All Comments on 'Reconnecting the Dots'

Good story, and about as good an ending as one could hope for.

As for the haters...the hell with them.

I'm prejudiced against stories where 90 percent of problems are solved by hero whipping out his platinum card. Yes , the reader found out Ashley had major unresolved issues but she was bundled off to counseling within few paragraphs. To me, the restaurant setting was way underutilized. It would have been more,interesting if the business was struggling and not a cash cow.

Jake was too flawless . Loving husband, father , crackerjack handyman, musician and successful restaurateur to boot. Give Jake some blind spots and let him and Ashley clash, then reunite . With all that said I'm a sucker for happy endings . The author concentrated on the plush present and skimmed over conflicts past and contemporary .

It's hard to write a story, the author has my respect for this effort but if kage1234 inserts more reality into his fiction, then my envy and admiration will join the mix. Good luck.

while following along with the bouncing ball. TK U MLJ LV NV

Thank you for finishing the story, really enjoyed it.

I thought the story was too sappy. Too sweet for words. It was wonderful Jake, awful mom, worse Kevin, and the poor, poor also so very sweet child, finishing with the magic ending, everything will be all right, all wounds healed and they lived happily ever after.

Now in fairness, a lot of readers like that sort of thing, but...it's boring and totally precticablle. So in your next story, add some nuenance, conflict and drama. Avoid the characters living in a dream world, Agter all, we all settle for good enough in real life.

Chilley

... not a very good story teller. This is nothing but a wish fulfillment fantasy for under-dog guys who have been cheated on. There is no story, there is no conflict and no tension.

Lets look at a couple of the characters for instance -

The guy is successful, he has it all, his family is perfect, his job is exciting (of course he is also the boss), his kids are like taken out of a McDonalds commercial and he has money coming out of the wazoo. Everybody likes him of course. Is he good looking too? I forgot. But why not? And he is artistic! A musician. You might want to get him a Nobel Prize though. Just to make him 100% perfect.

His estranged ex-wife on the other hand is a failure in life, she is a bitch, she was evicted from a crummy apartment, she lied in court, she lied to her daughter, she talks like a trashy guest from The Springer Show and has no positive qualities. She has no talents and if you continue the story she will either end up validating the main characters ego by regretting the divorce and allowing him to help her (with the full understanding of his perfect wife naturally) or raising him further up on his pedestal by acting like his opposite in front of his daughter (God can't exist without the Devil).

The lover whom she cuckolded him with is even worse. He instigated everything, lied to her, made her coach his little daughter and of course he isn't successful in life either. At least as far as we know, since he left them high and dry. But if you follow the pattern, he is probably an alcoholic wasting away in a trailer somewhere, maybe suffering stage three syphilis. He is just plain bad. A black void of pure sin. I am surprised that you didn't make him a child abuser as well, but maybe that will come out in the daughter's therapy (which she totally doesn't need, judging from her behaviour).

What I am trying to say is, that a story needs a premise of intrigue. A beginning, a conflict, a resolution and an ending. You have to give your main character a challenge to overcome so he can grow over the span of your tale. Even Disney movies have their main character facing a problem before he gets the happy ending.

You could have done a lot with this.

Maybe his new family was not immediately ok with a daughter from a previous marriage? Maybe he had to separate from his present wife while they were working out how to deal with his daughter? Maybe his daughter was emotionally damaged and hardened by a tough life and initially set out to steal from him? Or maybe she was actually not his daughter, but a friend who saw an opportunity? Or maybe his first wife wasn't all bad either? Now that would be a challenge. And what if the lover had actually been successful too and a good dad so that the daughter was torn emotionally? Just imagine how that would up the stakes for the main character.

In one of the newer Superman movies Lois Lane hooks up with a new love interest who is actually a good guy. And Superman is stymied. He can't do anything. If the dude had been an abusive loser Superman would have an easy time getting his girl back, but against a lover who is a nice person, even the strongest man in the universe is challenged. Take that as inspiration - the most powerful antagonist you can face in the game of love, is one that is nice and successful. Not a drunk loser.

