Radish Man

'He sounds very driven. Why didn't he go to university full time?'

'His family would never have supported him.'

Luke's surprise was written all over his face.

'It's hard to understand,' I agreed. 'Vaughn is... was... is... he and I understood each other. We only became middle class together. But we both understood what it was to be poor. We both got that. Then I stopped fearing losing our money, whereas Vaughn began to fear it more and more.'

'Did it get worse after you had your daughter?'

'Yes. How did you know?'

'Just a gut feeling.'

I twisted my hands uncomfortably. 'He left me to do everything with her. Melody. He worked harder and harder. His temper became shorter. I tried to make everything run smoothly for him. He got angry at me because when he tried to help out, he didn't know how to, and I would get frustrated with him.'

We stopped talking as the ticket inspector passed by. We handed him our tickets and waited till he moved on before returning to the conversation.

'Was he ever violent?' Luke asked.

'No, no, he was never abusive. Nothing could be further from the truth. We just... drifted apart. I think a lot of it was natural, just part and parcel of having a kid. Neither Vaughn nor I are good at this parenting gig.'

'That's a sad thing to say.'

'I suppose it is. I love Melody. I don't regret her. And yet I would never, ever have another baby. Especially not now that I know how hard it is to be a single parent. I just wish Vaughn would have tried talking to me. He didn't. I can tell you that with a hundred percent certainty, and he's never once claimed he tried to. He just went and found another woman.' I reached for my phone. I found Zoe's Facebook page. 'See? She's pretty.'

'She would be tempting to a man who felt stressed and unappreciated,' he agreed. 'But I daresay she's also the kind of woman who would make a man feel continually under pressure to keep up with her. She'd be the type to make him realise how good he had it at home. And maybe that's what happened with Vaughn. Maybe he had the chance to see that you were letting everything revolve around Melody because you were the one doing the majority of the caring, as well as working, and you couldn't afford to let everything turn into a petty argument.'

I stared at him in wonder.

'You're extremely insightful,' I remarked.

'Old,' he reminded me with a smile. 'I've spent a lot of my life in pubs, listening to men talk, and I spend at least one day each weekend at a Farmers Market listening to women do the same. Men complain that women focus on the kids and forget about them, and men don't see what they're doing to cause that.'

We arrived at Stradbroke. Luke and I went to his car and exited the ferry, and began the trip to Amity Point. It wasn't a long journey and it was a quiet time of day. He told me that Karen and Ernie had left that morning for Sydney, for a wedding, and we'd have the house to ourselves.

The dogs were at the house. They greeted us enthusiastically as if sensing that we were there to pat them, let them inside, and feed them. The cat, on the other hand, stared at us magnanimously as if she were deigning to allow us access and we should duly worship her. Wind chimes stopped the place from being silent, but they in no way disturbed the peace and quiet.

'How many children do Karen and Ernie have?' I asked.

'Six.'

'Six? Jesus.'

'Karen would pop them out and be back at work the next week. They were born within eight years of each other.'

'Wow. I can't believe they got them all to move out. Vaughn's biggest fear was that we'd have a thirty year old living at home.'

'It's not convenient to live on Straddie,' Luke said. 'Their kids had to move to the mainland for university and work.'

'True.'

Luke had bags of produce, bread and meat. He put them all in the fridge.

'I don't know how they did managed to raise so many children and retain their sanity,' he said. 'I've always avoided women with children. Melody was my first real contact of a child living in the house.'

'Oh God. Good thing she wasn't a toddler.'

Luke chuckled. 'She would have left this old man napping for weeks.'

I knew what he was doing. It was the same thing Vaughn had done; outlined all of the reasons the relationship had been doomed to fail. I'd walked this path less than a year ago, so I knew not to take it personally, even though it was damned hard not to. Two rejections. Two men detailing every reason they had to say 'no'.

'What's wrong Sunshine?' Luke asked, chucking me under the chin. 'She's a beautiful child. All I'm saying is that she belongs with her mother and father.'

'I don't know,' I replied restlessly. 'You're talking about all the things that would have made a relationship between us fail. Vaughn did the same thing when he left.'

'We need to justify our choices.'

'I know, but could you please just do it silently? Inside your head?'

'But then you might not go back to Vaughn,' Luke remarked.

There was a damp patch on the kitchen benchtop. I swirled the droplets of mystery liquid around with my index finger.

'Why are you so convinced going back to him is the best thing for me to do?' I asked.

'Because until he left you, you loved him. And he still loves you. And together, you two have a child.'

'And because you identify with him,' I added. 'You do, don't you?'

'He's a man. I'm a man. We face similar challenges.'

