All Comments on 'Prototype Ch. 12'

Another incredible chapter, in an incredible story. I just hope we haven’t seen the end but if we have it was a hell of a way to go. But again, hoping for more.

Thanks for the great Christmas gift.

hoping this is'nt over but if it is it was still a great story!!!!!

I just don't get the ending. It's jumped to far ahead, and I cannot make the connection back to the previous chapters.

Obviously they have mass produced the programmers, but I don't get the computer virus.

@Dunmovyniv: This was an attempting at wrapping up Benjamin's story with some sense of closure. Otherwise it could grow to unmanageable size quite quickly. The use of the epilogue was a narrative method to explain the stories perspective.

The mention of the virus was a seed/teaser for the sequel I am considering- a way for the story to continue later. It was not meant to tie into or explain anything previously done.

I know people had mentioned the hope of running into the original creator in this series- but considering that it is the "spiritual sequel" of work that is not mine I was rather uncomfortable with making any assumptions about characters that were likewise not my original IP. The epilogue was as close as I was willing to get to that subject, and had been my intended method of wrapping up the story from the beginning.

This ending leaves me with an established group of characters that I can draw from in later stories without having to worry about such limitations.

@Everyone who has read/enjoyed/commented so far:

I hope you all enjoyed the ride as much as I enjoyed writing it. It took me a year- but I got there. I appreciated all of your votes and comments. Feedback is what keeps the creative juices flowing. I'm not certain what I'm doing next, but I know I'm not done with this creative outlet.

~Firstborn

Err, were they betrayed? Possibly by Rachel?

Who the fuck knows. Useless as far as endings go.

I truly enjoyed this story throughout! Lots and lots of very yummy fun! Thank you for sharing this with us!

@_FirstBorn_ do you still plan on continuing this, or are you done with it?

I liked this story a lot, and I'd love a continuation.

I really enjoyed this but the ending was super confusing. It left me confused as to what happened. You need to go back and flesh that out some more, or keep writing in this fun world!

Perfect ending.

Too bad I haven't read the story that inspired this, but it is also irrelevant. As it is implied, the original experiment was either aborted or remain very tightly managed. My guess would be that undiscovered susceptibility to verbal instruction during training torpedoed that effort somehow.

It would be best if the attacker at the end had some point of contact with the original experiment, but neither full knowledge nor direct involvement, and had spent time since gathering pieces of a puzzle.

That would give us a sequel with new, original lead character, with different strengths, flaws and limitations, reaching in and attempting hostile takeover of what is now quickly growing Order of Benjamin.

Now a jokingly nitpicking with a glint of an idea, just how it happened we are able to read the files, supposedly shredded on delivery by Brandi?

This is one of those stories you just don't want to end.

Good pacing, lots of unforeseen events, all around just enjoyable. I especially appreciate taking the time to really develop the story.

If I had one complaint, it would be that it would have added much to see the interactions between Maggie and Rachel in those first few days. The epilogue shows us that something was done, but it was wrapped up too quickly and put in the wrong place.

Think about how hot it would have been to see Maggie get taken over by Rachel as it happened. While there were plenty of hints in the text during that time, and it was wonderful having to sit and wonder exactly what happened, I think it was a missed opportunity in the overall sense.

We spent a ton of time with every other girl, yet Maggie's training got nothing... and it was the central part of the story. I like that the training was kept from the Master, obviously, because that was just too delicious to not do. But it sure would have been nice to see how Rachel brought Maggie low and made sure Maggie understood that Rachel was the #1 Slave.

Again, we see hints of that hierarchy in how they interact with each other, but it would have been nice to see it 'in person'. I can imagine Rachel playing Maggie like a fiddle, and it would have been fun to see their first time in bed, for example, just like we saw when Rachel took her first slave.

If I could demand a follow-up, it would be the story of how Rachel captured Maggie and how their relationship evolved afterwards. They had a week together, right? Makes you wonder what kind of workout Maggie had to go through!

I read 'Feedback' before reading this story. 'Feedback' is more like the 'origin story' for the program. The virus at the end leaves the story open. I enjoyed Prototype much more than Feedback.

Sorry, loved most of the story but hadn’t a Scooby as to what that last chapter was all about.

Hence the score for the last chapter.

Also, couldn’t understand how he financed his lifestyle or how anyone found out he was using the machine when he could have merely said it was sold for scrap and produced legal witnesses to “prove” it