Please Understand Me

In a calm, even cold, voice I said "Who did this to you Karen?" My cold voice frightened her as she dropped her head and whispered "My Mas..., I mean Victor. He was very angry when we arrived at the Outer Banks. He hadn't spoken ten words the whole trip. I asked him what I did to make him so mad."

He screamed at me, "You don't remember calling me a bastard in front of that wetback in your driveway?" You worthless bitch, it's a good thing that Mex didn't speak English or I would give you more than you going to get."

"He and Barry tied me to the bed and he whipped me for what seemed like an hour. Finally, Barry and Wanda made him stop."

She was sobbing now and I held her naked body until she calmed down. I said "I came up to ask if cold fried chicken and waffles sounded good to you. When I saw your back I just lost it." Even though I was speaking in a normal voice, I was holding in a white-hot fury that I would nurture until Victor McDonald gets much more than just payback for this assault on my wife. The details were still sketchy, but my plan was coming together.

Karen was under the shower and told me chicken and waffles would be wonderful, particularly since I was fixing them for her.

After her shower, Karen came down and sat at the kitchen table, just as she had done so many times before this disaster hit us. I used the plural pronoun "us" because I am coming to believe Karen is not the typical bored housewife looking for a sexual adventure without hubby finding out. There is something going on that transcends the typical cheating wife sordid story. She finished her plate quickly, eating like a starving person. I refrained from making any smart-assed comments, but I thought to myself that if Victor was fucking her for three days the least he could have done was feed her.

I put the dishes in the sink and told Karen to go in the living room and that I would follow. I got a chilled cabernet sauvignon and two glasses and joined her. Karen was sitting at one end of the big leather couch so I sat at the other end with the wine on the coffee table between us. Karen is not a very small woman, she is about 5'7" and 130 lbs., but as she sat facing me with her legs tucked under her and her eyes downcast, she looked very small and vulnerable. My first instinct was to pull her in my arms, softly stroke her hair and tell her everything would be all be right, we will resume our lives as we have planned. Obviously, that is not going to happen right now. Maybe eventually, but not until I have full knowledge of why she left with that scumbag in the first place.

I sat down on the other end of the couch, and unnoticed by Karen, I laid my iPhone on the coffee table after first setting the audio record mode.

When I started speaking, Karen gave a little jerk almost as if I had struck her. She is wound as tight as a dollar watch. I said "We are going to stay right here and you are going to start talking. I want you to begin at the beginning and leave nothing out. I do love you, but if I sense you are lying, or leaving anything out, I will throw your butt out in the street and call your sister to come a get you from the curb. Over the years I have a developed a pretty accurate bullshit meter, so if you value our relationship and our marriage at all you will tell me the absolute truth and not some sanitized cotton candy version. You will leave NOTHING out no matter how bad or embarrassing. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!

Karen physically recoiled when I raised my voice to her, but she replied in a strong voice, "Jake, I fully understand and I swear I will tell you the absolute truth, as I know it. I don't really know everything that has happened to me because, now don't doubt me on this, but for the last six months it is as if I am two people, I am your loving, faithful wife who would be disgusted and repelled at what my other self was doing, If I fully understood what I was doing. Jake, I know how that sounds and you may not believe a word of it, but I swear that is the only way any of this makes sense. I'm convinced I am two people, like a female Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. If you can listen to me with that hypothesis as a basis of this situation, which is the only way to make any sense of my behavior, I hope you can forgive and help me to become that good self all the time.

When what Karen just told me sank in, my first thoughts were: Either she's telling the truth or she is the cleverest cheating wife in all of Christendom. One person is the faithful wife and the other person is a cheating whore. What a deal. Can I swallow this BS? I'll let her finish, but reserve credulity until it all plays out. What she didn't see was that I had put my iPhone in the record mode to capture everything she, and I, said. I will have a good use for this narrative later on.

