by BellaStone
Actually I think it adds something - a bit ee Cummings, a bit Emily Dickinson or James Joyce. Don't worry about it, keep writing :-)
this is an excellent, sexy story-
the only problem is that the grammar mistakes are so distracting!
Great story. Hope to see more from you someday soon.
- AchtungNight.
You've been mentioned in the Author's Hangout New Story Reviews.