I was angry, restless and confused. Luke poured me a glass of wine and I took it out the back deck. The dogs approached, wanting pats. They could smell Justice on me, and I knew when I went home, Justice would lick and sniff me, trying to figure out who I had cheated on her with. Dogs know those things. It's a pity I hadn't had a good enough sense of smell to figure out Vaughn was cheating.

What was sex between Vaughn and Zoe like? Good? Bad? No, it can't have been either. It must've been great. He must've felt alive, wanted, desired. She'd seen his orgasm face, let him hold her in the sticky aftermath, and listened as he told her what she meant to him. Which meant she also knew what I hadn't meant to him.

I thought back to the day I'd run away to Stradbroke with Luke, where I'd fucked him in front of Ernie. Both men had enjoyed themselves, I'd enjoyed myself, and the episode had boosted my self esteem. That was how Vaughn must've felt. Now my husband was ready to go home, and he was all but saying 'I've had my fun, so you have to give up yours'. Going home, forgiving Vaughn and fucking him would be... would be what? Conceding. Raising the white flag. Showing that he was the one who had ultimate control in the relationship.

And yet, I knew I had to forgive him. I knew it, I just didn't want to admit it.

I took my clothes off for no reason other than I could. There was no one around but Luke and two dogs. The neighbours couldn't see me. So why not be naked? Why not do one, last adult thing?

Luke came outside.

'This is a nice surprise,' he said.

'Hah. Just felt like being an adult for a wee bit longer,' I replied, a flush forming on my face.

He stood behind me and held me in his arms. In the yard below us a few more potted plants had died, whereas others were now in full bloom. I saw a statue of Pan hiding amongst trees. He was completely naked and his flaccid cock rested against his thigh. Luke's cock wasn't flaccid and it certainly wasn't lolling around his thigh; it was pressed into my arse.

Luke kissed my neck and nibbled my earlobes while his hands caressed my breasts. My nipples stiffened and I felt my pussy grow damp as my lover continued to kiss and touch and grope me. Luke's hands and mouth moved lower and lower until he was kneeling down behind me with his hands spreading my arse cheeks.

I resisted the urge to tell him to stop. He'd find stop if he wanted to, so I might as well enjoy what he was doing. There was no need for shame or embarrassment.

'God,' I hissed. 'Oh fuck. God.'

'Mmm,' Luke groaned. He stopped what he was doing for a second. 'I'm going to miss those noises you make.'

He buried his face between my legs once more without waiting for a response. I gripped onto the balcony as he found my cunt and thrust his tongue as far into it as possible. What a tease. I stared into the distance, legs spread as wide as I could to accommodate him, and moaned again.

Luke shuffled around, so he was sitting on the floor with his back against the railing, his face buried in my pussy. I began to rock against him, still holding onto the railing with one hand and resting the other on the back of his head.

When I grew too enthusiastic too soon, he slowed me down. He moved my hand from his head and held my thighs so I couldn't grind against him. Then he returned to his ministrations, teasing, taunting, and bringing me right to the edge so that my knees were shaking and I was pleading for him to end the agony.

I was near tears with frustration when he finally let me come. I howled as I climaxed, my legs shaking as I half-collapsed onto him, riding him furiously until I'd taken my fill of him.

Luke stared up at me, barefoot and relaxed, his faces covered in my wetness.

'Ah, look at you,' he said. 'You come like a demon.'

I stepped back and held out a hand. He accepted it and rose to his feet. He didn't need my help getting up. He was in good shape, still lean and limber and strong.

'Do you live near a chemist that will be open this evening?' he asked.

I nodded. 'Why?'

'You'll need to get the morning after pill. Vaughn will want to sleep with you tonight. I'm going to make sure he knows that if he doesn't look after you, some other man will gladly take you off his hands.'

~~~~~~~

Until he slipped his hand beneath my knickers to feel my cunt, Vaughn had been under the impression that there had been no sexual activity between Luke and me. There had been an optimism and happiness to him that spoke of a belief that I'd gone to my lover for no reason other than to formally end our relationship.

Vaughn's innocence disappeared the moment he felt the sticky, caked-on mess in the gusset of my panties. He knew. The residue was unmistakable for anything else.

Vaughn gazed at me, hurt and reproachful. I stared back, challenging him, daring him to say a thing.

For a moment I thought he'd stop his love-making and demand answers. Perhaps he'd even tell me he couldn't do this and would walk away. If he did either, then our marriage would be over. That decision had been made on the ferry ride back to Cleveland, and now everything hinged on my husband and what he said next.

Vaughn chose not to ask questions, but to accept responsibility. I knew from the emotion in his eyes that he understood this was his fault. Instead of accusing, demanding or sulking, he whisked off my underwear and threw them off the bed.

'I love you,' he whispered, kissing me.

I reached for him and held him in my arms as I lay naked beneath him. 'I love you, too.'

The End