You could also have used that old child abuse claim from his divorce to have his new wife force him to move out because she heard about it and initially bought it. The the challenge could be for him to prove that it was false, maybe with the help of his daughter, and move back in, getting a happy ending.

Please don't take this in a negative way. I am writing this lengthy comment because I see your raw potential as a writer, so I feel that you deserve some honest feed-back. Try coming up with a story where something is at stake or a challenge must be overcome. Try to make your characters less black and white. Try to give your protagonist a flaw or two. Avoid using too many stereotypes. Remember that a happy ending works a lot better if it has been earned by the guy who gets it.

Looking forward to following your writing career.

I'm sorry, I can't start a 10 page story from a writer I don't know, without positive comments!

And I see that Part 2 (or is it Version 2) is ALSO 10 pages! The author's comments seem to indicate it's a "completed" version, but no more pages? Not that I WANT it to be longer, but it would seem that is 10 pages was incomplete, that a completed version would be longer!

I got confused between the two versions, I see that Pt 1 was only 3 pages.

As penance I guess I'll have to check it out now!

from the usual stuff we get on LW, and although a bit long, I quite enjoyed it. You do however need to look up the American dictionary definition of `smirk`. It doesn`t mean `smile`, or anything like it.

Some people really do brainwash their kids that badly. really good story.

...but every other paragraph someone "chuckles". That harmed the joy of reading.

Thanks for sharing: 4*

Thanks, I've been looking forward to this since part one. You're a good writer, and I even think you could have extended the story more, with interactions between Jake and the ex, and Ashley and the ex. I don't know if the LW readers are your best critics - too many seem to be seeking for BTB or RAAC outcomes, and seem to low score if they're not satisfied.

I truly hope you continue to write and submit - l'll look for more. And, I think you could extend the "Reconnecting the Dots" characters. I for one would love to revisit them.

Thanks for sharing

I think this is a really great effort despite any other comments. Every writer has their own style of writing and yours seems to be coming along nicely. I enjoyed the read enough to comment which is seldom. I say unto you... go forth and write...

Well done.

Too sappy. Too you good - them bad. Lots of things touched on but nothing really explored. More headline than substance. Things like the first song together - missing. First therapy session - missing. First boyfriend date - missing. Meeting the band - missing.

Still I had a good time reading it. For me, that counts for a lot.

Follow up?

Keep writing.

Dear LSD / Annony "You are a good writer but...",

You pick on the author because there are no *present-tense* drama/tensions/situations for them to have his characters navigate through. Seriously?

The history of the horrible shipwreck of a ruined marriage/parenthood/childhood and the present-tense mystery of how to re-assemble all those broken, twisted pieces of physical, and emotional pieces of wreckage and lost history together back into any semblance of a normal, healthy relationship...and somehow that's not enough of a basis for a decent story for you?! Kaje1234, please excuse me if I overstep my boundaries here, but on your behalf, can I politely tell those folks to go F*** themselves - at least in this regard?

The story line was fine, picking apart how the author pulled the story off in some technical sense would be one thing (and totally fair game as criticism), but placing blame for lacking drama or tension because there were no present tense theme of active villains, drama-building to a climactic denouement or some other villian-inspired imminent peril in the story is simply a misplaced personal bias masquerading as a legitimate criticism.

quot;Dramas of the heart" are dramas of the heart and mind, and a story line of a lost and broken family member seeking and attempting to reconnect with long-absent family is as legitimate a story line about the human condition as you will find anywhere.

I thought the author did an excellent job of connecting us to their characters and present-tense situation. I felt for them, but thought that perhaps the story would have benefited greatly from looking at the present-tense situation through the daughter's eyes some too. Her narrative, personal back-story and emotional state would have been a great one to read as well. I still give this effort an easy 5*, and hope this is far from the last I hear from kaje1234.

You write well and I think that you do need the length to explore the depth of the issues. A lot of LW readers don't have the capacity to read more than comic book stories, so ignore the idiot critics.

I do think you need a follow up and to try and de-demonize the ex, otherwise it becomes a bit of a parody. So the next story should cover revelation of Kevin's plot, remorse of the ex, reconciliation of both Ashley and Jake with the ex, retribution with Kevin and perhaps some romance thrown in there somewhere.

