Radish Man

Even six months ago my stomach would have turned at the idea. Six months ago I had a husband, a safe and secure little world, and little interest in exploring my sexuality. That woman seemed a world away, as far away as my colleagues currently seemed to be, sitting in their cubicles under harsh fluorescent lights, answering emails and making phone calls and gossiping over coffee while I cavorted on the beach without a care in the world.

Ernie, Luke and I got dressed. The tide was now coming in quite fast and we were hungry. On the way back to the car, we passed a young family. When the family was out of earshot, I asked the men if they felt guilty about what we'd done on the beach, and the semen we'd left for the waves to wash away.

'No,' Ernie replied. 'Why would I? Because they had young children?'

'Well, yes,' I admitted.

Luke laughed. 'The jizz has long since washed away Jackie, and it's worth remembering that once upon a time none of us were anything more than semen and an egg. None of us would exist if it weren't for our fathers fucking our mothers senseless.'

'What a thought,' I said, marvelling at the truth of the statement.

We went to the car and drove back to the house. Time had seemed to pass so quickly while we were at the beach, but when I looked at the clock I saw it was now just past two. I was ravenously hungry.

Karen had finished her work and prepared lunch for us; cold cuts, buttered rolls, salads and home brewed cider. She asked us how the water had been.

'Lovely,' I replied guiltily.

Karen was bemused. She seemed to have known something unusual had happened, but also didn't seem to care too much about it. Maybe she and Ernie had an open relationship, or maybe she just trusted him. Maybe both.

After lunch, Luke and I went outside and laid in a hammock. I'd changed out of my wet togs and into my white dress and underwear, but he pulled my knickers off and fingered me to orgasm. My climax was explosive, and I nearly caused both of us to end up on the hard ground beneath.

Luke sucked his fingers dry. I reached for his shorts, but he shook his head, laughed and said I had no hope of waking the sleeping beast so soon after his last climax. That jarred me back into reality. Vaughn would have been well and truly ready to go again by now.

Luke leant forward and kissed me. I could taste beetroot and my cunt on his tongue.

'You're shocked,' he acknowledged. 'You should be relieved. The older a man is, the easier it is to satisfy him and keep him satisfied.'

'I feel guilty,' I admitted.

'Don't. I enjoyed myself.'

He helped me down from the hammock and we went to find Ernie. He was drinking herbal tea, wearing the shit-eating grin of a man who'd just got laid. Either age didn't slow all men equally, or he had a stockpile of blue pills for occasions where a repeat performance was called upon.

Ernie asked if we were ready to go home. Luke and I both nodded. Ernie put his tea aside and fetched a wind chime, all neatly wrapped in paper, and his car keys. We said good-bye to Karen and went down to the ferry terminal together.

Luke and I again sat on the top deck on the journey back to Cleveland. This time, neither of us spoke. We just sat together, arms wrapped around one another, and enjoyed the moment for what it was.

