All Comments on 'Professional Wife Trainer Ch. 01'

I just read the 1st paragraph...All was said there...1*

Take your keyboard and bash it into your own face. Negative 37 stars.

to your writing attempts

So, he's PAYING another guy $500 to fuck his wife?

I'll apologize if Ch 2 shows him getting back a wife who takes him in the butt, but somehow I see this as him paying to be cucked.

Don't listen to the others. Keep trying. It's easy to criticize. I'd like to see a second chapter.

Almost no one cares where you put this story. But its obvious where you pulled it from.

Seriously, paying someone else to train/f**k his wife?!!

I'll do it for free; well, as long as she's half decent looking. A guy has got to have some standards.

Oh, wait I get it now; she is so ugly that he has to pay someone else to train/have sex with her.

For such an idiotic storyline, that makes absolutely no sense; I give it 1* as there is no option to rate on negative scale.

This being chapter 1; I don't even see how anyone could continue on such a moronic story/train of thought. What's for a finally: HE PAYS for her to have sex with everyone in a Mexican whore house... That would make as much sense as the rest of this story.

cuck shit.

I was actually pondering which category this story belongs to.

I am definitely going towards a cuckold story-line (where the wife is dominated by another man).

I was under the impression that the "loving wives" section is the place to put some things. I saw that there are alot of cuckold stories there.

I am wondering if all the negative criticism is because I am in the wrong category, or is it that cuckold stories get generally negative reception?

Would like to get this community right, to avoid any mistakes for future publications.

Aside from that, to all the people who took the time to write a negative response, I would appreciate some more detailed comments. Leaving the fetishist subject matter aside, is there something in the writing style that you would advise me on?

For example:I tried to leave out the long "My wife is XX years old, with an XX bra size, etc...." intro. I personally find those intros boring. Especially since every other story has one, and they all sound the same. So I went "straight for the action". With the exposition rolling out as the story is being told. Do you think that's a good thing?

I am really looking for some constructive writing advice (even if it is highly critical) before I publish ch 02. And yes, it is also going to have a cuckold theme. I cannot improve much with "this story sucks".

So please, if you took the time to write a critical comment, please provide an explanation to help me improve. As mentioned, this is my first story, and I really appreciate any advice.

It depends on what you want. Technically, cuckolding is a fetish and should be posted there. If you want to post it where people with enjoy it, post in fetish or, in this case, BDSM, judging by the tags. I didn't read the story. If you want lots of negative comments, post it here.

Cuckolding stories are wildly unpopular here, so unless you just want to troll the category, your best bet is somewhere else. You are going to get horrible scores and nasty comments here. Many authors seem to enjoy humiliation and abuse in the comments. If you're not one of those, try fetish or BDSM. Cuckolding is not in the category description here. Good luck, Randi.

Really enjoyed reading that! Hope youvery got part two started

Like her, I haven't read the story but picked up her comment from the Public Feedback Portal.

As Randi says, if you want your story to be judged by a readership who will assess it as a story, stay away from the Loving Wives category.

The Moral Brigade who infest LW will judge your story on the basis that anybody who does something they disagree with should be severely punished. If your story has an adulterous wife who doesn't suffer or a husband who accepts her adultery, it will be one-bombed in the scoring and blasted in the comments.

That it may be a masterpiece of descriptive writing and character development is irrelevant to the Moral Brigade.

On the other hand, if the scores don't matter to you and you are entertained by watching the Moral Brigade have conniptions in the comments to your story, LW is where the fun is. Just don't take it seriously.

Lue

Consequence is DEFINITELY not in the description, yet you don't mention that.

Hypocritical, self serving advice from the most narcissistic bitch up here. Don't give advice please. It will always undoubtedly be an underhanded insult or a self serving gesture.

Yes!!!!

I thought I was the only one who noticed that. She's the type of person to only give money to a bum if there are other people around to see it. Then, she will look inside of her purse after she does it and loudly say, "Oh my goodness! I'm out of money because I gave that poor homeless guy my last dollar."

This is the Randi who wrote dozens of the best stories ever written and put them on here free of charge? This is the Randi who’s edited hundreds of stories on here that I’ve read, free of charge? That Randi? The Randi who brought us the two best days of reading this site has ever seen free of charge? That Randi? The Randi that edited most of the stories on those two das free of charge? That Randi? The Randi who is evidently putting together another one of those days free of charge? Damn, what a bitch! I can’t believe she would do all that evil shit.

