a cigarette to her lips for the first time in her life.

Lauren flicked the wheel and a flame appeared. Abby went to bend down and Lauren said, "Just hold still, hon. I'll show you where the flame meets the end, okay?"

Abby looked at her as she held the cigarette and waited. When the flame touched the tip, Abby heard the sound of paper and tobacco burning and took the smallest amount into her mouth then blew it out. "Ugh! That tastes awful!" Abby said. She held the lit cigarette way out and looked at it. "This is disgusting! How do you do this?"

Lauren smiled and said, "It's an acquired taste, Abby. Okay, first inhale coming up. Ready?"

Abby gave her an 'are-you-kidding' look then took a very small puff. "Okay, hold it in your mouth and breath through your nose once and then quickly inhale."

Lauren was surprised to see Abby open her mouth the way she had but that's exactly what she did before quickly pulling the smoke into her lungs. She saw Abby's eyes open widely as her shoulders raised up as the smoke entered her body. There was a very thin, almost invisible exhale after which Abby said, "That wasn't as bad as the first puff and I inhaled that one."

Lauren laughed and said, "Well, that's because the first tiny puff really was mostly paper. Later on, you won't even notice. So...how was it?"

"Not totally terrible," Abby said. "Should I do another one?"

"Yes, please," Lauren told her.

Abby pulled for a fraction of a second longer, held it in her mouth for a couple of seconds, then did another snap inhale. Lauren could actually see this exhale although it was also very weak.

"Oooh! I felt that tingle thing in the back of my neck," Abby said with a smile.

"Ah-ha! Your first nicotine buzz. That doesn't happen too many times so enjoy it while you can!" she said.

"Enjoy it? You're got to be kidding," Abby said as she got ready for a third drag. This one was even deeper and Lauren saw her eyes open wide again as she took in quite a bit more smoke.

"Careful! You're gonna get dizzy if you overdo it the first time."

Abby exhaled and saw it for the first time. "Hey, that's kind of cool!" she said pointing to the stream.

"I've read where watching the exhale is a big part of the enjoyment of smoking," Lauren told her as she took her own very long, very deep drag. "If a smoker is blindfolded they lose a lot of the enjoyment of smoking."

"That's interesting," Abby said. "One more?"

"Sure. Maybe two if you think you can handle it. If not, one more is plenty."

Abby drew in about the same amount as before and exhaled. "I can really feel that down here," she said pointing to her chest.

"It takes a while to get used to it. I remember my lungs kind of hurting or something for a few days early on."

"But it went away?" Abby asked.

"Oh, yeah. It didn't last long. Obviously, our bodies aren't meant to inhale smoke and it resists at first. But if you keep at it..." Lauren took a very deep drag and as she exhaled said, "It is a very pleasant experience."

"I'll take your word for it," Abby said smiling back. "One more. Here goes." She took an even bigger drag and exhaled a very nice plume before saying, "I think I overdid it. I feel a little queasy right now."

"Then that's definitely enough for day one. Just put it out and we'll try again tomorrow."

Abby ground it out then smelt her fingers. "Oh, God! That smells terrible! It's worse than the smoke!"

Lauren laughed yet again and told her, "Just like everything else, you won't even notice after a while."

"I find that very hard to believe," Abby said. "And Lauren? You don't have to um...babysit me...every day. I think I have this down already. I isn't exactly rocket science."

"Oh, okay. Well, that's up to you. It's just a lot more enjoyable when you have a friend, but I'll leave it up to you. I have time set aside every day for us so just let me know."

"I do have a question, though. How long do you wait to have another one?"

"At first, you have to remind yourself to smoke. Later on, your body will start reminding you and from then on, you'll just know. For now, one a day is fine although you could have another one this evening. That's up to you, too."

"So should I be on some kind of schedule to be ready for the first day of shooting?"

"I don't think we have to do that although it might make it easier. We have just over five weeks so if you can be smoking at least seven or eight a day by then you should be okay. So maybe smoke one or two a day the first week, 3-4 the second, 4-5 the third, and so one. More is okay, but that should be enough to allow you to smoke convincingly when they start filming."

"Okay! Sounds good. I guess I should probably buy a pack of these things, huh?" Abby said.

"If you plan to smoke on your own then yes, definitely. But if you want to do it with me, you can bum mine for now."

"Okay, that sounds great, Lauren. It seems strange to be thanking for you teaching me how to kill myself, but...thank you for helping with this."

"It was my pleasure," she told Abby as she finished her cigarette. "So...you ready to head home?"