We parted ways at the terminal. Neither of us made any comment about catching up again, and I drove to Melody's school wondering if I'd ever seen him again.

~~~~~~~~~

The wind chime was beautifully crafted and I often sat and listened to it, thinking about my trip to Stradbroke with Luke.

Two weeks after the trip I messaged Luke to thank him for the day, and for the wind chime. He asked what my plans were for the weekend, and when I said something about trying to find a cheap and interesting activity for Melody, he invited us out to the farm on Saturday afternoon.

'Can we hold off on any physical contact between you and me when Melody is around?' I asked.

'I was planning on that. Don't want to confuse her. Just want to see you again 😊'

My heart thudded with excitement. I wanted to see him, too, and I knew Melody would be thrilled to visit his farm, regardless of how small and hobby-like it was.

On Saturday morning I took Melody to the local Westfield so I could buy some nice new clothes. I'd put a rinse through my hair the night before, and I was dressing a lot better - not sexier, just better - than before my split, which I expect explains why Vaughn didn't immediately recognise me when we ran into each other in Myer.

'Jackie,' he said. 'Melly Belly.'

Melody squealed as her father picked her up and kissed her. She missed him a lot. Going nearly two weeks without any contact with him was killing her.

'Someone misses me, do they?' Vaughn asked her. 'I miss you, too.'

'Why don't you see me more often, Daddy?'

I turned away, not wanting to see the expression on Melody's face as Vaughn fed her some bullshit excuse. I waited for my ex-husband to tell her he couldn't, or it was impractical, or even blame it on me, but instead Vaughn knocked me sideways by telling Melody he was sorry, and he should see her more often.

'You should see me on Tuesdays,' Melody declared.

I had no idea why she'd suggested Tuesday. It was no different to any other weekday.

'If your mother is okay with that, I'd love to see you on Tuesdays,' Vaughn said.

'It's fine by me,' I said. 'I've already offered you a weekday.'

'I know,' Vaughn said apologetically. 'I... I don't know why I didn't have the good sense to agree to it.'

'So Tuesday it is?' I asked.

'Absolutely,' he agreed. 'Do you want me to pick her up from after-school care?'

'That would work well. Do you want to keep her overnight and take her to school on Wednesday?'

Vaughn nodded. 'Thanks.'

'Okay. I'll call the child support agency on Monday and ask them to adjust what you need to pay.'

Vaughn shook his head. 'No, don't worry about it.'

I grew suspicious. Was this really the same man who'd left me to pay the mortgage on my own? Did he have some ulterior motive?

'How's Zoe?' I asked him.

'Good, good,' he replied. 'She's in the ladies section at the moment. You might run into her, if that's where you're heading.'

'How will she feel about,' I began and cocked my head in Melody's direction. 'About the change in custody agreement?'

'I... let me deal with that,' he said. 'I've been selfish. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry about how I treated you. I just wanted you to know that.'

'We're going to a farm tonight, Daddy,' Melody interrupted. 'A real farm!'

'A hobby farm,' I corrected.

'Oh, a farmstay,' Vaughn said.

'No,' I replied.

He stared at me. Understanding dawned. His face tightened, and he looked away as if he was shocked by the news I'd found a new lover. Had he not been expecting this to happen? Had he presumed that because he didn't want me, nobody else would either?

'Melody doesn't realise... we're pretending...' I said, by way of a hint.

'Okay,' Vaughn agreed. 'I understand.'

'Well,' I said. 'We should be off.'

'What are you buying?' he asked.

'Lingerie,' I admitted.

'Would you like me to take Melody to a café for a milkshake? Zoe will be busy for hours, and it'd be easier for you not to have to cart a child around.'

I'm not sure there's a more surreal situation than having your ex-husband offer to mind your child so you can pick up nice underwear to impress another man.

'Sure,' I replied. 'Do you want to meet here in an hour?'

Vaughn nodded. 'See you then. Melly, say good-bye to Mummy. You and I are going to get a milkshake.'

Melody happily waved me off.

Myer didn't have anything I fancied, so I went to a few other shops. I found a nice, skimpy black lace bra and panty combo, as well as a shirt and a pair of heels. I took my purchases back to the designated meet-up point, dreading the possibility of running into Zoe, but it was just Vaughn and Melody waiting.

Melody waved good-bye to her father. I took her home to pack, then we headed out to Luke's farm.

As we drove, I mulled over Vaughn's request to see our daughter more often, and our change of custody agreement. I couldn't make sense of it. Even if his relationship with Zoe was going through a rocky patch, what did he have to gain by being nice to me? Our financial settlement was complete, and I'd already made it clear that I wouldn't be using Melody as a pawn. He had no reason to curry my favour. Was it possible he actually felt guilty about treating me like shit? Was there still some hint of the man I'd thought he was lurking within him?

Melody chattered to me, growing more and more excited with every cow and sheep we saw. Luke didn't live in the complete middle of nowhere, but it was a solid two hour drive from our house. It wasn't the sort of journey I'd like to make regularly, and yet he was clearly undertaking it, travelling to and from farmer's markets. It was a hell of a commitment to make for a hobby, but I suppose single people tend to have the time and ability to indulge in extravagant hobbies.

Luke's hobby farm was indeed very pretty. His house was a large three bedroom and it was stunningly renovated and furnished.

'This is amazing,' I said, turning around and taking it in.

'It's not my work. I bought it renovated,' he said, taking my bags.

'Does that mean if I see you in a flannie and jeans, holding a hammer, it's just another dress up day for you?'

'Ah, enough of that,' he replied with a grin. 'I worked as a builder's labourer for a year or two, so it wouldn't be a complete farce.'

'You're a man of many surprises,' I replied.

'I've had years more experience than you,' he pointed out. 'How was your week?'

'Good. Yours?'

'Significantly better now that you're here.'

Melody loved the farm. When Luke gave her a tour, she ran about, skipping and exclaiming delightedly at the different fruits and vegetables, the tractor, the sheds and the boxes of biodegradable bags and packages Luke used.