Notwithstanding, keep on writing, a cut above most on this site.

The author could thrive on a more mainstream story site. This story isn't erotic so it doesn't fit here, but there's no denying the quality.

I am not a critic.

A couple of folks took some time reviewing this story. They made some ( to me) valid points but others didn't resonate ( with me)

I believe this is a well written story. It was an excellent "read" for a Sunday. Don't ever be discouraged cause it takes courage to write AND post a story. I don't have enough talent OR courage. For full disclosure , I am a sucker for happy endings especially in the LW category. It is hard to be happy with malicious cheating and men/women with little self respect or integrity

Repeat my first sentence and yes, these are fictional stories! Keep writing

Ed

Thanks for completing it, we need less of these idiots like FTDS.

Well written, but not to my taste, too long and a tad boring. What I really can't understand is why you put this in LW. It really doesn't belong in Loving Wives! 4/5

Really liked the story. Felt at the end I wanted just a bit more.... how she did on stage... why the ex saved the letters.... the truth about Kevin coming out.

Hope to read so many more of your stories.

A guy suddenly reconnects with a daughter he hasn't seen for 15 years, since she was 3 years old! Wow, what kind of drama and suspense does that generate? A lot. But how much of the drama and suspense is resolved? Almost none.

What we know, after 10 pages: Husband found wife of several years fucking friend. After 10 pages and 1 phone call we find out its because wife thinks husband was cheating on her, and fucking the friend was to hurt him back, or teach him a lesson, or something; its unclear what the point of the revenge fuck was. Wife lies to police, courts, daughter, and unavoidably to all their friends and families that husband molested child and beat her. Wife divorces husband while he's in jail for beating her lover, wife marries the lover, and eventually husband loses all contact with his ex and his daughter. Husband's attempts to communicate with daughter through letters go unanswered for 15 years. Husband remarries, gets rich, establishes trust fund for missing daughter, and goes on to have the perfect wife and children.

Some other things we learn is which night the drummer might get his dick sucked, what they bought at the mall, what kind of instruments the daughter plays and how musically talented she is, and how each of the kids have to help earn their own up keep.

But after 10 pages, there a few things about the plot that never get answered:

1. What was the evidence that made the ex-wife so convinced that this perfect husband and father was cheating on her?

2. What was the relationship with Kevin that made the wife so easily persuaded?

3. Since the wife was so vehemently ready to accuse the husband of cheating during a 5 minute phone call, how come the husband spent 15 years not knowing why his ex-wife betrayed him? How come during the divorce, custody, and molestation hearings did the wife never accuse him of cheating?

4. How could this virtuous intelligent savvy man decide to marry a woman who apparently was brainless, unprincipled, and self-destructive?

5. Why did the wife marry Kevin, and what was their life like?

6. How did Jake expect to get the trust money to his missing daughter? If it was supposed to be for her education, why did he not have a plan to alert her to her education fund at age 16 or 17 when most kids are making their college plans?

7. Considering the trust fund, why didn't Jake use some of his money to located his missing daughter, and at least keep tabs on her health and welfare?

8. His daughter just rode of bus from where his ex-wife was living, and we would assume the daughter had her mother's phone number. Why did his current wife spend money on a PI to get a phone number her step daughter must have, or to find out where the ex-wife lives? And why did that take 3 weeks? Jake should have had his ex-wife's and his daughters SS numbers from paying taxes and child support.

I'm sure there are many more aspects to the plot that are never resolved. So it made reading 10 tedious pages of irrelevant side stories, pointless details that added nothing to resolving the suspense and drama of the original plot. Which is really too bad, because it was a very interesting plot. Too bad it got lost or ignored in the cloying sweet story you decided to tell about reconnecting with his daughter and her integration into his new family. That is a sweet and endearing story, but has no suspense or drama or mystery like how the marriage broke up to begin with, and what the daughter's life was like while living with the whore and the predator. I think you missed telling the more interesting story.

Nice writing do you have any more stories to give us. You did one hell of a job putting this one together. It could have been rougher on Ashley ajusting to her new family and make it more believable that everything ran so smoothly in this perfect family setting. We all know nothing is perfect . And kids have jealous behavior and conflicts.