Chapter 4

Karen started talking in a normal, rational voice, "Jake, do you remember about six months ago, you were going on one of your trips to Chicago and I told you that one of my college roommates was in town and I was going to dinner with her while you were gone?" I replied, "Truthfully, I don't remember it. If I really tried I might, but because it was such an innocuous thing, you going to dinner with a former college roommate, female roommate I assumed, it just didn't make it to my long term memory."

Karen gave a low humorous less chuckle, "That "innocuous" event is the genesis of this whole life shattering episode. When I got to the restaurant expecting to meet Wanda, my ex-roommate, the maître d' took me to a dimly lit part of the room and a round booth. Wanda was setting between two youngish men. Wanda said "Hi Karen. See, I told you guys she's a bit older than you two studs, but she still has that sex appeal." Karen, this big hunky guy is Barry. He's mine. The dark handsome one is Victor—he's yours. Oops, I should say you are his. They all laughed at that as if it was the punch line of an inside joke.

"Jake, you must believe me on this. I didn't know what to do. Wanda sandbagged me with these two somewhat unsavory characters. I fully expected to meet just Wanda and we would talk over old college shenanigans and go home alone before ten. I've had a lot of time to ponder that first meeting. It was fully orchestrated by Wanda. Somehow, she knew you were out of town and would not be back for at least three days. In college, Wanda was by far wildest of the four roomies. For example, one night I came home from studying in the library and opened the door to the scene of Wanda taking on three guys at once. That was when I learned the meaning of "being watertight." Wanda was always trying to bring us, the three other roommates, into her sexual adventures, and some were way beyond being watertight. One of the girls did succumb to Wanda's exhortations, but Janie and I kept telling her NO until she stopped pestering us. Unfortunately, Betty, the fourth roomie did run with Wanda until she contracted several STDs and got finally pregnant, all in one semester.

With that history you are probably thinking, why the hell did I say yes to the dinner date with Wanda? Believe me darling, I've asked myself that question over and over. The best I can tell you is I really thought that after 15 or so years Wanda would have settled down. I mean there are a lot of people that are wild in college and then get married, have kids, and become normal people. Wanda is the exception. Her behavior has gotten worse, not better, as she aged.

Please bear with me on this Jake. I really don't know the details on this; that is, I don't have a clear memory of that evening. I do remember that during dinner Victor's hands were busy trying to get into my panties with his grubby fingers. I finally had enough and told them I needed to go the ladies room. I made sure to take my purse and planned to slip out and go home. Unfortunately, Wanda read my mind and followed me to the ladies room. When I told her that I was leaving she begged me to stay just a little longer. She insisted that if I stayed just thirty minutes more she would walk me to my car. The lying bitch. The best I can surmise is Victor or Barry slipped a double dose of some drug in my drink while I was arguing with Wanda. I'm sure she knew exactly what they were going to do when she followed me into the ladies room and was promising she would walk me to my car."

Jake was listening intently to Karen and had to admit this all sounded just like the Karen he knew and loved. He also mentally added Wanda's name to Victor's for deadly retribution. He would reserve judgement on the Barry character until he knew more.

"Jake, I know this is hard to believe. It is for me, so I know it must be for you too. My recollection is that one minute I was sitting at the table trying to keep Victor's fingers out of my panties, and the next I was stark naked and spread-eagled on a bed with rough ropes tied in slip knots on my wrists and ankles secured to the bed posts. I started screaming and Wanda came in the room."

"Good Morning sunshine. How does the movie star feel this morning?"

Movie star? "Wanda, Why do call me a movie star and please untie me. I need to pee and I'm very thirsty."

"Just a minute, let me get the boys and we'll all watch the premier of your hit movie Karen's First Threesome. She laughed and said, "Remember back in college when you and Janie thought I was a slut because I liked sex and you two looked down your nose at me for three years? Well Sunshine, welcome to the world of a slut."

"I still didn't fully understand what Wanda was talking about, but I knew if she was involved it wasn't something I would like.

Just then Victor and Barry came in the room carrying a big flat screen TV and a VCR. They put the TV on a table in the corner and Victor said "ShowTime!"