After a long and exhaustive journey over every inch of the property, a tractor ride and a demonstration on how to pack strawberries, we went inside for afternoon tea.

Luke shopped like an older, single man. He had all the nice, fancy stuff that you just don't buy when you have a family and a budget in mind. Melody was thoroughly impressed with the passionfruit soft drink in a glass bottle and the slice of lemon bar cake Luke cut for her. I was just impressed that she managed to fit the food in after the fruit and veggie binge she'd gone on during her tour of the farm.

'You can't still be hungry,' I exclaimed.

She nodded. 'I am Mummy, I am.'

After finishing her cake and soft drink in record time, she was ready to head outdoors again.

'You don't want to sit down and read or watch television?' Luke asked.

'No,' she replied simply.

'Stay here,' I told Luke. 'I'll take her out.'

'No, no, I'll go with you,' Luke said.

Melody is one of those children who doesn't stop until forced, and doesn't go to sleep quickly or easily. I'd acclimatised over my five years as a parent, but Luke obviously hadn't had much to do with young children in the home environment, and he was also twenty years my senior. Melody's non-stop need for attention, conversation and stimulation started to mentally wear him down.

He soldiered on, but by the time we'd had dinner that night, he was ready for a break.

'What time does she go to sleep?' he asked.

'Eight-thirty.'

It was seven.

'Jesus,' Luke remarked. 'She doesn't let up, does she?'

'No, not really. Sorry. I should have warned you.'

'I wouldn't have believed you.' He yawned. 'Sorry. Been up since three this morning.'

'Do you want to go to bed?'

Luke chuckled. 'I'm tired, not dead.'

At a quarter past eight, I took my daughter to the spare room and laid down with her until she was asleep, which didn't occur until twenty to nine.

I crept out to the lounge room and found Luke asleep on the couch.

I gently touched his arm. 'Luke.'

His eyes fluttered open. 'Jackie. Sorry. Just meant to rest my eyes for a minute.'

'You old man,' I teased.

He stretched and yawned. 'I am,' he agreed. 'It was a shit week. Hot and dry. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to salvage everything vulnerable to the sun and keeping the water up.' He patted the couch next to him. 'Come and give me a hug. I've been wanting to kiss you since you arrived.'

'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bought Melody here.'

'Shit, Jackie, don't say that. She's perfectly welcome here. She's a good kid. I just wasn't expecting her to be so full of energy, and as I said, it's been a long week.'

It had been a long week for Luke, and a long day for me. Running into Vaughn, the drive out here, and the afternoon spent trying to entertain Melody while not letting her overwhelm Luke, had mentally exhausted me. I shifted close to Luke and leant against him. I had problems on the horizon, awkward problems, problems I didn't want to own up to. This wasn't casual. Luke and I were both old enough to know what 'casual sex' entailed, and this certainly wasn't it.

Luke kept his arm around me until we'd both mellowed into the mood. Then he began to massage the back of my neck. We shifted position, so that we were both sitting sideways on the couch and he had full access to my back and neck. It wasn't a sexy massage, just a regular one, designed to relax a partner, and this further troubled me. It was a caring act, one that was completely voluntary and unasked for, and yet he gave it and I let him do it.

The tension flowed away. I became soft, pliable, willing. Luke removed my shirt and unclipped my bra.

'We shouldn't do this out here,' I said. 'Melody might wake up.'

He cupped my breasts and kissed my neck. 'Come to bed with me.'

Luke's room was tastefully and simply furnished. The bed was a quality one, not like mine with the odd sagging spot in the middle, and it carried the undertones of maleness, of musk, of sweat and sex. I found myself pondering if he was still sleeping with other women, but I suspected that he wasn't. Not anymore. I was becoming something to him, and he to me.

We slipped out of our clothes and tumbled around the bed kissing, touching, yearning for more. I wanted him to have trouble getting hard, to give me some reason to feel unwanted or undesired, but his prick seemed more eager than ever. Luke was grunting softly and moving my legs apart with his knee, trying to get access.

'Condom,' I reminded him.

'Sorry,' he apologised, rolling off. 'I almost forget you're still young enough to be fertile.'

'Do I seem older? Or were you thinking I was someone else?'

'Neither. Just habit.' He reached into his bedside drawer for a box of condoms. He tore one off and opened the foil pack. 'Come here. I know you like to be on top.'

I climbed on top of him and positioned myself over his prick. I spat on my fingers and rubbed the crown, lubricating it, then edged a couple of centimetres inside. Luke lay on his back, hands gently resting on my legs, watching me. I sat back up and pulled his cock free of my pussy, before repeating what I'd just done. I continued to alternate penetrating myself with his cock, with releasing it from my cunt, going in and out five centimetres, then two, then seven, then four. There was no method to what I was doing, it was random, but not once did he get to enjoy the feeling of his cock entirely encased in me.

My cunt was hot and slick. I rubbed his penis over my clit, using my free hand to fondle my breasts. Luke's breathing grew heavy as he enjoyed the show I was putting on, but it wasn't just for his entertainment that I was doing this. I held his prick parallel to his body and ground my clit against it. I continued to use his erection to get myself off without giving him any sort of penetration, but he didn't say anything as he stared at me with lust-glazed eyes.

I rubbed the head of his prick around my clit in a circular motion. Faster and faster I went, driving myself wild with desire. I grew desperate for penetration, and virtually shoved his cock deep inside me, driving it in all the way to the hilt. I fucked Luke mercilessly, hands on my breasts and I gyrated atop him.

I came with a stifled moan. The moment I was done, Luke grabbed me, flipped me onto my back, and thrust into me hard and fast. After less than a minute he made a low, guttural noise and deposited a load of cum into the little latex bag that was the only barrier between fun and regret.

He stayed inside me long enough to catch his breath, before slipping off, removing the condom and wiping himself clean. Then we cuddled, naked and sweaty and content.

Luke kissed my forehead.

'No good will come of this,' he remarked. 'And yet I can't seem to make it stop.'

I knew exactly what he meant.