Great job with the character development and story. I enjoyed it and it brought tears to my eyes several times.

I'm glad I did my penance!

Many thoughts -

“arrested me for assault and battery and suspicion of kidnapping” – I’m sorry, I can see the A&B charge, but at the time he was a custodial parent, there can’t even be a SUSPICION of “kidnapping”.

“It was pretty obvious to the expert you were coached, and it said so in her report” – If the court agreed that she was coached, I realize he still couldn’t get custody because Ashley was terrified of him, but certainly the court could have ordered counseling for Ashley, leading to supervised visits, leading to shared custody, and a ban on moving her away?

Joni Mitchell – My favorite Joni song is “Circle Game”, though I come to it via Tom Rush!

"But what if he doesn't like it? He might think its lame." – LOL, if he does, then he’s not the guy for you! LOL, Claire said just about the same thing!

"Y...yes. H...he made me do it." – Right, he “made” her do it! What, did he beat her? Wasn’t she an adult, capable of making her own decisions? If she loved Kevin more, she could have given her husband a FAIR divorce, with FAIR access to Ashley, THEN gone to Kevin, NOT cheat on her husband, then try to destroy him when he reacts as most men would! She wouldn’t have lost her kids in a fair divorce.

“he said the only way to get full custody was to lie." – AGAIN, she wouldn’t have lost her kids in a fair divorce! It might have been SHARED custody, but she probably would have had primary physical custody.

And I know it is common in these stories, but WHY would you believe an accusation without proof from someone who wants to get into your pants?

Yes, I was also wondering why he ex saved his letters.

She’s not selfish that she’s thankful she threw Jake away. Obviously she’s sad at the grief that Jake had to suffer, but it brought both of them to a good end.

This really should of been posted in novels and novella imho. As a 10 page story this did fly by so to speak but feels unfinished overall.

RE - sbrooks103

Over the top legal bullshit is always the weak parts of stories and complete cliches for the most part.

RE - I found this to be a good plot that was not well developed nor presented.

Most of your 8 points were in fact answered in this story.

1. Ex admits during phone call there was no proof just Kevin's word that it happened.

2. Looking for an excuse to trade up with ex boyfriend maybe?

4. He stated they were happy as clams until her found the two scumbags fucking .

5. Not good seeing she lived a shitty life after her walked out on her. As to why see my guess in point 2.

6. The trust fund managers were told to hire a PI when Ashley hit 25 to find her.

7. Well the dude is kinda fucked up regarding the whole situation of his first marriage with no custody rights and all his letters getting returned.

8. The ex wife was evicted from their home and I doubt Ashley wants anything to do with her hence no phone calls.

Story...keep going. This could be a really good series.

As with a "Loving Wife" this is a story about a true loving wife.

Granted it may not be evident till the very end; a woman willing to pick up the pieces of not only a broken man but, then turn and pick up the broken pieces of his daughter as well.

I think what might have thrown some people is that this takes place years after the cheating and, the victims are still dealing with the hurt caused by despicable people.

Again, story of a true loving wife; one that will come to the defense of husband & family - even to the evil ex's.

I think what someone might be trying to say would be how such a wonderful life story would be posted on this site (an "erotica" site).

Either way, I gave this 5*; as it REALLY depicted not only a loving wife but, mother as well.

... Liked the story but would've loved it with a little more closure.

Ok, I must admit I prefer the satisfaction of having all the threads tied up into a nice package, but that doesn't diminish the wonderful prose. And I think this is just where it belongs! It does beg for a "final" chapter, but I can also see why this conclusion makes sense.

But the conclusion was, well, not a conclusion. It just stopped. 3* is the best I can give to a partial story that is presented as complete.

Should be in the non-erotic category. This story is 10 pages too long. *

Ok, I must admit I prefer the satisfaction of having all the threads tied up into a nice package, but that doesn't diminish the wonderful prose. And I think this is just where it belongs! It does beg for a "final" chapter, but I can also see why this conclusion makes sense.

Its well written but you lost my real interest back around page 6. You lost yourself in the reunion, and misplaced what LE is supposed to be about. This belongs in the Hallmark Channel category.