When they got back to Abby's apartment she asked Lauren if she'd like to come in talk for a while and she said she'd love to.

"So tell me more about these videos you make with Andrew. Is it true you don't have to memorize lines or anything?"

"Oh, heavens no!" Lauren said. "The guys that watch them don't care what we say—unless, of course it's about how we got started smoking or how much we smoke—they just want to watch."

"So you just sit there and...smoke? That's it?"

"Or stand. Andrew often puts a black curtain behind us so the viewers can see the exhale better and in his videos at least, we were several different outfits. You know, maybe a sexy dress, then a nice blouse and short skirt or maybe a pretty sweater."

"Do you do anything else? Anything at all?" Abby found this fascinating and still couldn't believe men paid money to watch women smoke.

"Well, we might sit there and play solitaire or flip through a magazine or even just run our fingers through our hair while the cigarette dangles from our lips. Some guys find the whole dangling thing a huge turn-on. Erik hates it, but many guys love it."

"This is just so crazy!" Abby said.

"Hey! You should meet Erik. I know he'd love to meet you, too."

"You mean watch me smoke, right?" Abby said while laughing.

"Well, yes. That part is true. It's funny how he'll look at an average-looking woman who's smoking and ignore an insanely beautiful woman who isn't."

"Do you get jealous when he, you know, watches other women?"

"As long as he's just watching, no. But I will tell you I love the way he looks at me when I smoke. I thought it would be creepy or something, but it's actually very romantic. He's like a little puppy dog who'll do anything for me. I don't get the fetish thing at all, but I do enjoy the benefits!"

"Is it too soon for me to smoke again?" Abby asked with genuine concern.

Lauren looked at her watch and it had only been just over an hour. "Well, that's up to you, but it hasn't been very long. For you, that is. I'm already dying for another cigarette so if you want to go sit outside, I'm game."

"Let's do it!" Abby said. "I mean, this is something I have to learn to do and now that the Genie is out of the bottle so to speak...why not?"

This time Abby took a total of five drags, all about as deep as her first cigarette and the only reason she didn't take a sixth was that feeling of queasiness again.

"Nicotine is a very poisonous substance," Lauren told her. "Your body has to adapt to its presence." She tapped her ash and said, "But once it does, the receptors in brain will scream out for it all day, every day. You know, like mine do!"

"Now often do you smoke, Lauren?" Abby wanted to know.

"Um...at least once an hour. More when I can. It works out to right about a pack a day now on work days and a few more on the weekends."

"And you really do like it? You're not just saying that because you have a job helping me?"

Lauren laughed politely and said, "Trust me, Abby. Next to sex, smoking is the most pleasant, most enjoyable thing I do so yes, I really like it. A lot." She took a very large drag at the end then crushed it out.

"Isn't that really strong at the end? I already noticed how much harsher the last puff was than the first one."

"Oh, definitely," Lauren said still exhaling smoke as she talked. "I used to hate the last 2-3 puffs for that very reason. They were just so strong. But now, they're my favorite part. I dunno. Smoking is just very addictive but I have to say I truly love being addicted to it. And...so does Erik. Hey, you should come over tonight and meet him. Seriously."

"Um...okay. I'd like that."

"I'll make dinner for us and you guys can get acquainted." Lauren pretended to get very serious then said, "But if you steal my boyfriend!"

Both of them burst out laughing and Abby told her, "No worries. I've had my eye on someone else for several months now." She sighed and thought about how what had been a difficult task would now be impossible because of smoking.

"You? You haven't been able to get a guy? Any guy? Sorry, but that sounds impossible. I mean, you've gotta be the most beautiful girl I've ever met and there are a ton of gorgeous girls out here," Lauren told her sincerely.

"Ahh! That's so sweet of you to say. It's just that this one guy—he's an actor, too—is the hottest guy I've ever met and he's SO nice! Oh, my God, he is just so amazing, Lauren." She paused then said, "And he's going to be the male lead in this movie."

"Are you serious?" Lauren asked her. "That's amazing! Oh, Abby, this is your chance to let him know how you feel. You've gotta to tell him. What straight guy wouldn't be interested?"

"Yeah, I guess. But now that I have to smoke..."

"Oh, right. I can't believe I forgot about that so fast. Yeah, the chances of him being like Erik have to be incredibly small. Sorry, hon. But hey, I'm sure you'll meet someone you like just as much. I mean, it's not like you're ready to settle down and get married or anything, right?"