Karen's voice quivered and tears formed in her eyes. "Jake, I can't describe what was in that video. I hope you never see it. Do I have to describe every nasty detail?"

At this point I have heard enough to know my love, my life is completely blameless in this sordid tale. I stood up, took the three steps needed to pull my marriage, my life, together. I grabbed Karen by the shoulders and enveloped her in my arms. I kissed her like I had never kissed any one before, even her. "My darling, my beautiful wife, I will not forgive you" She jerked back and looked at me with terror on her face. "You won't forgive me?"

"No, I won't, because you did nothing to be forgiven for. You are a victim, and you need my love and protection, not forgiveness." Karen squeezed me in a tight hug and put her tear-stained face in the hollow of my neck.

"Thank you, thank you, my big, strong hero. You have no idea what I was thinking when I walked in here three hours ago. I was so afraid our marriage was over and I had lost you forever. But, Jake I've only told you a small part of what I've been doing this last six months."

I looked straight into her tearful eyes. "When you started telling me this I told you I would not tolerate any lies or prevarication of any nature. You have told me the unvarnished truth. Now let me tell you what I think happened since that night. Victor told you that if you didn't do exactly as you were told, he would send me a copy of this video, and probably to your family and where you work. Is that about right?"

She looked at me with new appreciation of her husband's perception and knowledge of human nature. "That was exactly what he said. Jake, I could not face you if you had watched that horrible video. He owned me. I would do anything to keep that video away from you."

I knew I had to assure her that I was with her all the way' "Darling, you are blameless for everything except this one thing. You did not trust me to know that you would not do the things on that video willingly. You could have saved us both a lot of heartache if you had told Victor to piss up a rope, and, if he didn't take you home immediately, your husband would rip his head off and shit down his neck. Before we go to bed, I want to read you something."

I went to my office and brought my laptop into the living room. I booted it and Googled "Rohypnol." I turned the laptop to her so she could read from the screen:

When used as a vehicle to incapacitate a potential sexual assault victim rohypnol is often dropped into a drink where it dissolves without the victim ever knowing they have ingested it. Very often people who have been slipped a roofie have no recollection of what happened to them when they were under the influence of the drug. The effects of Rohypnol typically begin being felt twenty to thirty minutes after the drug is taken, they peak within a couple of hours, and the effects may last anywhere between eight and twelve hours. Roofies are used to eliminate normal inhibitions and to facilitate rape.

"Karen, you are the victim here and I will be by your side until we can put all this behind us."

"But Jake, there is a whole lot more you don't know. Victor told the truth when he said he owned me. He became my Dom, and I was his sub. You don't know about the D/s life style. He became my Master and I am, was, his slave. Oh Jake, I don't know what would happen if Victor pulled into the driveway tomorrow and told me to get into his car. I just don't know. Do you remember what I said to you last Wednesday morning? I said 'I must go with him now.' The operative word was must. Even with you standing there and watching, I had to get in the car because my Master wished it."

I was listening to her intently. She was trying to make me understand that this is a lot more than a simple blackmail based on one amateur porn flick. "Karen, did you begin this Master/slave -Dom/sub relationship right away?"

"No Jake, at first when Victor called me and told me to come to his apartment or anywhere else he wanted, I did it because of the video. However, over time he became my Master. He would abuse me just like he did last Wednesday. He told me to lay face down while he put the ropes around my wrists and ankles, and I did. I just couldn't not do it. He is my Master."

I was starting to get a bit heated up, as any real man and husband would. "OK Karen, who am I?"

"Oh, Jake you are my husband, and I love you more now than ever. I told you, I am two people, when I'm with you, you are my world and I never think of my Mas . . . . Victor."

I replied, "And when you are with your Master?"

Karen answered like she was explaining a simple concept to a retarded person, "Yes Jake, when I am with Victor I never think of you. Don't you see, I cannot think of you? You don't belong in the world of Dom/sub. You are good and light. Victor is evil and dark."

I still didn't get it, "But Karen, you are not two people, you are my wife. One person."