Gina's character is the personification of evil. As to the story, writing is ok albiet slow paced. Plot is interesting. Not sure it needs a sequel, although the character development would support one. I liked Claire's daughter's character - she added needed comic relief. Five stars for sure.

Wrong category. Doesn't belong in LW category. Nevertheless deserving of a good rating.

Loved the story,mleftbme teary eyed, wasn't planning that. Great. Xoxoxox Annette

Great story. Probably wrong category but since I only read loving wives most of the time, I might have missed it. However, I don't like unfinished stories. Yeah, I can use my imagination but don't like to use it reading stories here. If I did, I'd probably write instead of read. It's your story, not mine. Sequel, please.

Great job!!

An absolutely fantastic follow up to the original story. I hope that you think about a continuation to take the story further into their lives, what happens to them as well as what happens to Gina, her son & if any retribution ever comes back to Kevin.

Muffdiver11

I remember reading the beginning part and waited in anticipation on how it would continue. It is truly one of the most memorable stories. I felt the tears coming as you did a masterful job telling of their reconnection. Your writing is amazing and I hope you have time to write more character driven stories.

Goes without saying, THIS IS A Soul-Searching Story. Gets at you, at the pain of time spent WISHING to know the TRUTH and moving on...no retribution but rebuilding a life (or more?). So glad you took the time off to refocus and complete the story. BUT maybe the story isn't FINISHED YET? And to flashback to give us a reminder of those older TUNES / the MUSIC we so sorely need instead of this HIP HOP TECH music blasting us with heavy bass, heavy duty speakers, BUT those songs mentioned showed FEELINGS we lack in today's music. Those artists SANG with passion.

Thanks for sharing.

Interesting characters with a good problem of integrating the daughter after all these years. Note, Claire is a loving wife but she is not out of synch with her husband so I would prefer either the category romance or novella. The question is whether the participation of the evil witch qualifies it for LW. Since the tale does not interact much with her I would say, No!

A good story...A good ending...a good read...4*

Thank you.

part 2?

Thank you! I read your first entry and waited for days for the rest of it then finally gave up. So I'm very happy that you have returned and concluded this amazing story. Hopefully we will see alot from you in the future. Thank you.

Fuck that limp wrist pantywaist de-nutted pacifism shit. Claire should tell him to hunt down and utterly destroy both of the rotten motherfuckers ... letting them know that HE is doing it and it's VENGEANCE for what they did to him and to his daughter.

....it was an excellent story about the aftermath and recovery of decent people in indecent circumstances and the people that put them there.

I relate to Jake, having been on the receiving end of a machinaceous bitch with no conscious or morays to prevent doing anything at all to do as much harm as possible.

The best revenge ever, is to recover and do so well that all they can do is stew in their own filth.

Glad how things came to a close, but methinks though shouldst continue, perhaps from wher this one ended and continuing on to the point where the kids graduate and fly the coop. Of course you'll have to add some drama, but it would be in gentlemanly of me to suggest what or how that might be included.

Please think about it......don't make me contact FTDS (well half of it, anyway....rest easy buddy, you earned it).

And thank you.

Welcome back and so glad to have a finished story by the AUTHOR!. OK to be honest I just remember the story leaving me going "huh!" were is the rest but it never came. I scanned the comments I am amazed so many of the Anonymous were positive. Not sure I have seen so many good comments from that elk in any story I can remember. To me it show you are doing right. In my opinion you are doing fine writing. LW is harsh area to write in but it has the best environment to improve your writing, I believe it has the best written stories because authors know they have to put more effort (at least learn real quickly too). I read for a good story / plot and entertainment, the sex is plus but not necessary to for my enjoyment. Why I read mostly in LW to find good authors and then check out what else they have written with my limited time. So please continue writing what you like and I will be sure to read your work. Again Welcome back and Thank you for a better story and ending.

I did give it a 5!

One of the best stories on this site!

I didn't think this belonged in Loving wives. His ex-wife causes th.e problems but they have no interaction in the story. His talks with his second wife are really about his daughter. The story glosses over how Jake found and married Claire and the issues that Claire had and the acceptance by her children of a new man in their lives was ignored. The story constantly covers and recovers the same ground. I think an editor could have tightened up the story and gotten it posted into another (non-erotic?) category. Good try, but just too long winded and not interesting enough for a high score.