No, I don’t think SwingerJoe is gone at all. This is straight out of his playbook. He’s just gone anonymous and knows how to make more than one anonymous comment. Look at all the anonymous comments he was able to make on his last story as “dimaggio5.” Everyone else on here seems to love Randi. Then there’s swingerjoe. At least have the guts to sign your name, pussy. But then everyone would know what a chickenshit you are. You aren’t fooling anyone. Those two comments are obviously from the same piece of shit. As far as I’m concerned, the girl is a fucking saint. Now make another anonymous comment. Everyone will know it's you Swinger. RPL

Nope. I just don't see it. What mother leaves her baby overnight?! Just unbelievable. That's just in addition to all the other things which have been pointed out by previous commenters.

I like that you start the story with action. No, we don't need to know that she's 5'2" weighs 123 lb and has 36z boobs. Also that she was a virgin when you got married. Yeah, right. Also for some time it seemed all the cheating partners had beautiful emerald green eyes, even though only 7% of the worlds population does. Maybe young guys are afraid of sex with green eyed women, resulting in a disproportionally huge number of green eyed virgins!

Off my soapbox , in reading a story I need to suspend my disbelief to enjoy the story. There were two hiccups in your plot. First the lactating woman who most likely was a new mother, being up for this kind of "training". Ever hear of an episiotomy? Nearly all vaginal births have them and they need to heal. The other thing is how quickly she jumped into the trainee role. If she needed training it stands to reason that she'd resist this approach. And if she's a submissive it hardly seems necessary.

So good luck with the next few chapters.

Subject matter is distasteful to me. I gave you a rookie bonus, so 4 stars, not 3. Good quick tempo, hopefully you have it fully outlined already, and take it somewhere unique or substantial. So spare us over used outcomes please?

Here's a unique idea, have them actually talk it out like adultst, and working fowards together. You kind of started it on a stroke story arc, so trying for an Analytical end might not fit. Maybe stroke story hubby/wife sex, and some sort of open ended limit on the extra marital.

Good luck.

Oh yeah, nice sissy flails at BRandi you two anonymous twinks. Why don't you sissies stop by the 99 cent store on the way home and get a trial size of Desitin ointment? Sounds like diaper rash by your gherkins has made you cranky. Good night now!

Re: category. LW crowds live to roast cuckold stories and they are ruthless about it. You will not get any constructive comments there. Bdsm readers are very fond of cuck and males being harshly treated by bulls or dommes. You may get some decent comments, but still a lot of flaming. Fetish is probably your best bet. Readers there are the most broad-based. It's the anything goes category. If you're reading in Fetish, you've got precious little room to complain about content.

I applaud wanting to leave out the boring stream of details to start the story. However, you trimmed a bit too much. We need some information about what is happening. The trick is to give us small bits and spread it throughout. When a character looks at another, describe their eyes, use facial expressions to tell us about their features. When the husband is watching the wife doing to the guy what she won't do at home, use his thoughts to explain how he got them involved in this situation. Make the background and explainitory information part of the story bit by bit.

We know the most basic 'why' here; he wants her ass. How did they get to this scene? How long have they been together? Is the rest of their relationship good or not? (Im thinking not, since she's pouncing on the stramge dick and dismissing hubby.) Is that the only thing she won't do? How did he get this idea and how did he find this guy? Why did she agree to do this? Besides being another of your fetishes, why is she lactating? Is there a small child she is abandoning to go fuck a stranger?

If you're going towards full cuck with bull domination of wife, it will be important to keep letting readers know what all the characters are thinking and feeling. What are they getting from this, especially during appearantly negative events. What makes it worth being part of this? What comflicted emotions are involved? If all you give readers is a check list of crappy things being done to the husband by bull and wife, you'll find fewer positive responses. That said, true cuck fans, especially in Fetish will be clamoring for that list and sending you ideas for how to torture hubby next. If that's what you want to write, power to you and look to Fetish for sure. Good luck on your writing.

Some include all the fine details in the build up, this included nothing. The opening scene in the film of this would be the Millennium Falcon flying away from the Death Star.

Why? Why is she sucking his cock? Why is she so submissive to him? Why is the husband submissive to her? Why is she lactating (could be that she has not been allowed to dry up)?

And How? How did they find out about Rick? How did this start?

How does this really misplaced story that received its only constructive advice from BR, result in personal attacks on her? I have felt the wrath of Randi on a couple of occasions, and I have nothing but respect for her. LW would be a much lesser place without her help.This personal crap is getting old.

But there's no explanation of why: she is lactating, she is so into sucking trainer's cock, why she's listening to trainer and not hubby, how they got there. Needs a prequel.

.

Not easy to say, but this is too awful to continue .You tried the full court press of nasty and it didn't work.