"Jake, please understand me. I must be two people. I cannot exist as one person."

I was trying to understand this and had one more question. "But Karen, you were one person before you were drugged by Victor, can't you go back?"

Karen's gaze went to a point above my shoulder. Her eyes were out of focus and it was apparent she was in deep thought. I know she wanted to be truthful, but the truth could be hurtful. She came back to Earth and said very softly. "Not as long as Victor is still alive."

I didn't have anything else to say, no more questions. I did understand. Karen gave me the answer and told me what I had to do.

I reached over to my wife and pulled her to her feet. "Darling, I'm sorry about the doors, I'll put them back tomorrow so you can lock your bedroom. Tonight, you'll just have to trust me not to sneak into your bed in the middle of the night."

"Jake. Please, please sleep with me tonight. You don't have to make love to me. I know there may be images in your head that you didn't put there, but you can't get rid of them. I have the useful trick of compartmentalizing my life into the good and the bad. I don't recommend it as a lifestyle, but it has kept me sane for six months."

"Karen, let's go to bed now and tomorrow we will go to Mass and pray that we can get through this and come out the other end stronger and with the trust we had six months ago."

We went to bed and we did hold each other tight. We did not make love. The holding was enough. Karen thanked me over and over for understanding that none of this was her preference. She never wanted to go to Victor. He simply had this power over her that trumped her own free will.

Sunday was a day of rest and spiritual renewal. We both went to early Mass after going to confession first. We held hands throughout the service. I did wonder what Karen told the young priest at her confession, it seemed he was looking at her, more than any of the other parishioners, during the homily. After Mass we went straight home and tried to make this Sunday as normal as possible and as close to the Sundays in happier times. We made an unspoken pledge not to talk any more about D/s, Victor, or being two people. We tried to comport ourselves just as we would have nine months ago, BV. Before Victor. We went to a good restaurant that evening and tried to act as any happy early middle-aged couple. It was a good Sunday.

Before we went to bed, I told Karen that I had to leave her alone for a while tomorrow. I had things to do and I did not want to worry about Victor coming to the house. I was going to secure the front door with a 2 x 4 bar. The back door was metal with a small window and a hefty deadbolt. I told her I would give her the Glock and, if Victor was stupid enough to break a window to get in, she should shoot the sonofabitch. I asked her if she could shoot him if need be. Her answer was short and positive, she said "Gladly." I told her to go on to bed and I would join her shortly.

I made two phone calls. One to Brian to tell him exactly what was going on and he reaffirmed his unqualified support. The other was to Doug to ask him to have a patrol car check the house periodically tomorrow and keep a look out for a black, late model Porsche 911. I would bet a week's pay Victor has some wants and warrants or at least a bunch of traffic tickets.

Then I downloaded the audio file from my iPhone and made two CDs of Karen's Saturday afternoon confession.

Now for the list that I couldn't make until I understood what was going on with Karen. I am convinced that the very last thing on Karen's mind was to cheat on me with Victor. I realize there is more going on with Karen than I can fully comprehend now, but fortunately I know who can make sense of this Gordian Knot of Karen's undiagnosed psychological disorders. As a computer software engineer in one of the largest computer marketing companies, I also teach at Old Dominion University as an adjunct professor of computer science. I find it to be an excellent way to keep abreast of a fast moving field. I also keep an eye out for the exceptional students in order to recruit them to come work for us when they graduate. As adjunct faculty I made friends of one of the world's foremost clinical psychologists. He was a full professor at the University of Michigan until his love of sailing and a warmer climate motivated him to transfer to ODU a few years ago. Dr. Sean Erikson can untangle Karen's issues, if anybody can. Item #1 on my list is to call Sean at the university.

Now to the list.

1. Call Sean make appointment

2. Drive to Portsmouth to a good hardware store-buy

1. Reinforcing strap 6" x ¾" steel

2. Four #12 x 3" security head screws to fit holes in steel strap

3. Screwdriver bit to fit above screws

4. 3/16 drill bit for pilot hole

5. 50ft of 21 thread manila rope