I'm glad you came back to work on your story. There are way too many Pt. 01s that are never finished.

I have to say the timeline was a bit jumbled.

Ashley is upstairs napping and we are told there will be a big family conference during dinner, but she sleeps 14 hours and we have no idea what happened till there is a flash back.

Jake and his daughter go across the hall to the music room and I was expecting to learn a bit about her ability to play, but instead the next paragraph is Claire in the kitchen after a shopping trip.

Later 6 months disappear without any explanation.

And then, instead of knowing if she takes the SAT's to get into college, at 18 she is a full time bartender for her dad.

the end?

Thanks for the good read!

In the wrong category? I don't think so. The arc of Loving Wives cheating stories is the Intro-Build Up-Discovery, the Confrontation, and Recovery-Revenge. Different stories use different parts and place the focus on different pieces. This one is all Recovery-Revenge with a reach back confrontation. The whole story is about the repercussions of his ex wife cheating on him. You even have a mental confrontation with the jerk she was cheating with. All the pieces and focus are there. It's also a "living well is the best revenge" story.

Sappy? Yeah, OK. But on the other side, some stories are ultra violent, selling cheating wives into prostitution, mutilating, or killing them. Those don't seem real either but I am sure that such things have happened. Some seem bothered that there are REALLY GOOD people in the world and that someone would bother to write a story about them. Yes, the conflict, in a way, is muted. But there is enormous struggle with trying to break through to his daughter. A recent story "finished" a long hanging unended series and ALL of it was about reclaiming his kids from his cheating ex.

Editor? Sure. But I was able to read most of it without any jarring disconnects in language so I am OK with it.

For the kind of story it is, Recovery, I liked it a lot. It made me smile a lot. Nice job.

10 pages wihout proper ending. Too many loose ends

like fine wine. You appreciate the burst of taste at the beginning then savor it as you sense the plethora of differences as it floats over your tongue stimulating all the taste buds till all sensation evaporates. This story has easily readable prose. Great character development. A plot that makes sense based on the characters. Just a great read. A 10.

I agree with anonymous re: FTDS. 10 pages and it just stops. Too many loose ends and no ending is sight. It needs a part two.

I love this, just need to see how it works out, does Jake get angry when Claire calls his ex-wife, do Ashley and Jake really become father and daughter, do Ashley and her Mom finally get together? More please

this is a story that seems to be like real life of a divorce couple that ended badly. you to many times how one parent lies about what the other one did to get their way in the divorce and keeps on lying to keep from saying the real truth. it does affect the kids in the long run. to many times the kids never find out the truth for one reason or another. hope you see to finish the story in how it all turns out.

I gave you a three because of "The End." I really liked the story, you would have gotten a five if "The End" were a "to be continued."

Thanks to Claire's call to Gina, the mystery of what happened has been solved. Everything else is closure, and in life closure doesn't always happen and isn't always for the best.

There's really nothing to be gained by Jake talking to Gina or by trying to bring Ashley and Gina back in contact; Gina is such a hateful monster that the best thing for both Jake and Ashley is probably for neither of them to ever have anything to do with her again.

But a little flash story about Kevin's son being taken by Child Protective Services as Gina descends into a life on the streets might be a fun read...

I don't mind things ending here.

It does feel like Ashley has abandoned her little brother though. And even if Gina is a bitch now, she did save the letters and he did love her before she lost faith and turned on him.

I think I would enjoy having this loving family help yet another set of victims. But that would be another story.

Thanks for this one!

She probably saved them so she could pull them out from time to time, reread them and gloat about how much pain she had caused Jake by turning his daughter against him. Jake saw that the letters had been opened, but nobody ever said it was Ashley who had opened them.

I'm glad I didn't read version 1. Very well written, 'Dots re-connected" should be your follow-up

A fine beginning. I mean you writing. This story is done.