~~~~~~~~

Six weeks later it was on stronger than ever. Luke and I texted and called and snuck in visits. We tried desperately to avoid talking about anything serious. We didn't mention the future. We didn't mention the problems stemming from our age gap, our hometowns or my status as a mother. We just fucked, talked shit, enjoyed life. Got drunk together. Nursed hangovers together.

At times it was like being with an older relative, and there had been a night where he couldn't get hard and I'd felt personally devastated, probably making the situation more uncomfortable than it needed to be, but mostly it was like being with someone who knew how to have a good time and asked me for absolutely nothing but my company.

A dream. It was like a dream, one where I escaped real life and instead got to wallow in being an adult. I don't need to tell you what Luke got out of the arrangement. It was a symbiotic relationship and yet it never could have withstood the rigours of life. Luke knew it. I knew it. And still we talked, fucked, drank, hoped.

I grew adept at being a single mother. I became highly organised, extremely practical and efficient, not only at home but at work.

My clothing became more revealing, my makeup more daring. It was not merely for Luke's benefit, although I don't doubt he enjoyed it, but because there was nobody around to grimace at the shortness of a skirt, or the tightness of a top. I was like a toddler; I dressed how I wanted, when I wanted, societal standards be damned.

I liked men more because I stopped tolerating the ones who were creepy, patronising and rude. I knew I could stand on my own two feet, and I wasn't about to waste my time letting a mouth breather ruin my happiness.

Then, out of the blue, Vaughn called me one evening and asked if he could come around sometime and have a coffee with me.

I asked him 'why?' and he said he wanted to talk about a few things. I agreed, and he said he'd organise for his parents to mind Melody to give us some space.

I thought 'here we go. He's going to tell me he's proposed to Zoe, or they're going to have a baby'. I steeled myself for this news and told myself not to be jealous. You have Luke, I reminded myself, even though I shouldn't have had Luke, and Luke shouldn't have had me. I needed something to cling to. I knew that nobody's ex-husband comes around to talk, in private, unless there is something huge to be discussed.

I loved Vaughn so hard and so deeply and for so long it was hard to imagine him with someone else. I'd relied on him. I'd thought he was my best friend, for fuck's sakes, and yet while I was sucking his dick and complaining to him about Melody's teacher and squeezing the weird zits he got on his back, he was planning a life with someone else. I don't care who you are; that hurts. It makes you doubt your judgement. Him having a baby with Zoe? God. The thought automatically set my progress back six months.