You will receive a lot of constructive criticism from the comments, that's all good. So the only point I'm going to make is ,it is always better to describe important plot points as they occur. Much better than having a character tell the reader about it. Whether you use different character p. o.v. or flashback sequences. The reader is drawn into the story by the experience. Sure, some will criticize story length can become extreme. That's why there are editors and test-readers. Anyway once you hit double-digits in page quantity, length is beside the point.

Good luck Kaje1234, I eagerly await your next post.

AMerryman

A well written one , I must say. You could definately extend the story or maybe bring it to a more enticing closure

If Kevin wanted to be a dad to Ash, why did he not do so after Jake left? Will Claire want Jake to help Gina and her son with some cash? You should double back and note that Jake's child care payments were ended once Gina remarried and Kevin adopted Ashley. Otherwise, with his financial success, Gina would not have been so needy once Kevin left her.

Jake you have great potential ! It actually takes some Brass Balls to post in the LW category for one's first stories , but when you possess talent and the ability to spin a great yarn, then the rewards that you can garner from the most passionate fan base on Lit are rewards in their self.

I am not a writer, nor do I know very much about the technical side of writing , but I do have an ability to discern writing talent from horseshit when I see it ! In my opinion the ability to be a Good Story Teller is the most important and also the most lacking trait of authors who's works I enjoy the best , and I'm pretty sure you are one of the few who have this most important trait. If you write in this category , you will have to learn to develop the ability to not let all the negativity get to you because lord knows their are some assholes and trolls who prowl these comment sections ! But there are also some very astute people who will try to actually help you to hone your craft as well, it won't take you very long to recognize the difference between the two.

As for the story its self , I really enjoyed it. But there are a few things I will comment on. First I realize that sometimes life happens and time slips away, but its best in my opinion not to post chapters so far apart chronologically as your readers (as in my case) will forget the plotlines and have to go back and reread the original post or they will be lost. Second point, I didn't understand why you placed all of the original in the second chapter. Had I known that, I wouldn't have read the first , maybe drop a hint in the pre story comments.

And the last thing I'll comment on is this , a few of the commentators were saying that the story was in the wrong category , and I can see why they Could say that, but it was close enough in my opinion. As I've mentioned several different times to various authors who have much more posting experience than you and should know better, I'll suggest that you search and read Tx Tall Tales " Love your Readers ; categories ". It lays out all the Rules and unwritten rules that everyone posting on Lit really should read and heed .

Good story, could have been cut down a couple of pages. 4 *'s

Cpprcrk

5 for you and to tell dear annony, the asshole of LIT to eat shit!!

Ending with a secondary character basically shrugging her shoulders is lazy and lame, and that's being kind. Writing a story without a legitimate ending is like a road crew laying asphalt for a new highway and calling it quits in the middle of a field. Yes, you've accomplished something, but why bother? It's still a road to nowhere, just like this story.

Thank you so much for that wonderful story. I never read the first version - but this one was truly beautiful. And Cactus Tree by Joni Mitchell has always been one of my favorites . . . after that, the tears came too easily. Beautifully done.

This is just a wonderful creation. It's sensitive, open...

Good character development.Best LW story I have EVER read.

Sheesh! 100 * if I could. Keep writing!

Posting your first story in Loving Wives is a definite test of your writing skills. You are being circled by a school of sharks looking for a little blood in the water. There are some excellent writers on here that you are being compared to. You did a great job. You got 5* from me. I hope to see more of your contributions in the future.

ten pages was too long.

I don't mind long stories. I have written long stories.

But they have to GO somewhere. Everyone else said it already: no conflict, no drama, no tension. Hugs and Trust Funds for EVERYONE! (How nice that he has $150,000 to just toss around like nothing)

Just an ineffective villain we never see so the crowd can boo and hiss at her.

Going to the mall is not 'things happening'.

but does has issues. This may just be me, but I didn't really like the dialogue. Felt some of the jokes were kinda forced and used too often to show a happy enviroment. Maybe just tone down on that a bit.

Also, she is just living with them now with the mother totally gone? I'd think she would at least want to confront her mother. Ashley and her dad should have confronted her, not Claire. What about her half-brother, Kevin's son? Did Kevin take him or leave him with the mom? If he's with the mom Ashley would probably want to stay in touch with him.

However, the biggest gripe I have with this story is this one line said by Carter: "And it's pretty rad she's a muscision, too". It's "rad"?! Who the heck says rad?! What is this the 90s? Don't use that.

This story ranks with some of the best even if there is no BTB or blood letting revenge. It was touching in parts and reflects an actual loving wife and what role she can play in a family, especially one that had been damaged.

Some parts were longer than necessary but most importantly is that there was no real ending or even an epilogue to show the "end results".

We hope to read more from you.

Keep on trucking,

Tiny Tim

a two page story

I gave you 5 starts. Really nice work my friend.

I hope yo write more,just dont go away like some of good writers did.

All we read now is about cuckolds and people who share their spouses. Such a shame

I'm amazed at the people (mostly anons, the bravest of readers...) who complain that you could have condensed things down a lot. If I wanted to read a resume, I'd go to HR. Time too precious for them? Too many words to read? Jeez. I find the whole story very touching and the basic point is that trust and love is not achieved in one day. Flash to the montage, people, and voila! Instant happy well-adjusted family! This is an excellent positive LV story- 5 stars of course.

That you'll be posting a few more? …. Hopefully!

Nice story. Brought tears to my eyes.

Good story, I like Claire and Jake's talk "well", "well what". What did she say?..... my wife and I have had conversations like that. I wasn't sure why you needed the ex to close Ashley's part I would keep my distance.

Great offering!!!! Would love to see SHE who shall not be named get what's coming to her....

Very well written. One of my favourites on this site.

Very well written story, with more attention to the emotional side of family life, and none of the usual over-concentration on sex. In fact there is no sex in the story, but that doesn't distract at all ... A sequal could be interesting, with Ashley's mother returning and putting a huge spanner in the works. She could become another character who needs to learn how to come to terms with her past, someone for the whole family to work on ... but after a tremendous amount of stress, which 'could' hurt Ashley even more if not handled correctly.

I enjoyed reading it. Please write some more stories. I gave it a 5 stars.

Very impressive for your first offering to this cite. Your story plot was well thought out and well written. I hope to see other stories from you in the future.

Hope you will come up with more offerings - with practice - who knows, maybe there's a novel hiding somewhere??

19PVC44

Hopefully you will post more stories for our enjoyment.

Quality writing and hope to see more. Definitely the wrong category. This was lacking any real conflict. Having two people talk about the conflict that happened in the past is not high conflict, which I think LW readers come to expect.

She's a pathetic cliche. What woman believes that her husband is cheating on her without any evidence except the say so of the creep who's trying to get into her pants?

I enjoyed reading, for a first story verry good.

Hope to find something new soon.

I enjoyed this, a great take on what love really means. I do think that the ex wife needs a little more work, she kept the letters, suggesting she cared a bit,, although she did not pass them on. Why did Kevin leave her, did he have another affair? If so wouldn't/t she have started doubting Kevin about Jake? Did she really know she'd made a dreadful mistake, and was not prepared to admit it to herself? I found leaving the situation relating her as you did a bit unsatisfactory.

The description of the Ashley and her struggles to come to terms with the situation was excellent and very believable, as was your description and of Jake and his journey. I would like to see more from you.

The story could be in a number of categories but to fits in loving wives as well as anywhere, after al itt is about a cheating wife and the consequences.

Very well written. We can always use a few more happy endings in LW. Thanks!

Very well thought out and wonderfully compelling story. It hit very close to home for me, as I've struggled with a similar set of dynamics myself.

Loved the story resembles a.piece of something I went thru..

When i divorced my ex my daughter was 3yo during our journey thru single parenting together. I learned a very valuable lesson. Every parent "loves" their child not all of them "like" them. Its that second part that governs how we treat our kids in our daily lives. The most touching moment I had when my daughter was about 5 or 6 it was a typical morning routine getting ready for pre school and work. As I brushed out her hair and ponytailed it. I told her how much daddy loved her but just as much as I loved her I really liked her.. she burst into tears.. from that moment on we was bestest buds. Even after she decided to go live with her mom 8 years later.

Enjoyed this....Thank You for your time writing it...

This story reached through the Internets and kicked me in the feels.

Kudos to the author. I wish I could write that well.